Out of Control

Chapter 42

Fiona made herself sit back and let Adele explain the Mother and Baby group proposition to Meeko. That was easier to do if she was busy with something else, but she didn’t want to lose the reins completely by leaving the room; one of them might get hold of the wrong end of the stick or make assumptions that led them up a blind alley. She was the one with the most knowledge of money, organising and running a business. So she stayed in the lounge and busied herself setting up the new multi-coloured, all-singing, all-dancing baby gym that Joe had dropped off on his way to work. He was keeping strictly to scheduled visits when Fiona was absent, but she could tolerate a few minutes of his presence if it was a visit with a brief but definite purpose. Adele had asked if he could come for a couple of hours on the coming Saturday afternoon. Fiona had agreed but hadn’t yet got a plan about where she would disappear to. At the moment it was a choice between visiting Dorothea or a late visit to the sales.

Natalie was lying on the floor gazing up at the red, blue and green elephants dangling a little way above her head. She gave a kick and a barely perceptible arm wave. Fiona gazed down into the huge wide blue eyes, her heart suddenly feeling so full that she wanted to cry. It wasn’t the tearful sadness and regret she’d had the first few times she’d been forced to hold Natalie. These were feelings of genuine happiness and gratitude that Adele, Natalie and Meeko were here in her house. The atmosphere had been too sterile and too controlled for too long. The previous jealousy that it wasn’t her baby lying on the rug in front of her had dissipated. The last time she could remember feeling this way was when the blue line on the pregnancy test appeared, confirming Amber’s existence. At that point her life and the world and the universe had felt rich with promise. She felt the same way now, except that she couldn’t define what that promise was. Only that it was something to do with letting herself feel emotion and be close to other people, sharing their hopes and dreams for the future.

“Sounds like a good plan. What do you think, Fiona?”

She’d managed to tune out of the conversation that she’d planned to listen in on. In work meetings, even over Teams in lockdown, she’d been careful to stay engaged, and even to prompt people to get to the point when they drifted around the houses repeating what everyone else had already said. To lose focus would have been a disaster and involve much backtracking through emails later to try and pick up anything important. But now she actually felt pleased that she’d managed to disassociate herself and let Meeko have his head in a discussion that would impact him rather than her. “Sorry. I missed that. I’m sure you’ve got it all sorted. What’s the conclusion?”

“You are turning into a besotted granny-by-proxy.” Meeko spoke in a playful voice and poked her back gently with his stockinged foot. Instead of making her tense and out of control, the teasing felt good. “I’m going to the next Mother and Baby group to introduce myself and explain what yoga can do to help new mums get back into shape. I’ll do a thirty-minute trial session. No charge. If they enjoy the session, the group will ask the vicar if they can have the hall for an extra hour so that a yoga session can be included in the meeting. And I will be paid four pounds per participant.”

“I’ll volunteer to collect the money,” Adele said. “No one else will want the hassle. Not sure yet whether it will be bank transfer or a payment app. We might need to experiment.”

“And once it’s established, I’m going to look at the ins and outs of running my own general public yoga class in the hall. I like the idea of relying more on myself and flexing to the needs of the community rather than having to constantly kowtow to Frank.”

“Public liability insurance!” She’d meant to hold back on interfering but that had just hit her in the head like an arrow. Meeko would be ruined if anyone sued him.

He raised a palm to calm her. “It’s in hand. I’ve been googling and there are specialist companies that can provide this for yoga teachers.”

Natalie lost interest in the parade of elephants and started to whimper.

“Time for a nappy change and a feed.” Adele moved the baby gym out of the way and scooped up her daughter. Leaving the room, she looked over her shoulder, caught Fiona’s eye and winked. “I’m sure you two will get along just fine without me hanging around here and making it an odd number.”

“Actually,” said Meeko after Adele had finished making a big show of closing the door properly behind her, “I have got something to ask you.”

Fiona flinched and felt her stomach go rock hard. Please, no. Don’t put into words what the two of us are feeling for each other. Don’t make it real. Don’t make me have to decide whether or not to take that risk. Don’t make me have to choose between throwing myself off a cliff in the hope of a soft and forever landing, or carrying on in this sweet little friendship rut that may or may not hit a blockage further down the path. I don’t do gambling.

Meeko stood up and wriggled an envelope out of his trouser pocket. Fiona sagged back in her chair — it wasn’t a small black box embossed with the name of a jeweller. Instead, he handed her a piece of stiff white card with silver writing. “I’ve been invited to a wedding and it includes a ‘plus one’.” He paused. “It would be nice if the person I take with me . . . is you.”

Meeko’s voice was serious and his eyes reinforced the message that he wanted her to say yes. She half expected him to go down on one knee and reiterate his invitation, such was the amount of feeling behind it. “It’s this coming Saturday,” he added. “Sorry about the short notice but I didn’t dare invite you when Joe was still the man in your life.” He seemed to realise what he’d implied and added quickly, “Not that I’m presuming to be the new man in your life. But since we get on well and you’ve got all this Project Meeko stuff off the ground for me, I wanted to take you somewhere nice as a treat. And this will be a very good do — my cousin is marrying into an investment banking family with squillions of pounds. He’s fallen on his feet and the rest of our family are keen to make the most of whatever crumbs are thrown our way, for example wedding invites,” he paused again, “with overnight accommodation included.” Then he named a London hotel well known for its celebrity and royal clientele.

Opportunities like this didn’t grow on trees, and who better to enjoy it with than Meeko. Her head was sending out warning signals but at the same time reminding her that she did need somewhere to go on Saturday to avoid Joe. Her heart was saying, yes please! Yes please! Her head was saying, ask about the accommodation. Her heart was saying, let’s stick with our resolution to not be controlling and to go with the flow and see what happens.

Meeko stood up again to put the invitation away. “Don’t worry, I should’ve guessed that you’d already have something on at this short notice. It’s not that important.” He was looking over her left shoulder now rather than directly meeting her gaze.

“Yes,” she said. “I’d like to go with you.”

“You would?” She’d given Meeko the answer he’d least expected. “That’s fabulous! I’ll add you onto my RSVP this very minute.” He picked up his phone and started swiping and typing as though she would change her mind if he didn’t immediately make her response official.

“What’s the dress code?” Her heart was thumping at what she’d just agreed to do — spend a whole day in Meeko’s company, meet other members of his family (what would he introduce her as?) and potentially share a very posh hotel room with him. “Should I buy a gift?” Organisational questions grounded her mind and stopped panic taking over.

“Dress code?” Meeko looked at her as though she was talking another language.

“Let me see the invitation.” He stood again and handed the envelope over.

“Morning dress. Have you got a morning suit?”

Meeko looked at her blankly. “I don’t ever wear a suit — I thought my navy trousers plus my one and only jacket would do. They don’t quite match but I do own a tie and that’s blue too, although it passes for black if the lighting in the crematorium is sufficiently dim. Shoes might be a problem because I only ever wear trainers. There’s a brown pair at the back of my wardrobe. I could polish them up.”

“Morning dress,” she repeated. “Like you’re wearing in the wedding photo in your flat.”

“Oh, that! The happy couple provided that for me and whisked it away again at the end of the day.”

“You cannot go to a wedding at the best hotel in London wearing mismatched clothes. Even if everyone is too polite to comment it will be captured in the photos and be there as evidence — forever .” She deliberately emphasised the last word.

“I’m not buying some poncey suit to wear just once. I’m broke, remember?”

“A suit maketh a man. Not poncey at all. Most women adore a man wearing any sort of smart suit — it has a similar effect to a uniform.”

“Oh?” Now he appeared to be giving it some consideration.

Fiona pictured him in a tailcoat with pressed trousers, shiny black shoes and a carnation in his buttonhole. Warmth flooded her body and she knew it would take a concentrated effort to keep things on a platonic footing if he scrubbed up as well as she expected.

“How much do these magic suits cost?” he continued.

“Too much. But,” she paused, wanting to word this correctly so he didn’t feel she was offering charity, “I’ll hire one for you. It’s cheaper and I want to thank you for including me in this posh outing.”

He squeezed her hand and a shot of electricity darted up it. “No thanks are necessary. I absolutely want you there.”

A fierce heat was burning inside her. “I think we can order online and hopefully get it delivered by Saturday morning.”

“I need it by Friday. The accommodation is the night before the wedding and the night of the wedding.”

Fiona wasn’t sure her self-control was up to the challenge of two nights alone with Meeko, but still she didn’t have the guts to question the sleeping arrangements in detail. “It’s Tuesday now!”

They found a hire site offering expedited delivery for a fee. Fiona located her tape measure to check Meeko’s sizing. Adele appeared just as Fiona was wondering how she was going to manage the inside leg manoeuvre. “Adele! Would you do the honours please? I’m too old to be kneeling down or bending over.”

Adele caught her eye and winked. “Too embarrassed, you mean. You had no trouble getting down on the floor earlier to sort out Natalie’s baby gym.” But she took the tape that Fiona was thrusting at her.

Fiona completed the order form, added her credit card details and pressed ‘Pay’. She was promised delivery to Meeko’s flat before 7 p.m. the following day.