Chapter 19
Nineteen
Ayla
J eera got Meri up and guided her home. I asked if they needed help, but Meri said she just wanted to rest - and think. I got the impression it was mostly the thinking she craved, and a chance to do it without me, which stung.
So I turned my feet for home. Of course, Lessa fell in beside me. Together, in silence, we walked until we reached the corner of the market. When I paused to get my bearings, she pointed the direction home.
"It's this way," she said.
I nodded and stepped off again, but she stayed at my side. "Why are you following me?" I demanded.
Lessa chuckled under her breath. "Because I intend to let Zasen know we're planning a cookout for your friend. Mostly so he won't mess it up."
I nodded and kept going. "He won't mess it up. Zasen, Kanik, and Rymar are good with those things."
"They really aren't," she assured me. "From the sounds of it, you're even worse." With a little laugh, she shook her head. "Ayla, how well do you speak this language?"
"Vestrian?" I asked.
"That's the one we're using, so yes."
"I know how to change the words from English, but sometimes I have to think for a moment. A lot of the phrases are confusing, but I'm learning them. You all have these terms that don't really make sense, like sleeping for sex."
"Sleeping with," she clarified. "The 'with' part is important."
"I see."
Huffing, she dragged a hand across her brow. "And that pregnant girl doesn't know any Vestrian?"
"She's only been here two days!" I snapped. "Almost exactly two whole days now, and that's not long enough to even understand what is going on, let alone learn the words and letters you all use!"
"Do you even know how your friend got pregnant?"
I rolled my eyes. "Yes. We're given lessons on a wife's duties once we are old enough to have our monthly courses."
"Period."
"What?"
"It's a period," she clarified.
"Oh." Because Zasen had told me that, but the way she'd said it hadn't made sense. "Yes. And it's okay for men to know here, but not there. Women's things were considered rude and unappealing, so we were supposed to keep those to ourselves. That's all Meri knows, and I'm trying to help her, but I'm still learning how things work up here too."
Lessa lifted both hands to press at the air even as her feet stalled out. "And you knew Meri would be upset?" she asked, sounding like she was daring me to agree.
So I lifted my chin and looked her right in the eyes. "I know the Dragons will take care of her, even though Naomi's worried about the pregnancy. I also know her husband is a hunter. Zasen says she might know something, and we all know they'll come back, so I had to tell her. Meri isn't stupid, Lessa. She's just confused. Very confused, and I'm trying to make sure she knows the truth."
"And what truth is that?" she asked.
"They lied - about everything - but we women still take care of each other. That was the only thing we had, and now that she's here, I'm not going to stop. Maybe it was hard for her to hear it, but it would be just as hard next week, or the week after."
"But she's pregnant!" Lessa hissed.
"And she'll still be pregnant when they come back." I crossed my arms over my chest, daring her to say I was wrong. "What happens if they get Jeera or Brielle? If they storm into her house and want to know where they are? If she thinks they're the 'Righteous,' she might tell them!"
"They never make it that far north," Lessa assured me. "That's why Brielle lives up there."
"Oh." What else could I say to that?
Lessa simply pushed out a heavy sigh and gestured for me to keep walking. "And sex doesn't hurt. It's pretty good, actually. So you know, Zasen is a good lover."
"Lessa!" I gasped.
Which made her laugh. "See, it is okay to talk about this." Once more, she sighed. "And he was right about you. Fuck. I wish he wasn't, but damn."
"I..." My head jiggled from side to side in confusion. "What?"
"After we met," she explained, "I gave Rymar and Kanik an earful about you. I wanted to hate you, Ayla, because you're stealing my man."
"I'm not!" I insisted. "I told him I'm not ever going to do that!"
"You will," she said, giving me a knowing smile. "One day, one of those men will be too nice, and you'll wonder. I can't say if you'll like it or not, but I have a feeling you'll try it at least once, and that's okay. Just make sure you have a shot of birth control first, okay?"
"Naomi gave me one today," I admitted sheepishly.
"Good," she said. "But that makes me think I'm right. If you really weren't interested, then you wouldn't think you needed one."
"But - " I stopped myself there.
"What?" she pressed.
Hanging my head, I finished that thought. "In the compound, we had to mind our virtue because men couldn't control themselves. Kanik and Zasen say that's rape, and I've read about rape, but it all seems like rape to me."
She shifted a little closer and reached up to rub my shoulder. "There's a huge difference, but don't you dare let those boys pressure you, okay? If they try, you tell me."
"Rymar said to tell him," I admitted. "And he's mad at Zasen for kissing me when I didn't want to, even though it didn't hurt, but I'm just confused. All of this is so confusing! In truth, I feel like I'm always confused, but Meri's here now, and she needs me, so I have to make sure I know it all - but I don't! "
"You don't have to know it all," she promised. "You just have to know where to find the answers, and Rymar is a good place. So am I. So are Brielle and Jeera. Naomi too. Saveah! Any of us will help explain things, and we're not trying to unlearn it." She laughed once. "No, that's a lie. I'm trying to remember you're not a Mole."
"My mother was a Dragon," I pointed out.
"But your skin was pale, your words were strange, and your little prissy attitude made it easier to hate you than get to know you."
"I'm sorry."
"No, I am," she said. "Fuck. Your people killed my entire family - did you know that?"
"No..." I breathed, glancing at her.
She waved that off. "Rymar's family took me in. Zasen's too, until his father was killed. Tasult's dads were like my uncles, so I was never alone, but I wanted to hate you so badly. And when Zasen looked at you like that?"
"Like what?" I asked.
She chuckled, hearing something in my voice. "Oh, like he thinks you're pretty."
"I didn't... I don't..." I tried, unsure what came next.
She flashed me a devious smirk. "It's okay to like it. Shit, girl. I'm going to have to corrupt both of you, huh?"
"Me and Meri?"
She nodded, looking like she was making a decision on the spot. "Definitely. Those Moles killed my family, so I'll corrupt you both to make them pay. I think that's much better vengeance than taking it out on their other victims."
"We didn't even know we were victims," I admitted. "We were told the world was burning, only demons and wild men lived on the surface of the Earth, and God was fighting the Devil. Our lessons said we hadn't proven ourselves yet, so we had to be righteous enough to convince God we could return to the world one day."
"But the hunters..." she tried.
I just shrugged. "They never told us it was so beautiful up here. They never said anything at all, Lessa. They only said Dragons were evil and attacked them. Not that we were hunting you, but that you were hunting us - and that you'd eat us!"
"Fucking figures," Lessa grumbled.
I nodded. "It's because the men don't want to lose their power, and if they let the women know the surface is safe, we'd all come here."
She murmured at that, but we were almost to my house, so Lessa didn't say anything else. Instead, she simply followed as I turned into the yard, then trailed behind me up the stairs. When I opened the door, I gestured for her to enter first, and she did, but not the way I'd expected.
"Zasen!" Lessa bellowed the moment she was inside.
"Where's Ayla?" Zasen demanded as he hurried out of his room.
Lessa didn't say anything. She simply stormed toward him, meeting him behind the chair I usually sat in. Then she did the last thing I ever would've expected. That woman reached back and swung, cracking Zasen soundly across the cheek with her open palm.
"Do not ever touch a woman without her permission again!" Lessa growled.
Slowly, Zasen reached up to touch his smarting cheek. "I was pushing her, Less."
"She didn't want to, and you didn't listen!" Lessa barked.
"Yeah..." Rymar said as he trotted down the stairs with Kanik behind him. "I already talked to him about that, but she's right."
"It wasn't that bad," Kanik told them. "He gave her time to pull away. He also made a very pretty little speech first. Give the man some credit. I mean, he's a dick, but not that much of one."
"You still fucked up!" Lessa snapped.
Zasen lifted both hands, but his eyes jumped over to me. "I had my reasons."
"Oh, do tell?" Lessa drawled.
"I know stubborn when I see it, because I'm the same way," he said, those orange eyes of his holding mine. "And sometimes it's easier to keep saying no instead of facing the fear of the unknown. Someone has to push her across those lines she's set so she can make her own decisions, not simply follow the rules that were beaten into her. If she hates me for it, then I can live with that - because it means she'll be confident enough in herself to actually hate - and even act on it."
"I'm trying," I said softly, my words for him.
"And she said it didn't hurt," Rymar grumbled. "Fuck. Okay, that part makes more sense now."
"What?!" Lessa asked, the word a huff.
So Zasen turned his focus to her. "I'm not going to get the girl, Less. She's made it pretty clear. Here's the thing. Rymar and Kanik? They might. They'd be good for her, and Ayla? She is my friend . To her, that word is a powerful one. Makes me feel like I have a responsibility to make sure the scary things are a bit less risky, and I know I won't hurt her."
"And what if she has no interest in men?" Lessa shot back.
Zasen's mouth curled higher on one side. "I had my sister check first."
"Asshole," she grumbled at him.
"Yep," he agreed. "But it's working."
"Yeah..." Kanik said as he pushed through the crowd standing just inside the living room. "What I want to know is why you're here, Lessa?"
"I came to let you know we're having a cookout," she said. "Saveah gets an invite too. Naomi's place, this weekend. The Reapers will be there, plus you three, but the rest will be us ladies, because the other girl needs a chance to meet people."
"Okay?" Rymar said, making it an open question.
"I'm bringing dessert. You, Zasen, will bring a selection of meats. I'm going to assume Jeera will bring fruits and vegetables."
"And Naomi thinks we need to all talk about things," I added. "She's worried about Meri, wants to make sure she knows enough, and said we're all supposed to be nice."
"Mostly me," Lessa explained.
Chuckling, Rymar headed for the chairs, tossing himself into one. "Oh, this is going to be good."
"Yep," Lessa said. "So we're all going to be on our best behavior. That girl - what's her name, Ayla?"
"Meri," I offered. "Well, Merienne, but we all call her Meri."
Lessa nodded. "Meri is nothing but skin, bones, and baby. Ayla told her about the Moles hunting us, and I found the girl puking into the bushes."
"You what?" Zasen asked, his head snapping over to me.
"She has to know!" I insisted.
"But I thought you were taking your time," he shot back.
"Well, she kinda brought it up, so I thought I might as well tell her."
"There's that," Rymar said.
Kanik just moved so he could flop onto the couch, sitting on the end closest to Rymar. "Please tell me you'll keep an eye on this when I'm at work?"
"I think I need to," Rymar agreed.
"Oh, and I'm going to be poking my nose in too," Lessa said.
"Actually," Zasen told her, "I'd like you to help with the other one."
"She doesn't speak English!" I hissed.
"She knows a bit," Zasen said, smiling at Lessa.
"I haven't used English since the seventh grade!"
"And for your sewing patterns," he pointed out. "I know you still have those books I gave you."
Lessa groaned and rolled her eyes. "Pictures, Zasen. I can follow those."
So he switched to English. "And you still understand the words."
"Fuck off!" Lessa, grumbled in Vestrian . "So what?"
"So help the Mole," Zasen taunted, returning to Vestrian. "Trust me, that will really piss off the hunters."
"Yeah, I know."
I nodded vigorously, liking this idea. "Meri's husband is a hunter. He'd hate to know a Dragon was telling his wife about his lies."
"Be a little evil," Zasen said softly. "It'll be fun, Less."
"Fine!" she declared, tossing her hands up. "I'm in."
And Zasen's lips curled into a grin.