Chapter 34
It’s been at least ten days that I’ve been trapped in this room. My only clue as to the passage of time is the light that seeps in around the shade of the small window, and the one meal a day that Trevor deigns to bring me.
I lie in bed now, my body sore and weak, but sleep evades me.
The sun set hours ago. At least, it feels like it’s been hours. For all I know, it’s been minutes.
After the night Trevor cut my legs, he left me with nothing but my leggings and my sweater, so torn up that I couldn”t even wear it. I found a short robe in the bathroom, and have been wearing that as a shirt ever since. I’m honestly surprised he hasn’t taken it away from me.
I’ve searched the bedroom and bathroom multiple times now, looking for anything to use as a weapon or for some way to pick my lock so I can sneak out. But I’ve come up empty-handed every time. There isn’t even a mirror in the bathroom, or I’d have broken it by now to give myself a sharp edge to fight back with.
The only things in my possession are two towels, a bottle of the cheap two-in-one shampoo/conditioner combo, a bar of soap, and one cup. I treasure that cup more than anything else, because it means I can easily drink water without dipping my head awkwardly under the faucet.
Funny how a stained plastic cup can become a luxury.
My legs are healing, albeit slowly. I definitely could have used stitches on some of the cuts, but the butterfly bandages Trevor put on them were better than nothing. Most of the cuts are now ugly, red scars, with a few of the deeper ones still scabbed over. They mar my legs, making my skin look like it went through a blender.
I wonder if Emmett will find them as ugly as I do.
If he ever gets the chance to see them.
Pushing the negative thoughts from my head, I try to focus on being productive, thinking of ways to get out, of ways to get Trevor to loosen his grip on me without setting him off. But nothing has worked so far, and I find myself giving up, becoming the woman I was with him before. Scared, timid, wanting nothing more than to run, but too afraid to fight back for fear of losing my life.
The coward in the corner. A shell of who I’d started becoming with Emmett.
Because despite everything Emmett did, he made me better. He made me feel stronger. He made me feel cared for and loved. He made me happy.
It kills me that I never got the chance to tell him this. That one of the last things I said to him was that I hated him.
My chest constricts, remorse burning a hole in my gut. Tears start to run down my face, wetting the pillow beneath my head.
I hope he knows it wasn’t true. I don’t know that my soul could ever rest with those words haunting me for all of eternity.
Even if I survive this and Emmett somehow still wants me, I worry that there will be nothing left of me for him to love. Every day I feel a piece of myself being ripped away, my flame of hope growing smaller and smaller. Before long, there”ll be nothing left but the remnants of the woman I could have been if my life had taken a different course.
The isolation is starting to drive me crazy, my mind in chaos as I wonder what Trevor is going to do next.
I can’t say I forgive him for what he did. I never will. I can’t even say I understand him. I don’t know how anyone could intentionally set out to harm another person. But I can say I understand the isolation–how it can drive a person mad. Even better now than the last six months of our relationship. Before, I was confined mostly to our house. Now, I’m confined to this room.
My own little prison cell.
A couple days after I was brought here, once my legs didn’t hurt so badly, I dared to open the shade over the window, wanting to feel the sunlight on my face. I could see nothing outside the window other than trees, their tall forms blocking most of the sun, but I left the shade open just the same, taking any daylight I could get.
Trevor pushed me to the bed and choked me until I passed out because of it. I woke up with blood and semen smeared between my thighs.
I haven’t dared to open the shade since.
A shiver wracks my body.
The bloodied sheets and mattress protector from my legs still sit in the corner of the room. I’d tried washing them at one point with the shampoo/conditioner combo, but the stains had set, and I couldn’t bear the thought of sleeping on them.
I lay directly on the thin mattress now, a quilt pulled over me and tucked around my body like a cocoon. Shivering, I pull it tighter around myself, and wish that Trevor would turn the heat up in the house just a little bit.
But I don’t dare ask.
Keeping him calm is what’s keeping me alive.
If you define living as nothing more than a beating heart.
Click.
My eyes spring open at the sound of the bedroom door unlocking. I’ve made a habit of leaving the bathroom door cracked with the light on at night so I can see when Trevor comes into the room.
Tonight’s no different, his outline visible as he comes around to the foot of the bed. He stands there, head cocked to the side as he looks at me, wondering if I’m awake.
Not that my being asleep would stop him. It never has before.
I roll onto my back, if for no other reason than to let him know I’m not sleeping.
“You know what I’ve missed the most?” he says softly, his words snaking over me and giving me chills.
That soft voice used to whisper sweet nothings into my ear. That soft voice used to murmur words of praise to me while we made love.
Now it coils around me and suffocates me, promising nothing but pain.
“All of our firsts,” he says. Coming around to the side of the bed, he sits down beside me and extends an arm over me. “Our first date. You were so gorgeous in that little yellow sundress.”
He leans forward, running his nose along my jaw. I fight not to shrink away from him, knowing it will only make him mad.
I hate it. With every fiber of my being, I hate that I”d rather be compliant right now than fight and face his wrath.
“Our first kiss,” he continues, his lips meeting mine as his tongue gently licks at my closed mouth. “The first time you let me eat you out.” He nips at my jaw. “You were so fucking delicious. I knew then I’d never let you leave.”
He runs his hand down my chest and between my breasts, pushing the robe open to expose me to the chilly air. My nipples peak from the cold, but I see the flame they ignite in Trevor’s eyes, thinking it’s for him.
He dips to my hardened peak, taking it between his lips and sucking, his tongue flicking over me. I focus on keeping my breathing steady as he gently sinks his teeth in and tugs.
“The first time I fucked your mouth,” he murmurs against my breast before moving to the other one, pulling that nipple into his mouth. “You were so bad at it, barely taking any of me. But I was willing to be patient with you, darling. I was ready to teach you how to be a good little housewife. How to please me and properly suck my dick.”
His mouth moves lower, trailing down my stomach as he fully unties the belt of my robe. “The first time you let me fuck you, giving me your virginity like a precious gift.” He dips his fingers into my leggings.
I should tell him to stop. I should tell him no. I should fight and kick and scream.
But I can’t, my body paralyzed with fear and anxiety as he pulls my leggings down my legs and tosses them to the ground.
“You were so tight. And I couldn’t wait to have your cunt every day for the rest of my life.” He straightens then, glaring down at me with disgust on his face. “And it wasn’t enough for you. I wasn’t good enough for you.”
He laughs, the sound maniacal, and it breaks the paralyzed spell I was under.
“You weren’t good enough for me because you cheated on me with dozens of women,” I hiss, but as soon as the words leave my lips, I regret them.
The shift in his demeanor is instant. His body tenses, his jaw ticking as he grinds his teeth. Reaching behind himself, he dips a hand into the back pocket of his jeans and pulls out a pocketknife.
“No! No, no, no, no, no, no.” The words pour out of me, my trembling body kicking into fight-or-flight mode.
I scramble up the bed, my heels digging into the mattress. But he reaches out, catching my ankles and yanking me back down. Flipping me so that I’m on my stomach, he climbs on top of me, straddling me as he rests his weight on my ass.
His hands grab at my untied robe, pulling it off my body and leaving me naked beneath him. Lifting my hips, I use all my strength to try to throw him off me, but I”m not strong enough. He grabs a fistful of my hair, his fingers almost ripping it from my scalp, and yanks my head back, putting the blade to my throat.
Every muscle in my body freezes at the imminent danger.
“I wouldn’t have cheated if you’d been more giving in our relationship, Riley.” His words are cold and accusing.
It sickens me that he thinks he can somehow justify cheating on me and making it as though it was my fault.
“You’re fucking crazy,” I snap, and his hold on my hair tightens, pain prickling my scalp.
Still, it doesn’t stop the word vomit from coming out. Everything that I’ve wanted to say to him for so long.
“You’re the piece of shit who couldn’t keep his dick in his pants. You’re the one who beat me and raped me. You’re the one who kept me trapped in our house, who threatened to kill me, who held a gun to my head more times than I can count.” Tears are pouring out of my eyes now, but not out of hurt or pain or sadness. Out of anger. “Everything that went wrong with our relationship was because of you. You manipulated me. You controlled me. You lied to me. You never apologized. You never changed. You never learned.” The knife digs in deeper, and I feel a bead of blood run down my neck. “You are an evil, sick person, Trevor. And I hope you rot inside a prison cell for the rest of your pathetic life. Death would be a blessing for you, you fucking asshole!”
The blade leaves my throat, just for my head to get pushed down into the pillow. His weight suffocates me as he leans over me, squishing me into the mattress.
Whispering in my ear, he says, “You want to hurt me, darling? You want to cut deep with your ugly words and vicious lies?” He leans back, and the sound of his zipper opening is deafening. “Then I’m more than happy to cut back while I take your last first. I’ll make it so Emmett will never look at you again. I’ll make it so that you’ll never be rid of me.”
His hand finally lets go of my hair, only for him to grab my ass, spread my cheeks and spit on me. I buck wildly under him when his finger rubs over my asshole, spreading his spit around before he adds more.
“No!” I scream. My blood boils beneath my skin.
“One day, you’ll learn not to be such a fucking cunt. And I hope I’m the one who gets to teach you that lesson.”
His cock nudges at my ass, and then with one hard punch, he pushes inside my tight hole, the breath leaving my lungs as pain sears through me. My hands grab uselessly at the mattress, fingernails digging in as he starts pounding into me.
I’m not wet, not even remotely close to lubricated, but still he thrusts into me with a vengeance, uncaring as to the pain he’s causing as he tears me.
“Would you look at that? You”re bleeding, just like when I took that cunt the first time. Nice and bloody and so goddamn tight.” He runs a hand down my back, and I can feel the wetness on his fingers. The blood.
Tears stream down my face, the sick thought that maybe the blood will make the pain less, offering some sort of lubrication, floating through my mind.
It doesn’t. The pain making every muscle in my body clench and tremble.
When I feel a sharp slice into my left shoulder, I scream. Looking back, I see Trevor dragging the blade of the pocketknife over my skin.
My eyes squeeze shut, and it’s all I can do to just breathe and pray it’s over soon.
He continues thrusting into me as he moves the blade over my back. And when he finally comes with a grunt, he pulls out, walking out of the room and locking the door like nothing happened.
My body shakes with so much pain I can barely move. Every breath I take feels like my skin is being peeled from my back.
Turning onto my side, I pull my legs up to my chest and sob as the remainder of hope I”d been clinging to drains from me.
If this is living, I don’t want it anymore.