Chapter Nine
Harley
I wish yesterday had been Friday.
At least then I wouldn’t have to face getting up and going to work, having barely slept. As it is, I have no choice, and I throw back the covers, using every ounce of willpower to sit up on the edge of the bed.
That was a terrible night… one of the worst.
I spent a lot of it thinking about what could have happened with Kaiden. Of course, I realize that was silly of me. After all, there’s no point in worrying about something that hasn’t happened. But I couldn’t help it. If it hadn’t been for Pierce, I honestly don’t know what I would have done, and it felt like I’d come too close to finding out.
Thinking of Pierce led to me reliving that scene outside the house. In many ways, that ought to have been like a dream come true. He spent most of it with his arm around me, holding me close to him. It’s all a bit of a daze, but I think I even leaned my head on his shoulder at one point, desperate to feel safe after everything that had happened… or nearly happened. But the problem is, he didn’t mean it in the way I wanted. He was just being kind, because he knew how upset I was. I can see that now, not just in his actions, but in his words. He may have said I was worth waiting for, but he wasn’t talking about us, was he? I thought he might have been to start with, but then I remembered… there is no us. He’s with Monica now. She’s ‘the one’. And no matter how much I want things to be different, they’re not. We’re friends, and that’s it. That’s all he wants from me.
After he rode away, I came inside, and almost immediately, I wished I’d taken him up on his offer to stay. He meant it as a friend, not a lover, though… which was why I declined. I wanted more, and I also wanted to prove to myself that I’m strong enough to do this without him. After all, there’s no way Pierce would want to stay with me all the time, and that means I have to cope. Except the house has been making noises all night. They’re noises it probably makes every other night. But last night I noticed every creak and rattle, and they all made me jump out of my skin, even though I knew the place was completely secure.
Did I think about calling him and asking him to come back? Of course. But I didn’t do it, because I have to stand on my own two feet… not rely on someone who’s got a life of his own.
Which is why I need to get up and get on with my day.
My head feels a little light as I stand, but I take a breath and make my way to the bathroom, holding on to the wall while I shower. This is only lack of sleep… I know that. But I still feel dreadful, and don’t take too long, stepping out and wrapping myself in a towel before I head back to the bedroom, sitting on the edge of the mattress, while I contemplate what to wear. Jeans aren’t an option, unfortunately, but I can get away with a pair of gray pants and a white blouse. No-one can object to that, and once I’ve decided, I braid my hair, because I’m too tired to dry it.
Getting dressed seems to take much longer than usual, but I manage it eventually, and slip on some flat shoes. The thought of wearing heels today is just too much for me.
Coffee feels like a good idea, and I make my way downstairs, fixing a cup, and sitting at the island unit to drink it. My stomach is a little uneasy, so I skip breakfast, reasoning that I can go to the coffee shop a little later if my appetite returns. In any case, I’m running out of time, having done everything so slowly, and I finish my coffee before grabbing my keys and purse, and heading out the door.
I feel like an automaton, grateful the car seems to know the way from here to Hart’s Creek, and the roads are fairly empty today. Parking in my usual spot, though, I wish Pierce was here, like he was the other morning. I could use a hug… even if it is just from a friend.
There’s no sign of him, though. Why would there be?
Like I said, he’s got a life of his own, and I swallow down the lump in my throat that I’m not a part of that life, and lock my car, going into the office.
“There you are.”
I look up and see Doctor Singleton standing by my desk. He’s wearing his usual dark brown suit, although I can’t fail to notice that his tie is crooked, and his top button is undone, which is most unlike him. “I’m not late, am I?”
“No,” he says, glaring at me over the top of his metal rimmed reading glasses. “But I’ve been searching on the computer system for Mrs. Bradshaw’s notes, and they’re not there.”
“Mrs. Bradshaw’s?” I query, going around behind my desk and putting my purse away in the bottom drawer.
“Yes,” he snaps impatiently, raising his glasses and balancing them on his head. They disappear into his steel gray hair, but that’ll be a problem for later, when he can’t find them.
“Do you mean Laurel?” I ask.
“Of course I do. Although I think it would be more appropriate for you to refer to our patients by their last names, don’t you?”
“I suppose, but I thought she was Doctor Dodds’s patient.”
“She is, but he’s gone out to visit Miss Anderson. She had a fall and is refusing to go to hospital. The paramedics thought Doctor Dodds might be able to persuade her.” He shakes his head. “Naturally, he didn’t bring his car, so he’s had to walk. Heaven knows how long he’ll be.”
I have a vague memory of an elderly lady who’s been here a couple of times, and nod my head. “I see.”
“So?” he says, tapping his foot impatiently as I turn on my computer.
“I’m sure the notes are there, and up to date,” I say, sitting at my desk.
“I’m sure they’re not.”
He comes around behind me, looking over my shoulder as I click on the notes, going to the letter ‘H’.
“What are you doing?” he says. I glance up to see he’s pulled his reading glasses back down again, and is peering through them.
“I’m looking for Mrs. Hanson’s notes.”
“Mrs. Hanson?”
“Yes. Laurel Bradshaw married Brady Hanson back in December. She’s been Laurel Hanson ever since, and her notes have been re-filed under that name.”
He falls silent for a second and then says, “How was I supposed to know?”
Frankly, I would have thought it was obvious, but I don’t say anything, and he storms into his office, closing the door behind him just as the phone rings. I answer it straight away, still feeling flustered.
“Is that Doctor Dodds’s office?” The female voice sounds nervous.
“Yes. How can I help?”
“This is Diana Leyton. I—I wondered if it was possible to make an appointment to see him.”
“He’s got a couple of openings on Monday, I think,” I say, tapping on the keyboard.
“Monday? He hasn’t got anything this afternoon?”
At that moment, the door opens, and Doctor Dodds comes in.
“Can you give me a moment?” I say into the phone, and put the call on hold, looking up at the doctor, who frowns at me. “I’ve got Mrs. Leyton on the phone,” I say. “She wants to come and see you this afternoon.”
“Have I got any free time?”
“No.”
He sighs and says, “Fit her in at the end of the day.”
“Okay.” I go back to the call and offer the appointment to Mrs. Leyton, who’s very grateful. Once I’ve hung up, I look back at Doctor Dodds, who’s still standing by my desk.
“At least she’s coming in,” he says, sounding relieved.
“Yes. Although I wasn’t expecting to see you yet.”
“You weren’t?”
“No. Doctor Singleton told me you’d gone to see Miss Anderson… and was bemoaning the fact that you hadn’t got your car.”
He frowns. “My car? Why would I need my car? Miss Anderson only lives just down the street.” He points over his shoulder, although it’s not clear exactly where he’s aiming. “Even if I had my car here, I’d still have walked,” he says, rolling his eyes.
“I see. And how’s Miss Anderson?” I ask.
“Cranky as ever.”
“Did you persuade her to go to the hospital?”
“I did. Eventually.” He tips his head to one side. “Are you okay?”
I look up at him, and without any warning, my eyes fill with tears. I do my best to blink them back, but with no success, and a lone tear falls onto my cheek.
“Hey…” Doctor Dodds comes around to my side of the desk and pulls back my chair. “Come into my office.”
I want to say no. I want to tell him I’m fine… but it’s clear to both of us I’m not, and I get up and follow him into his room, waiting for him to close the door behind us.
“Take a seat,” he says, dumping his jacket over the back of his chair before he sits, resting his elbows on his knees. “What’s happened?”
“It’s nothing.”
He shakes his head. “It’s not nothing. You’ve been here for a year now, and I’ve never known you to get upset at work. Not like this.”
“No. I’m sorry.”
“There’s nothing to apologize for, but if it’s something to do with your job…”
He lets his voice fade, and although I’ve got more than one reason for crying, I feel I have to say something…
“Doctor Singleton was a bit… cranky this morning,” I say, using his word. It feels appropriate, and I watch as Doctor Dodds lets his head fall into his upturned hands.
“What did he do this time?” he asks.
“He bit my head off when I got here, partly because you didn’t have your car, even though it seems there was no need for it, but mostly because he couldn’t find Laurel Hanson’s notes on the computer.”
“Why was he looking for them?”
“I don’t know. He didn’t tell me.”
He twists in his seat, tapping on his keyboard a few times. The computer screen changes, and although I can’t read what it says, I recognize the layout as a patient’s file. Presumably it’s Laurel Hanson’s and I wait until Doctor Dodds has finished reading.
“Laurel’s latest blood tests have come back in,” he says. “Not that there’s anything to worry about. They’re all completely normal, so I don’t know why Doctor Singleton needed to check them.”
I don’t know why he needed to look at them at all. I usually handle anything to do with test results, and Laurel is Doctor Dodds’s patient, so it’s got nothing to do with Doctor Singleton.
“Why couldn’t he find the notes?” Doctor Dodds asks, focusing on me again.
“Because he was looking for them under the name of Bradshaw. He’d obviously forgotten about her marriage, and her change of name.”
He lets out a sigh, rubbing his finger and thumb across the tops of his eyes. “He’s getting worse, isn’t he?” I don’t feel as though I can answer that, so I sit in silence until he says, “I’m gonna have to speak to him. We can’t carry on like this.”
I shrug my shoulders. “He seems to get in more of a muddle than he did when I first started.”
“Yeah.” He nods his head, leaning back. “Don’t worry. I’ll deal with it.”
“Thank you.”
“Was there… Was there anything else?” The tears well in my eyes again, and although I’m more successful in blinking them back, Doctor Dodds clearly notices and leans forward again. “What is it, Harley?”
“It’s just… there was this guy I was seeing.”
He nods his head. “Do you want to talk about it?” I can sense he’d rather I didn’t, given the subject matter, and to be honest, he’s the last person I’d share my confidences with. He might be a doctor, but he’s not my doctor, and I work for him.
“Not really,” I say. “It’s over now.”
“And is that good or bad?”
“Good. Very good. He wasn’t a nice man.”
He frowns. “Did he hurt you?” he asks.
“No, but I think he might have done if my friend hadn’t come to the rescue.”
“I see,” he says, sitting up straight and looking a lot more like a doctor than he’s ever done in my presence. “He definitely didn’t do anything? Anything you didn’t want, or…”
“No.”
He tips his head slightly. “So, there’s nothing you wanna speak to me about professionally? I may not be your doctor, but if this guy did anything… or if you want me to call Brady Hanson, so you can talk to him…?” He lets his voice fade and I shake my head.
“There’s nothing to tell… not really.”
“In that case, it’s probably best to put it behind you,” he says.
“Yes, it is.” I say, getting to my feet. “Thanks for listening.”
“That’s okay,” he says with a smile. “And if you have any more problems with Doctor Singleton, let me know.”
“I will.”
I head back to my desk, wishing I could have had a more leisurely beginning to my day, but consoling myself that at least it’s Friday, and I’ve got a weekend of doing nothing to look forward to.
I went all out today and had a grilled cheese and ham sandwich for lunch. It was just what I needed, and although it sounds odd, I feel more awake after having eaten it.
The afternoon’s appointments are about to start, although no-one has arrived yet, which is just as well because Doctor Singleton hasn’t come back from lunch. He should have done by now, but there’s no sign of him, and I can’t decide whether to tell Doctor Dodds, or just hope for the best. I guess all the while none of his patients are here, I can just leave it, but…
The door opens and I look up, expecting Doctor Singleton to come hurrying through the door, my breath catching in my throat, when Pierce walks in instead. It’s warm outside, and he hasn’t bothered with a jacket, and is just wearing dark jeans and a pale gray t-shirt. He smiles at me as he closes the door and wanders to my desk, standing on the other side.
I smile back, relieved that at least we’re friends again. I might love him, and want so much more than he’s willing to offer, but I know that will never be. And when all is said and done, friendship is better than nothing. Isn’t it?
“Shouldn’t you be at the store?” I say as he continues to stare.
“Everyone’s entitled to a lunch break.” He rests his hands on the edge of my desk, leaning over as he speaks.
“Sorry.”
He shakes his head. “Don’t apologize. I was kidding.”
“Oh. Did you want anything?”
“Yes. First, I wanted to make sure you’re okay. I would have come down this morning, but I’ve been really busy.”
“I’m sure Mom and Dad will be pleased about that… and I’m fine, thanks.” He doesn’t need to know I burst into tears in front of my boss. I feel like I’ve embarrassed myself enough already.
“That’s good,” he says.
“Was there anything else?”
“Yes.”
He stands up straight, walking around to my side of the desk and perching on the edge. “I need your advice.”
“You do? What about?”
“The same thing I always need your advice about,” he says, pausing and staring down at me.
“A woman?” I say, my heart sinking as he nods his head. How can this be happening again? And again… and a— “Wait a minute. Is this Monica we’re talking about?”
“No.” He shrugs his shoulders. “I was wrong about her. She wasn’t ‘the one’ after all.”
I ought to feel relieved by that, and ordinarily, I would. But he’s come here to ask me about someone else, and to be honest, I’ve had enough.
“I can’t talk now, Pierce. I’m working.”
“I know you are, and if I thought this could wait, I wouldn’t be here. But the thing is, it really can’t.”
“Why not?”
“Because she’s it, Harley.”
“You said that about Monica, if I remember correctly.”
“I know, but like I said, I was wrong about her.”
“And this woman?”
He sighs, a dreamy expression crossing his face. “She’s… She’s everything I’ve ever wanted. She’s the woman of my dreams.”
“Really?” I do my best not to sound like I’d rather be anywhere else than here, although I don’t think I succeed, and he leans a little closer.
“Yeah. Really. There’s never gonna be anyone for me but her.”
“You don’t think you’re over-reacting? After all, you only started seeing Monica on Saturday, and here we are less than a week later, and you’ve met the one and only woman for you?”
“Exactly,” he says. “That’s exactly what she is. The one and only. I’ve never felt this way before… about anyone.” He stops talking, tips his head and says, “I want forever with this woman, Harley. I want the rest of my life… and hers.”
I wonder if he knows how much this hurts. Although he can’t, can he? He doesn’t realize how much I’ve longed to hear him say words like this about me… how much I want to be his one and only.
“If you’re so sure about her, why do you need me?” I ask, my voice sounding stronger and more normal than I would have expected.
“Because I’ve screwed up.”
I shake my head, looking up into his perfect face, and trying not to sigh out my regret. “Are you telling me you’re not even dating this woman yet, and you’ve already screwed up?”
“Yeah. I’ve screwed up so badly, I’m not sure she’ll even look at me, let alone talk to me. As for a date, or the thought of forever…” His voice fades and he shakes his head, the picture of remorse.
Part of me wants to ask what he did, but I’m a little scared about the answer, so I say, “Maybe you’ll just have to accept the situation.”
“And live without her? Are you kidding?”
“No.”
“But I don’t think I can.”
“Honestly, Pierce. Don’t you think you’re being a little melodramatic?”
“Not in the slightest.”
“But how can you say all that about someone you don’t even know yet?”
“Because I do know her,” he says, surprising me. “I’ve known her for ages.”
“I’m sorry?” I sit up straight, staring him right in the eye. “You’ve dated so many women over the years. Are you telling me you’ve had this woman in the background all along?”
“No. Not in the way you mean. She’s been there… yes, but I’ve never thought of her romantically until… well, until this week, actually.”
My heart sinks even further. There’s no escaping the sparkle in his eyes as he talks about this woman, and while he’s been enthusiastic before, when talking about the women he’s planning to see, he’s never been like this. What makes it so much worse is, he already knows her. There won’t be the usual pitfalls of him discovering she’s not what he thought, or that he’s made some mistake about her. This won’t be a passing fling. It’ll be so much more than that, and although I’ve been telling myself that friendship is okay, and it’s better than nothing, I can’t help feeling disappointed. It’s a feeling I’m more than used to when it comes to Pierce, but this time it matters… more than ever. The thing is, I don’t matter to him, not in the same way, and now what I really need is for him to go.
“If you truly wanna be with her, then make the effort,” I say, desperate for him to leave.
“How?”
“Send her flowers, say sorry, be romantic.” Just stop asking me questions like this.
“What kind of flowers?” he says.
“I don’t know. Red roses, I guess. Isn’t that what men usually send?”
“Do they?”
“How would I know? No-one’s ever sent me flowers.” I stand up, which seems to surprise him, and he gets to his feet, looking down at me. “I don’t know what else to say, but if you want her that much, do whatever you have to. Okay?”
“Okay.”
And then will you leave me alone? I wish I had the heart to say that out loud. But I don’t.
Which I guess means I’ll have to keep hearing about ‘her’ and how perfect she is. That’s a horrible thought, but what choice do I have? I can’t cut him out of my life, can I? He’s my brother’s best friend. He works for my parents… and I love him. Even if he’ll never love me.
“Is that it?” I say, remembering to speak.
“Yes… thanks, Harley.”
With that, he steps away, walking around the other side of my desk and straight out the door. I watch it close behind him, tears filling my eyes yet again, because he’s clearly serious this time. He wouldn’t have said all of that if he wasn’t. The thought of him settling down with another woman makes me sick to my stomach, and I regret that grilled cheese and ham sandwich now, raising my hand to my mouth just as Doctor Singleton comes through the door.
“Don’t just stand there,” he says. “Come into my office. My first patient is due any minute, and I’m nowhere near ready.”
I’m not sure why that’s my fault, but I follow him anyway, relieved to have something to take my mind off of how sick I feel, and the thought of Pierce and the woman of his dreams… whoever she might be.