8
James
“Fuck,” I groaned as I stared at where Inez had just been. I rubbed my hand over my face and sighed. “You fucking moron.” I couldn’t even blame the two vampires who snorted in agreement. They weren’t nobles, but super old ones assigned to me.
As my guards.
So no one could fuck with me now that I was officially Inez’s lover, not just her knight, though we all had them now. And it was made clear to them that it wasn’t just their lives on the line if something happened to us but their families. All of them had been interrogated and were talked to regularly to make sure they were on our side.
She took that much care with us and our safety.
And I couldn’t even take a fucking joke with something she clearly put time and effort into.
I should make you pick all of this up and would if you had the manual dexterity.
My leopard mentally nodded and promised to help make it up to her.
“I’m helping because this sun is no joke and I swear I won’t tell anyone ever,” one of my guards said after I got dressed and started on my task.
“Me too,” the other added. “I barely slept. My ears are still ringing from the shit my mom laid into us about.”
That made all of the hairs stand up on my neck and I glanced at him, seeing the other guard looked worried too. I kept my voice neutral and my heart chill. “Be grateful you still have your family. A lot of us don’t.”
He snorted. “Fucking take her, mate. I’m sorry for your loss—I am. But that doesn’t just make everything okay for the rest of us or—don’t demean what I’ve been through either. I deserve my feelings about my fucking asshole family.”
“You do. You’re right,” I quickly said, shooting the other guy a look. I was glad when he gestured to move to the other side of him just in case.
Yeah, smart.
“I hate the way covens are and vampires structure.” He snorted. “I guess it’s the same for clans too though. Why do we have to be stuck with our families forever? She’s the reason we barely did any work and the bare minimum. She buys into all of that court bullshit and was a ‘favorite’ of Safie’s. No, she wasn’t.
“She was Safie’s lackey . Safie said fetch, Mom fetched. She was her dog and it warped her and now that so many aren’t getting the perks of court—the ones who really were Safie’s court—she acts like she got a promotion. She named herself a supervisor and embarrassed herself. All of my siblings are embarrassed and want away from her.
“And now that we’re on thin ice, called out specifically, she’s screaming at us at every turn that it’s all our fault. She slapped me several times in public for being a good little bitch to the young princess who murdered her friend. Murdered? Right, the kidnapping victim planned that all out to murder her friend . It’s all—my mom is fucking insane and I’m over it.”
“Yeah, that’s rough,” I muttered. “But there are people you can tell and—”
“Maybe now that Lloyd’s gone,” he grumbled. “Mom was all up his ass too and there would be issues if people tried to talk to the princess or her husbands without going through him. People are so fucking stupid to listen to him. Like—just move me in with the other groups. For real.”
I shared a look with the other guy who had been part of Kaitlin’s coven. Clearly, the vampires needed to be reinterviewed and sat down with again. Wow.
They took me to Albuquerque once we picked up all of the diamonds from the collar and leash. I arrived just to hear what seemed to be the end of Inez’s conversation with Chris.
“The time and space—even talking with your friends has clearly helped,” she told him. “It’s obvious. Your points are—even Sisay understands you now. You’ve thought it through and wanted to articulate it all. Your idea worked but got out of hand because of the apocalypse. I would want to hear all of this, Chris.
“Record it. We’re sending messengers all of the time to France and we’ll get it to Ty. Someone actually should as penance.” She looked at Sisay and the vampire nodded. “Calmly ask Ty to just hear you out and start with apologizing how long this took you. That you weren’t leaving for good but a time-out and you blinked and it was too long.
“Don’t accuse him. You can say you didn’t feel he was listening to you and clearly you weren’t hearing him either. That was the time-out, but you need him to hear you and all of what you’re saying now. And ask for help. Ask for someone to mediate. Hope. Someone. Anyone, because clearly for this you guys need it.”
“Yeah, we do and—”
“And tell him what you want ,” Inez continued, not even paying attention to Chris. “They always tell me they’re sorry or that they fucked up or even what happened—sort of. I’m still not sure with Jaxon, but no one tells me what they want . It always sounds like they want me to declare a fight over and things back to the way they were, but that’s fucking insane after what happened.
“But they don’t tell me anything otherwise. Not start over because that’s fucking insane too and would kill me. It did when one kind of—fucking tell him what you want. If it were me and I was in your spot, I would say set some fucking boundaries. That’s what Kristof and I did and it helped. It really fucking helped, and I think that’s why we worked.
“We’re the only ones who did work because he asked me what I needed and we talked—we always talk any bump. He immediately apologizes and asks how he can fix it. Then he takes a breather or lets me walk and we talk. He holds me even when I’m upset with him. I know he will always come back. That’s what you guys need to work on to make it through the apocalypse.
“The others—I don’t go see them off when they leave because the flight isn’t what I worry will take them from me anymore. It’s their own stupidity and everything else. It’s them not talking to me and telling me what they want. How do they want to fix things? How do they see working their way back to what we had?
“How can we find a path that will lead to being together in a healthy way that doesn’t break each other? Those are all—why are those weird things to ask or want answered? If that’s too much work to put in or too much trouble to work through, then you don’t deserve a relationship much less me—Tyson. So that’s what I’d do if I was you. Fast.”
“Yeah, okay, yeah, thank you.” He cleared his throat. “Can I check in on his brothers? Just for my own sanity? And people were asking if lemon oil would work like the juice. Maybe put it on our skin before the warping away.”
“Something to ask,” she muttered, nodding to Petre to handle it. “And yes, you can see his brothers if they’re fine seeing you. Otherwise, I’m sure Petre can sneak in and take a picture or you can see them on security so you physically see for your own sanity that they’re fine.”
“Thank you, and thank you for the talk when you’re so busy,” Chris said, dipping his head to her.
She stared at him a moment and snorted. “We both know that was more for me than you.”
“No, you let me go for a good twenty minutes—we both needed it.”
“We did,” she accepted. “I hope you get a better result than I did with any of them besides Kristof. Yeah, I hope you get my ending with Kristof. I’m rooting for you guys.” She went over by Petre. “We have a meeting.”
“Take me to the castle so these can get locked up,” I said to the guard that I wasn’t worried about. “And I need to talk with Jaxon.” I cut a quick glance at the other guard so he understood, nodding he thought it was the right play. He grabbed me and we were off before the other guy could think to say anything.
Security told us where Jaxon was, and the guy offered to go get him since I was staying at the castle and safe. The other guard figured out what was going on by then and looked worried.
“Look, Jaxon needs to know this, and you can’t get in front of him normally,” I told him. “Trust me like I’m trusting you to keep me safe, okay? Please. I’ve been in the boss position and this isn’t a small thing but a cancer that’s a problem.”
“I might hate my mom, but I don’t want her dead either,” he hissed as he went to grab the front of my jacket. He was shocked when I easily blocked him.
“I’m not just some cub,” I reminded him, holding my hand up to him trying to de-escalate. “Think of your siblings, man. Your cousins and other family. Your mom is putting you all on a path to ruin and to get you tossed. There’s gotta be a way to smack her back into line. Jaxon knows court shit and how to handle this stuff. He does it well.
“He and his dad are who I would trust to navigate this minefield. They won’t try and embarrass your family, just fix the problem. They’re not people who go looking for drama like others we all know. That’s why I asked specifically for him, not just it’s his role within Inez’s husbands.” I waited for the guy to chill. “And they take you coming to them well.”
“I’m a little less pissed at you after hearing that,” Sebastian said from behind me. “Did you really trash her gift to you, git?”
“How did you already hear that?” I asked instead. “My guards were with me and hers with her handling things in Albuquerque.”
He winced but then nodded. “There were others around getting turkeys for Princess Hanna and the outpost.” He kept nodding when I cussed under my breath. “So you had witnesses who immediately came running to tell others and how the knight in her bed treats her. It’s a mess.”
“I know. I’ll—coven security first.”
He sighed. “Unfortunately, that’s always the answer and why the princesses are always so hurt.”
Jaxon showed up and my guard and I filled him and Sebastian in. He sighed, scrubbing his hand over his face. “I hear you and you were right to bring it to my attention. Really. I’m not giving you the brush-off.”
“But you’ve heard this before—it’s reoccurring,” I said for him, understanding what I was getting off of him. I nodded when he did. “You are for the clans too. The snakes that just came in are the perfect example.”
“Yes, and we have told all of them that they can cut ties with their family or coven like we did Eddie,” Jaxon said firmly turning to the guy who was sitting there with a frown. “You were there with your annoying mum who I had to tell to shut up several times and listen to me.”
He opened his mouth but then frowned and closed it. He let out a harsh breath and scrubbed his hands over his face too roughly. “I don’t know, man. Honestly, a lot of that was in one ear and out the other. No one thought Safie would die or—I was in shock. You were loud and clear on no touching humans or shifters like we were used to. The rest just kinda…” He shrugged.
“Okay, then that’s a good point to know that it’s time to reiterate some rules,” I said firmly. “And not because of anyone’s fault, but like Inez says, it’s the fucking apocalypse. We did on the ship, and I know others are with safety protocols. The nobles gave pledges; it’s time that every guest of this coven give some sort of pledge to the rules and gets on the same page.
“Each person is their own man or woman, and the family isn’t a unit to sink or swim only. You can be separated and change their last name to something—there used to be a way that leopards showed they had a philosophical difference with their clan. I threatened to do it with mine if my dad kept with the purebred leopard shit.”
Sebastian’s eyes flashed shock like he couldn’t believe those were the beliefs of such an honorable clan like the Begley’s.
Yeah, even the bigots of my family knew to keep that quiet.
“Yes, it was a different last name. The cats had one. Canines had one. There were a handful that let us know that they left their clans of their own accord and weren’t kicked out,” he explained. “People used them when kicked out still, but it was the sentiment behind it. Vampires normally just snuck in the back door of a coven with a lie or pretended to be someone else.”
“I get all of that, but my mom wasn’t a bad person always,” the guy defended. “And if we pull a coup on her—she’ll walk right to Keres. She’s all twisted up and would go right there to punish Inez, give her what she thinks she deserves. I don’t want my mom dead.”
“She would deserve it for thinking to do that to my wife,” Jaxon bit out.
Yeah, I kind of felt the same, but Sebastian had a clearer head and moved his hand to Jaxon’s arm. “But she risks all of you if she isn’t checked. Your family is about to be tossed because she presents you as all the same and on the same side as her. Your sister begged to give you this chance to be James’s guard and get you out from under that.
“Now I understand it might have been more and to alert us to what’s really going on and more than just with your family. So you have some options. Let this play out and your whole family could be out and your mum will do that—end up dead. You pull the plug and cut her off and you’re saying that’s the option.”
“Send her to France where Joi is kicking ass and taking names,” I suggested. “She doesn’t have the pride of a princess and doesn’t have to keep up the… Theatrics for lack of a better word to protect her coven and power. We warn Joi, and if your mum can’t respect one of the Sisters of the Earth, then there might be no saving her.”
The guy bobbed his head. “Let me talk to my siblings.”
I grabbed his arm as he went to stand. “Don’t go sneaking her out the back. She’s a threat to Aether’s champion as she is. That’s bigger than one person. You get that, and don’t be selfish when you risk everyone here if you aren’t fair now.”
He swallowed loudly and focused on the table. “Someone should escort me for this. I don’t know that all of my siblings can keep their heads. We’ve been through too much.”
“Thank you for being honest,” Jaxon said quietly.
“I’ve got this,” Sebastian offered. “My teams are ahead and our projects going smoothly.”
“Thanks, Da,” Jaxon accepted… While giving me a death look.
Fuck.
“Yeah, you can shoot me too,” I accepted. “But later because I’m going right away to try and fix my mistake after listening to her. So it’s not the same thing, is it?”
“You always have to get that last fucking dig in,” he blasted as he stood and slammed his fist onto the table. “I wasn’t going to say anything. I was just quietly pissed that you hurt her. I get to be as her fucking husband. She hates us fighting, and I wasn’t going to do anything.”
“Sorry.” I let out a slow breath. “Sorry. You’re the one who’s given me the most shit, it’s reflex to expect it now.”
He opened his mouth but then closed it and just left.
Yeah, there was probably no way to salvage that.
I had a few ideas on how to apologize to Inez. I definitely was going to record her a message. After hearing what she’d said to Chris, that was absolutely going to be part of it. But first, I was going to do what I did best.
I was going to make friends.
Or more, I was going to utilize the friendships I already had made. I’d done a lot of favors and helped a lot of people out already. A lot.
I wasn’t just sitting around being an asshole and a dipshit a lot.
No, I worked hard too. Always.
I held my breath until I saw Petre arrive with Inez. I went right over to her and bowed. “I know I don’t deserve you to give me this chance, but thank you for coming. My real apology is coming later.”
She studied me for a moment. “Jaxon made it clear you came right away to apologize but found something about the coven’s security and alerted us to a problem that Sebastian had to immediately handle. So that’s the only reason.”
I bobbed my head. “Actions speak louder than words to me, and I wanted you to see that even if I fuck up, we have the same vision for the future. And if I raced after you and explained, it would have sounded like bullshit. I will give you a real explanation, but I wanted—you need fun too. I saved you a seat in the corner so you can relax and watch it all.”
A small amount of joy flashed in her eyes before it was gone. She understood that I’d listened to her that she didn’t like loud and to be in the center of things. I did learn from my mistakes. She mumbled an apology and let Petre lead her off.
That was enough for now.
I moved in front of the tables set up by the dais they’d put up for announcements in Albuquerque where the humans all were. They couldn’t have all of them eat at once, but we could do this more than once.
“Now that you have had time to adjust to the new reality of the world you live in—and I don’t mean zombies are real—some of us thought it was time for you to learn more about us—shifters. I know a lot of you have asked questions or demanded to learn more about us. Sometimes it was confrontational or the upset level was too high, so—there’s no right answer.
“We thought to make it a bit easier and calmer and with a bit more fun than a class. No one wants to go back to school after all we’ve been through.” I was glad for the few polite chuckles. “My name is James Begley, and I’m a leopard and over a hundred years old.” I nodded when people shared glances. “Yes, I know I hold up well. It’s not just vamps that age well.
“And before you get jealous, it comes with a lot of issues, so know that most shifters many times in their lives wish we were human too. I have.” I swallowed loudly and ignored the looks from my fellow shifters. “I won’t get into it all, but I was born to be my clan’s leader and that’s a lot. It’s becoming responsible for a whole family tree.
“Unfortunately, I was freed from that when New York City was bombed off the map, but that’s a whole other reason to destroy my liver and one a lot of you know.” I clapped my hands together. “But we’re not focusing on the bad tonight. Today, you’re getting a gentle education.”
I gestured to my right where Vance and Asher came in already shifted. They slowly entered and jumped up onto the dais with me.
“They’re just as scared as some of you because they scent your fear or a few of you are angry. Probably because we can’t be infected and you lost people who were. We didn’t make the rules. We lost people too who were eaten, or, like I said, our whole family lived in New York. So please, try to tone it back as best as you can. Their leopards are really sensitive to it.”
“I’m sorry, but I just—I need to step away,” a woman called out from a few tables away as she stood and walked off.
“If anyone else wants to take a walk, do it,” I said gently. “We’re not forcing this.” I nodded to the kids who were about ten at the front who were so excited they could barely contain their excitement. “We’re trying to have some fun.” I was glad when I saw a lot of understanding.
Yeah, we all needed a little less to be afraid of. A few other people took their plates and left, but that was it.
“They understand you,” I told the kids. “We always understand you besides the first couple of times we shift, and it’s not that we don’t understand, it’s just—it’s really painful so like if you’ve ever broken your arm or been in a lot of pain and you just can’t focus.” I tapped Vance on the head and chuckled when he went over towards them and jumped down, begging for food like a goof.
Asher followed suit, and the only thing I shut down was when someone asked to see their claws. Neither of them was comfortable with that, and it wasn’t okay for the first time.
“Now, our animals are predators, so we shift about the time we’re teenagers. That’s not a hard and fast rule,” I explained. “Life isn’t that easy, and it’s never a birthdate kind of thing. We also don’t always survive our first shift.” I swallowed loudly and met Inez’s gaze before looking at the crowd. “One of my younger siblings was in a car accident. A bad one.
“When cars weren’t as safe as before the apocalypse started. And was hurt bad—almost outed as not being human and there were problems. It was horrible and traumatic, so he shifted early and didn’t survive it. Too much damage was done to the bond with his leopard because of it and—it happens. Every shifter you will meet has a story like that.”
I cleared my throat and reminded myself that this was all supposed to be happy, nodding to Thomas Gagnon who agreed to come with some of his clan.
“Now prey start shifting pretty young because they’re smaller and it helps them blend. Also to hide if need be. Those animals who are prey and predators too. Again, it’s different for different species and types, and some won’t ever tell you for safety reasons.” I chuckled when people gasped as some of his clan came into the crowd holding tiny owls.
It was hard not to die when someone placed one on Vance’s head and the little bugger did a dance as Vance simply chortled.
The armadillos were also a big hit, so I decided to add to the program a bit. “The shifters going around now are the ones who provided dinner. They’re fishing down in New Orleans with the clan of crocodiles. They helped bring in all of the humans who got attacked at Fort Knox along with the vamps too.”
I nodded over to Thomas Gagnon who took center stage and told people what his clan was providing from up in Canada. He thanked everyone for their help feeding his clan and the vampires. Everyone preparing so much was really a blessing while they were farming long days and building up the livestock.
“The docs have been saying we all need to get our stress down—human, vamp, and shifter. We’ve all been living in too stressful times. We’re not there yet and we won’t be for a while. Things are better,” I told them all. “I’m not on a ship without electricity and emptying shit buckets eating expired crap from cans that made me gag.
“But that was all that was safe and didn’t risk people I loved getting eaten.” I reached over and rubbed Vance behind the ear. “And I found out my baby brother was still alive. That’s a hope I have for a lot of us. That maybe we can all still find someone. So things are better, but we’re not there yet. We gotta hang on longer. Just get the stress down.”
That older human who everyone seemed to defer to stood up and met my gaze. “What are you suggesting then, Mr. Secretary?”
“I’m really not, simply taking a first step,” I admitted, nodding to where some of the human kids were laughing and sneaking Asher more food. “My mind went to a puppy yoga class I went to once with some enlists when things got bad and we were stuck on base too long.”
“I would have thought that was offensive to shifters,” he hedged, several of the humans muttering to each other and agreeing.
“It is, but it’s also the intent,” Thomas said as he joined me. “You know when you mean offense. People do.” He gestured to some of the owl kids. “This is good for them too, seeing there’s a world where they can be accepted and invited. But it will be an adjustment as the gentleman in the back there is learning.”
“I’m really sorry,” the guy said with his hands held up. “I wasn’t thinking and—”
The wolf near him huffed and walked away.
It took me only a second to figure it out. “You scratched her butt, didn’t you?” I burst out laughing when the guy nodded, all the shifters doing the same. It took the humans a minute, but then about half chuckled, also looking a bit awkward.
Yeah, it was awkward because he’d just scratched the ass of the woman.
“We’re not offended, and as long as you stop when someone tells you, it’s forgivable,” I told the guy. “It’s when someone tells us it’s not a big deal or dismisses it. Kinda like if you were in a bar and she told you to piss off and you didn’t. We get it. We mess up too. There are things I’m not used to with vamps and they forgive me. We all just have to remember that.”
“That would be a much nicer world to live in than the one before the apocalypse,” the human said firmly.
I nodded, shooting Inez a quick glance. “Someone much smarter than me has said repeatedly that all of this has to be worth it in the end and I agree with her. All of this has to have meant something, and I will always fight for that.”
Her ears turned red, so I took that as a good sign, but I definitely had to really apologize and explain what I’d done because I’d fucked up bad this time.
Which was why I didn’t even snap at Trisha when she punched me later when she heard about what I’d done. Yeah, I deserved it.