3
Jaxon
Inez was a mess after what happened with her mother and brother.
Understandably a mess. Honestly, I was impressed that she was still standing. I had messed up and almost ruined our marriage a few times because of way less and just being stupid.
And it was time to commit to fixing that instead of simply waiting for her to stop being so upset… Because she was becoming indifferent. She didn’t seem to even care if I was around her or in the room.
My blood didn’t set her on fire anymore. That realization was like a kick to the nuts. I’d tried to comfort her that it was understandable with everything she was going through and she got annoyed. I didn’t understand that until Kristof said I needed to stop placating her and ask what was going on with her.
Yeah, but I didn’t like the answers normally.
I didn’t this time either. She snapped that my blood hadn’t made her feel fire for weeks before her mother and brother showed up so not to use her latest crazy against her and make her feel fragile. It was abusive and made her seem weak to others.
“I hadn’t meant to do that,” I told my dad and Jamelle when they found me. “I would never undermine her or—I don’t deserve her. I should let her go.”
Jamelle and Dad were very careful not to parent the kids that weren’t biologically theirs, so it shocked me when he lifted me up and threw me into a wall. “You made a vow to love and protect her. I never knew you were so weak that you would give up when it was too hard. Fucking suck it up and fight for her, Jaxon. You don’t deserve her and—”
“You haven’t been here for all of the constant spiraling,” Dad cut in and patted Jamelle’s arm. “You’re not wrong. But we didn’t walk in his shoes. They’re all so young and did this without a safety net. They’re all traumatized and drowning. You’ve felt the constant panic and fear here.”
Jamelle sighed and dropped me. “Yeah, it’s…” He let out a harsh breath and gave me a disappointed look. “You’re not this man, Jaxon. What the fuck happened to you? Now I understand why Nora was so devastated.”
“That’s not helping and makes him spiral more,” Sebastian muttered. “I did the same and he did try and it epically backfired. A few times.”
“Fucking idiot,” Jamelle sighed. “Fine, so you don’t want to give him the answers, but he can’t be trusted to handle it alone with how traumatized and underwater he is. Is that what you’re saying?”
“Yes.” Da sounded unsure and it hurt that he didn’t have faith in me.
Though it was fair at this point.
“She likes seeing new things,” I whispered. “I want to give her new things that make her smile. That’s what I tried with the notes. I wasn’t thinking big picture about her being stalked and—she doesn’t get enough happy.” An idea hit me. “A hot air balloon ride. She loves seeing the bigger picture, and it would give her fun and a chance to see it all.”
Dad and Jamelle shared a look and my heart fell, but Dad grabbed my arm. “It’s not a bad idea. I think you’re on the right track, but you’re so desperate you grab onto anything and race off. Be smarter than that.”
I bobbed my head, but all I felt was panic.
“I see where your head was now with him,” Jamelle muttered. “You know your mate, Jaxon. Walk us through it. Walk through the potential issues. Nora isn’t a fan of heights. That’s where my head would go first.”
I snorted. “That wouldn’t bother Inez. She’s an adrenaline junky and loves the… The helicopter. That’s better.” I met Dad’s gaze. “We could learn to fly the helicopter together. I want to anyway, so—we should all be ready for different emergencies. She loved riding in it, and—the chemistry guys figured out how to add more of whatever to update the fuel.”
I didn’t understand it all, but fuel expired just like everything else. We weren’t at the point of getting refineries back online, but the people who understood all of that rigged something makeshift to start. And now it was better.
Still, we had to be careful and use it sparingly.
“Good, yes, that would be better for your lass,” Dad agreed, patting my shoulder. “Suggest a Monday/Thursday lunch and lesson so you’re both feeling better prepared with all of this uncertainty and getting back on the same page. Love it.”
“It’s unorthodox but so are the times we live,” Jamelle muttered. “But you said she likes the big picture. I would suggest you learn how to also fly drones and work—”
“Don’t give him more jobs,” Dad cut in. “He drowned under the responsibility and has been doing great in his role now that they have more help.” He waited until Jamelle nodded. “Though I do agree that it’s a smart idea. Talk to Inez about incorporating it into the security. The humans can do that without our strength and speed.”
Jamelle snorted. “It would be a huge help in mapping all of the animals and populations your princess wanted.”
I nodded, feeling a bit bad when he looked tired, but well… We all were.
Hell, we’d had vampires who could work with water collapsing left and right a few weeks ago when there were forest fires and we sent them to handle it. This world couldn’t burn anymore and not have harsh consequences.
I thanked them and went to find Inez, hopeful to have an idea and something to focus on instead of the panic that I had lost my wife. I knew we had the seed sorting and getting the greenhouse floor of her tower up and going date, but I wanted more and to show her that I cared.
More than cared and was still all in no matter how badly I’d messed up and said too much that was hurtful.
I found her receiving the last of the updates about how things were going after she took over another three covens. That hadn’t even been a week ago and she looked older even if she was perfect and flawless.
At least things were going well. Joi was amazing and had the Pinault killing corrupted in huge numbers. We had jets heading over there to be our centralized location to help Europe, and—it was all good news from what I knew.
Except she was frowning.
“What’s wrong, My Princess?” I asked when there was a moment where people weren’t focused on her.
She sighed. “There’s just never enough food. We add more and more, and—they were so underfed for so many years and then we want them to work hard and that requires food too. We’re getting it all over to Europe and that takes time .”
“I think it’s time to get more fishing ships online and let them handle more,” I told her. “Make it clear that you expect twenty-five percent of what’s caught to help this trading spot Hanna’s in charge of that’s killing corrupted to help all of us. Mother would take that deal for two or three real ships. The covens in Portugal and Italy would.”
“That’s what I was thinking too,” she sighed as she sat back and rubbed her hands over her face. “It’s just so fucking stupid that I have to do it all like breadcrumbs so no one takes advantage of me or kills us all. Then I’m the asshole gatekeeping helping the world, but… It’s just never easy.”
“No, but it’s gotten better, and you know for real now we have serious allies,” I comforted. I leaned in and kissed her hair. “And we still haven’t lost anyone. That’s amazing and it’s all because you’re an amazing leader. We all believe that.”
She leaned her head on my shoulder for a moment and then seemed to realize it was me and that it was awkward. She cleared her throat and thanked me, glancing over at Vitor. “Okay, let’s get the people we trust most up to Boston to start going through ships. There’s too much crazy. We might need Adam and Lorenzo to help us there.”
“Joel Hart and his whole clan are all about ships and fishermen,” he told me with a smirk.
Several people chuckled when Inez raised an eyebrow.
But I defended her, feeling her hurt. “I wouldn’t have thought big black bear shifters would risk being caught out on a boat or ship for long durations. How do they explain that? People think they see dogs or shadows all of the time, but there is no blinking away a fucking bear as a mistake.”
“That’s where my head was,” Inez agreed, looking relieved like someone didn’t think she was stupid.
Never. Even when I didn’t understand and we missed each other’s meanings, she was never stupid.
“Good point, but I believe they were their own bosses and such,” Vitor told her. “Somewhere that naturally had black bears.”
“Got it, well, tell him we need to get ships to our allies and figure out a way to start getting crappy ones out of the water and broken down,” she muttered. She was flustered and embarrassed and mumbled that she was going to visit the kitchen.
I went with her and waited until we were alone. “I wanted to run something by you if you have a moment. Otherwise—well, it’s two things. One is for us—something I would like for us to do. If you want.”
She seemed to swallow a sigh and turned to face me. “I’m glad we’re discussing ideas with all of this chaos and not risking any more issues.”
“I do try to learn from my mistakes,” I whispered. “But I panic, Inez. You’re sand slipping through my fingers and I panic to grab you and hold on.”
“Not sure how that works when you seem to avoid me, but I understand the panic,” she grumbled. “What was the idea?”
Wow, she was going to make me really work for this, okay then.
“I would like to learn to fly a helicopter, and I was—I thought you might want to also. I was hoping that—”
“Did you hear Darius and me talking?” she asked with a frown, searching my face.
“What? When?”
She winced. “Oh, no, sorry, go ahead.”
I got frustrated and just spit it out. “I thought we could take lessons a couple days a week and have lunch after. Catch up on things instead of in big meetings. Talk more.”
“Darius had the same idea and we’re going to start tomorrow,” she told me gently.
I took a step back from her. “I’d never steal someone else’s idea to—”
“I didn’t mean it like that,” she sighed, scrubbing her neck and wincing at whatever was on my face. “I didn’t. I’m sorry. I thought maybe you caught the idea of helicopter lessons and—”
“No, I thought you’d like to ride in a hot air balloon because you probably never have and you need to have a reason to smile and have some fun especially after what’s happened now,” I said angrily, hurt and annoyed that this wasn’t working out. “But that seems too fragile given the threats against you and you love the chopper. I want to learn, and—I’ll tell you my other idea later.”
I walked off, flustered and hurt that she thought I could really try to sabotage someone else’s idea or take it. I was an asshole. I knew that. I’d messed up a lot and—my behavior was inexcusable.
I knew that.
I knew that .
But it was never intentional.
She found me later sitting outside smoking a cigar and the shock on her face was amusing. “I had no idea you smoked.”
“I’m not a smoker,” I clarified. “I like a good cigar now and again.” I stared at it before holding it out to offer it to her. “It’s more nostalgia. My gramp smoked them. I always used to sit with him when he did, and—I loved listening to him talk. He was a smart man and…” I frowned.
“What?” she asked quietly as she sat next to me and took the cigar.
“Don’t inhale your first time,” I warned her. I chuckled when she looked at me like that was stupid and didn’t make sense. I took the cigar back and showed her how to puff on it but not actually inhale.
“You laughed at my expression, not that I didn’t know,” she muttered. “I know. You—you don’t do that.”
“No, just people’s reactions. Maybe sometimes the circumstances or awkwardness at what has to now be explained.”
“Makes sense.” She took a puff and nodded but handed it back. “What did you realize about your grandpa?”
“Oh, that he might not be as wise as I thought,” I admitted, scrubbing the back of my neck with my other hand. “He used to say being with a princess was easy. You just loved them and the rest fell into place so to never overthink—”
“I’m going to beat your fucking ass, Jaxon O’Cleirgh—Garner,” Da bellowed as he came around the corner with Jamelle. “Of all the fucked in the head people to listen to—you took advice from that man?”
“I never thought you that stupid, boy,” Jamelle growled. “Are you having a laugh?”
Inez jumped to her feet and threw up a barrier like Vitor had been working with her to use her power to do. “You both need to take it down to like a five, and I’m in like shock that you are behaving this way, Sebastian.”
Dad let out a huff and ran both of his hands through his hair, giving me a pissed look. “That man—there is a reason he barely came to visit.”
“Visit?” Inez hedged, lowering the barrier and frowning. “Shouldn’t that have been his coven given Nora inherited from—you mean Nora’s dad, right?”
I nodded, not hiding that I was a few steps behind. Then I realized Inez’s confusion. “My grandparents didn’t stay at the coven after my mother took over. They traveled and—”
“Nora hid way too much from you kids,” Jamelle grumbled. “I know the older kids know, but I thought—they didn’t go traveling for fun. I made it clear that they leave gracefully or they leave in pieces and mostly because of that fucking man.”
I blinked at them for a full minute, not reacting until Inez snapped in front of my face. I flinched and then met her pretty eyes full of worry. I glanced between her and Jamelle and then my dad who was nodding that it was true.
Then I was pissed.
I jumped to my feet and threw my cigar on the ground. “Then ya both are the fucking idiots here! I knew ya didn’t get along with Grandda, Jamelle, but I asked ya about it and ya told me not to worry. Grandda said it was a difference in upbringing. I adored his visits and spent all the time I could with him! Why the fuck didn’t anyone tell me I was—fuck ya both!”
I went to storm off but then spun back around and knelt at Inez’s feet, giving her a look to please forgive me.
She nodded. “I’ll yell at them for you. Go get this out. We can talk later?”
“Thank you,” I breathed and then raced off. I felt too… Everything.
I actually didn’t go far, wanting to make sure Inez didn’t have to shoulder our family drama on top of everything else. It was the last thing she needed.
I basically raced around the castle a few times to burn off my anger before going right back. I was glad to see they were chilled out as well.
“Mother always said any princess who had children with a noble that she didn’t love was a fucking moron and not a princess worth shite,” I said as I put my hands on my hips and stared at the ground. “She had such a great relationship with—”
“She didn’t,” Jamelle sighed. “It wasn’t as bad as—”
“Your grandfather was like Henry, but unlike Matilda not knowing, your grandmother knew and excused it,” Da explained. “She was so blindly in love with him that she made bad decisions for the coven. Your mother had a lot of work to get it to the point it is now. So it wasn’t abusive in the way some of the other princesses have suffered, but it was…”
“Gaslighting,” Inez said. “Nora said something when she was helping me that when that term became better understood that it was like so much made more sense for how princesses are treated. We’ve always got too many people around us who gaslight us and we’re trapped.”
“Yes, it was like that,” Da confirmed. “It was never an outright attack but always ‘you’re making a bigger deal out of this than it needs to be.’”
“‘Oh yes, I’m the worst father in the world, I’m so sorry for that,’” Jamelle added, his tone mocking. “Constantly tearing into Nora’s self-esteem when she opened her mouth. Never supportive, always undercutting her but not blatantly. Anything that was a change in what they did and it pointed out their failure or where they messed up—they just picked and picked and picked.”
“I didn’t know,” I sighed, sitting down again. “I just… We had a good family life—better than so many other courts. But I knew there were problems. I knew the nobles who tricked Mother or were issues. And people weren’t kind that Mother had a bunch of boys and then a few noble females but no princess. The parties were suffocating.”
“Your grandda was delusional,” Jamelle muttered. “Not literally just—it was all his glory in his head. He would build up his visits and expect people to fawn over him and miss them. He was always pissed when it didn’t work out that way and then go pout outside. We would have stopped you if we’d known you were outside with him.”
“It’s fine,” I hurried to say when they both looked upset. “There was always a lot going on at court, and I have a lot of siblings.” I sighed when they seemed to want to push it. “It’s all in the past, and we can discuss it when we have time. I’d like to spend this time talking with my wife about us, okay?”
They shared a shocked look, and I think that was the only reason they left after apologizing and bowing to Inez even.
“It’s so weird to see your dad explode when he’s always so calm,” Inez muttered when we were alone.
“You were impressive throwing up that new power you learned on the fly like that,” I praised. “Thanks for doing it for me.”
“Of course.” She cleared her throat nervously. “I’m sorry about the helicopter lessons thing. I really didn’t mean to accuse you. I’m just all over and—I’m not dealing well.”
“I think I’d be worried if you were,” I said after a minute. “This was all major on top of years of major. Thank you for explaining. I hope you take the time you need to process and handle this.” I snorted and gestured to where my da and Jamelle walked off. “Clearly, letting it all build and keeping quiet just leads to more shit later.”
“So I’m learning,” she whispered sadly, moving her feet along the patio as if nervous and trying to get energy out. “I don’t want my memories back. I think Aether’s right and it would break me. Except Darius went through all of that—I feel horrible it was all for nothing now.”
“I think he’ll worry he did something wrong and failed you again. It’s all I feel constantly.”
She nodded but didn’t seem to buy it. “But realizing that I won’t ever get my memories back has made me—there is stuff I would like to learn. And you don’t judge or make me feel stupid. I don’t always want to feel so damn behind.”
My heart filled with hope as she extended me a lifeline. “Anything. I’ll help you with anything I can, Inez.”
“Can you explain apps to me? What the popular ones were and how they worked?” she asked quietly. “I feel like it’s all people talk about now that we’re using phones more and talking about getting cell towers back up and I always feel so…”
“Of course.” I moved my hand over hers on the bench and gave it a squeeze. “But no one knew all of the apps. That was kind of the joke of them. Someone would ask if you were on whatever and people would ask what it was. Something was always popping up to take the place of the big ones and then dying off.”
She considered that a moment and nodded. “Then teach me the big ones. Or at least enough that I don’t always feel so lost.” She sniffled which killed my heart. “I’m so tired of being lost and feeling so behind.”
I was about to try to comfort her when she jumped to her feet and mumbled a goodnight before walking off.
“Fuck,” I whispered, scrubbing my neck hard enough that I definitely lost a layer of skin or two. I swallowed a sigh and looked up, praying to Aether to help my wife… And me.
Because I didn’t know shit about apps. I was probably the worst person to have asked.
But she’d asked me and I wasn’t going to waste this chance.
I went and grabbed a dozen jars of the moonshine we had that Inez liked and brought it over to Albuquerque, thanking my lucky stars when I saw a group of humans who looked in their late twenties sitting outside. I felt bad when they jumped at my suddenly being there. “I know this is going to sound extremely weird and—”
“Bro, there are zombies,” one guy drawled. “Years of zombies and all—whatever you are going to say isn’t that fucking weird.”
“And I think you have actual alcohol, so we’ll agree,” a woman chuckled as she tried to peer at what I was carrying.
“I do. My wife likes this, so I thought it would work well,” I said, sighing when they all just stared at me. “My wife wants me to teach her about apps, but I’m hundreds of years old and didn’t pay that much attention to them. But I want the excuse to spend time with her. So yes, I will give you alcohol if you teach me everything about smartphone apps so I can then teach her.”
“Weird, but definitely not weirder than zombies,” the guy chuckled after a long silence. “Yeah, sure, get us some phones with apps and we’ll show you.” He frowned when I did. “Bro, we need to show you stuff. It’s not going to make sense without that.”
Except we’d all been using “new” phones that we found in stores.
Then it hit me. I handed over the alcohol and told them I’d be back. I went and got the phones the twins had collected to get music off of for the coven. I made sure I had the right chargers and battery packs before I headed back.
They rolled with it and told me everything… Which was why I had to take notes.
After I went and got a notebook and pen.
And they had a lot to say. Yeah, they were the right people to ask for sure. Especially when one of the guys said he’d actually worked for Facebook and could tell me the tech of it.
I did take his name down for later to give to the engineers because he clearly knew computers and coding.
But it worked and I felt ready. I was ready the next morning to suggest talking over lunch and we could go over one or two of them each time so she wasn’t overwhelmed.
And I got to draw out the amount of lunch dates I got from this.
Jamelle found me first and pulled me off to the side. “Inez won’t get out of bed.”
I did a double take. “She always wakes with the sun and—”
“It’s depression. She told everyone to fuck off and went back to bed. I’m just warning you because the others were asking what you talked about last night and your da set them straight that it was nothing, Inez asking you for help.”
I nodded, fully understanding how people went too far or jumped to conclusions when she was hurt. I thanked him and went to her tower, ignoring the looks I got that I wasn’t exactly welcome there.
Kristof was a ball of every emotion possible as he tried to not let it leak over Inez.
“She doesn’t want to be disturbed,” Vitor said as he blocked me. He sighed and moved when Kristof waved for him to, but I thanked him for the warning.
He should protect Inez that way.
“Could everyone just fuck off?” Inez grumbled when she felt me on her custom bed.
“I’m glad you’re taking the day off,” I told her honestly, glad I’d said it when she opened her eyes and seemed shocked. I nodded. “You’ve been through a lot and need it, Inez. Take today. Fuck, sleep it away if you want.”
“Really? You’re not upset?” she whispered.
“No, fuck—you do more than ten of us in a day. Rest.” I waited until she let out a long breath and nodded. “But you can’t not eat or drink. You know things will get worse if you do that. That’s why people are freaking.”
She looked away from me. “But I’m not hungry. I’m not thirsty.” Tears filled her eyes and leaked onto her cheeks. “I just want to be left the fuck alone today. Is that really too much to ask?”
“No, not at all,” I promised her. “It’s just not—it’s a big shift from when you went to bed last night, so people love you and are worried.”
“Okay, well, don’t worry and leave me alone,” she said with a cute huff.
Yeah, that wasn’t going to work and would probably make things worse. “How about you go set up in the lounge and—I always feel bad about myself when I’m depressed and just bum in bed. Making the choice to take the day for myself is—it’s about framing. I need more sleep, so I’ll nap, not be sad and not get out of bed.
“And I know that feeling of being numb and nothing sounds good. Sometimes it’s just the right thing being put in front of me that I want to eat then. Or drink. We can just leave stuff on the coffee table for you. If you want it, eat. If not—someone here always will eat it.” I waited until she met my gaze. “But you have to eat, Inez. You’re too powerful not to.”
She seemed to consider that a moment. “Can everyone stop fucking hovering and making me feel crazy if I do that? It’s making everything so much worse, Jaxon. It’s making me colder.”
And that was the last thing we all wanted, the others in the room looking like they’d been kicked in the nuts for her to say that.