Chapter 20
CHAPTER TWENTY
brIAR
I n the three days since our first date, things had fallen into a routine. One where we were so careful about what we were saying that we weren’t saying anything at all.
And yet, we were truly acting like a family. We hadn’t gone on another date, mostly because the press surrounded us, and it was hard for Gabriel and me to leave together. So he would go to the studio, working on his album with the band, and I would go to the other side of town and head to a friend’s house to work on my music, or just get out of the hotel life. Thankfully, Lark, one of Gabriel’s cousins-in-law, had a house out here that she shared with her husband, Everett. While they had offered for us to stay at their place, it was a little far from the main studio. I didn’t mind it though, because it gave me time to just get out of the limelight.
I was heading over there today, and I was excited to see Lark since she was in town, as well as Rory. I had gotten to know Rory decently well when I had been spending most of my time on the Wilder Retreat, but she was out here for work, having come for a book signing and a meeting with her publisher.
We wouldn’t meet for a few hours, though, and that meant I could have a lazy morning. Which was odd because I felt like I didn’t have enough of those. I had woken up early to feed and change Maisie, and now she was sleeping again, leaving me to my own devices. I lay in bed, the fluffy comforter so warm that I snuggled into it.
“You look far too comfortable right now,” Gabriel said as he walked back into the bedroom, a towel wrapped around his waist.
I swallowed hard as I watched a droplet of water roll down his chest and over his six-pack.
For a man who said that he needed to work out more to gain back the muscle he’d lost, he was still all muscle. Yes, he probably needed to gain a few more pounds back, but as I had licked nearly every inch of that body, I just liked him, no matter how he came.
“If you keep looking at me like that, you’re going to make me drop this towel.”
I licked my lips and let my gaze lower. His cock pressed against the towel, slightly peeking through, and I grinned.
“I’m pretty sure your dick has a mind of its own right now.”
He looked down at himself, and then slowly ran his gaze over my comforter-covered body.
“Well. It seems he does.” He checked his wrist that did not have a watch on it and beamed. “And it looks like we have a couple of hours just to ourselves. Oh no. What shall we do?”
He sounded far more lighthearted than I had ever heard him, and maybe it was because we were living in this bubble. I knew things would burst soon, but I didn’t care. Instead, I let the comforter fall, and his eyes went straight to my breasts.
“Are you really naked under there?”
“I’m wearing panties. I had to change my shirt, and realized I didn’t have one close. So I just got back in bed. It’s very comfortable under here. I think I need this set for my own house.”
“Whatever the brand is, we’ll get it for whatever house I buy. Because, dammit, I really need to pick a place to live.”
“Are you really going to find a place near your brothers?” I asked.
“Yeah. And probably a place out here, too. Us staying at hotels really isn’t conducive to raising Maisie, you know?”
“Yes, totally.” I couldn’t believe I was having this conversation topless, but it had to mean something. Right?
“I know I am saying important words and everything, but I can’t really think right now.”
A laugh burst from me as he tackled me onto the bed, and then his towel was off, and we were rolling around on the king-size bed.
“You’re ridiculous.”
“So says the woman that is just showing off her breasts to me. What did you expect me to do.” He cupped my breasts, pinching my nipples between his fingers.
I gasped, arching in his hold. “Gabriel.”
“You’re still so sensitive. You fed her and pumped, right?” he asked, his voice soft.
“Yes. But still be careful.”
We had had a milk incident the day prior, and while it hadn’t changed anything between us, it had startled us for sure. I was still getting used to this whole having sex with a man that I loved and who happened to be the father of my child thing. My life had surely taken a turn since the night I had finally given in, and I was just coming to terms with that.
I pushed those thoughts from my mind, knowing I wouldn’t be able to keep doing this soon. Instead, I leaned back into the down pillows as Gabriel explored my body with his mouth. I lazily ran my hands through his hair as he sucked on my neck, his hands so gentle on my breasts.
“I still can’t get over the way you feel below me,” he rumbled against my skin.
“So says the man who’s hovering above me,” I whispered.
“Oh yeah? You like what you see?”
I looked down between us, at the rock-hard erection pressing against my belly. “It’s okay.”
He growled and leaned forward to bite my lip.
“Ouch!”
“Be nice. Say you’re sorry.”
“I’m sorry,” I teased.
“Not to me, to him.” He pointed at his dick, and I snorted. “Don’t laugh at my dick. That wasn’t very nice.”
With a roll of my eyes, I wiggled beneath him and pushed at his hips, so he rolled on his back. “I’m very sorry, Gabriel Wilder’s Dick. Is there anything I do that can make it up to you?”
As I was kneeling between his legs, he slid his hands behind his head and wiggled his eyebrows. “There are a few things you can do.”
I gripped the base of his shaft, and he sucked in a breath, and I just kept going. He was so thick around the base that I couldn’t touch my middle finger to my thumb, so I used my other hand to pump him once, twice.
He groaned, as I leaned down to kiss his tattoo-covered thigh, and then his other. I shifted slightly, licking at the base of him, and then cupped his balls.
“You sure are taking your sweet time to apologize.”
“Shush, I’m busy.” And then I licked up his length, leaving soft kisses along the vein.
“Jesus Christ,” he growled, before arching his hips up.
I squeezed harder, knowing that he liked it like this, and relishing the fact that I did know that. That we had memories of each other. When he slid his hand over mine and pressed down softly, I looked up at him, mouth parting.
“Just like that. You know exactly what I like.”
I licked my lips, and then moved a bit higher.
His eyes rolled slightly as I sucked the tip of his cock into my mouth, letting my tongue slide at the top slit. The salty moisture at the end coated my tongue, and I gently lowered my head, taking more of him in. He groaned again; his hand sliding through my hair.
“That’s it. Just like that.”
I hummed against him, taking him deeper. He was far too big for me to swallow him whole, but as I gripped the base of his shaft with both hands, and relaxed my throat, I was able to cover all of him. The tip of his cock touched the back of my throat, and I swallowed.
“Holy hell.” He lifted his hips slightly, and he went a little bit further, gagging me. When he pulled back, his eyes widening, I lowered my head again, taking him deeper. “That’s it. That’s my Briar,” he growled, tightening his hand in my hair into a fist. And then I moved my head again, while he lifted his hips up and down. He fucked my face, that groan of his nearly too much. And when his balls tightened in my hand, and he tugged at my hair, I kept my mouth on him, knowing what would happen next.
“Briar!” he called out, and then he was coming down my throat. Hot and wet, I lapped every single morsel of him up. I licked up his shaft, and then blew cool breaths along him, as he breathed out harshly through his nose.
Before I could even say a word, though, he flipped me over and tore my panties off.
“Hey! I don’t have many of those.”
“I don’t care.”
And then he buried himself between my legs. I closed my eyes, rocking my hips up to his face as he spread my folds and sucked on my clit.
When he pierced me with two fingers, I nearly came off the bed, but he used his other arm to pin me down. And then he explored me, kissing my thighs, and every inch of me. He pressed his face closer to my pussy, one long lick and then two short ones, before adding a third finger and twisting.
I came then, my eyes closing as stars shattered beneath the lids. I couldn’t think, couldn’t breathe. It was all I could do not to fall into a puddle in his arms.
“You’re so fucking beautiful when you come.”
I opened my eyes lazily, trying to focus, and realized he was hard again. “How on earth?” I whispered, and he just grinned.
“You do things to me.” He moved us then, so he was on his back, and I slid over him. “That’s it, sit on me.”
“Next time I’ll sit on your face,” I teased, and his eyes darkened.
“I love it when you talk dirty.”
And then I sank down on him, his length stretching me in all the best ways. I pressed the palms of my hands to his shoulders as I leaned over him, riding him slowly. We usually went hard and fast, both of us needing each other, but in that moment, I took my time, building the pleasure up.
He leaned forward, taking my nipple into his mouth. When he tightened his hold, I moved even slower, rocking my hips against him. And then he laved attention on my other breast, before moving one hand to wrap around the back of my neck.
“Eyes on me, Briar. Eyes on me.”
And when I met his gaze, I almost said it. I almost told him everything. That I loved him. That I always had.
But before I could say anything, his mouth was on mine, and both of us were coming. Falling into each other as we dug our fingers into each other’s arms. Thoughts and function left my body, the ability to do anything but be in this moment gone. I just held him, not knowing what else to say.
By the time we cleaned up and fed Maisie again, Gabriel was running late for his meeting with the label. He pressed a quick kiss to my lips, and then kissed Maisie’s cheek before running out. He had security with him, as people called out his name downstairs. Women smiled at him, begging him to sign their skin or any part of them that they could give him.
Jealousy was an angry monster, and I wanted to tell them to stop. That he was mine. That we were both thinking about futures and homes and raising Maisie. I didn’t know what happened after this weekend. We were living one day at a time, but I needed more.
I finished getting ready and was grateful when Jeff said he’d drive me out to visit Lark and Rory. While I wanted to bring Maisie with me, after the press had found us the first night, I hadn’t traveled with my daughter yet. As soon as we got back to Texas, things would change. But for now, I felt like a terrible mom taking time away from my baby just to visit with my friends.
The multi-Grammy award-winning world-famous singer was hiding in the back of a restaurant, with Rory by her side. The two had become friends when Ava had married Wyatt. As Rory and Ava had known each other for years, it was nice to have more connections out there. Honestly, it was nice to have these women in my life to call them friends. I felt like I didn’t have enough of those.
“I’m so glad you’re here.” Lark hugged me tightly, and then Rory did the same.
“How was your signing?” I asked. “I’m sorry that I wasn’t able to come.”
Rory waved me off. “It was wonderful. The author did most of the work. I just drew.”
“Your illustrations are fantastic. I can’t wait to start reading them to Maisie when she’s older.”
“I’ll make sure she gets a signed copy.” Rory winked. “And I know why you couldn’t come. You guys are a hot ticket in the news right now. And the bookstore wouldn’t have been able to handle it all.”
“It’s why I couldn’t come too. But this restaurant is good at keeping my secrets. So we should be fine.”
“It’s always that ‘should’, isn’t it?” I asked, honestly a bit nervous.
“Yes, but there’s nothing we can do, really. Unless we hide on the Wilder compound forever. And while part of me wants to do that, I have to live my life.”
I smiled at Lark, and knew she was right. While I was nowhere close to being in that stratosphere, Gabriel was getting there. And frankly, whatever Gabriel touched also seemed to be out in the media. Wilder getting back together and finding their footing had just catapulted them into the stratosphere. They had already been on that route before losing Mal, before the accident. And now it just seemed to steamroll.
Everybody wanted a piece of him.
And I was one of them.
“I’m just glad we’re here.”
“Same. It’s hard to find people who get it.”
“And I’m neither one of you,” Rory said with a laugh. “So thank you for helping out the children’s book illustrator who really can’t afford these prices,” she said with a laugh.
My eyes bugged out of my head as I looked at the menu.
“Lark.”
“I know, I know. But it’s the price you pay in order to hide. There’re a lot more mom-and-pop shops outside of LA.”
“Okay, but if I’m going to eat a burger for this price, it better come with gold.”
“They do have gold foil on some of them,” Lark said, and Rory and I met gazes before bursting out laughing.
Rory and I shared a burger, without the gold, and a plate of onion rings. Lark went with this chicken wrap thing that we each took a bite of, and it was honestly a perfect lunch.
We didn’t talk about important things, but we did talk.
“Maisie’s getting so big,” Lark said. “And it really makes me want one of my own.”
“Oh really?” I asked.
“Yes. But East and I want to plan a bit more.”
“Well, I really didn’t plan this.”
Lark winced. “I’m sorry. I know you didn’t. But it’s all working out, right?”
My smile turned slightly brittle, and the woman noticed.
“Oh. I’m sorry. I just thought…” Lark’s voice trailed off as she shook her head.
“As someone with a complicated relationships of her own, you don’t need to talk about it if you don’t want to,” Rory said.
“I almost want to ask you what you mean by that, but since I don’t want to talk about mine, I won’t ask about yours.”
“Deal.” Rory held out her hand, and I shook it, both of us laughing.
“And now that I have eaten this entire wrap and some of my own foot, we should head out.”
“Yes, though I am sad that I didn’t get the gold foil,” I teased.
We packed up our things, and I continued to text Hilarie throughout the lunch. She had sent countless photos of Maisie, and while I knew that me taking an afternoon with the girls was good for me, I really wish I could have been able to take her.
However, without us having a home of our own, it was difficult to figure out how to keep Maisie safe and out of the press. We would get the hang of it, but for now, I was forced to leave my baby back in loving and safe arms at the hotel.
“Is Jeff waiting for you outside?” Rory asked, and I nodded.
“Yes, I texted him. Do you need a ride?”
“My team and I have her,” Lark said with a smile. “They know the drill.”
We headed through the back, but I nearly tripped over my feet as Lark cursed. “I’m sorry. This isn’t working out the way that I wanted.”
Cameras flashed as people shouted for Lark and me, and before I could figure out what to say, or what facial expression I could have, Jeff was there, leading me to the car. Thankfully Rory ran with Lark toward hers, but everybody crowded in, photographers knocking into me.
“Is it true that you and Gabriel are getting married?”
“How do you feel about the rumor that Gabriel’s actually in a relationship with his bandmates Rocky and Kiera?”
“Do you think it’s true that Kiera orchestrated the accident so she could take Mal’s place?”
“How would your dead brother feel about your love child with his best friend?”
“Is it true that you got pregnant on purpose so you could get close to Gabriel since Mal wouldn’t let you?”
My gaze shot up at that one, my mouth dropping as I looked at the woman who said it. She sneered, as more photos flashed.
Jeff nearly shoved me into the car, and then we were skidding out of the parking lot.
“I can’t…” I whispered, my hands shaking.
“Ignore them. It’s worse out front, and unless we were going to stay there for the next five hours, getting you out of there right now is the best. I don’t know what the hell that they’re doing there, but they loved the fact that you were with Lark.”
“What else are they saying?” I asked.
“Don’t look,” Jeff grumbled.
I did so anyway, scrolling through the feed on social media. “They think I’m using them for my own career? I don’t even work only with them. I don’t want to be a pop star. I don’t even know what I want.”
“It’ll die down. There’ll be a new story soon. Everybody’s just in a frenzy because of the anniversary. And Gabriel Wilder finally settling down.”
I shot Jeff a look. “He’s not settling down. We’re not even…I don’t want to talk about it.”
“I misspoke. Or frankly, overstepped. But I’ll get you back. Make sure you text Hilarie so they know we’re on our way.”
Heart in my throat, I did as he said.
Hilarie texted me back immediately and added a picture of Maisie in her arms.
Guilt swamped me because I was out here, having a girls’ lunch when my baby girl was back at the hotel. I should have stayed there. Hell, I should be back in Austin or even in Ashford Creek. Anywhere but here.
My chest tightened, and I tried to calm my breathing. The drive back to the hotel went quickly, and I had a feeling Jeff sped to get us there. He got us through the back gates so nobody noticed we were in, and then I practically ran through the hotel to get to my room.
“Here’s Mommy,” Hilarie said as she handed over Maisie.
“Thank you so much.”
“It’s no problem. I saw the news. Those assholes.” She winced. “I should probably not curse in front of her.”
“I think Gabriel and I do it more. But thank you.”
“I’m going to give you guys some space. I wrote out everything that we did so you know where we’re at on the schedule. But everything’s going to be okay.” Hilarie squeezed my arm, and I took in her strength since I clearly didn’t have it.
“Thank you, Hilarie.”
“I’m glad you took time for yourself. You never do.”
“And look how well that turned out.”
“Ignore them. They don’t matter. Only you, Gabriel, and this baby do.”
Hilarie left then, and I just rocked Maisie, who babbled in my arms. She was getting so big, and yet, everything felt as if it was going far too fast around me.
A man with broad shoulders walked into the adjoining living room of our suite, and I whirled to see Brooks standing there. His eyes widened as I nearly fell, and he ran toward me. “Are you okay?”
“What are you doing here?” I asked, confused that Gabriel’s brother would be here.
“I’m here to see the next show. Not all the Wilders can get out often to see him. And we wanted to make sure you guys weren’t alone.”
“You saw the news then?”
He winced. “Some of it. They’re way out of line.”
I continued to rock Maisie, frustrated.
“Do you want me to hold her? That way you can continue your pacing?”
I scowled at him but handed over his niece. My child gripped at Brooks’s shirt and looked happy as could be.
She really was a Wilder girl.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
My hands were shaking, and I knew this wasn’t a good time. “No. Because I need to talk about this with Gabriel, but God forbid he ever lets me.”
His eyes widened, but I didn’t stop.
“And no, to answer your question before, I’m not okay. I don’t know what any of this means. I fell into this. And it’s not like he and I talk. I don’t even know who he is anymore. And that’s so idiotic to say because I’m sleeping with him, and I’m raising Maisie with him. I’m here for him. And yet all I do is go from one thing to another without thinking. Because I want to be with him, and I’m not letting myself even feel that. So part of me feels like I’m not here. And now I’m lashing out at you, even though I should be talking to Gabriel.”
“Yes, I guess you should.”
I turned and the floor nearly fell out from beneath my feet. Gabriel stood there, his long hair pushed back from his face, and his eyes vacant.
“I didn’t know you were here.”
“Clearly.”
Brooks looked between us and cleared his throat. “I’m going to go take Maisie with me.”
Throat dry, I looked over at Gabriel’s brother. “Hilarie is in the next room if you want to see her.”
Brooks gave me a look, and I thought I saw pity there, before he walked out with my daughter.
I stood there, staring at Gabe, and while tears threatened, I wouldn’t let them fall.
“So, I guess we should talk?” he asked, and I raised my chin.
“I’ve been trying to talk for weeks. So yes. Please. Just say something. Please .”
And I stood there, waiting for him to say something, knowing I needed to do it first. Because this was the moment I had dreaded. The moment I would have to walk away if I wasn’t strong enough.
But one of us had to take the next step.