February 10, 2025
february 10, 2025
Jake,
My heart and my head are doing very different things in this moment, and I’m not sure which one to listen to.
My head says no. I’m scared, Jake. I’m scared to open myself up. Worse, I’m scared of opening myself to someone who I already love very much.
In my years of moving around, going to California for college and now to a new town in Massachusetts, I’ve learned that there are certain people you cross paths with who mattered profoundly in a certain season but aren’t meant to live out the rest with you. I’ve come to terms with those soft goodbyes, not hearing from people again and trying to be okay with that.
Then there are the people who stick with you, who are in your life no matter what. We might have not talked in six years, but Jake, I’ve always put you in that category. You are one of my people. You have always listened, sometimes with this deep intensity that really made me feel heard. You laughed at all of my jokes, smiled and cheered me on through my achievements. Do you remember senior night? When I received that musical achievement award out of the blue? Your cheer was the loudest in the auditorium. I still think about that.
I’m scared that if I say yes, that I will lose this. I don’t want to lose you, Jake.
But…my heart does want to say yes. I can’t stop feeling the way I’m feeling. I have spent so much time thinking about the boy I used to know, and puzzling him together with the man I’m getting to know. The man in this picture who has grown to be so undeniably handsome. I feel myself falling, and I’m frightened wondering if it would ruin everything.
Jake, what if it ruins everything? What would we do?
Shelly