Phoenix’s Fire (The Ruins Of Men #2)

Chapter 27

Twenty-Seven

Callah

W e couldn't stay by the well too long. People had seen us, and too much time alone would compromise my virtue. Worse, the wives would talk about us, claiming they were merely "concerned" in order to hide their gossip. So, after only a few minutes, we continued on.

Our walk took us all the way around the compound. Many more people saw us, but as we turned back for my wing, Tobias made a detour to the dining hall. I figured he was doing his best to show us off, but just like last time, he took me over to the tables by the Dragon's tail, and guided me to a seat.

"Have time to share a snack with me?" he asked. "You said tea, but I thought food might be better."

I paused to look around, aware no one else was in here except the women cleaning the kitchen. "I believe that will be nice."

He nodded, then made his way to the kitchen side of the massive room. This time, when he leaned over the counter, I realized how tall he really was. The woman helping him didn't even come to his shoulder. I was pretty sure my head wasn't much taller.

Then there were his shoulders. Once, Ayla had said it would be better to marry an old man so he was weaker and wouldn't hurt us the way Gideon had done to Meri. I knew that. I truly believed it, and yet something about the width of Tobias's back made my face want to heat up.

After our lessons yesterday, all the girls my age had cornered me to ask if it was true I'd walked with him. Two said he was on their list, and they'd wanted to impress him, but all of them assured me they hoped he pleased me. When I'd mentioned he was a simple man, Rebekka had pointed out how those were the best kind. They asked for little, were satisfied easily, and were less likely to make demands.

In other words, Tobias was considered quite the catch amongst my peers. A good man. A safe one. Little did any of them know he was also kind and intelligent - and I couldn't even tell them. I wanted to, mostly to defend him against the rumors, but that wouldn't help us at all.

Soon enough, he returned with a bowl heaped full of vegetable mash. "I figure we can share again," he said. "That way I won't feel too bad about eating in front of you." And he pushed it towards me as he angled for his own chair.

"You should sit on this side," I told him.

A little smile flickered across his lips. "I wouldn't want to presume."

"It makes it easier to talk, and I'd like to learn more about you, Mr. Warren." I tilted my head, making it clear I was serious.

So he eased himself down beside me rather than across from me. I passed him a spoon, then claimed the other for myself. When I took a mouthful, he merely dipped the end of his spoon in for a taste.

"I know the women aren't being fed enough," he said, glancing down at the table.

"So you're not hungry?" I asked.

He shrugged. "I just know the rations are limited, and hunters are given unlimited vegetables. I, um... I thought that maybe you were hungry."

I scooped up another spoonful. "I am." That went in my mouth.

"So eat it," he said. "I can say I convinced you to stay longer this way, or any of a dozen excuses. Just eat it, okay?"

I nodded and scooped up some more. "You know, most men offer things about themselves. I should probably learn something about you."

"Like what?"

"Your favorite color?" I suggested.

He laughed. "Um, pink."

"I like yellow."

He groaned. "Oh, that would've been a better answer."

"So you don't like pink?"

"No, I do. Up there, they have all these plants, right? And some have flowers. The first ones I ever saw were pink, and the kind we don't have down here. Ever since, I've always liked that color."

"Yellow goes with my hair," I explained. "Pink isn't a good color for me, but Meri had a pink dress once."

"What else do you like?" he asked.

"Healing," I admitted. "I used to like sewing cloth, but working in the infirmary feels bigger. Like it matters more."

"Like a challenge?" he offered.

I nodded. "And powerful." I stopped hard, letting my eyes jump to his face. I shouldn't have said that.

"Because you can decide if a man will ever use his arm again?" he asked softly.

"Tobias, I didn't mean - "

"Because I think it's a good way to control things when everyone tries so hard to take that from you." He offered me a smile. "And Jamison thought he was invincible. He learned he's not."

"Maybe we shouldn't talk about things we like," I muttered.

He reached over to gently rub my shoulder. "I like that you're not merely a healer, but a good one. I told the guys that's how I noticed you. When everyone else was panicking because of the severe wounds last time, you just got to work. You weren't even flustered, and you saved Jamison's life, even though the arrows were exactly like the Wyvern's."

"But he'll never use that arm," I reminded him.

Tobias shrugged. "He's alive. It's more than most can say. Broadhead arrows kill, Callah. They rip men apart. That you kept him alive? They think you must have worked hard to do so."

I nodded and took another bite, because I didn't know what to say.

So he kept going. "I always feel so helpless in the infirmary, but I'm constantly picked to help. I liked it when Ayla would call for me, because she made it easy."

"Easy how?" I asked.

He shrugged. "She told me what to do - and when I did it right. She didn't try to spare my pride, because she was focused on her patient. You've become like her in a lot of ways."

"Am I too much like her?" I asked.

He shook his head. "No. Ayla was always too brave. You are always meek and gentle. Some think you're trying to make up for Meri's and Ayla's corruption. I'll just casually mention that you're worried about how close the Devil has been to you, and that you refuse to give in."

"I like that," I agreed.

"And that you blush a lot," he teased.

I glanced away, feeling my face heat up. "Quit."

"But it's cute."

"It's stupid," I mumbled. "You're not really interested in me."

"I do think you're pretty," he said softly, looking over to the kitchen. "If I was going to stay, I think you'd be the kind of wife I'd want, but we wouldn't have many children."

"Our place is to be fruitful."

"And men talk about consummation. Many of the gatherers have been married more than once." He reached over to dip his spoon into the mash again. "They laugh about their wives not being able to push them off. I don't think I want to do that part."

"But..."

He shook his head as if he knew what I was thinking, but was too shy to say. "I like when you hold my arm. I like how you make me feel like I'm protecting you. I like how you devour our snack in front of me, and the way you relax as we spend time together. It makes me feel like I have a friend, I guess."

"Men and women are not friends," I pointed out. "We're husbands and wives. We treat our husband as our lord. As a man, you should be cared for, and a good wife will provide children to inherit your items and name."

"Didn't really like my father. Not too attached to my name. I did love my mother. I love learning how things work. I really like talking to you, too. I like that you listen and challenge me. You don't just roll your eyes and act like you're trying to make me go away, or giggle brainlessly while struggling not to show disapproval on your face."

"But you encouraged everyone to do that by pretending to be the fool."

"Doesn't mean I like it," he countered.

Which was a good point. I'd convinced everyone I was a very meek and obedient woman, but that didn't mean I wanted to be one. I only did it to avoid the punishment I'd get for breaking any rules.

"I like that having you court me means Mr. Cassidy has stopped reminding me of my list." I snuck a glance at him. "And Ms. Lawton is proud of me. She keeps saying I will make an excellent wife."

"Because your roommates didn't."

I murmured and reached for another bite. "That's what happens when women talk, though. We realize we're not all happy. It's why we're not supposed to gossip, because the less we know, the more alone we are, and then our husbands and elders can make our decisions for us."

"Yeah, and for men, we have to earn our privileges. They make everything we do into a challenge. Even as boys, our lessons are a way to show who is the best. That's carried over into our work as adults. The ones who do the best or the most are the ones who get the best things. Doesn't matter if that's the schedule, the days off, or the rewards. And to make sure of it, the best tend to sabotage the rest."

"But that doesn't help anyone," I breathed.

"It helps the one getting the rewards." He paused. "That includes wives, Callah. See, they only let me court you because I used to carry back so much food. I'm stronger, so I could make fewer trips, right? Well, other men are told to court the widows. To talk to the unattractive women. But to get a beautiful woman? I had to agree to be a hunter for that."

"What do you mean?" I asked. "We're allowed to accept or decline a proposal. We're the ones who make the decision."

"Unless there's only one suitor," he said. "See, that's the thing. Bronna Chambers? She will marry Mr. Morgan. No one else will try to ask, because Mr. Morgan announced that he'd spoken for her. As an elder, they get to pick, and trying to go against them will end up with the man moved to the worst duties imaginable - like sanitation! So the rest of us merely scramble for the leftovers."

"So I'm a leftover?" I asked.

He made a face. "Only because of Ayla and Meri. Many think you'll decide to be as troublesome. But what I'm trying to say is we men are pushed into our roles the same way you women are. The difference is they're willing to kill us off to keep you ladies from desiring a younger or more caring man. The elders get first pick. The leaders come next. After that, there are a dozen more ways we're ranked among each other, and the weakest men are moved out of the way. The same goes for our rooms, our items, and even our duties. And any man who causes a problem? He's sent to the fungus farm and left in the darkness until he's forgotten about."

"I thought we were supposed to be proving ourselves righteous enough to return to the Earth?" Because that was what we were taught every day.

Tobias grunted softly. "Yeah. But the Earth is fine. The elders know it, and we gatherers - er, hunters - do too. Um, we're not allowed to say anything. The one man who tried? He was said to have been killed by a Dragon."

"But he wasn't?"

Tobias shook his head. "His partner shot him. He was rewarded for it. Now he's a team leader for the hunters."

"Oh," I breathed.

"Which is why I want out," he went on. "Callah, I know you think I don't have as much to lose, but I do. If I mess this up..."

"They'll kill you?" I guessed.

I watched as he swallowed. "I'm just saying I may not come back from this hunt."

"You will," I insisted. "Tobias, you have to."

"You'll be fine," he assured me. "I'll make sure no one ever suspects you."

"I'll be married off, bred to death, and trapped without any hope of escape!" I hissed.

"And you'll get kicked out," he assured me. "You helped Meri and Ayla do the same. So, if nothing else, I'll make sure they know you're coming, okay? I swear it."

I found my head shaking from side to side. I knew he was right. There was no way to be sure he'd survive this trip - not with as many hunters as we'd lost lately. I also refused to think Tobias could be killed.

I didn't want to be alone. I couldn't do this without someone - anyone - to talk to. I just needed someone to understand, and in our few short conversations, he'd made it clear he could.

"Please be careful?" I whispered, reaching over to clasp his hand.

Those large fingers curled around mine. "I'm going to try. I'd like to think that once we're free, we might even stay friends."

I squeezed his hand a little harder. "I promise. Maybe we're even friends now?"

"But men and women don't do that."

"So we should," I decided. "It can be our own little rebellion, right?"

"Yeah," he agreed. "A very quiet one."