Redemption’s Inferno (Inferno #3)

Chapter 6

T hey were quiet on the drive. Emilie sat in the passenger seat of Chains’ rental car and leaned back into the soft leather seat. She closed her eyes, letting her mind wander. Despite her overall situation, she was struck by the turn her life had taken since she’d married Viggo and moved to the U.S. For the first time, she had real friends. Even though Viggo had technically been her husband and was her daughter’s father, he was actually one of her best friends. The ordeal Therese had put them through had brought them from childhood friends who had crushes on each other to adults with a deep, lasting bond that went beyond marriage and even their daughter. He’d stood at her side when Therese posted the video of them having sex with an acquaintance of theirs, Otto. Even though it revealed Viggo’s bisexuality to the whole world—which had been humiliating for a professional athlete—he hadn’t wavered. His only concern had been helping her through it to make sure she was okay .

After it was over, and Therese had been arrested, she’d asked him for one night together. She had wanted one romantic evening that could erase the past and leave her with good memories of a man she’d loved for years. Fate had other plans, however, and she discovered she’d gotten pregnant that night. Instead of telling him, though, she’d opted to hide their baby from everyone. There had been no doubt in her mind he would think she’d done it on purpose and be furious with her. So she’d moved in with their friend, baseball phenom Dante Lamonte, and hid. It had given her time to think, to figure out what she wanted to do with her life. At the time, it seemed like going back to school so she could have a career was the best idea; she realized how difficult that would be once Simone was born. Then circumstances arose that forced her to tell Viggo about his daughter, and within a few weeks they’d gotten married .

It suddenly seemed like a long time ago, even though it was just over a year, and she sighed aloud .

“You all right?” Chains glanced over at her. “What’s got you sighing like that ?”

“Just thinking about my life,” she said quietly .

“What about it?” he asked .

She shrugged. “Viggo…our daughter …”

“Do you still love him ?”

“I’ll always love him. He’s such a sweet, sexy beast.” She smiled faintly. “But if you’re asking if I’m in love with him, the answer is no. He’s one of my best friends but I don’t…” Her voice faded and she cocked her head quizzically. “I guess I’ve never really been in love. Young, teenage love, of course, but not real love. I knew something wasn’t right with us—I liked being with him but other than the fact we had sex, there was nothing different than being with a friend. It wasn’t until I saw him with Jamie…” She sighed again. “Well, I knew then that what they had was different .”

“They’re good together,” Chains murmured. “They take care of each other in ways I’d never thought about .”

“What do you mean?” she asked, looking over at him .

“I don’t know that I’ve ever truly been in love either,” he admitted slowly, staring straight ahead. “Yeah, had some girlfriends over the years, had a couple of relationships, but between the job and not finding the right woman, I’ve never felt that. Never even thought about it, really. No time for that kind of thing, and until I left MI6, I never had married friends I was close to either. So after moving to Vegas, and being around everyone there, I saw love in a new way. Especially with Viggo and Jamie—everything they’ve had to fight against to be together and they just do it. It’s intuitive, I think. Despite his physical injuries and how much he’s had to do to get better, Jamie is in tune with everything Viggo needs, whether it’s a kiss or a beer or even to be left alone. At first I thought it was bloody ridiculous—two gay guys in love, being a bit sappy and such …”

“And then ?”

He smiled, though he didn’t look at her. “Then I realized that’s what love is. The kind that most people doubt they’ll ever find. You see it when they talk, when their eyes lock across the room, and even when they talk about each other—those things aren’t sexual either. Their connection is tangible, the way they sense what the other needs and wants. I didn’t know there were people who loved each other like that .”

“Weren’t your parents in love?” she asked softly .

He shook his head. “My father left before I was born, and Mum never remarried .”

“I thought my parents were in love,” Emilie admitted. “But it turns out they weren’t .”

He glanced at her. “ No ?”

She shook her head. “It’s a long story .”

“We’ve time .”

She laughed. “Do you really want to hear about my parents’ romance ?”

He shrugged. “If you want to tell me .”

“It’s not a big deal. Mum got pregnant by a man who was already married and he left at the end of summer. She never told him she was pregnant so he went home to his other family. My dad had always been in love with my mum so he offered to marry her and say the child was his—that’s my brother Karl. Karl only found out a few years ago and then Papa started acting strangely towards him. Turns out he’s always resented Karl’s success because Sebastian and I have… struggled .”

“Sebastian’s your twin, yeah ?”

She nodded .

“You don’t talk about him much. Aren’t you close? I thought most twins were ?”

“We used to be, but he was furious I hid Simone from him and then even more furious that I married Viggo—he still believes the marriage ended because Viggo is gay and that he used me somehow .”

“To what end?” Chains frowned .

She made an impatient gesture with her hand. “It’s just Sebastian being protective. He was already angry that Viggo was in those sex videos with me and — ”

“What was that all about?” Chains interrupted. “Sorry, but I don’t think I know the whole story .”

“Oh. That.” She looked away, staring out at the bleak countryside now that they’d left London’s city limits. “It’s an even longer story than the one about my parents .”

“You might as well tell me—everyone else seems to know .”

“Have you seen the videos ?”

He nodded. “As head of security for Club Inferno, it’s my job to know as much as possible about everyone involved.” He paused. “It didn’t seem like a big deal, Em. It was you and different men having sex. Not exactly the type of thing most people put online, but nothing horrid. There’s porn all over the internet, and honestly, you’re quite lovely to watch .”

She turned quickly, her brows drawing together. “What does that mean ?”

He frowned. “It means you have a beautiful body and watching you make love was better than watching porn—it wasn’t meant to be insulting or crass. You’re truly beautiful, Em .”

She wasn’t sure what to say, sensing a brutal honesty in his words. “Thank you. I think .”

“I know they were recorded without your permission, but that doesn’t show when you watch and they’re quite sexy. Viggo is sexy as well .”

She looked at him in surprise. “Are you bisexual ?”

He laughed, deep and heartily. “Not even a little—but I believe I’m sexually evolved. I like to watch. I like to participate. I like women exclusively, but I still appreciate the sexuality of men. No interest in taking one in the ass, but I’ve had my share of threesomes and while I didn’t find myself drawn to the men, I also wasn’t repulsed. I’m unconditionally straight, but I enjoy the sensuality of the act itself—regardless of whether it’s men or women doing it. Sex isn’t something I put a lot of restrictions on. Men, women, threesomes, fivesomes, dominants, submissives—it’s all good. I like all of it as long as everyone is willing and able to consent .”

“That’s me as well,” Emilie said slowly. “I find everything about sex arousing and like to dabble in lots of different things, but I’m not interested in women.” She paused. “Although I suppose I’ll have to get used to it, won’t I ?”

Chains scowled. “You’re so bloody determined to go to prison, and I don’t understand it! Why are you so insistent it go that way ?”

“I did something terrible,” she said calmly. “Sometimes getting away with something is worse than being punished—I just want the punishment I deserve .”

“But you won’t share what you’ve done .”

She hesitated, thinking about what to say. Honesty seemed easiest at this point. Lying wouldn’t change anything and, though she didn’t want to get out of anything, it might actually feel good to get it off her chest. Glancing over at him, she took a deep breath and let it out .

“I killed someone .”

T hey rode in silence after Emilie’s confession. She seemed to shut down after her abrupt answer and Chains was too confused to immediately comment. He felt the need to tread carefully so he didn’t scare her into running off. She’d given her word she wouldn’t do anything for seven days, but now that she’d admitted what she’d done he was concerned she would renege on their deal out of some misplaced fear he would judge her. If she only knew .

Glancing over at her, he studied her profile. With her eyes closed and her face at rest, she was truly stunning. Her features were soft and straight, her cheekbones high and her long lashes visible even from the side. He could picture the bright blue color of her eyes in his mind’s eye, like the ocean in Maui—a swirl of azure with a touch of teal and aqua. Her eyes had riveted him the first time he’d looked into them, and though he’d had no interest in a married woman, it was hard not to imagine what it would be like to have eyes that color staring into his as he took her—he stopped his train of thought abruptly, shaking his head slightly to clear out the vision of her sprawled beneath him. He’d entertained the fantasy once or twice, but after getting to know her and Viggo, those kinds of thoughts faded immediately. He’d done a lot of shitty things in his life, but sleeping with a married woman wasn’t one of them .

She’s not married anymore, a tiny voice reminded him. He glanced over at her once again, wondering what was going through her mind and trying to decide what he would say when she stopped pretending to sleep and he stopped fantasizing about all the different ways he wanted to fuck her. In an hour or so, they would be at his childhood home, where his mother would undoubtedly carry on for a while. It would most likely be tomorrow before they had another chance to talk and he didn’t want to let it wait that long .

“I know you’re not asleep,” he said quietly, reaching over to put a gentle hand on her shoulder .

Her eyes fluttered open but she didn’t look at him. “What is there to say?” she whispered .

“You could tell me what happened .”

She nodded. “It’s a bit of a blur—I was drinking .”

“Tell me what you remember,” he prompted .

She looked torn and then let out a long, put-upon sigh before she started to speak in a soft but distinctly monotone voice. “I was 19. I’d been studying the BDSM world pretty intently and was exploring my tendency to be dominant. There was a guy—his name was Adam but I don’t know his last name—and he was also exploring his dominance. We went on a date and went to his flat and had sex. I let him do all the usual stuff as we were both still learning—tying me up, telling me when I was allowed to come, all that. It was nice, but you know, I really wanted him to reciprocate. That had been the deal. Trouble was, he was going to university and had exams so we had to wait until the weekend.” She paused, her eyes far away as she struggled to remember the details .

“There was a party on campus. He invited me as his date and though I was anxious to get to the sex part of the evening, I was young and liked to have fun so I went. We drank heavily, and Adam was wasted. I told him to slow down, that it wouldn’t be any fun if he passed out. He said he was fine, that he’d booked a hotel room for the weekend so we had two days to do anything we wanted. After that, I partied too. We left around four or five in the morning and passed out at the hotel. When he woke up it was noon and he was ready to have sex—regular sex—and I was too sleepy to protest. We wound up having nothing but vanilla sex the whole day and I was annoyed. When he fell asleep, I got up and found the restraints I’d brought. By the time he woke up he was bound spread-eagle on the bed. He was furious, shouting at me and calling me names, saying this wasn’t fair. I told him we’d had a deal and it was my turn to play. He wasn’t interested and he just lay there, unresponsive.” She swallowed, biting her lip again. “So I left and put the do not disturb sign on the door. I went to a friend’s flat and we stayed up late drinking, having fun. I meant to go back after an hour or two, but I fell asleep and woke up after a few hours and…this is where it gets spotty.” She took a deep breath. “I remember panicking that I’d left him so long and calling for a taxi. When I got there, he was sleeping and—I honestly don’t know what happened. I guess I passed out. When I woke up again, it was late in the day, about four. And he was dead .”

Chains looked over at her. “Was there blood? Did you have bruises? Was anything missing ?”

“Nothing like that. Nothing was out of place, nothing was gone, no physical marks on either of us—and believe me, I checked .”

“So perhaps a heart attack ?”

“I think he panicked that I left him for so long and probably, yes, had a heart attack .”

“Are you sure he was still alive before you passed out ?”

“No.” She shook her head. “It was dark and I was drunk and exhausted, so I just sat in the chair and the next thing I remember I was waking up .”

“Doesn’t sound as if it’s anything you did,” Chains said carefully. “This was an accident—sex play gone wrong .”

“If I’d not fallen asleep when I got there, maybe I could have saved him! Maybe if I’d called for help he wouldn’t have died! I never should have left him… It was incredibly stupid .”

“It wasn’t your brightest move,” Chains agreed. “But it also wasn’t malicious. You made a deal and he didn’t hold up his end. At the end of the day, you’d probably get a reduced or suspended sentence. I believe there are modifications for offenders in the 18- to 20-year-old range, especially for something that essentially comes down to a prank gone wrong .”

“If you were that boy’s mother, would you be happy with a suspended or modified sentence?” she countered quietly. “As a mother now, the idea that someone could leave Simone to die somewhere …”

“You didn’t leave him to die. There is absolutely no reason why a healthy 20-year-old man should have died from being left tied to a bed for less than 24 hours. Kidnap victims have survived underground, with no light and limited oxygen for much longer than that. This was bad luck and terrible judgment on your part, but not murder, and certainly not something you should rot in prison for .”

“Doesn’t matter,” she whispered .

“Look, let’s find out the truth,” he suggested. “Let me try to find out his name and get the autopsy results. I don’t think it’s smart to turn yourself in without having some facts first. You blacked out for part of the incident, so we don’t want them to say you did something you didn’t .”

“But I did — ”

“You didn’t murder him—you were reckless, but that’s not a first-degree murder charge! This was an accident and if you’re determined to go to the authorities about the incident, let’s make sure we have it under control .”

“But wouldn’t they do that anyway ?”

“You were 19, so how long ago was this ?”

“Eight years .”

“They’ve most likely closed the case, especially if there was no sign of foul play. If you left him restrained — ”

“I didn’t,” she interrupted. “I didn’t want his parents to be told that he was found…like that .”

“So you left fingerprints .”

“Most definitely,” she said. “I was all over that room and I just ran when I realized what had happened. I told Therese…” she trailed off, embarrassed just saying it out loud. What had she been thinking? That her brother’s ex-girlfriend would somehow protect her? She’d been an idiot .

“And what did she say ?”

“She told me to forget about it. She went down to the hotel and talked to people, but the word on the street was that it was an accident. I left England, though, and this is the first time I’ve been back since then .”

“Eight years since you’ve been here?” He was surprised .

“I lost myself in kinky sex and my ill-fated modeling career .”

“Why ill-fated?” He couldn’t help but smile. “You’re beautiful .”

She smiled, her cheeks growing slightly pink as she dropped her gaze. “Thank you. But I’m too…bland? So pale and blond, not very shapely — ”

“Not shapely?” He actually scoffed. “Bloody hell, woman, your body was made for—” He stopped abruptly. “Well, you know, looking at you as a red-blooded male, I think you’re very sexy. A bit skinny for my tastes, but not a damn thing wrong with you .”

She was still smiling, though she didn’t look at him. “You’re very kind. You don’t have to say those things .”

“I wouldn’t say them if they weren’t true .”

“Anyway, I tried to pretend the whole thing never happened and about five years or so ago, Therese showed up in Stockholm asking if I wanted to be in a photo shoot with her. I said yes, and thus began my modeling career. It was okay for a while, shooting for small magazines and catalogues in Sweden and Norway. I did a thing in Greece that actually paid well and got me some success, but by then Therese had started nagging me about Karl .”

“What did she think you could do, exactly ?”

“She thought by having an in with me she would be around when he came home in the summer and I could nudge them back together. It didn’t work that way, though. He didn’t come home very often and she started to get desperate. When she got our friend Otto to seduce Viggo and me, she recorded it and started making demands: Tell her when Karl is home, tell her who he’s involved with, tell her where he’s living… For a while I held her off but when she threatened to put the video online and send it to both my parents and Viggo’s, I didn’t know what to do. I begged her not to and she started making me do things that were unpleasant .”

“Sex?” he asked, his jaw twitching as he tried to contain his anger .

“Sex, drugs…more videos.” She shrugged. “And then Mama got sick and Karl came home for nearly two months. Despite everything she did to change his mind, Karl didn’t have feelings for her and went home to Kate. Although it was a terrible ordeal with Therese going crazy and killing Dante’s fiancée and his manager, it was such a relief to get out from under her control. I got pregnant right when that was all over, and that distracted me for about a year. It wasn’t until Viggo and I got married I started thinking about Adam again…and when the nightmares started, I knew I had to turn myself in. I’m so tired of being controlled…by Therese, by this Adam thing—I have to find redemption, Chains. I have to .”

“You will,” he said softly, reaching out to squeeze her hand. “I’ll help you .”

“Why?” she asked, finally looking over at him. “We’re friends, but not that close, really. What’s in this for you ?”

“First, because Becca and Viggo asked me to. Second, because Warren also asked. And finally, because although we’re not that close, we’re still friends, and I have a past too, things I did as a spy that haunt me too. Maybe if I can help you come to terms with your demons, the rumbling inside me will quiet as well .”

She softly squeezed his hand, understanding exactly what he meant. “Thank you,” was all she said .

“Did you hear that those bastards that attacked Jamie were found guilty?” he asked after a moment .

She nodded. “Yes, I saw it on my phone yesterday before the, er, events started at Cuddy’s. I sent him a quick note to tell him how happy I was .”

They were quiet again for a few minutes and then he chuckled. “So, I haven’t seen my mum in more than five years and she’s bound to be emotional. She’s going to think there’s something between us, no matter what I say, and I’m thinking it would be easier to just let her think it. Later on, I can tell her we split but are still friends. Is that okay with you ?”

She frowned. “Of course, but…don’t you feel odd deceiving her like that? What if she likes me? What if I like her ?”

“She’s definitely going to like you,” he grinned. “And I’m pretty sure you’re going to like her—everyone does. She’s special like that .”

“Then why have you stayed away for five years?” Emilie asked incredulously. “I could never stay away from my mum that long !”

He grimaced. “Safer for her, you know? I’m out of the spy game now, but people in that world have long memories. Best if I keep a low profile .”

“As a security guard at a Las Vegas sex club?” She couldn’t help but grin at him .

He nodded. “ Exactly .”