Chapter 66
Sixty-Six
Callah
T wo days after he proposed, I told Tobias I would accept his offer. Again, he assured me our arrangement was one of friends. Nothing more. That helped, but when I saw my name marked off the list of available women, the anxiety returned all over again. Worse, he'd been late to dinner twice now, coming into the dining hall just as I was finishing my meal.
I knew things with the hunters were getting more intense. Supposedly, they no longer had a single partner. Tobias had been assigned to a five-man team with someone named Sylis. I recognized the man's name from sermon a few years back, but that was all I knew of him. Sylis had been a quiet sort of boy, so I was hoping he'd be a generous leader - or at least one who wouldn't get my intended killed.
But one week after the elder's announcement, Ms. Lawton walked into Mr. Cassidy's sermon. The man seemed surprised to see her, but she passed him a small note. For a moment, the room was silent while he read.
Then Mr. Cassidy handed the paper back to Ms. Lawton. "I would like all girls eighteen years old or older to please go with Ms. Lawton." He paused, looking us over. "Emalee, you go too, since you turn eighteen in two days."
"I will have a class with the seventeen-year-olds tomorrow," Ms. Lawton told the rest. "Now, if you older girls will follow me?"
There was a little confusion and a lot of worried looks exchanged as we composed ourselves and followed her out of the room. Without a word, Ms. Lawton calmly marched us back to the hall where our rooms were located.
"Girls, today we are going to learn about the women's facilities. Each of you should grab your laundry, for as you're about to learn, our washing time is one of the rare moments when women can enjoy our own community. With your marriages coming much sooner than you expected, I believe this might be the most important lesson I can give you. "
"But we know how to do laundry," one of the younger girls in the group pointed out.
"I'm well aware of that, Magdalynn. Now, hurry up. It's rude to make others wait on you." She clapped her hands twice as a sign to get us moving.
My things were still mostly clean from my last trip to the women's laundry, but I did have a few smocks I could wash. Gathering those up, I returned with my hamper on my hip. Except for Ms. Lawton, the hall was still empty, so when she moved closer, I wasn't surprised.
"I didn't know they were lowering the age," she said softly. "I would've tried to warn you girls if I had."
I nodded, all too aware of what she'd heard me say in the laundry with the wives only a few days ago. "I know. I wouldn't have had a clue except Tobias was so excited."
"And you told the ones you could," she pointed out. "That was a brave thing to do, Callah."
I paused, biting my lips together to hold in my thoughts, but gave up. "The Lord says we should help each other. My intended's loose tongue meant I was in a position to do that, so would it not be a sin for me to say nothing?"
She canted her head as if weighing that. "I suppose that's one way to look at it. One I approve of, so you know, but not everyone will."
"Yes, but - "
"And," she went on, cutting me off, "the elders know about you, Callah. They're aware that both of your roommates were banished. They've wondered if the Devil has access to your room. It's possible, they think, that all of you are corrupted."
"Because Ayla and Meri would've talked to me?" I asked.
"Exactly, and when women aren't alone, we aren't as powerless. Why else do you think friendships are discouraged? Why are we isolated with our husbands? Why are our children taken from us so soon?" She smiled at me gently. "It's all so we will have no reason to fight, Callah. Because if we have nothing, then we have nothing to fight for."
"Or nothing left to lose," I countered. "But don't you see? I'm the one person who seems to have any insight into what the men are planning, or doing! I know many of these girls. Not well, but I do know them. The same is true for the wives. Right now, I'm in the rare position of having ties to most of our community in the compound." I looked up at her and lowered my voice. "I also know what's above."
"Which is?" she asked.
"A tree," I said. "That's where Meri was chained when she was banished. A Phoenix and a Wyvern. I may not know everything, but I do know enough to be sure the Phoenix is a woman with a very familiar name. Jamison told me that."
"When?" she whispered.
"When I was treating his shoulder," I explained. "He said her name. My friend is alive and thriving, Ms. Lawton. Before she refused Mr. Morgan, she told me she just wanted to grow plants and live long enough to become old. Now, they say she's with the Wyvern. I know Ayla, and I know she would not be easily corrupted from what she set her mind to. That makes me think there's a lot the men are keeping from us."
Okay, so I was leaving off the things Tobias had told me, but only because I didn't want to get him in trouble. Plus, everything I'd just said was the fault of the men I'd healed. Men who'd been in pain. Not one thing I'd said was problematic on its own, but together, Ms. Lawton couldn't miss my meaning.
She nodded, looking behind me as a pair of girls hurried over with their things. More came after that, until everyone had gathered their laundry and were ready to go. With a gesture to follow her, Ms. Lawton led us all up the hall and into the women's laundry area.
"Girls," she said, gesturing around us. "You will notice the basins are set up in such a way so you can work and talk with the other wives. This makes it easier to share tricks or ask for advice. That could be anything, from darning a particularly troublesome area of your husband's clothing, to managing the symptoms of pregnancy. It will also keep you from bothering your future husbands while you work, because men prefer to relax in their homes, not listen to women rattling around."
"But we don't even know who we want to marry!" one of the girls pointed out.
"And you have a few weeks to figure it out," Ms. Lawton reminded her. "I suggest you all share some information while you work, because I do expect your laundry to be clean when we're done here."
"Information about what?" someone else asked.
I dropped my things into the basin and turned it on, showing the girl beside me how it worked. That was the best I could do to keep from answering - and saying too much. But another girl didn't have that fear.
"Maybe about the men?" she asked, looking at Ms. Lawton. "Is that permissible? I know many of us share the same names."
"Since it is only us women in here," Ms. Lawton said, "and we are all of age to discuss such things, I don't see why it would be a problem. This decision has been pushed on you rather suddenly."
"What happens if we refuse all of them?" a girl asked.
My mouth started going before I could stop it. "The elders will choose for you, like they did with Ayla Ross."
That made a few girls suck in their breaths, but someone else said, "Maybe she had the right of it! She stabbed Mr. Saunders and was banished!"
"Ms. Lawton!" Rebekka hissed. "Such things should not be encouraged!"
So Ms. Lawton patted the air. "Rebekka is right. Banishment is not a solution to your problems. It is merely trading one obstacle for a worse one."
"Because if you're banished, you'll burn on the surface," another girl said in agreement.
"Or be taken by the wild men, which would be just as bad!"
"Would it?" a younger girl demanded. "Would it really be just as bad?"
My hands stilled in the water as they bickered, giving voice to all the same things I'd already thought. But that was the thing! A year ago, I would've been sure Ayla, Meri, and I were unique in our fears about marriage. I would've been positive that Ayla's books had corrupted us somehow, or that our friendship had been the reason for our unholy thoughts.
Instead, it seemed these girls were all thinking the same things, and fear had loosened their tongues. The inconsistencies were too obvious to ignore, but we all knew better than to say anything about them - in public. But from the way girls looked at others, always the same others, I was realizing the three of us weren't unique at all. We weren't the only ones hiding our friendships. We hadn't been the only ones afraid of marriage, or men, or getting caught.
But I was the only one who knew all the pieces.
Somehow, I kept my hands going while Grayse said, "So if we have to marry, then maybe we should at least share the men that are dangerous, and the ones who might seem unappealing but aren't?"
"Like Tobias Warren?" Rebekka sneered.
I looked over, finding her glaring at me. "I've accepted his proposal. We'll be married on the Day of the Seven Trumpets." Then I mumbled, "But I know Gideon Kobrick is charming before the marriage and cruel afterwards."
"He's on my list," a girl said from across the room. "I'd thought..." She leaned back to see me through the crowd. "Are you sure it's not because his wife was unfaithful?"
"He was cruel on their wedding night," I said. "She snuck out to tell me, explaining consummation and how he held her down."
That made girls gasp. Ms. Lawton made a warning noise, but she didn't chide me for what I'd said. Down from me, a pair of girls began whispering about the horrors of sexual interaction, and slowly a murmur began to take over.
"I say we stab them all and band together on the surface!" Magdalynn blurted out.
"Wouldn't work," I said.
Which made the conversation stop again. "Tell them," Ms. Lawton encouraged.
I glanced around, aware they were all watching me, so I gave up on my washing. "When a girl is banished, her hands are secured in manacles with a long chain between them. Then they're escorted to the surface by a pair of hunters. Those men chain them to a tree for the animals, dragons, or wild men to get. The chain is long, so it's too high to reach and release."
"Chained?" someone whimpered.
I nodded. "And if all of us attack our intendeds, do you really think the elders would allow an entire generation of girls to be discarded like that? They just decreased the marriage age! They need the children we will make, so why give us up so easily? Wouldn't they simply say it's shock, or because we're irrational - or that we might be possessed?"
"And my mother was in quarantine!" a girl said. "She had three children in there."
"Which means it's safer to find a man you can tolerate," Ms. Lawton said. "For some of you, this may be more challenging. "
"What do you mean?" Emalee asked nervously. "Because we're so young?"
"No." Ms. Lawton hummed as if choosing her words carefully. "Men may make it known they're interested in a girl. If that's the case, it could cause problems if another man courted her. If the man who's staked his claim is of high enough rank..." She lifted a brow and looked at all of us.
But Rebekka huffed. "And that's a man's choice!"
"And a woman should be aware of it," Ms. Lawton said gently. "It's of little use to choose carefully when the men have already made someone's choice, is it not?"
"But..." Rebekka huffed. "This is all just gossip, and you're encouraging it, Ms. Lawton! Mr. Cassidy made it clear that if we don't want to be like Ayla Ross, then we should be virtuous. We should hold our tongues and use our hands for the labor of our husbands. We will be rewarded for our piety!"
"You forget that men are only human," Ms. Lawton told her. "Like women, they also have flaws they must atone for. Sadly, that means his wife will often have to suffer with his decisions, even if she feels it is the wrong one."
"And a husband is our lord!" Rebekka snapped. "We should not be trying to manipulate men into obeying us. It's our place to obey them! That's how we get noticed. It's how we get a good husband!"
"Hey!" I snapped, angered by her tone - and stupidity.
She slashed her arm through the air. "No! I will not be silent. I did choose the man I wanted, but what good did that do me? You just wait, Callah. When the elders hear about this, and about how Ms. Lawton is corrupting us?" She whipped her attention back to our matron. "You'll be lucky if they don't throw you out like they did those girls!"
"Try it," I said, smacking my hand down on the metal basin. "Go ahead, Rebekka. You tell the elders about this. But will it be Mr. Saunders, Mr. White, Mr. Myers, Mr. Becker, Mr. Morgan, or Mr. Carter? Maybe you want to talk to Mr. Ross or Mr. Danburn? I'm not sure they'd understand much at their advanced age. Unless you're not brave enough to talk to the actual elders - on the council or retired - and simply tell Mr. Cassidy? And what exactly will you tell them?" I asked.
"That you're all gossips and Ms. Lawton is leading it. That she's why Ayla and Meri went bad!"
"Ah," I said, lifting my hand before Ms. Lawton could respond. "So, you're basically going to get everyone else in trouble. But you didn't think that through, did you? Because when they ask the rest of us, and we all say how this was a lesson on the facilities available for wives? How Ms. Lawton was explaining to us that we wouldn't necessarily get the man we set our eyes on because he has a choice as well? How we'll tell them that we discussed the things a young girl needs to know to increase her chances of a good husband - and how I announced I'd accepted Tobias's proposal and you completely lost your mind?"
"She wanted to marry him, you know," someone called out, letting everyone know why Rebekka was acting this way.
I nodded. "Oh, I do know that. And I know you're scared and desperate right now, Rebekka. We all are, but what you haven't yet realized is that we're stronger when we work together. When we protect each other, lift each other up, and do whatever is necessary to keep all of us safe!"
"Not," Ms. Lawton finally said, "when we tear each other down for men. I assure you ladies that the men will do that well enough on their own. We are the weaker sex."
"And to hurt your friends like that for men who wouldn't reward you anyway?" I added. "For men who might not even propose, even if you have Ms. Lawton banished to the surface or have all of us thrown into quarantine? For men, Rebekka, who would gladly put you there as well, saying they wouldn't want you as a wife because you've done nothing but prove you'll spread their mistakes and secrets. That you will destroy everyone else in order to lift yourself up."
"No, that's..." she tried.
"But here's what you're forgetting," I said, speaking over her. "If you have to pull everyone else down to do it, then you're not really rising, are you? You're just making everyone else as miserable as you are, which means they won't help you later when you need it." And I turned to glare around the room. "Don't you all see? We can't survive marriage on our own! We need each other, and that means we need to protect each other, help each other, and take risks for each other."
"But lying?" Emalee asked. "It's a sin!"
I nodded. "Yes, even lying if we have to. Because what is the bigger sin? Putting ourselves over our fellow Righteous, or manipulating fear and distress to lift ourselves up?"
"That's not what I'm doing!" Rebekka said.
"No," I assured her. "You're just following the rules. But they changed the rules on a whim. They can do that. Us? All women have the power to do is care for each other. So that's what we'll do. It doesn't matter if it's sharing which men are kind, which ones are violent, and which ones are cruel. That, ladies, is not gossip if it's a fact. They cannot silence us. Oh, they're trying, and they hope we'll become isolated and terrified once we're wed. They think they can break us, but this?" I stabbed my finger, pointing down at the basin before me. "This is a woman's space. This is our haven. That means that in here, we have our own rule - just one! Protect each other."
"Well said," Ms. Lawton mumbled softly. "And I think you girls just learned the most important lesson of womanhood: trust each other, because we are the only people we can rely on."