Chapter 65
Sixty-Five
Rymar
W hen we got home, Ayla took the pages and hurried upstairs, saying she had to finish her letter. She offered to make Saveah a copy of the list, but her sister said she didn't need it. Ayla did. I just wanted to know what letter she was working on, and I had a feeling there was one person here who knew.
"Let me walk you back to your place," I offered Saveah.
She gave me a suspicious look. "What do you want?"
I lifted a finger, then opened the door, making it clear we should do this outside. Saveah rolled her eyes at me, but didn't fight it either. Heading outside, she waited for me to close the door, then took me right to the edge of the road before saying exactly what I wanted to know.
"She's writing a letter to her friend down there," she explained. "At the library, she explained to me that Callah is being courted by Tobias, but it's all a ruse to let them plot together, or so she hopes. Still, Tobias gives Callah cover, and that means she can ask questions and hopefully get information back."
"Via Tobias," I said, proving I was following along. "Hopefully, there will be a door code with that, since they have their compound secured in a way we don't know how to get through."
"Mhm," Saveah said. "Electronics. Supposedly, Irrik and now Lansin are watching for sacrifices?"
"Yeah, and they said they'll have someone look daily. With two women being chained out, and knowing there's a third? There's no telling what's going on down there."
Saveah hummed. "Well, Callah's mother was also in quarantine. So was Tobias's. Meri's wasn't. Still, that's thirty-two women and who knows how many children. Our mom had three other kids besides us. If we say four children per woman, that's over a hundred and twenty kids, Rymar."
My breath slid out and my lungs felt like they couldn't remember to suck any air in. "Fuck," I finally said.
Because that was a lot of children with relatives up here who didn't know about them. A lot of new Moles who might become our enemy too. Never mind the women they already had, the kids they were raising, and the people we didn't know about because they weren't women or hunters.
Saveah continued, "The problem she's having is the delay between messages. Ayla wants to let Callah know so much, so she's writing her a letter Tobias will take back. Her plan is to explain everything so Callah's prepared, and maybe to share it with the other women before she breaks out."
"A rebellion," I realized.
"Mhm," Saveah agreed. "And speaking of being rebellious, funny how you haven't said a single thing about that date you were going on. Trying to hide it?" She lifted a brow.
"Weak transition," I told her. "Me going on a date is not rebellious."
"It is when you're being so subtle about it, Rymar."
"I am not being subtle," I assured her. "I'm just not making a big deal about it around Ayla."
Which made her grin. "Why's that?"
"First, because I'm seeing a man." I lifted a finger before she could break in. "And second, because Ayla's ideas of courting are problematic, so I don't want her to think I'm abusing this guy."
"Which guy?" she asked.
"Qavan."
Her eyes narrowed in concentration. "Red with cream markings?"
"That's the guy," I agreed. "I'm also taking it slow, and yes, we're dating."
She chuckled. "Does he know that?"
"He's the one who asked me out."
"So, dating as in still going out on dates, not as in a boyfriend?" she checked.
Which made me sigh. "Yes. Exactly. I'm taking it slow and not rushing into things."
"And not telling your friends, dressing very nicely, and I caught your walk of shame the other morning."
"I promise there was no shame in it," I assured her. "And yes, Zasen knows. Kanik knew I went out, but he didn't ask more."
"Okay," she relented. "You should also know Ayla was asking me some questions. I get the impression you should know about it."
"Like what?"
"Kissing," she said. "When it's okay, how does she know if she likes someone that way, and those sorts of things. It seems Lessa put something in her head, and then when things blew up because Zasen kissed her, he said other things, and she's starting to get curious. "
"Good."
"But," she went on, "I may have told her it's okay for her to say she wants to kiss someone, and the man she says it to - of you three - would help her figure it out. I sort of implied that if she wanted to kiss one of you, then you'd teach her how."
"Oh." Well, shit. "Um..."
"Yeah," she said, understanding completely. "Which is why I'm bringing this up, because if your date is going to become a boyfriend, you might want to find a way to handle that."
I nodded, seeing exactly what she meant. "Considering she's more likely to want to kiss Kanik?"
"She actually said Zasen. I guess there was a moment after the bear, but he said that if she wanted a kiss, she had to do the kissing."
Letting out a groan, I dropped my face toward the ground and then scrubbed at it. "I have no fucking clue how he can screw shit up with her so badly."
"I know, right?" Saveah asked. "Zasen is so sure she's into Kanik. Kanik is so sure he's completely unappealing, and you're so sure she's just a friend. The problem is, Ayla's trying to catch up on everything she's missed, and the way I see it, she should be right around the 'boys are cute' stage."
"Experimenting, not serious?" I guessed.
She pointed at me. "You get it."
"Hey, I went through a 'boys are cute' stage too," I pointed out. "Granted, I'm not getting the impression Ayla's into girls at all." But I paused. "Until recently, I would've said she wasn't exactly into men either."
"She needed women to talk to," Saveah explained. "More than one of us, too. And she needed time to learn how to trust us."
"We introduced her to Jeera!"
"Zasen's sister?" Saveah scoffed. "Rymar, she's going to be rooting for her brother. Ayla knows that, and she's hyper-aware of the strong family bonds people have up here. She would never say something to Jeera that might sound bad about Zasen."
Which was another good point. "So who is she into?" I asked. "One of them?"
"I think it's more that Ayla's currently interested in the idea it's allowed. That she could find a man attractive, act on it, and not die because of it. In her mind, any attraction led to marriage, babies, and then death. It sounds to me like she's finally breaking that cycle."
I nodded. "Okay. I guess this means I need to talk to the guys, huh?"
"I handled that," she promised. "I also told Ayla I'd handle it, that she can come over at any time and talk if she needs to, and all the basic things. I'm pretty much faking this whole big sister role, but she makes it easy."
"Shit, she makes everything easy." But I found myself smiling as I said that. "She's impressive, you know? I can't believe she's only been here a few months. It feels like she's a completely different person, and yet there were hints of this even that first day."
"Of what?"
I made a gesture towards the house. "Of her. Of this strong, brilliant, and independent woman."
Which made Saveah grab my shoulder, making me face her again. "Are you into her too?"
"What? No!" I scoffed just to prove the point. "I'm starting something with Qavan, remember?"
"Because you sound like you might think she's pretty amazing."
"I do," I assured her. "Ayla is amazing, Saveah. She's also sweet, innocent, and naive. She's been sheltered, abused, and terrorized. Never mind that I promised her that she's my friend. Just a friend, I won't take anything wrong, and all of that. See, Ayla needs someone to look out for her first, and I'm going to do that."
"I'm doing that," Saveah said.
"And I'm a man," I countered. "A horrible, terrifying penis owner who is going to be nothing at all like the men she knew down there. I'm also the guy reminding those two that it doesn't matter how beautiful she is, or how feminine she seems, or anything else that gets their dicks hard. Ayla is off-limits until she understands one very important thing."
She shook her head subtly in confusion. "Which is?"
"How to say no." I lifted a brow. "See, that's the thing about consent. It doesn't count unless no is a completely valid option. If she doesn't feel as if she can refuse and survive it - or at least not be hurt because of it - then she might as well not even have the option. If Ayla has it in her head that she has to make us happy to have a home? No consent. If she feels like it's her duty to please a man? No consent. And I'm going to make sure Zasen and Kanik never forget that one detail, because we're not used to women like her."
Saveah made a little sound and then stepped into me, throwing her arms around my neck to crush me in a desperate hug. "Thank you," she breathed. "I know you are all great guys, but that?" She leaned back to look at me. "Rymar, that's exactly what she needs, but promise me something?"
"Always."
"Don't stop her from trying things out because she might not understand it all?"
"Like Zasen kissing her?" I guessed. "How that idiot crossed a line but may have actually had a point with what he was doing?"
Saveah reached up to tap my nose playfully. "Just like that. See, my little sister is trying to figure out who she is. She's never had that option before, and the only thing she's sure of is that killing Moles makes people happy. More importantly, it makes the people she cares about happy." And she pointed at me. "You three."
I gently eased her hand down. "Trust me, I get it. We've talked about her - quite a lot. Zasen thinks he intimidates her too much, but he's trying to use it to make her stronger. She knows he won't hurt her, so she's growing faster than any of us expected. Kanik?" I glanced away, unable to stop my smile. "He's soft with her, and I don't think she's ever met a soft man before."
"All three of you are soft with her," Saveah reminded me. "Even Zasen, in his own way. He pushes - then shows her he can back off. He admits when he's wrong. He apologizes, Rymar, and I get the impression Mole men don't do that."
I nodded, realizing she had a point. "And the more Ayla learns, the more she'll be able to help Meri. I mean, we have that one surrounded by women right now, but it won't last forever."
"Lessa's introduced her to Drozel. Sounds like that lug has a soft spot for Meri, too."
Okay, and I was confused. "He's with Omden."
"Wrong kind of soft," she assured me. "Drozel hated Moles the way Zasen did. Then Ayla saved his life, and he realized how abused she was. That she still saved him? He's completely changed his mind about those girls, and according to Lessa, he's going out of his way to not intimidate her."
"Nice." Okay, I could get behind this. "Meri should get along with Omden too, once someone explains to her that he has no interest in women sexually."
"I'll pass that along," Saveah promised. "Oh, and tell me something? Since we're both laying it all out there?"
"Sure."
"Who bought the dog?"
I grinned. "Lansin decided to give that dog to her. Seems Holly took a liking to Ayla, and he said it was meant to be."
"Uh-huh," she grumbled, clearly not buying my load of shit. "So who really bought the dog?"
"We all did." I lifted a hand before she could protest. "Zasen was going to. Kanik wished he could. I caught Lansin first and made it happen, because they were dealing with the aftermath of the battle. The money came out of the house fund. I told Ayla we paid taxes to explain the lack, and she has no idea. So if you ruin this, I will tell Tamin that kids can own dogs too."
She huffed. "I just got him to stop asking for one!"
"So don't tell Ayla," I said. "See, the dog is her thing. It's not something we've given her, it's not something she had to earn, or be permitted to do, or anything like that. Ayla is so good with that dog, and Holly has already saved her life once. So if Ayla thinks Holly is all hers, all on her own, she'll learn she's not beholden to anyone because of it."
"Okay," she relented. "And Rymar? You're a good man. I hope Qavan realizes it, because you deserve to have someone treat you the way you treat us."
I glanced away, feeling my cheeks lifting again. "I think he actually likes me, Saveah. Not my job or my money, but me."
"You're a good person to like," she promised. "Now go home. I can walk myself back without help."
I waved and turned back for the house, still smiling. Maybe I should tell Ayla about my date. I'd planned to use my relationships with men to help her figure out that it was okay to do the same. And who knew, maybe she'd be willing to listen to me talk about how broad his chest was, and how I liked the stripes on his tail?
It might even be enough for her to open up a bit, because she could talk to us about these things. Well, to me, at least. If she was thinking about kissing Zasen, then she wouldn't want to say anything to him. Granted, if she was thinking such thoughts, I had a feeling she'd had a few about Kanik too.
And that meant I needed to prove to her it was okay. The question was how. This was going to be a fine line, because I didn't want her to think I'd hurt someone, and I was pretty sure she was still scared of sex, but I could show her there was more to a relationship than that. Somehow I'd help her, because that woman was my friend.
A good one, and I never wanted her to look at me the wrong way. I was starting to like the way things were a little too much. The four of us just worked.