42. Kennedy
42
KENNEDY
“ D amn it, Dad! Quit meddling in my life!” I erupt, frustration bubbling over. “You seriously thought the best way to fix things after butting in and wrecking everything was to butt in even more?”
“It was necessary, sweetheart,” he argues, his voice tinged with exhaustion. “I hoped it might be of help to you, yes. But beyond that, I had to do it because I felt remorseful. Not solely toward you, but toward Cade as well. He reached out to me many times over the years, asking for a heart-to-heart. And in the last few weeks he’s been bombarding me with voicemails, insisting it’s time to settle this once and for all. If anything, he deserves a medal for his determination.” He sighs and shakes his head. “I owed him an apology. He was just a kid back then, and it was wrong of me to exploit my position and my authority like that.”
I know I shouldn’t let him off the hook, but somehow, I can understand that he felt his mission of looking out for me more deeply than anything. Dad has always wanted the best for me. He just took it too far. Now, gazing into his weary old eyes, I know he means every word. He’s not holding anything back.
“What did he say?”
“We had a good talk, brief as it was. I think you’re right about him. He seems like a good man.”
“I’m glad you think so, Dad, but he could have come and told me the truth a million different times through the years. He dug his own grave with this one.”
“Well, for what it’s worth, he sounded dreadful. Your silent treatment seems to be taking its toll on him.”
I exhale sharply, crossing my arms. “He deserves the cold shoulder. The both of you do!”
I mean it, and yet I don’t. At least where Dad is concerned. His heart was in the right place. His intentions were good, even though they inadvertently altered my future and Cade’s. Even though I understand that he acted out of concern and good intentions, it’s still hard to shake off the upset I feel.
“I had every right to try and protect you,” he argues when I remain silent. “I know, I took it too far. I should have let him sweat it out for a few days and then gone to talk to him, smoothed things over.”
“That definitely would’ve been better.”
“But I wouldn’t have let him out of my sight! Nobody is going to harm my little treasure. Ever.”
“Oh, Daddy.” I exhale, collapsing back on the couch.
“I’m sorry, sweetie. I don’t want you to carry a grudge that should have been shed like old skin. And think about Cade too. He’s likely grappling with his own regrets. From what I gathered earlier, he’s just starting to realize the depth of the hurt he caused you. Sometimes people cling to their pain because they don’t know how to let go or how to make things right.”
Forgiving Cade? That’s a step I’m not ready to take. “I hear you, Dad, but I’m just not there yet.”
“Just remember this: One mistake shouldn’t outweigh all the good a person has done… or could do.”
I arch an eyebrow. “What about all the ‘people don’t change’ talk?”
“Oh, yes, I’ve heard that old chestnut.” The corner of his lips tilt up. “They say you can’t teach an old dog new tricks, but at this point I’m pretty sure that that’s a load of hogwash. A person can change if they put their mind to it. It just takes grit and patience, Sweetie, and you can see for yourself that this cantankerous, stubborn mutt is finally catching on.” His mouth curls into a little smile. “Cade is a decent man, sweetheart. We all make mistakes. Lord knows I did. His brother did. And he did too. But my burden to carry is that I dug his grave with these weathered hands when Cade was practically a child, and he was too green to claw his way out. He’s due for a reprieve.”
“I understand, Dad,” I say, feeling a strange blend of appreciation for him and the situation, along with a troubling anxiety about what might lie ahead. “I’ll keep all of that in mind.” Pushing myself up from the couch, I’m about to head to my room, but a sudden impulse stops me. I turn back, lean down, and wrap my arms around my dad in a warm hug. “Thanks for making things right between us. And with Cade, too.”
He squeezes me tight and holds me for a long time before he lets go. When our eyes meet, it’s as if his bright spark of vitality has been re-ignited.
The world feels better with everything set straight between us. It’s hard to stay angry at my dad for long.
As for Cade, well, that’s a different story altogether.
After saying goodnight to Mom, who’s nestled in bed, completely absorbed in a Hitchcock flick, I head back to my room. I collapse into bed, barely able to keep my eyes open. I sleep long and hard before a knock on my door startles me awake.
“Honey?” my mom’s voice calls as she pushes the door open. “Good morning, sleepyhead. Sorry to wake you. But this just came for you. Also, breakfast is almost ready.”
I sit up and rub my eyes, noticing that she’s holding an exquisite long-stemmed white rose in her hands. She hands it to me and points to the small red envelope that’s attached.
“Thanks,” I croak, clearing the sleep from my voice.
She leaves me alone to open the envelope. I assume it’s from Harper, but I’m wrong.
Dearest Kennedy,
I know you appreciate notes, so here’s one for you.
Forgive me, baby. I owe you more than an apology, I know that. Please let us talk soon.
Cade
P.S. I ache for you.
P.P.S. I want to hold you close, now and for all eternity.
P.P.P.S. Yep, even lawyers have a heart. And this one beats just for you.
I turn the card over.
Can we grab a coffee? I’d love to sit down and hash things out. There’s more to say, but I’m about to hit the damn character limit.
P.P.P.P.S. Seriously though, forgive me?
My eyes well up as I read the card. Dad must have told him I’m staying with them. I lie back on my bed and read the card a second time and then a third time.
I can’t be mad. I’m even laughing a little.
I’ve been trying to push my feelings down for weeks, but they just keep resurfacing. That one stupid card and pretty flower are apparently all it takes for the dam to burst.
Tears start falling.
But I can’t jump right to forgiveness and pretend the hurt isn’t there. I owe it to myself to work through it all first before making any decisions.
Brushing away my tears, I’m starting to think Dad was onto something, and his words linger in my thoughts.
Cade and I both have painful regrets over the time we’ve lost. Mine rooted in a sense of inadequacy from not achieving more in my career, while Cade carries sorrow over his parents and concern for his brother. Maybe we both need to loosen our grip on the pain we’ve been holding. Maybe some grudges aren’t meant to stand the test of time, especially when the heart has been in the right place all along.
My heart trips over itself, and my head is spinning. Every last fiber of my body is on edge.
I feel caught in a whirlwind.
Maybe Cade deserves a shot at wiping away my lingering doubts. If he can pull that off, maybe we really are worth this.
But what if he can’t?
Something in me warns me, tempts me, and terrifies me all at the same time.
I let my hand, still gripping his note, sink to my side. I don’t need any more scars on my heart. This is the most conflicted (and the most frightened) I’ve ever felt, and it’s killing me.
One more step, and I will stumble.
One more shove, and my heart will break forever.
One more scratch, and it will bleed to death.