Pumped (Mars Fitness #3)

Chapter 22

CHAPTER

TWENTY-TWO

OWEN

The sky is just brightening when I awake, and for a second, I panic when I can’t remember where I am. This isn’t my bed. This isn’t my bedroom. There’s someone in the bed with me.

Then I remember. I’m at Mom and Dad’s house. In the basement. With Everest. The panic doesn’t fade. It just transforms. Wide awake, I stare up at the ceiling.

Something is happening between us that I never foresaw, that I couldn’t have predicted, that I don’t fully understand. It’s not just the physical aspect of our relationship. In fact, that part is probably the most straightforward. I’ve always been physically attracted to Everest and him to me. We’ve always known we were compatible in bed.

It’s all the rest of it. The way he occupies every nook and cranny of my mind. How I crave his presence, his touch, the sound of his voice. How my first instinct is always to turn to him. I’ve never depended upon anyone like this before. I’ve never needed anyone so fundamentally. I’ve never felt like I’m only one half of a whole.

That’s terrifying.

I’ve already given up so much of the life I knew. And still, this thing with Everest is demanding more of me. It’s overshadowed every other desire, obliterated every other aspiration. It’s consuming me until there’s nothing left, until everything I am and have is his.

And yet, I want more. I want to go deeper into this thing and get closer to Everest.

I want to wake up like this every day.

Everest is wrapped around me like a goddamn octopus. Like I said he would be. His face is pressed against my cheek. His body is half on top of mine. Our legs are tangled together like knotted ropes.

I want to turn into him and burrow into his warmth. I want to find shelter and safety in his arms. I want to drown in him. So much so that I don’t recognize myself anymore.

Is it possible to feel scared shitless and exhilarated at the same time? Is it possible to want something with my entire being and yet be petrified of it?

From the first floor come sounds of shuffling feet. Someone’s awake.

With more reluctance than I want to admit, I ease myself out from under Everest’s tentacles. Arms empty, Everest grabs the pillow and curls himself around it, burying his face into the spot where my head rested. My heart somersaults in my chest at the sight, at how much Everest doesn’t want to let me go.

I don’t want to let you go either, asshole. And that is precisely the problem.

A quick trip to the bathroom and a change of clothes later, I quietly ascend the stairs. Mom’s in the kitchen and the coffee is already brewing.

She turns and smiles when she sees me. “Sleep well?”

I clear my throat before answering. “Yeah, fine.”

“The sectional wasn’t too small?”

I choke on my damn saliva. With Everest sprawled across me the entire night, we definitely had more than enough space. “No, nope, it was fine.”

Mom lifts an eyebrow at me. “Everything okay?”

“Everything’s fine.” My voice is several tones higher than normal.

“You’re saying ‘fine’ a lot, which makes me think that perhaps everything is not fine.”

Arms crossed, I stare into the distance, not really seeing anything. I don’t know how to respond, what I’m supposed to say. I’m not entirely certain how I feel, never mind finding the words to voice it out loud.

A steaming mug of coffee appears on the counter in front of me. “Come on, let’s go outside.”

Picking up the mug, I follow Mom out to the patio just off the kitchen. It overlooks the backyard, with a full set of furniture and Dad’s big fancy barbecue.

This early in the morning, it feels like we are the only two people on the planet. The sun is still low in the sky and the air has a sharp crispness to it. The freshly cut grass is covered in dew—reminding me of Everest’s unique scent—and the only sound to be heard is the chirping of birds in the distance.

Mom and I sit side by side, soaking in the peacefulness. Neither of us speak for several long moments. Mom eventually breaks the silence.

“You’ll feel better once you get it off your chest.”

I turn away from the scene in front of us to find Mom regarding me with a knowing look. Does she know? Did Everest tell her? Has she just picked it up from the way we’ve been interacting with each other?

She lifts a questioning eyebrow.

“Everest and I are sleeping together.”

I hold my breath, waiting for I don’t know what. For a sinkhole to open up under the house. For a meteor to fall from the sky. For the furniture we’re sitting on to spontaneously combust.

None of that happens, though. The world doesn’t end.

Mom doesn’t react either. She just lifts her mug to take another sip of coffee, then lowers it into her lap. “Oh.”

“Did you know?”

She lets out a soft chuckle. “No, I definitely did not.”

“Are you…” I search for the right word, not certain what it is I’m trying to ask. “Surprised? Disappointed?”

Her gaze goes soft. “Surprised, yes. You two have never gotten along. But disappointed? No. Why would you think that?”

Hell if I know. The question just formed on my tongue.

“Are you disappointed?” she asks and my reply comes hurtling out of me.

“No! I’m… terrified and… not excited necessarily, but… anticipatory.” I have to drag each word out from the depths of my soul, and even then, the vocabulary doesn’t seem sufficient to describe the full scope of my feelings.

Mom gives me a small smile. “It sounds like you’re in love.”

My gaze snaps to her as shockwaves roll through me. “What?” I spit out.

She holds up innocent hands. “I’m not saying you are. I’m just saying it sounds like it.”

Love. Am I in love with Everest? No. I can’t be. Can I?

Less than six months ago, I couldn’t stand to be in the same room as him and now I supposedly love the guy? Is that possible? Can it happen this quickly?

I don’t know. I don’t know anything anymore. Nothing makes sense, and unfortunately, I don’t think there’s a book that can explain it to me.

“How long have you been sleeping together?”

“For a few weeks now.”

“Does Ivy know?”

“No,” I say vehemently. “We’ve been careful, I swear.” That would be a nightmare we definitely don’t need. How the hell would we explain it? What if things don’t work out? What if we end up hating each other more than we did before? How would we continue co-parenting? Jesus. I don’t even want to contemplate that.

Mom nods like she doesn’t quite believe me, but she doesn’t press the issue. Patting my knee, she continues. “You know, now that I think about it, I can see how you and Everest work together.”

Is she messing with me? “Really?”

Mom shakes her head. “It’s not obvious, I’ll grant you that. But you’re like two sides of the same coin. You both want the same things. You care about the same things. You just have different ways of going about it.”

I can’t tell if she actually believes that or if she’s just saying it to appease me, but the idea is… intriguing. I never would have agreed six months ago, but after all this time living with Everest and working with him, I can’t rule it out entirely.

We both love Ivy. We both want what’s best for her. We’re both still grieving. We’re both trying to build a life around this new normal. We definitely have different parenting styles and different ways of dealing with grief, but maybe our visions of what a fulfilling and meaningful life looks like aren’t as disparate as I once believed.

“I’m scared, Mom.”

She wraps her arm around me and I slouch down a little so she can reach. “It’s perfectly reasonable to be scared, Owen. Love is scary, especially when you have so much at stake.”

Is love supposed to feel like this? The need to be around Everest all the time, to touch him whenever I can. The lightness I feel when we’re in the same room. The soul-deep satisfaction I have when we’re all tangled up together in bed. This bubbly feeling in my stomach that makes me more than a little giddy.

If it is, then I might be in love with Everest. And he might love me back.

Footsteps, then voices, filter through the patio’s screen door. Mom gives me a sideways hug and plants a quick kiss on my head like she did when I was a little boy.

“I should go get breakfast started.”

I follow her inside to find Ivy sitting at the kitchen table with Nell and Graham. She’s still in her PJs, but her hair has been pulled back into an elaborate braid.

“Look, Uncle O! Nana did it for me!” She turns around to present me with the back of her head.

I run my fingers lightly over the complex pattern. “Wow! That looks so cool! Maybe Nana Nell can teach me how to do that. Then I can braid your hair when we go home.”

Ivy gasps in excitement. “Can she?”

I nod toward Nell. “You’ll have to ask her.”

“Can you, Nana? Please, please, please?!”

Nell smiles and nods. “Of course, sweetie. We can do it tonight when we get back from the zoo.”

Ivy squeals and claps her hands in glee.

“The zoo?” I ask. My mind immediately runs through an inventory of Ivy’s go-bag. There’s usually a bottle of sunscreen in there, but the last I checked, it was running low.

“I mentioned it to them yesterday before you guys arrived,” Mom explains from the kitchen counter where she’s making the fixings for omelets. “Remember when we used to take you and Jeremy? You two ran off on us once. Nearly gave us heart attacks.”

I chuckle at the memory. “We wanted to see the giraffes.”

“I wanna see giraffes!” Ivy exclaims.

I pat Ivy on the head. “Sure, sweetie. We can go see the giraffes.”

Dad comes lumbering down the stairs then, leaving only Everest still in bed. I grab an empty mug and fill it with coffee. Plenty of milk and sugar. Just the way he likes it.

In the basement, Everest is still curled around the pillow. I stand and watch him for a moment. His light brown hair is a messy halo around his head. The hairs on his forearms are so light and fine they look like golden dust. The blanket has fallen halfway down his torso, leaving his upper back exposed. His shoulders are so damn wide. The muscles on his arms and his back are defined even when he’s relaxed and unconscious.

I wonder what he looks like when he’s at Mars. Sweaty and panting. Muscles all pumped up from working out. Giant grin on his face and his playful brown eyes sparkling with mirth and adrenaline. I bet he’d be a sight to behold.

I grab Everest’s ankle and give it a hard shake. “Hey, wake up.”

“Mmm.” Everest rolls over and slaps the pillow over his head.

I shake his foot again. “Wake up, Ev. Everyone’s waiting for you.”

He pulls the pillow down just enough to peek out at me and immediately zeros in on the mug. “Is that mine?”

I hold it up and pretend to drink from it. “Maybe.”

Everest shoots out of bed, flying at me. “Gimme.” He grabs the mug from me with both hands and brings it to his nose. “Mmm, perfect.”

His voice is gravelly from sleep and warmth fills my stomach expanding up to my chest. I fight the smile that tugs on my lips. I fight the need to comb my fingers through his hair, the urge to take the mug from his lips and replace it with my lips instead.

I take several steps away from the bed, not trusting myself not to dive back in—to hell with the rest of the family upstairs.

I don’t think I like this love thing. This staggering compulsion that overrides every logical cell in my brain.

“O?”

My head snaps up and I realize I’ve been scowling at the floor.

“You okay?”

I nod, the movement jerky. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

Everest throws me a lopsided smile. “Thanks for the coffee.”

I clear my throat to push down the tenderness rising inside me. “You’re welcome. Um, we’re taking Ivy to the zoo. We’ll need to stop and pick up more sunscreen for her.”

Everest shakes his head. “Nope, I got a new bottle yesterday. It’s in her go-bag, along with her hat and sunglasses.”

I curl my hands into fists as my heart threatens to burst from my chest. Fuck. Mom’s right. I’m in love with Everest.