Chapter 5
CHAPTER FIVE
D erek was in physical pain from being in an enclosed space with Sasha. He felt raw and his throat burned, choking on the words he desperately wanted to say to her.
She still looked the same. Her long dark curls were pulled back into a ponytail, her lips still full and soft just like he remembered. Her skin still glowed like the warm sun, even with the faint scars kissing her cheek and against her neck, peeking out of her lab coat.
Those scars were a painful reminder at how deep he’d been in his darkness.
He looked down at his hands, remembering all too well the night he’d finally pushed Sasha out of his life. He remembered the feel of her chest against his palms, and the fear in her eyes the second before he pushed her in the full-length mirror. The thing shattered on impact, and when the sound of glass breaking registered to his ears, he knew that was it. There was no coming back from what he’d done and he dropped her off at the hospital and never looked back.
It was also the first time he went to his therapist on his own, there was no mandate or suggestion from anyone. He wanted to be there if only so he could understand how he could ever put hands on the woman he was supposed to love and cherish. He knew the answer but he wanted to punish himself further and have a paid professional confirm that he was a piece of shit that should have died in combat.
Kai barked, bringing his attention back to the small room. Kai had been eating up Sasha’s attention––the dog’s tail hadn’t stopped wagging since she licked Sasha’s face.
“You didn’t hear me, did you?” Sasha asked with a smile teasing lips he missed. He shook his head. “I asked where did you get her from? She’s got fresh cuts that haven’t started to scab yet, but the piece of ear that’s missing looks like it came from an old wound.”
He shrugged. “She found me. I went for a run and ended up in that old shopping area that’s long been abandoned.” It was there that they shared their first kiss. He’d taken her out to celebrate acing an exam she’d been worried about. They were friends before they ever crossed that line, but Derek had always been in love with her and he picked that night to make his move. When Sasha threw her arms around him and kissed him back, he thought he was the luckiest kid in the world.
“She came right over to me like she was waiting for me,” Derek continued, trying not to get lost going down memory lane. “She let me pet her, and we walked home together.”
Sasha’s gaze went back to the dog. “Yeah, you’re definitely something.” She scratched behind Kai’s whole ear. “She seems like she’s in good health, aside from these few cuts. I’d like to see her again after a couple of weeks just to be sure. I want her to get some meat on her body. She looks a little thin. I also made a list of things for you to get her, because I know you’ve never had a dog and you can't always feed her human food.”
Kai barked and let out a huff making both Derek and Sasha laugh.
Sasha looked at Derek. “Let me guess, you either fed her pizza or chicken.”
“Chicken but to be fair that was all I had in my place that she could eat. Though, I did tell her if she behaved and you said it was okay, she could have more chicken.”
She shook her head, fighting a smile. It felt like there had been no time that passed between them and they were falling right back into the people they used to be.
“I do suggest leash training her, or at least keeping one handy.” Sasha continued. “These cops out here have gotten worse and I don’t want them harassing you or Kai about something that could easily be avoided. If she stays on a leash you should be good.”
Her face paled and she stumbled over Kai’s name. Derek saw it in her gaze the pain she felt whispering her brother’s middle name out loud. Whatever ease they’d just established had been obliterated. Gone was her friendly and approachable demeanor and in its place stood a fortress.
Sasha cleared her throat. “How long have you had her?”
“Since last night. I wanted to make sure she was okay so I brought her in as soon as I could.”
“She’s well behaved and listens for a dog that’s been out on the street and how young she appears.” Sasha’s tone was clipped but polite like she was talking to any other patient.
“I’d probably put her at a year old, max. But she might be younger. I’ll have Tiny give you the list on the way out and you can make an appointment to come back in about a week. I want to see what she looks like getting constant food in her belly and a warm, safe bed to sleep in.”
Derek nodded. The air around them was all polite and professional like they hadn’t spent most of their lives being intimate with one another. “Sounds good.” His chest hurt.
Sasha made some cooing sounds to Kai and the dog ate it up, barking and wagging her tail excitedly.
“Um, thanks,” he started, but quickly stopped and shoved his hands into his pockets, not sure how to get his voice to work in a way that wouldn’t betray what he really wanted to tell her.
I’m sorry and I still love you.
Sasha waved a hand in front of her. “No worries. Just try not to spoil her too much.” She turned, putting her hand on the doorknob.
This was it. Once Sasha walked out, this would be just another memory he’d probably regret for not saying something meaningful to her.
She paused before opening the door fully and turned back to face him. “Tell Tiny to give you one of the gifts under the make shift Christmas tree we have up front. They’re dog bones I think she’ll like.” She paused like she was chewing over what to say.
“For what it’s worth,” she started. “It was good to see you again, and I’m glad you have Kai. Animals know who they can trust and feel safe with. Hold on to that, Derek. If you don’t believe anything else, believe Kai.”