Chapter 26
TWENTY-SIX
Addy texts me while I’m hanging out with my dad and asks me to come with her for mani-pedis. I cave because I can’t just mope around my dad’s house all day, even though I’m still uncomfortable with how our last hangout went at the club.
Apparently so is she, because as soon as I get out of my car, she’s holding out a coffee cup and her face is filled with remorse. “I’m so sorry about the club. I got way drunker than I planned and feel like a horrible friend because I just left you to fend for yourself with a bunch of people you didn’t know.”
I pinch my lips between my teeth and nod. “Pretty much.”
“I’m the worst friend.” Her shoulders drop. “I don’t know why I even invited them. I’ve been under so much pressure at work, and I felt like I needed to behave a certain way for them to like me, which is stupid.”
I grab her hand and give it a squeeze before releasing it. “It’s okay. You’re forgiven. Besides, it’s on me for how much I drank last night. I never should’ve had so much to begin with. Honestly, post college has been a weird phase for me too. I feel like I figured out who I was in college, and now I’ve got to figure out who I am as a fully grown adult. ”
“Yes!” she says, her eyes wide with relief that I get it.
“Come on, let’s get our nails done. I haven’t done this in ages, and I deserve to be pampered today.”
We go inside and get settled in our chairs as the ladies start on our pedicures.
“So, what’s been going on with you?”
I debate telling her about Romel, but hold my tongue. I love Addy, but she’s right that we aren’t the same people we were when we met in college. We have new pressures and new social circles. I don’t know if she’d let it slip, but with Romel’s fame and how much he values his privacy, I don’t feel like risking telling her something that doesn’t even matter. He made it clear we would never be anything more than boss and employee, and I need to move on.
So instead I just tell her about the great little girl I’m nannying. She tells me all about her job and the pressures to wear the right clothes and snag the right clients. The more she talks about it, the happier I am I didn’t tell her about Romel.
After our mani-pedis, we go get lunch at one of our favorite cafés we found sophomore year of college. We’ve just ordered our croissant sandwiches when the door opens and Cameron walks in holding hands with a woman.
Addy’s eyes narrow. “Well, that was fast.”
“It’s been a few months since we broke up, so it’s not really that surprising.”
“Uh…is that a diamond ring on her left hand?”
Before I can look, Cameron catches sight of us and walks over. “Hey, Meredith, Addy. Funny running into you guys here.”
“Yeah, hilarious, since Meredith was the one who showed you this place to begin with.” I bite back a laugh at Addy’s snarky response. This is why I’m still friends with her.
He glares at Addy and then looks at me. “Meredith, this is my fiancée, Lauren.”
Addy chokes on the drink of lemon water she’d just taken. “You move on fast, Cam,” she says, her voice hoarse from her coughing fit.
Cam’s fiancée hugs his arm and stares up at him with stars in her eyes. “Well, when you know, you know, right?”
I stare at them both and then smile. “Congratulations. Genuinely.” And it really is because looking at these two, I don’t feel anything. I don’t feel sad that he moved on so quickly. I don’t even feel much of anything seeing him for the first time since we broke up.
He doesn’t stir butterflies in my stomach like someone else does. He doesn’t make my heart race or stir up any of the confusion and desire that Romel does.Even when things were good with us, Cameron didn’t stir up butterflies. Maybe that should’ve been my first hint that things would never work out with us in the long haul.
“Enjoy your meal,” I tell him with my smile still on my face. There’s no reason for us to continue a conversation, and clearly he feels the same way because he gives us a head nod and then they walk away.
Addy, however, isn’t so quick to let it go. She leans forward and whispers, “How are you not enraged that he moved on so fast and got engaged? ”
I shrug. “Because I haven’t felt anything for him for a long time, and the longer we’re apart the more I can see that we were never the right fit to begin with. Good for him for finding someone he wants to spend the rest of his life with. Honestly, I’m glad he didn’t think it was me because I might’ve actually said yes, and that would’ve been terrible.”
“You really think you would’ve said yes to him?”
The waitress drops off our sandwiches, and Addy takes a bite as I try to think of how to answer her question. “I probably would’ve. I don’t think I would’ve gone through with it, but this last year has been so weird for me. I felt apathetic toward everything, including my relationship with Cam.”
She looks at me more closely. “You do seem more…animated than you’ve been the last few months. I’m sorry. I should’ve checked on you sooner. I figured you were just dealing with the same senior stress as the rest of us.”
“I was, but I think it just hit me differently. I spent so long just going through the motions—doing the next level of school because that’s what I was supposed to do. I don’t know. Maybe I was having a quarter-life crisis or something.”
“You seem more yourself, or maybe that’s not quite the right word because honestly you seem more sure of yourself than I ever remember you being.”
I smile softly. “Yeah, maybe I am. Nannying has been good for me. Nannying Kay at least. I don’t know if I’d feel this way if I’d nannied for anyone else, but she’s such a happy and smart kid.”
“Do you think you’ll ever go back to school for PT?”
“I think so. I’m still glad I took a break, but I’ve been thinking about it more and more. Right now, I’m just kind of going with the flow and that’s working for me. We’ll see what happens.”
It feels good to admit that I like where my life is right now. I don’t love the turmoil I’ve felt about Romel, but I am overall happy with the choice I made to take a break before deciding whether I’d pursue my PT degree or not.
Maybe my life hasn’t gone how I thought it would, but I’m starting to think that everything has happened the way it has for a reason.
Later that night, I pull up in front of Romel’s house. The lights are on inside, but I still decide to go around the outside path to the guesthouse instead of through the main house. I pass one of the windows and catch sight of Kaylee dancing and singing off-pitch to one of her favorite cartoons. But what really brings a smile to my face is seeing Romel dance and laugh with her. There’s a strong pang in my heart as I watch them, feeling like an outsider. They’ve both lost so much, but still find these moments of happiness together. A fierce longing stabs me in the gut, and I know with certainty that any chance I had of escaping these two without a broken heart is long gone.
Someday, they won’t need me anymore.
And I’m going to be devastated when that day comes.