Chapter 88
Eighty-Eight
Ayla
I managed to get Zasen clean and into his room. Rymar helped a bit, carrying his bottle, so when Zasen sat on his bed, Rymar joined him. I was told there was a robe in the closet. While I put that on, they continued to drink, no longer caring about glasses. But when he offered me some, I waved it away.
The stuff was vile, but it wasn't that. I remembered the effects of alcohol, and the more they drank, the easier it was to get them to talk. Soon enough, Zasen shifted so he was lying stretched out instead of sitting. Propped up, he continued to drink. Beside him, Rymar focused on passing the bottle, but I kept the men telling stories.
Good stories. Happy memories. Right now, those were the things they needed. In a day, a week, or a month, these things would be what came into their minds when they heard his name. It would help - or at least I hoped it would.
What I didn't expect was for Rymar to recline beside Zasen. The men sat close, their shoulders touching, and somewhere along the way, both of their eyes closed. That was when I got up to remove the bottle from Rymar's hand. I set it on the table beside him. Then I nudged Zasen, convincing him to scoot down into a position that was more comfortable.
"Holly, guard," I ordered, patting the bed to get her to jump up and stay with them.
Right now, they needed her, and I would be okay. I was always okay. It was all I knew how to be, but while I'd gotten Zasen cleaned up, I couldn't say the same for myself. Making my way back to the bathroom, I finally got to wash my hair.
I held it together until I was clean, and then I simply leaned over my knees and gave in. The tears came so hard. Kanik. My dear, sweet Kanik. The man who'd taught me how to speak Vestrian! The one who'd been so patient with me. I could still remember the way he'd looked at me when I'd told him touching was improper!
But I also remembered the sweet way he'd smiled when he'd told me he liked me. I'd thought I'd have time to figure that out, but now he was gone! I'd never feel his hand on my ankle again. He wouldn't come out back to play with Holly anymore. His room upstairs would forever sit empty, a place I hadn't gained the courage to enter yet, but I'd wanted to.
Kanik. My mind jumped to his dark brown scales with all those black dots and freckles. The soft purple shade of his eyes, and the marks along the back of his neck. The way he'd taught me how to defend myself. The sound of his voice. The smell of him when he stepped out of a bath.
With no one looking, crying was easier. I didn't try to hold it back. I wanted to push it all out. To make the ache in my chest and throat go away. I wanted to purge myself of this pain without losing a single memory of him.
The Moles did this.
I knew that, but as I tilted my head back to gasp, struggling to catch a breath through the intensity of my mourning, my thoughts jumped back to the battle. I'd been hidden with Tobias and Sylis. Zasen had been out there too. It could be him next! I could be any of us. Jeera, Drozel, Omden, or Xav. Even me! And now they were going to eat him!
But that thought made everything stop.
The tears halted. My lungs remembered how to work. For a moment, I just sat there in the cooling water, breathing as I replayed the moment in the Mole camp. I'd stepped out of the tree, looked over the men I'd come to hate so fiercely, and I'd seen the carts.
I remembered greens, tans, and even reds. Some blue and grey. There had been browns in the pile of bodies, but none as dark as Kanik. No purple at all.
Surging out of the water, I yanked at the plug and hurried to grab a towel. Wrapping one around my body, I quickly rubbed the water from my hair, then put it back into a braid. I didn't bother with the clothes I'd left on the floor. Instead, I raced up the stairs and into my room.
Kanik hadn't been in the cart. They didn't have him, and we'd hidden the blue man. Maybe Kanik's body was still out there, covered with leaves? If it was, I had to get him. They couldn't have him. I wouldn't let them!
So I pulled on clean underthings, my darker set of leathers, and fresh socks. With those, I hurried back downstairs, doing my best not to make too much noise. I found my boots. Those and my belt went on. So did my krael, because it would be stupid to go out there without a weapon.
And I was going back.
They could not have him! Not alive, not dead, and certainly not as a meal. If I had to, I would follow them all the way back to the compound and get the fucking code myself. I would do this. I could...
I paused as I realized this was actually possible. But first, I needed a few things. Heading into the living room, I wrenched open the weapons closet. Our things hadn't been put away yet, but that didn't matter. There, at the back, was a cloth bag meant to be worn across the chest. It was Zasen's.
Pulling it out, I rummaged through the contents, finding all the necessary medical supplies, and some I didn't even know how to use. That made sense, though. He'd been trained in medicine. I hadn't, but while the bag would work so I could move easily, most of this wouldn't help me.
I was going to bring Kanik back, so I needed a way to do that. I'd pulled a bear through the forest, so I could do this. On the shelf were coils of rope. I grabbed two, then made my way to the linen closet. There, I pulled out a sheet. It was thicker, which meant it should hold up to being dragged across the ground.
All of that went into the bag. I almost removed the medical supplies, but the Moles were still out there. And if I had to follow them into the compound, I'd need these things. Besides, it wasn't that heavy to carry - and I was going to do this.
Kanik had been my friend, so I would not leave him for the Moles to eat. I may not have been able to mourn my mother, but I would get to do that with my friend. I would make sure his family had the chance to say their goodbyes, and maybe even something to help make this ache in my chest stop hurting so badly.
Once I finally had everything I thought I'd need, I peeked my head back into Zasen's room. Rymar had rolled onto his side. His arms were curled against his chest. Zasen was sprawled on his back, snoring softly, but Holly's head jumped up, her eyes right on me.
"Come," I whispered.
She hopped off the bed, barely moving it. Reaching down to pet her, I ran through my idea again, then turned for the door. That I opened as softly as I could, not wanting to disturb the men. My idea was stupid. I knew that, but I couldn't sleep, so I might as well do something to make this better.
Outside, the moon was high above, making everything brighter than I'd expected. Patting my hip, I called Holly to my side, and then turned my feet toward the forest. I had three hours to walk. Three very long hours, but even longer until dawn.
My dog trotted beside me, keeping pace obediently. I tried to remember which way we'd gone, but everything looked different at night. Not foreign, but changed enough by the darkness that I wasn't sure I could trust myself. But I knew someone I could.
"Holly," I said, "find Kanik. Show!"
She looked up at me, then back to the ground. For a moment, she wandered ahead, weaving from side to side while she sniffed at the ground. Just when I was sure this wouldn't work, her head snapped up and she started trotting.
She had his scent. It had only been a day since we'd been through here, and Lansin had said dogs could find people by the scent we left in our wake. Since my dog looked like she knew where she was going, I broke into a jog, wanting to get this over with.
She moved faster, leading me onward. Trees passed. The moon shifted across the sky. My eyes could pick out all the details I knew most Dragons couldn't see. My vision was no longer as sharp at night as it had once been, but I could still read in this. I could still find him!
"Find Kanik!" I ordered again, needing to say something.
Because we were supposed to be defeating the Moles. Tobias hadn't gotten me the code. Callah didn't want to leave yet. She thought she could destroy them from the inside. While I agreed, none of those things were what I wanted to hear. To lose Kanik on top of that?
The tears came again, blurring my vision as I chased after my dog, but moving helped. It made this anxiety feel like it was being used. How dare they take someone I cared about? I liked Kanik. I'd thought we would have more time!
I owed him for all the things he'd done for me. He'd been the one to try English. He'd said it wrong, but he'd been smart enough to realize I was looking at a book in that language. He was so kind, and gentle, and beautiful, and amazing. He couldn't be gone!
I cried myself out once, then caught my breath. Always, Holly continued leading me onward. A second time, the tears came, and I didn't try to stop them. They streamed down my face, staining my leathers. I was sure dirt was clinging to them, but I didn't care. Maybe the Moles would think I was a monster.
If they had him, I would destroy them all! Somehow. I didn't know how and couldn't think about that right now. I just knew I could move faster than them. Zasen made me jog through the woods when we hunted. I'd gotten so much stronger in the time I'd been here. I was no longer a weak and useless thing.
I was the Phoenix. I was the thing that rose from my own ashes. I would not let things continue on the way they'd been. No, I would do something about this. I was not the gentler sex. I was definitely not silent, submissive, or subservient. I was a monster from myths.
And I would burn it all down to get him back.
I knew he was gone. If he was alive, he'd have made it back, but that didn't matter. They might be able to kill him, but I refused to allow them to consume him. Kanik was a man. A person! If I had to go in there and drag his body before the entire compound, I would! I would show them all just how "righteous" they were!
"Find Kanik," I ordered Holly yet again. "Find him, girl, and if we can't..."
I did not want to think about this. I was supposed to help. I'd dreamed of fixing all of this, but going into the woods to meet them head-on had been my idea. That made all of this my fault. Kanik was a teacher! He helped children. He was supposed to worry about his lesson plans and grading - and I'd never even had the chance to truly understand what those were.
They'd taken him from me, so I would take him back. I would remember him. I would -
Holly suddenly turned, cutting off my thoughts. When she ran across a depression in the ground, I realized we'd made it to the battlefield. This was where we'd fought. The scars of overturned earth were hidden by the silvered light, but she had her nose to the ground again, making circles and laps between the trees .
"Find Kanik!" I begged.
Her tail wagged once, showing she'd heard me, but she kept moving. Around, then around another way, she chased his path. It took me too long to realize he'd been moving as he fought. Ducking, dodging, and likely killing Moles.
"Please?" I begged. "Please be able to follow him. I have to take him home."
Then she stopped. For a little too long, Holly sniffed at the ground. Once, she pawed at it. A little whine came out, but then she took off, loping away from where the Moles had camped.
"Holly!" I called, wondering what the hell she was doing.
She was supposed to be finding him. That should take us after the Moles, wouldn't it? After we'd left, they'd come to look for bodies, and they'd take those back in their stupid carts. But when she showed no signs of slowing, I took off after her.
"Holly!" I yelled again, not even caring if there was anything or anyone out here who might hear me.
My dog paused to sniff again, then changed direction slightly. This time, she didn't just lope. She ran, stretching her legs and forcing me to chase as fast as I could. Ten feet, twenty. She was losing me, but then she dove into a cluster of bushes and rocks.
It moved.
She barked.
And I heard the sweetest thing ever. "Holly?" The words were little more than a strained whisper.
"Kanik!" I screamed, knowing the sound of him anywhere.