Raven’s Instinct (A Day Care for Shifters #6)

29. Kendra

29

KENDRA

K endra had dreaded trying to broach the subject, but when she caught Alan’s I am NOT going to ask expression, she knew she had to try.

“Amy’s dad and I were together for six months, give or take. Charlie worked IT for a pharmaceutical company in Vegas, and I was a traveling vet. We met at a medical convention and had drinks afterwards and after that we hooked up kind of casually for a while. I had an apartment then—shocking, I know—and we always met there. He said he lived out of town, but never told me exactly where. It was a red flag, but I thought we’d get more serious when I found out I was pregnant. I wasn’t trying to, but we got careless. There was a week I couldn’t get my prescription of pills refilled, the condoms might have been expired, I was stupid, it didn’t seem like a big risk because I thought we were ready to take the next step.”

Alan put his hand over hers on his thigh—his very shapely thigh!—and Kendra reminded herself that it was her libido that had gotten her into this mess. Tell him everything, then see if he still wants anything to do with you, she told herself.

Of course he will, her owl insisted. He’s your mate.

Soulmate? Lifemate? Kendra wanted to share her owl’s relentless optimism, but birds had their own understanding of relationships (and also bills, credit scores, and gas mileage) that didn’t always match the real world.

“So when I realized that something was up and took the test, I told him I needed to talk.”

Alan’s thumb was making easy, lazy circles on the back of her hand, but he didn’t offer any comments.

“Before I told him I was pregnant, I told him I was a shifter. I showed him what I could do, and I explained that it was strictly a secret, and that I trusted him. He promised never to tell anyone, and then asked me why I’d told him. I explained that I was pregnant, that our child would probably be a shifter, and he completely panicked.” Kendra chuckled without humor. “I thought that the shifter thing would be the big deal. That was my huge secret. I thought I was the reason we hadn’t gotten more serious before. And when he took it so well, I was like yes, this is it. This is my happy ever after. And it so wasn’t.” She realized that her other hand was over her belly protectively and wasn’t sure how it had gotten there. “He told me to get rid of it.”

Alan hissed. Did he guess how this story went?

“I asked if it was because our kid might be a shifter like me, but…” Kendra felt the air go out of her. “He was married . I was the other woman. And she was some kind of big shot at his company who wouldn’t want her husband’s bastard kid out there mucking things up and he wasn’t going to pursue a divorce. I don’t know who she was, I didn’t want to know who. I don’t even know if I ever knew his real name. I just wanted to go far away and lick my wounds and start my life over with my baby, so I did. I can’t regret it all because, because of Amy, and we genuinely did have some good times, but I was so stupid .”

She had tried and tried to paint the relationship to herself as anything but the disaster that it was, but the cold fact was that she’d been an idiot. She wanted to see romance where there was only sex. She’d been so desperate for affection that she’d gone out on a limb and been left there. Her owl had been baffled by her attraction, but instinct had never stepped in and specifically stopped her, so Kendra let herself believe she could make it work.

Alan’s thumb had stopped rubbing. Kendra told herself that it was only a matter of time before he asked her to take Amy and go.

Why are you being so dramatic? her owl asked in exasperation.

“If he was here right now, I’d probably do something regrettable,” Alan said, so mildly that it was hard to match his words to his tone. “He didn’t deserve you.”

“That’s kind of you,” Kendra said miserably. She didn’t see this evening getting back to kissing and petting in the hallway. She’d known that was the risk of telling him the truth, but she hadn’t realized how desperately disappointed she would be to slink away with her metaphorical tail between her legs.

“It wasn’t your fault,” Alan said. “You don’t think that it was, do you?”

Of course it was. Kendra didn’t answer out loud.

“Kendra.” That was a different tone from Alan, one that was actually dangerous. “Kendra, this wasn’t your fault.”

“Who do I blame, then?” Kendra snapped. “Some sad sack that I fell for? The condom company? The wife for being bad in bed? No, this was me and my bad judgment and my loose morals.”

Alan actually laughed then. “Your morals are not loose.”

“You don’t even know me,” Kendra said miserably.

“I know you,” Alan said, and when he touched her face, Kendra didn’t draw away, staring defiantly back. “I know you.”

Then he kissed her again, and her treasonous body flooded with heat again.

But this wasn’t just her body.

In the short time she’d known him, Alan was twice the man and a hundred times the gentleman that Charlie had ever been. When he’d snooped into her past, he’d come clean about it and Kendra even believed him when he said he was going to tell her. She wasn’t sure she had ever believed Charlie, if that was even his name. She had just desperately wanted to believe him.

Alan was not Charlie. Charlie wasn’t even in the same class as Alan. Maybe not even the same phylum.

“Alan…” she murmured against his lips.

He drew back, but didn’t let go of her face, cupping her with both hands. “I want to pound that douchebag into a bloody pulp for breaking your heart. You deserved better, you and Amy both.”

As much as she wanted to fall under the spell of his words, Kendra had to be sensible. “What is this?” she asked. “What are we even doing?”

“I’m hoping to kiss you again,” Alan said lightly. “Maybe explore some of those suggestions you gave me earlier. Test the headboard.”

“Seriously…”

Alan sobered. “I love you, Kendra Emerson. I don’t care if it doesn’t make sense. Call it destiny or soulmates or anything but late to dinner. Instinct says you’re the one for me, forever, and I’m all in.”

All in.

Kendra’s resolve to resist him wavered, but she rallied. “That’s great for tonight, but what about the future? Aren’t you going to be reassigned once Addison’s back from maternity leave and her ex doesn’t make an appearance?”

“I’m thinking about staying here,” Alan said unexpectedly. “I love working at Tiny Paws.”

“You’re actually thinking about staying here and working at a day care for shifters after your assignment is over? You want to be a career caretaker?”

“Why is that so shocking? I don’t care about gender norms. If anything, they need good role models for strong, nurturing men. Those kids are crazy-amazing, and Cherry needs all the help she can get. I have had more satisfaction changing diapers and opening tubes of applesauce and applying glitter to paint and braiding hair than I have had over a lifetime of questionable missions and dangerous assignments. Not one of them has paid me more than what I’ve gotten from helping those kids learn and grow.”

“Even the mission to the north pole to fight an ice monster who gave you a magic spell?”

“Even that,” Alan said gravely. “Kendra, I want to stay here, with you, and raise Amy as my own, if you’ll have me.”

If she’d have him?

Have him! Have him! her owl chorused.