Chapter 12 Chasing Ghosts

Lincoln

I yank the chord from my gaming controller, ripping it from the PlayStation before standing and stretching my arms over my head.

I am working myself to the bone, an influx of new contracts coming through. If I’m not at the office, I take it home with me, but there still aren’t enough hours in the day to catch up.

Joel’s incessant whinging to ‘shoot to kill’ blasts through my bluetooth headphones, making me toss them on the couch beside me. My phone flashes twice with two consecutive text messages. It can’t be anyone but Dad, Jas or the least desirable option, Billie, who I didn’t miss giving me a quick, flirty smile filled with hope and promise when I left work today.

The preview shows that Dad has double-texted, but before I can see what they say, it vibrates in my hand. An unknown number lights up the display. As an architect, it isn’t unusual for random numbers to call me, but the timing of the call is off. It’s either a telemarketer or a client fretting over their design. I pick up the call because there’s nothing better to do tonight.

‘Hello, this is Lincoln.’ I sit on the lounge, leaning back and crossing my legs at the ankle as I wait for the anonymous caller to speak up.

There’s a slight delay before a gentle, husky voice comes through the line. A voice that jump-starts my cold, dead heart again. Hart.

‘Lincoln? It’s me.’ Another heavy pause. ‘Amity.’

I shift in my seat, my back stiff as a board against the back cushion, my pulse kicking up to Grand Prix speeds.

My Hart.

I need to contain my breathing as a slew of emotions slice through me.

‘Amity,’ I croak, clearing my throat before trying again. ‘Hi. Hey, Amity.’ I feel like an idiot. I just lamely greeted her twice. Over six years, and this is the line I go with? ‘This is…unexpected.’

Is it, though? I mean, she’s back. I assume we’ll bump into each other or speak eventually.

‘Yeah.’ She stops at that.

Silence.

More silence.

Fuck, this is awkward.

I’ve always imagined that when I spoke with her again, my head would be less foggy. I’d be suave, charming and have an apology. I’d be ready to grovel, to start over. I’d make her laugh, remind her of our lives together, and she’d go weak at the knees again.

I didn’t imagine we’d have this stilted conversation that is akin to a dentist pulling teeth out without anaesthetic.

‘How have you been?’ I grip the phone tightly, feeling it almost slip out of my hands like a bar of soap.

‘Weary, but happy to be home.’ She sounds dreamy, as if she’s smiling on the other end. I can see it so clearly in my mind, and a pang of longing needles my skin.

‘Good.’ One word. One syllable. One simple, four-letter word. That’s all I can come up with.

‘So…your dad gave me your number. I know this is out of the blue.’

Understatement of the year.

‘As you know, he’s celebrating his birthday tomorrow…’ Her voice trails off.

‘Yeah. He told me he was planning to invite you. He’s over the moon you’re home. I don’t mind if you’re there. I’d love you to come.’ I’m a babbling baboon whose head is now in the gutter. I’d love for her to come, and I didn't mean it platonically. ‘I mean, if you want to, you should be there. If you don’t have other plans. If you want.’ I need to shut up.

‘Well, that’s why I called,’ she sighs. I’m unsure if she’s annoyed or tired. ‘I would like to be there.’

I’m sure she can hear the thumping of the rhythm of my heart. ‘It will be great to see you.’ I hope she hears the genuine inflection in my voice, despite the tension. I’ve missed her.

‘Okay.’

I don’t miss how she didn’t return the sentiment.

‘So,’ she continues, ‘I just wanted to call so our first proper conversation isn’t in front of everyone we know.’

Makes sense. I mean, I can already tell tomorrow is going to be a shitshow, with nosey parkers eagerly observing our every movement around each other.

‘I finally got to hug Uncle Jacob and Jas today. I really missed them.’ Guilt stabs me. If it wasn’t for me, she would have gotten the chance to see Jas grow up. They both love her so much, and I ruined their connections all these years.

‘Amity—’ She doesn’t let me finish my thought.

‘I am willing to put the past behind us, but that doesn’t mean we are ever going to be anything more than cordial. We’re not friends.’

My heart sinks at her words. ‘I wasn’t expecting us to be,’ I sulk dejectedly.

‘I just want us to coexist. Be in the same room without throwing daggers at each other. I’m sticking around for a while. I’ll be at the office more and hanging out with Jas. We are bound to see each other.’

‘I get it.’

‘I know you’ve stayed away since senior year.’ She draws a breath. ‘But one of us needed to break the ice.’

‘I didn’t think you wanted to speak to me,’ I interrupt.

‘I didn’t. You’re right.’ It’s delivered so bluntly, I’m taken aback. ‘But it’s been years, and I am a big part of your dad and Jas’ lives, whether you accept that or not. I don’t want them to tiptoe around me anymore when you come up.’

I swallow the golf ball lump in my throat. ‘I don’t either.’ I’m rendered to a few words, unable to pour my heart out like I want to.

‘So…’ she says tentatively. ‘I will see you tomorrow. Please respect my space, but be civil with me.’ She lays down the firm law.

‘I hear you, Amity. I’ll see you tomorrow, yeah?’ There’s no wriggle room with her, so I give up without even trying.

‘Great.’

Silence follows after she hangs up, not even giving me a chance to say goodbye. I stare at my home screen, unbelieving of the fact that I just had my first conversation with Amity in years.

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