25. Vivienne
25
VIVIENNE
I was right about the streak of nights Baz goes right to sleep ending, and despite our trip to the zoo, it took me over an hour to get him to go to bed tonight. I didn’t really mind though. After the scare at the zoo, I rocked him to sleep in the glider in his room as I read to him.
I feel awful about what happened today. I let myself get lost in my anger with Asher, which honestly, I don’t even understand.
I’m not even sure I have any reason to be mad at him.
I’m tired and worn out as I walk quietly out of Sebastian’s room and see Asher climbing the stairs, wearing only a pair of black Calvin Klein sweats. I whisper in his direction, “Do you ever wear a shirt?”
He just smirks and at least picks up that Sebastian must be asleep and whispers back, “I was actually heading to bed but wanted to talk to you first.”
After the zoo, he dropped us off at the house and went to campus. As far as I know, he wasn’t home when I gave Sebastian a bath and started the process of putting him to bed.
I direct him away from Baz’s room and toward mine. He follows as I flick the light on, and he closes the door behind him, not whispering anymore. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine. Sebastian is okay. So I’m okay. ”
I really just want to go to sleep. He sits down on my bed, and I take my earrings out of my ears, standing by my dresser. I guess we’re back to being friends.
“Yeah, I know that had to be scary. I mean, it scared the fuck out of me, it had to terrify you.”
It did. I don’t think I’ve ever been so afraid in my life. “I can’t believe I allowed that to happen.” I turn toward Asher, but don’t move near him. “When he was born, I swore I would never let anything bad happen to him. Never.” I see the pained expression on his handsome face, and I’m sure he’s thinking about his brother. Something so significant happened to his family that any time something traumatic comes up, it always goes back to that. “And I got distracted.”
“We did.”
“He’s not your responsibility. He’s mine. And I let him down today because I was too caught up in an argument with you over something really stupid.”
“You were right, I haven’t been very nice. I was an ass.”
I shake my head and join him on the bed, sitting a few feet away from him. “You were just being honest. I shouldn’t have brought up the night with Colt.”
It hurt me when he called me the wrong girl, but I know that he has some serious demons. He’s trying to figure out who he is, and I’m not helping with that. I watch his neck tighten and can tell he’s tense just from the mere mention of it. He takes a deep breath, his deep voice low and he can barely look at me. “I don’t like thinking about him touching you.”
I try to process that, but my brain is too tired.
“I mean, I know he did. Sebastian’s here, but I don’t like it. The thought of it. I just don’t.”
I know that was hard for him to admit even if I don’t know what it means. I don’t think he does either. “You were right. This thing with you and me...” I try to sound casual even though just saying “you and me” sends a slight shiver through my body. “It’s too dangerous. We can’t let anything bad happen to Sebastian, and we proved today that we don’t have it under control.”
“Sebastian was right there. It really wasn’t a huge deal. ”
“It could have been. I never let him out of my sight, and I did today. Something horrible could have happened to him.”
“I’m sorry, Viv.” I can tell he feels bad.
“Don’t be.” I smile and try my best to joke, to go back to the more light, carefree relationship we had. Although he was always the lighter one. “I promise to never try to seduce you again.”
I’m kidding, but I’m also not kidding. He doesn’t smile though. His face is too serious, only amplifying the previous shudder I felt, but then finally, a smirk breaks through. “I fucking knew it.”
I roll my eyes at him. “Shut. Up.”
He laughs, and so do I, and it feels good.
“I didn’t plan anything. I wasn’t trying to seduce you into something you don’t feel comfortable with.”
“Yeah, believe me, I wanted to.”
I skip over that. “I think it’s good that you want to find out who you are. That’s what college is supposed to be about anyway.”
“Yeah, I suppose. I am sorry you had to go through that today. I prefer when we’re friends though. So maybe I’m not too sorry since Sebastian is totally fine.”
I smile. “I like us as friends too. It makes things a lot easier.”
“I’m all about easy.” He wags his eyebrows, and I shake my head, resisting the bait.
No more flirting. No more swimming alone with him.
We have to be careful from now on.