Chapter 18
EIGHTEEN
Rain
“Hey, Rainy Day.” Rowdy nodded at me as I walked into the small sitting room in our parents’ house, where we were all gathered for New Year’s dinner.
Mom had made pork and sauerkraut, of course, and once again they had a full house. However, a few people were missing.
Tressy and Krista had gone to New York City to visit her agent friends. Since the team had had a game yesterday and a game tomorrow, Rowdy had stayed home. I’m pretty sure he was cool with that. For all that Rowdy loved a good party, he was still a small-town boy. He’d been happy to have an excuse not to go.
And Brian and Maddy had gone to visit Maddy’s mom at rehab. I’d been thinking about them all day, hoping everything was okay. Hating that this was something I couldn’t help them with. It made me twitchy.
Mom had given me one of her looks in the kitchen and asked if I was okay. Of course, I said yes. And then she’d just looked at me until I’d said I needed to get something and retreated to this room. Yes, I was hiding.
Apparently so was Rowdy.
“What are you doing in here?”
“Same thing as you. Hiding.”
I made a face at him and sat on the chair opposite his.
Rowdy grinned at half the wattage of his normal smiles. “We need to figure out what we’re going to do about that offer.”
Making a noncommittal grunt that must be passed down in the family, I stared out the window at the snow-covered hills in the distance. We’d gotten a few inches the previous night and our little valley looked like a Hallmark movie. More snow was forecast for next week, and sometimes that meant low attendance at the games. It was weird that people freaked out about a few inches of snow, when we could deal with feet later in the season, if it was a bad year.
I’d decided to increase my social media posts and add another email to the regular lists. Tomorrow. I’d planned to take today off. Like, do nothing related to work at all. But I’d probably break that plan tonight when I got home because I wasn’t going to see Brian.
Which sucked. And I probably wouldn’t see him tomorrow either.
“Hey, Rainy Day.” Rowdy snapped his fingers, and I snapped back to reality. “Earth to Flower Child.”
I blinked and refocused my gaze on Rowdy, his mouth curved in a slight grin.
“What?” Ooh, that sounded kinda bitchy. “Sorry. Things on my mind.”
“I said, I think we should meet with Rebel and Rocky for lunch next week and talk about this.”
My brain immediately said no to a lunch date. I didn’t want to give up the time with Brian. But I also didn’t want to tell my brother no because he’d know something was up. Because I never said no.
“Sure.” I nodded, smiling a little for good measure. “What day?”
Rowdy didn’t respond right away, like he was thinking it over. Then he crossed his arms over his chest as he leaned back in his chair.
“Whatever day you don’t want to meet up with Brian.”
Shock made my eyes widen and my mouth drop open before I could control my expression. But I’m pretty sure my cheeks had burst into flames, and the fact that I couldn’t hold his gaze laid my secret wide open.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
His grin was lopsided. “Neither did I until just now.”
I rolled my eyes and shook my head. “Then you still don’t know what you’re talking about. I can do any day next week?—”
“Except for Monday through Thursday, but you can do Friday because he’ll be getting ready for the game.”
“And you still don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Rowdy’s grin grew. “Get it straight, Rainy. Either you don’t know what I’m talking about, or I don’t. Either way, it’s odd that you’ve been working at home so much. And that Brian doesn’t get to the gym to work out until after you get back to work.”
I didn’t want to lie to my brother, but I would if I had to. And I wasn’t adverse to a little bodily harm either. Like my boot toe against his shin. “Pick a day, whatever day, and I’ll be there.”
“Hey, no judgment from me.” Brian held up his hands. “I think the man’s great. Hell, I’d date him if I wasn’t in love with the most amazing woman in the world. And I want you to know he hasn’t said anything to me. But if I can figure out what’s going on, Rebel’s not gonna be far behind. He’s more intuitive than he lets on, and he can be a judgmental prick.”
I saw an opening, and I took it. “Do you know why Rebel hates him?”
Rowdy gave me a look that said he knew I was deflecting. “I think hate is a strong word. Majorly pissed off is probably better. And no, Reb never told me.”
He paused, and I could tell he was mulling something over.
“But you suspect…what?”
Rowdy shook his head. “I don’t wanna make wild guesses about our brother’s life, because he’s a scary fucker. I love him, but I don’t think he’d second-guess cutting my brake lines.”
I rolled my eyes, because even for Reb, that was going too far. “But you obviously think you know something.”
“No, I honestly don’t. What I do know is Reb had a rough senior year in college. You probably don’t remember because you were a sophomore and involved in practically everything on campus.”
He wasn’t wrong. I’d rushed a sorority, wrote for the school paper, played intermural volleyball (yes, volleyball, not hockey), and maintained a 4.0 grade point average that year. And I hadn’t gone to Penn State, like Reb and Rowdy and Brian. I’d gone to Villanova.
“Reb majored in hockey and partying,” Rowdy continued. “I know Dad took a trip to see him. Alone. Like, without Mom.”
Holy. Shit.
No, I hadn’t known that. When it came to their kids, Mom and Dad were a team, but Mom always took the lead. For Dad to do a solo parenting gig… Hell, I didn’t even know what to think about that. It was just so foreign.
“What the hell did Reb do? And do you think that has something to do with Brian and Rebel’s feud?”
Rowdy sighed, like I was busting his balls. “Look, you didn’t hear this from me, but…yeah. I think it’s got everything to do with that.”
My brain spun like a hamster in a wheel, trying to piece together what Rebel could’ve done to make Dad go solo.
“Honestly,” Rowdy continued, drawing my attention back to him, his worried expression one I rarely saw on his face, “I’m worried about Rebel, and I’m not sure what to do about it.”
“Worried how? You think there’s something going on with Reb he doesn’t want us to know about?”
“If Rebel had his way, I think he’d be perfectly happy to stay in his own little bubble of hockey, only leaving his cabin when he needs to forage for food.”
Okay, that might be extreme, but probably not far off. Still, I’d always considered us a team, me and my brothers. Yeah, Rebel was a loner, but I’d always figured I could count on him when it really mattered. I knew he’d be there if I needed him. I’d just have to ask. But maybe I’d overlooked the fact that he needed us and couldn’t figure out how to ask.
Dad had said Rebel had made it clear he wanted nothing to do with the running of the team. He only wanted to play. I’d just assumed that’d change when Dad handed over the reins to the team to us.
Apparently, Rowdy was thinking along the same lines.
“Dad wants to retire at the end of the season,” he said, “and leaving this decision up to us is a huge deal for him. He’s not getting any younger, and I think he and Mom don’t want to always be tied down to St. David for nine months out of the year.”
I did know that, though I really didn’t like to think about it. It meant Dad was getting old. And yeah, I knew he was almost twenty years older than Mom, but he’d always seemed so…not old. Seventy-five wasn’t that old-old. Not anymore.
Nodding, I sighed. “I know. I just thought… I don’t know, that he’d be around forever. I don’t want to let him down.”
Rowdy winced, like I’d actually kicked him. “Neither do I. But I can’t play and run the team if we’re going to move up another league. This could be a huge deal for us., but just thinking about the mechanics of that move are making me twitch.”
Grinning, I couldn’t resist the urge to rib my big brother. “Wow, that’s a big word. Mechanics. Like you actually know what it means.”
Rowdy took it the way it was intended. With sisterly love. He gave me the finger.
“Yeah, well, the deal is, we’re all on board with this, or we don’t do it. But if we do, it’s gonna be a hell of a lot more work for all of us. Rebel included, whether he wants to be involved or not.” He held up a hand to stop whatever I was going to say. “That’s not a question. This is a family business. I’m not going to be the only one making decisions.”
I appreciated the fact that Rowdy had stated clearly that this was “our” decision. Not just his. Of course, it would mean more work. For all of us. And it wasn’t that I didn’t like to work. I loved to be busy. I loved to have my fingers in all the things. I loved our team. But maybe I’d realized recently that there was more to life than work. And maybe I liked to have my fingers all over a certain player.
Rowdy must have read my expression because he shook his head. “I’m not going to be sole owner/operator of the Devils, Rain. No way in hell will I take this on alone. It’s going to be a team effort. Even if we don’t decide to join the ECHL, when Pop retires, this is going to be a family-run business. And family means all of us. Even Rebel, because if he’s going to play, he’s going to pitch in on the backside too. And I don’t care if he’s a fucking pain in the ass about it, he’s still going to do it.”
That was definitely going to be interesting to watch, but I was on board with everything Rowdy had said. It would be less work with the three of us.
“And if he doesn’t?” I asked.
“That’s when it could get interesting.”
I looked out the window again, tracing the pretty, snow-covered hills. “How? It’s not like you can beat him into submitting to your will.”
“Interesting solution, but yeah, not gonna happen.” He paused, his gaze turning sharp. “I’m considering asking Brian to come on as an assistant coach.”
Oh. Oh wow. My brain snapped, crackled, and popped with that information, ideas pinging all through my brain, but all of them leading to one constant refrain: If Brian took the job, he’d be here all the time.
Is that what I want?
Is it what Brian would want?
“I’d hoped having Brian here would let him and Rebel work out their beef, which would clear the way for Brian to join us.”
I had so many questions, I didn’t even know where to start, except to say, “Damn, you’ve given this a lot of thought.”
Rowdy gave me the most Rowdy smile ever. “I’m not just a pretty face.”
For years, Rowdy had embraced the role of small-town hockey god. No fucks given for anything except hockey, parties, and getting laid. And then he’d met Tressy and Krista, and it was like he’d morphed into this stable, business-minded guy who thought about things like the mechanics of the business and the ramifications of bringing his best friend and his brother’s nemesis into the family team.
“I had no idea you were considering Brian for a coaching position.”
He shrugged. “Maybe you just had other things on your mind.”
And there was the snark I expected from my older brother. I flipped him off again, though my heart wasn’t really in it, and my brain was doing some gymnastics of its own. If he took the job, he’d stay in St. David. And we would work together every day. And we’d live happily ever after, like in that book I was telling Brian I’d read.
Which was a fantasy, of course. Nothing ever worked out so easily. There were always snags.
“Rebel would have to sign off on this.”
“Yep.” Rowdy nodded. “And if he won’t, it could push him away. It could push Brian away too.”
“It’s a no-win situation.”
“Unless they get their shit figured out.” Rowdy’s gaze slid to the window again, but I don’t think he saw the pretty landscape. “I’m not sure Brian’s Dance of Contrition is going to heal that rift completely.”
No, I didn’t either. Shit. Shit.
Hell, I wasn’t even sure Brian would want to stay after the season was over. I mean, that’s what I wanted. What I was hoping for. And if he took the job Rowdy was offering, he’d be here all the time.
But…did he want to be here all the time? Hell, we’d just started…well, I couldn’t even call it dating. Did having sex every chance we could constitute a relationship?
And with his sister getting out of rehab, she was going to need help and support.
“What are we going to do?”
Rowdy looked straight at me, dead serious. An unusual state for Rowdy. “We’re gonna talk to Rebel and Rocky. We’ll tell them today that we want to talk and that they should come prepared.”
“When?”
“How about Monday?” Rowdy’s grin returned. “Over lunch.”
This time I didn’t even bother to give him the finger. He had to know it was implied.
“Monday it is.”
“Hey, I didn’t expect to see you today.”
Brian walked through my front door Friday afternoon, carrying a bag from Luigi’s that smelled amazing. Fresh bread and marinara. I took it from him with a smile
“I wasn’t sure I was going to be here today, but then I said, fuck it. You give me more incentive to play than any fucking extra practice.”
I laughed, carrying the bag into the kitchen with Brian following. “Aw, that might be the most romantic thing a man’s ever said to me. That he picked me over practice.”
I felt him still behind me as I set the bag on the table. When I looked over my shoulder at him, he had a strange look on his face.
“What’s wrong?”
“If you think that’s the most romantic thing I’ve said, we need to go on a real date.”
My breath caught in my throat. All the reasons I wanted to say yes were on the tip of my tongue, while all the reasons we shouldn’t played through my brain like a herd of pissed-off cats.
I really wanted to go on a date with Brian. An actual date that involved getting dressed up and going to a restaurant and then coming back to my house and screwing our brains out. But almost every one of those pissed-off cats had Rebel’s name on them. And no, my brother shouldn’t be the reason we didn’t go on that date.
But there were other considerations too. My dad hadn’t been thrilled when I’d dated Mo Zelinksy. My brothers even less so. Even my mom hadn’t been happy. That should’ve been a huge red flag. And had I listened? No, I had not.
Would they be just as unhappy for me to be dating Brian? Maybe I didn’t want to know, which was why I didn’t want to tell anyone. But they all loved Brian. They thought he was a great guy. Why wouldn’t they give me their blessing to date Brian?
Why do you need their blessing?
I looked into Brian’s eyes, seeing the questions forming because of my silence.
“I would love to go on a date with you.” I was completely sincere. “I really would. Even though my schedule’s crazy right now. The Winter Carnival is coming up. We’ve got this decision to make about the team, and there’s no way my brothers and I are going to be able to come to a unanimous agreement. Like, ever. And you’ve got Maddy and school and your sister and hockey, and I know it sounds like I’m making excuses but?—”
“Rain, I get it.” His grin softened any edges his words might have had, as did the hand he lifted to run his thumb along my jaw for a brief second before pulling away. “I do. I know there’s a lot going on. I know we’re going to have to wait. I just want you to know that I’m planning on it.”
The relief that flooded me made me feel worse. Because all those roadblocks still felt like excuses and if we really wanted to, we could make this work now.
But then he stepped closer, and closer, until he was only centimeters away from me but still not touching. I wanted him to touch me. I craved it, like I sometimes craved chocolate ice cream. I don’t allow myself to eat ice cream whenever I want because it isn’t good for me. But I can’t stop myself from gorging on Brian.
“What else are you planning?”
His eyes narrowed, and he leaned down until the tip of his nose brushed against my cheek. I shivered as he put his lips close to my ear.
“Right now, I’m planning to strip you naked.” My breath hitched as his teeth nipped at my earlobe. “I might start right now.”
I sucked in air because he’d stolen every bit left in my lungs.
“Hell, I might decide to take off all your clothes and lay you out on the dining table. I’ll make you lift your arms over your head and grab the edge. Your tits will look amazing, and I’m going to suck and bite them until you want to scream. I want you to be so fucking hot for me you’re burning from the inside out.”
My heart pounded so hard, I heard its beat in my ears. And I was wet, so wet, my panties were soaked through already. I swallowed hard.
He pulled back and our gazes met and held. “Are you with me so far?”
I nodded because I wasn’t sure I could form a coherent sentence. I was absolutely with him. All the way.
“Good. Because I’m definitely not done.”
Grabbing me around the waist, he turned me and walked me backward. Toward the table. Excitement boiled in my belly as I let him guide me backward. When my thighs hit the table, I sucked in a breath. My sex clenched, and my hands settled on his shoulders, fingers digging into the muscles. Those muscles bunched and flexed, the long length of his neck drawing my gaze. I wanted to run my tongue along his skin, dole out a little torture of my own.
But before I could lean in, he lifted me onto the table, and I lost all capacity to think rationally.
“After I’ve made you scream my name, then I’m going to kiss my way down your body and put my mouth between your legs and make you come with my tongue. You taste better than anything I’ve ever had in my mouth.
“Then I’m going to play with your clit and fuck you with my tongue until you think you can’t take anymore. But I know you, Rain. You can take it. You can take everything I give you. And I’m going to give it to you. I’m going to hold you down,” his hands spread around my waist, sliding under the hem of my shirt until I felt his heat seep into my skin, “so you can’t move. And you’re going to love it.”
I already loved it. I loved everything he did to me.
“Then, when you think I’m done, I’m going to lean back on one of those chairs,” he nodded toward the table, “I’m going to pull down my zipper and take out my cock and let you ride me.”
And then he did everything he promised.
“So, what’s Uncle Brian gotta do?”
“They call it the Dance of Contrition.”
“And he has to wear some costume?”
“The Tutu of Shame.”
Maddy gave me a look like she thought I was insane. Hey, they weren’t my rules. They were the team’s rules.
“All because he lost some race. Seriously? What? Are they, like, eight?”
I laughed because Maddy wasn’t wrong. It did seem childish. But it was tradition. And it had solved some of the worst intra-team fights.
“Our league does have some, um, unusual traditions, but it works for us. And the fans love it.”
Maddy shook her head, her expression doubtful, as she slumped back in her chair in the family box. She’d been a little more withdrawn tonight. I knew she and Brian had seen Lin on New Year’s Day. Maddy was probably missing her mom even more now that she’d seen her and had to leave. As we’d eaten lunch today, he’d told me that their visit had gone well and that Lin had looked good. Better than he’d been expecting. But Maddy had been quiet when they’d left and hadn’t wanted to talk. So he hadn’t pushed.
He must have channeled his stress into giving me the most intense orgasms I’d ever experienced today. On my kitchen table. I wouldn’t be able to sit there ever again without thinking about what he’d done to me with his mouth.
Afterward, we’d reheated the food and eaten every bite while he’d talked. Then Brian had kissed me hard and left to take a nap before the game. I’d thought about telling him to stay at my place, but he wanted to be home when Maddy got off the bus from school.
And now I couldn’t stop thinking about Brian, and I’m sure anyone in my immediate vicinity would be able to tell I’d gotten laid this afternoon. Hell, my mom was only a few seats away, talking to Tressy while Krista played with her dolls. My brothers swore she could read minds. I thought she was omniscient. Like all the knowledge of the universe just filtered through her brain.
Neither was true. My mom just knew her kids. If I was trying to hide something, she’d know. Nothing I could do about it. So I concentrated on what was happening on the ice.
Brian’s Dance of Contrition would take place during warm-ups. Word must have gotten out because there were more than the usual number of fans already in the arena. Small towns disseminate gossip like the flu. Fast and furious.
The teams hadn’t made their way onto the ice yet, but our in-arena announcer, Kath Sweigart, had just started her safety announcement, which meant the guys would be out in a few seconds.
I should be making my rounds on the concourse and through the boxes, but like everyone else, I didn’t want to miss Brian’s performance. Mostly, I didn’t want to miss what would come after.
Rebel’s acknowledgment.
The warm-up light show began, and I sucked in a breath as the guys skated out through the benches and onto the ice. Both teams took one lap around their end of the ice. Then everyone skated to the benches and lined up along the boards. Except for Brian, who remained at center ice.
All the lights in the arena went down and the catcalls started. Whistles, mostly. Foot stomping and hand clapping, disjointed until they all got into a rhythm.
Beside me, Maddy leaned forward in her chair, her gaze focused on Brian. But my focus had switched to Rebel. I thought he’d be an ass and let Brian stand out there alone while he took his time grabbing the tutu. But my brother surprised me.
He took the tutu from the trainer on the bench and skated to center ice. He and Brian stood face-to-face for several seconds, while the crowd got louder. From where I was sitting, I could just make out Rebel’s expression. He didn’t look as snarky as I thought he would.
In fact, he looked uncomfortable. Rebel didn’t like to be the center of attention. He loved to play hockey hard and fast, but give him an award or recognition, and he glowered until he could retreat to his lair, otherwise known as his cabin.
Right now, he looked like the dentist was pulling his teeth without anesthesia. Then again, Rebel looked like that a lot of the time, so…
Finally, Rebel reached out to wrap the pink, sparkly tutu around Brian’s waist then skated backward to the boards. Now the arena went dark for several seconds and so quiet I could hear Maddy suck in a breath, before a single spotlight shone on Brian at center ice. He simply stood there, like he was waiting for a bus.
Finally, the music started, and the crowd began to cheer.
And I started to smile.