Phoenix’s Fire (The Ruins Of Men #2)

Chapter 16

Sixteen

Meri

T he next morning, Jeera left early, saying she was going to get Ayla for our exams. After that, Brielle helped me find something appropriate to wear, but all of my dresses were so short. The one she picked for me was simple, but she said I'd have to take it off, so this time, simple was going to be better.

Then we left. Outside, the sunlight was so bright, I could barely force my eyes all the way open. When I tried, they watered, making the world a blur. Thankfully, Brielle kept a hand on my shoulder, guiding me the proper way to what she called "the market."

That, I noticed. Even through my squinted lids and blurry vision, the cacophony of colors stood out. Dozens of bright cloth squares had been set up on poles. Below them, people meandered, pausing to look at things. Naturally, that was where Brielle led me, yet my feet slowed.

Wiping at my eyes, I could make out the strange Dragon-people. They came in all colors. Some were green, or tan, or even red. Few came close to the colors of Ayla's friend, but many were like Jeera or Brielle. Not exactly like them, and it seemed no two Dragons had the same skin colors, but the vibrancy of them was more intimidating than anything I could imagine.

"Are you sure I should be here?" I asked, looking over at Brielle for some reassurance.

"You're fine," she promised. "We made sure the people of Lorsa know you're allowed, so you can go anywhere you want. With one of us, but only so you don't get lost, okay?"

I hurried to nod, because it seemed like that was what she wanted, but I kept looking at the people we passed. Men. So many of these Dragons were men - and then there were humans among them as well. The problem was how most of them turned to stare at me as we passed .

"Where's Ayla?" I asked, my voice coming out like a whimper.

"We're meeting her here," Brielle promised. "Jeera has a stall, and the clinic is on the other side of the market."

"But they're looking at me," I whispered.

Which made Brielle chuckle, yet it sounded reassuring. "Because you've got one hand pressed against your back and the other wiping your eyes. Never mind that your hair is whiter than an old lady's.

"It's blonde," I corrected.

"It's platinum," she said. "Meri, that means you stand out, and with people as bright as we are? That says a lot."

"But I'm not a Dragon," I breathed.

"It's okay," she promised. "I won't let anyone hurt you. I just need you to tell me if you need to sit and rest, okay?"

"I'm fine," I said a little too quickly.

Mostly because resting sounded good, but not here. Not where the strange people would keep staring, or where a man might get the wrong impression. Certainly not in the godforsaken heat of the sunlight slamming into me.

Jeera had told me the days would get cooler as the seasons changed, but they weren't. Every morning, the sun - which was nothing like the lights in the compound - woke up and glared down on us. Every evening, it dimmed to what I'd grown used to as a normal "day" in the compound. The darkness of our nights? They simply didn't exist up here.

There was always light. Even when the sun was gone, there was a moon that shined like a lamp. Curtains helped, but with so much light, I couldn't quite relax the way I had back home. Well, in the compound. Mostly, when I thought of true relaxation, my mind went to when I'd lived with Ayla and Callah, back before I'd been married.

No, I didn't want to think about that. I preferred to remember Gideon as the boy he'd been when we'd first met. Back then, he'd been so charming and handsome. I'd liked the way he'd smiled at me and how he'd gone out of his way to make it clear it was my attention he wanted. Not Ayla's. Not Callah's.

Mine.

Those two had been my closest friends, but also so hard to live with. Ayla was brazen and bold. Callah was so very smart. Me? I had nothing. Compared to them, there was nothing special about me at all, except that I was the oldest. No matter how hard I'd tried to find something I was good at, it never worked.

I didn't sew as well as Ayla. I didn't remember the verses as well as Callah. Instead, I learned how to lift them up, cover for their mistakes, and behave so well that the wives had no reason to notice any of us. Gideon said my obedience had been what made him consider me.

Now, I didn't know how to be anything else.

All I'd wanted was to have someone notice me for me. I'd thought I'd found that in Gideon, but the day he'd caught me telling the girls what really happened after marriage? He'd never looked at me the same. Over and over, he'd reminded me that I was supposed to obey, that he'd picked me because I knew how to listen, and that I'd disappointed him.

I hoped he was very disappointed now!

Since that day, I'd tried so hard to make it up to him. I'd made one little mistake, and he'd lorded it over me for months, but when I'd told him the child wasn't his? He'd completely believed it. After months of seeing me try so hard - of living beside me day in and day out - he still hadn't realized I wasn't brave enough to do such a thing, never mind the idea of having relations with my own brother!

Instead, he'd hated me. When I'd told him the child wasn't his and he'd immediately believed it? That had been when I was sure of it. He didn't know me, didn't love me, and actually despised me. All he wanted from me was this child, and if it killed me, then he'd just find himself another wife - and she would probably be better than me.

But now I was stuck with this thing. I could feel it moving inside me, shifting as I walked. It was a part of him lodged in my body, and I hadn't asked for this. I hadn't been ready to have a child! Sadly, I didn't get a choice. Ms. White had told me how impressive it was that I'd conceived so fast. She said it was proof God looked favorably on our union. I had a feeling it was simply how often Gideon had wanted to fornicate.

This was my lot. It was too late to go back, but I would if I could. I didn't want to raise his child! I didn't want to suffer as I expelled it. I certainly didn't want to die because of it! Ayla made this place sound like it was a new beginning, but as I reached down to cradle the weight of my growing child, I knew that was only true for her.

I was going to be a mother, whether I liked it or not. Gideon had claimed me, he'd created the next generation in me, and he'd made sure he would always control my future. And once this baby was born, I would no longer be needed.

Hopefully, this child would have a chance to learn new things. I'd come here because I'd been desperate for a miracle, but not even Ayla could change things now. My fate was sealed. Every day brought me closer to it, to motherhood.

"There she is!" Brielle said.

I wiped at my eyes again, surprised to see Ayla flipping through brightly-colored cloth that was even more impressive than the ceilings they had here. Beside her, Jeera was talking to a woman behind a table. Like this, they both fit in so easily, but I felt like I did nothing but stand out.

"Are you sure I'm allowed to be here?" I asked one more time.

"You're fine," Brielle said the same way she had each time I asked.

But Ayla's head snapped up. "Meri? Hey!" Lifting her hand in a wave, she hurried towards me. "Are you okay?"

"I'm..." I glanced around us at all the men. "Ayla, are you sure the men won't be angry?"

"No!" she said around a laugh, then began to look around. Finally, she pointed off to my right. "See?"

I blinked hard until my eyes cleared, then found a copper-skinned woman with her own pregnant belly hanging out. Her shirt was barely more than one of my bras, and her bottoms were less than pants but more than underwear. Beside her, a pair of Dragons leaned in to look at the same thing she was appreciating.

"Women are allowed to do things here, Meri," Ayla explained. "Even pregnant ones. There's no shame in it for Dragons, and they don't mind women's things."

I nodded, sure she was right, but unable to shake this nervous feeling. "Okay. I just don't want to make a mistake already."

"You're doing great," Jeera said as she joined us. Then she pointed to the side. "Mom's clinic is this way. Are you able to make it that far?"

I nodded. "I'm fine."

"She keeps saying that," Brielle told Jeera.

"Because we weren't allowed to be anything but fine," Ayla explained, talking to these two the same way she'd always talked to Callah and me. "She's probably tired, but it's cooler in the clinic, and much darker."

"Oh, her eyes!" Jeera said, wrapping an arm around my shoulders and turning me a bit. "Okay. Let's get you inside so you aren't blind. Just tell me if we go too fast or if you need a break?"

"I'm okay," I swore, trying to convince myself I really was.

But the truth was I'd never walked this much in my life. For the last few months, I'd barely done more than walk to the end of the hall we'd lived on. This? It felt good, but it also made my back so tired. Holding my stomach helped, though.

With Ayla on one side and Jeera supporting me on the other, we walked even more. There was a grassy area, and some bigger plants that we passed. To the side, I saw a flat thing with strange words on it, but behind it? That was the building we seemed to be heading to.

It had a few doors, but Jeera steered me towards the one in the middle. Inside, she gestured to a row of padded chairs at the side. Ayla and I both sat while Jeera headed to the man sitting behind the counter. Speaking softly, she told him something, but I couldn't make out what. Brielle, on the other hand, opened the door next to him and walked in, closing it behind her.

"Now you're checked in," Jeera said as she made her way back.

"I don't know what that means," I admitted.

"It just lets them know who came in and in what order. Like waiting in line, except you get to sit," Jeera told us. "Also, the two of you get to make a choice."

"What choice?" Ayla asked.

"Well," Jeera said, "you can do your exam together or separately. Before you make a decision, you need to know you will be taking off your clothes, putting on a medical gown, and will lay on a table with your legs spread. Mom will look between them to make sure there aren't any problems down there, and then let you know what she found. Some people don't want anyone else in the room except the doctor when that happens."

"I don't know which one is right," I told them.

"Neither one is wrong or right," Jeera assured me. "It just depends on whether you want some moral support, or if you prefer to go alone so you feel less embarrassed."

"In the compound," Ayla said, "we all showered together. Since we're all women, I think it will be okay for us to go together. Right?" She glanced at me as if checking to see if I agreed.

"I would rather have you there," I mumbled.

"Then you can both go back together," Jeera assured us. "There's nothing wrong with it. I just wasn't sure how shy you two are."

"Less shy around women," Ayla said. "But you've already met Naomi, Meri."

"The tea-skinned woman?" I asked, pretty sure she was the doctor.

"The same," Ayla agreed. "Even when I was scared, she was very nice and patient with me. The first time I was here, I couldn't understand a word anyone was saying. Now, it's much easier."

"Then you can go first," I decided.

Ayla just nodded, so I tried to scan the room. This place was like nothing I'd seen before. The front wall was mostly made up of windows, but they were covered by sheer curtains. The back wall was solid except for where the man sat and the single door Brielle had gone through. Clearly, this was an infirmary. Jeera called it a clinic, yet to me it seemed exactly like our healing place in the compound.

But before I could start to get too nervous, the door opened. A woman walked out, saying a few quiet words to the man behind the counter. She was older, with beautifully white hair and skin that wrinkled, showing the path of her life across her face.

Seeing her made me smile, because she was proof people up here could live long enough for that to happen. It made me think Ayla was right about this place. That woman had to be at least fifty! Maybe older? I couldn't tell, because I'd never seen any woman over forty that I could remember. We simply didn't live that long down there.

But here, things were different. Twisting, I tried to get a better view of her, yet I was so distracted watching her, I missed the man moving until he called out, "Merienne and Ayla?"

Jeera stood up. "Ladies, that means it's your turn to see the doctor."