Pushed

Chapter 24

Jasper’s eyesdarkened with heat, and he ever so slowly leaned toward me. Kiss me, just kiss me, I pleaded in my mind. I couldn’t make the move, not with him in the midst of a family crisis! I couldn’t take advantage of that. But if he made the move, that was different. Our eyes locked, blocking the rest of the world out as his hands moved to the sides of my face. His lips claimed mine with a desperate need that matched my own.

His hands slid into my hair and cupped the back of my head, while I gripped his shirt to pull him closer. Not that we could get any closer. The heat generated between us seemed to melt our bodies together—like molten chocolate and peanut butter in a double boiler. And just as delicious.

A moan sounded from my throat, followed by a growl from Jasper. My hands slid over his shoulders and around his neck, while one of his hands moved down my spine to my low back.

A cool breeze blew through my hair as a car drove by. Oh yeah, we were still in the parking lot. Making out. In public.

I forced myself to break away and catch my breath. It would be easy to keep kissing this man for hours, even if we were standing outside next to my car in the hospital parking lot.

What was wrong with me? I shouldn’t have let this happen. This wasn’t like me. I don’t ever lose control like that.

Jasper ran his fingers along my cheek in a gentle caress, his eyes glazed with tenderness and adoration. Then he sighed and rested his forehead against mine. “As much as I want to keep you here, you need to get home and get some sleep. Are you awake enough to drive?”

“I am now.” I opened the car door and slid behind the wheel. “Call me later, alright?”

He nodded and closed the door for me. “Drive safe.”

I started my car and drove away. In my rearview mirror, I saw him standing in the parking lot watching me go. Something had shifted between us. I just wish I knew what it meant.

But not even an entire night spent awake, tossing and turning, supplied an answer, no matter how many times I replayed those tender moments we’d shared, especially the kiss and the look in Jasper’s eyes. It was a look I hadn’t seen before. One that stirred something deep within me and completely disarmed me.

When it was finally a respectable hour, I called Paige. As a pastry chef, she was an early morning person, so I knew she wouldn’t mind the call.

“Morning, AJ. What has you up so early? Did someone die?”

“That’s a terrible thing to say. Nobody died, but Jasper’s dad had a heart attack last night, so I spent half the night at the hospital.”

“Shoot, I’m sorry. I guess my coffee hasn’t fully awakened my brain.” She was silent for a moment, and I could hear her take a sip of coffee. “Wait. Why were you at the hospital if it was Jasper’s dad that was sick?”

I wasn’t aboutto get into that. If I didn’t understand my changing feelings for Jasper, I certainly couldn’t talk about it. Best to keep my explanation simple. “We were at the restaurant when he got the call. He was in no shape to drive, so I offered to give him a ride.”

“O-kay. Obviously, you didn’t just drop him off at the door like most people would have done. So, what happened?”

“He begged me to stay. And he seemed like a sad little puppy. How could I resist that?” Then in a quieter voice I admitted, “But I also just wanted to be there for him. You know?” I drew designs in the microfiber of my couch as I talked.

“Interesting. I’ll put a pin in that for a moment and come back to it. Tell me what happened between you two at the hospital? You were in public, so you had to play the role of loving fiancée. Right? So I’m guessing you didn’t just sit across the lobby from him reading magazines.”

My friend was never one to beat around the bush.

“Well, he held my hand from the moment we got out of the car, and hardly let go all night. He held me close to his side when we sat down, even when his family was around. And I fell asleep with my head on his shoulder.”

“Wow. I guess it’s true what they say about the fine line between love and hate.”

“I don’t—” I wasn’t sure which word I protested more. If I said I didn’t hate him, she’d jump on that. I started to say that I didn’t love him, but the word clogged my throat. I swallowed the lump. “We’re just business partners.”

“Riiiight.” She drew out that word as long as possible. “You keep telling yourself that.” Paige yawned. “Sorry. So what happened when you got up to leave?”

“He walked me out to my car.” Thinking about our time in the parking lot made my face hot, and I fanned myself with my hand.

“And—”

“And he gave me the best kiss of my life. Alright? You happy now?”

“Yep. Very. You can say a million times how much you can’t stand that man, but the reason he bothers you so much is that he affects you like nobody else ever has. He gets behind your walls and that scares you.”

“Walls? What walls? I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Oh, come on. You know you keep men at a distance, so you’re in control at all times. Jasper has challenged that from the moment you met him at the gala.” She paused to let that soak in. “And besides that, he brings out a side in you that very few people ever see. He helps you to have fun. And you need that.”

I wanted to deny everything she said, but she was right on all counts.

After a beat of silence, Paige continued. “Alright. I’m glad you’re not stupid enough to argue with me because I nailed this, and you know it. The question is…now that you know you’re in love with him. What are you going to do about it?”

“I’ll admit that things have shifted between us. I do have fun pranking him, and he makes me laugh. And you’re right, I needed that. But I’m not in love with him.”

“Are you sure about that?” she asked in a sing-songy voice. “But didn’t you say you wanted to be with him? Last night at the hospital? He was dealing with family stuff that had nothing to do with you, but you wanted to be there for him. If that’s not love, I don’t know what is.”

“I, uh—” I wanted to object and tell her she had it all wrong. But I couldn’t.

Was it true? Was I really in love with Jasper?

No. I couldn’t be. “But we fight all the time. He exasperates me to no end. I can’t possibly be in love with him.”

“Ach,” Paige responded. “I’d say that’s misdirected passion. Channel that stuff where it belongs and see what happens.”

I already knew what happened. Highly combustible kisses. Put the fire department on standby.

“But he’s my business partner and my fake fiancé. Falling in love with him would just complicate things.”

“It can’t get much more complicated than it already is. In fact, making it a real relationship would actually simplify everything. You wouldn’t be lying. At least, not much.”

She had a point there. Being in a real relationship together, even if we weren’t engaged, would make it easier to maintain the charade. My mind leaped to the next logical step. What if the fake engagement wasn’t fake?

No, I can’t let myself go there. Besides, I didn’t even know if he felt the same way. Sure, he looked at me like I was his most precious treasure and kissed me like he couldn’t get enough. But that didn’t mean he loved me.

Did it?

Nah. It couldn’t be. I shook the thought from my mind. But then a worse thought took its place. “Paige, what if this is all one-sided? What if it’s just been so long since I’ve been in a relationship that I’ve imagined it to be more than it is? It might just all be in my head, and I’d look like a fool.”

“But what if it isn’t?” she challenged. “Do you really want to let this amazing man go because you don’t have the guts to tell him how you feel and find out if it’s mutual? I thought you were someone who fought for what she wanted.”

Oof. Right for the jugular.

But I couldn’t argue with her. I was a fighter, and I didn’t let my fears stop me from what I wanted. But could I go for it now when the stakes were so much higher?

I had to try.