Protecting the Boundary (LA Wolves #8)

Chapter 25

TWENTY-FIVE

Nothing feels right.

Watching Meredith walk out of the house has my gut clenching painfully. Telling her it was a mistake was supposed to ease the guilt, but it’s only made the feeling worse.

I stare at Sydney’s picture—her smiling face as she stares off into the distance, her eyes holding that spark that used to always make me feel like the luckiest guy in the world. I thought what I felt when I kissed Meredith was guilt for being unfaithful when I promised Sydney that she would be the only one.

Now I’m second-guessing myself because telling Meredith it was a mistake has left a gaping hole in my gut and not eased any of the negative feelings swirling inside me.

I pull out my phone and text Ty.

Me

Can Kay and I come over to visit?

I don’t want to be at the house today, especially if Meredith isn’t here.

He responds almost immediately.

Ty

Hell yeah. Come on over. Lex just put Lana down for a nap.

“Kay! Wanna go see Uncle Ty and Auntie Lexi?”

“Yeah,” she squeals and then I hear the slapping of her shoes against the hardwood floor as she comes racing down the hallway.

At least things with my daughter are normal, even if nothing else feels that way anymore.

Ty opens the door with his typical charismatic smile. Of all of us guys, he’s the most authentically nice guy I know. We used to tease him that it was because he was Canadian, so he couldn’t help himself, but I think it’s just him. Since meeting Lexi, he’s become even happier. They had a bit of a rocky start, and then a rough go when his brother meddled in a way that left us all shocked. His brother apologized and has done his best to make amends, but it’s clear he’s still fighting some inner demons and self-doubts that arose after that whole scandal. He plays pro for another football team in the league, but there have been rumors swirling that he might retire soon, especially after all the stuff that went down.

“Hey, man, long time no see,” Ty teases since we flew home together this morning.

God, was it really just this morning when I woke up next to Meredith after kissing her last night? It feels like it happened so long ago.

Lexi comes around the corner, a smile on her face as wide as Ty’s. He immediately wraps his arm around her waist and pulls her against his body, kissing the top of her head. It’s good to see him in love. It’s even better to see that love returned because anyone who looks at these two can’t deny how real and genuine their feelings are for each other.

“Hey, Romel. Hey, Kay, wanna come hang out with me and we can let the boys talk?”

I don’t know if she’s psychic or can just read me like a book because it only took one glance at me for her to know I needed to talk to Ty alone.

Kay smiles at Lexi and takes her hand without a glance back at me. My chest swells with love for that little girl and gratitude that I’ve surrounded her with people who love her as much as I do.

And then my gut tightens with that anxious, guilty feeling again because that includes Meredith.

Would she quit after what happened between us?

The sinking feeling gets worse.

Ty closes the door behind me and pats my back. “Come on, we can chat in the den.”

He takes me to the room that used to be his man cave, but now there are baby toys everywhere.

“Did Lana take over this room?” I ask with a laugh.

He turns to me. “Don’t babies take over every room in the house?”

We both grin. “Fair enough.”

He gestures to the couch and grabs us both waters from the mini fridge he’s got in here before we take seats at opposite ends. “What’s going on? You look like you saw a ghost.”

I pick at the label of my water bottle. “Didn’t see one, but I feel like I betrayed one.”

He leans forward, putting his elbows on his knees. “Romel, we’ve told you before that Sydney wouldn’t want you to be alone. No matter what you did, I can guarantee you didn’t betray her. ”

“I kissed Meredith.”

His eyes go wide. “Your nanny?”

I nod.

He sits back against the couch. “Damn, I owe Dom ten bucks.”

I glare at him. “You guys were taking bets?”

He shoots me a look. “Come on, you know Dom. He’ll make a game out of anything. As soon as he saw what your nanny looked like, he figured eventually you’d slip. You’ve been so closed off to women—”I open my mouth to respond, but he holds up his hand. “And I get it. I do. If something happened with Lexi, I wouldn’t move on easily either. That woman is my whole world.” He leans forward again. “But you deserve to find happiness, Romel, and it’s easy to ignore women when you never let yourself spend any significant time with any of them.”

“I didn’t kiss her because she was there,” I grumble, a frown on my face. He makes it sound like I succumbed because she was the nearest woman around, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. I’ve been around plenty of women when the guys and I used to go out. None of them interested me, even when they threw themselves at me.

But Meredith got under my defenses. Maybe because my only good defense is my daughter and Meredith has made Kaylee so happy these past few months. She’s brought her out of her shell in a way no one else has, and she clearly loves Kay as much as I do.

“Then why did you?” Ty asks, no judgment in his tone.

Why did I kiss Meredith?

“Because I couldn’t stop myself. Because she’s infiltrated my mind, and she was looking at me with that soft way she has about her where it’s like she really sees me. It just felt natural to lean forward and kiss her.”

“And how did it feel? ”

I swallow hard. “It felt perfect,” I choke out, remembering the moment our lips touched and it felt like coming home. The way she grabbed my neck and seemed to melt into the kiss only made it even better. I look down at my hands. “But I promised Syd?—”

He cuts me off. “We all know what you promised Syd, but you know she’d never let you make that kind of promise. Think about it, Romel. Think about Sydney. Do you seriously believe she’d want you to be alone? Answer me honestly.”

“I can’t,” I say, my voice hoarse.

“And why not?” he asks like he already knows the answer.

I glare at him. “Because you’re right, okay? No, she wouldn’t want that, but?—”

“No more buts, Romel. You have an opportunity here, a second chance at a real relationship with someone who loves your daughter. Who cares about you. Are you going to risk that because you’re afraid of what might happen?” He reaches over and grabs my shoulder, holding me steady. “You’re always the one giving us fatherly advice and calling us out when we’ve been immature idiots. It was long overdue for us to do the same to you, but in this, you’re being an idiot. I know it’s scary to put your heart on the line like that, but it’s also scary to live in ‘what-if’ land. What if you don’t take the risk and you lose out on a second chance at love?”

“But what if that’s not what this ends up being and then I’m setting up Kay to get hurt?”

His eyes narrow. “Kay? Or yourself?”

“Both.”

“Here’s what I know—you don’t know unless you take the risk. No risk, no reward. You could keep doing what you’ve been doing and risk being lonely for the rest of your life and having nothing once Kay is grown and out of the house. Or, you could take a chance, put yourself out there, and maybe you get the partner Sydney would’ve wanted you to have.”

I stare out the window as I ruminate over his words, and I hate that they ease some of the feeling that’s been swirling in my gut since I woke up.

Because it means the only mistake I made was pushing Meredith away, and now I have a lot to make up for.