Restrictions (Sterling Family #2)

43. Vivienne

43

VIVIENNE

I ’m a fool. Asher Sterling should really come with a warning label. We did so damn well for seven months.

Not so much as a single graze of a hand, and the moment he comes at me with his bullshit possessive alpha-male attitude, caging me against the wall, I'm putty in his hands.

I roll over in my bed to the empty side that still smells like Asher even though he didn’t stay long after we finished our second round of stupidity.

I hear the doorbell and sit straight up in the bed. Who could that be?

My first thought is Sawyer.

I groan as I climb off the bed, my body sore from my time with Asher and grab a wrinkled nightgown from my bedroom floor and my robe, pulling them both on and fastening the robe at the waist.

Sawyer.

I had such a great day with him yesterday, and then I came home and had sex with Asher.

Not that I owe Sawyer anything at this point, and who knows, he could have gone out and done the same thing last night.

Would I be upset if he did?

I shrug, unable to process how I really feel as I make my way down to the front door and see Lola through the window next to the door, perfectly put together with a smile on her pretty face.

I feel my hair with my hand and know it is an out of control mess. The nightgown I have on is sheer with thin straps, so I make sure my robe is pulled tight and open the door. Lola smiles at me again, taking in my appearance. “Late night?”

I nod and laugh nervously, trying to tuck my unruly hair behind my ear. “Yeah.”

Her eyes fall on my neck. “Whoa. Very late night.”

I instantly cover my neck, remembering Asher’s mouth and teeth there last night. He for sure left a mark. “Uh, yeah.”

“Are you okay?” She holds up both hands, her face so kind. “No judgment.”

And I know she means that. “I’m fine. I just wasn’t expecting you. In Kansas.”

She laughs. “Asher didn’t tell you? I’m here to help mom and Tony pack.”

That’s right. Nora and Tony bought a beach house in California. They’re moving there. I was slightly devastated when Nora told me at Christmas, but she assures she will be back here as often as she can to see Baz. “That’s right, Nora told me.”

Asher didn’t say a word as he was thrusting into me over and over again.

My cheeks flush as my thoughts run dirty, and Lola eyes me with curiosity. “Can I come in?”

“Oh, of course.” I move out of the way, allowing her to step in. And as she does, Asher hits the top step, wearing only black sweats with his hair still a mess from my fingers.

“Hey, sis. What are you doing here?”

“I told you I was coming over today.” She walks to him. And I feel like I might die when I notice a very prominent bite mark on his shoulder.

Why can’t he ever wear a shirt?

“Wow. You got some action last night too, huh?”

Asher’s slick smile is menacing as he looks over at me, not even trying to hide it, and my eyes close tightly as I try to convince myself not to murder him .

Lola’s eyes follow his, and it clicks in her head, and her eyes roll. “Oh.”

“We all make really stupid mistakes in our lives, right?” I’m talking to Lola, but my eyes are on Asher.

Whose eyes roll at my statement, and he walks toward the kitchen. “Who needs coffee?”

We both follow, and again the sickening embarrassment heats my face when I see claw marks down his muscled back as I walk with his sister behind him.

Bless Lola, she doesn’t say a word as we all grab cups of coffee and sit at the kitchen table.

“So last night was a mistake, huh?”

But she does love to face things head-on.

“Huge.”

Asher’s eyebrow kicks up, and I want to slap him again. As I shake my head, having to warn him not to make a dick joke around his sister.

“Fucking massive.” He says it with a smirk into his coffee cup.

Asshole .

“Um, okay.” Lola nervously brushes her bangs out of her eyes and takes a drink of her coffee. “So, I don’t even know what to say.” She laughs as she places her mug down.

“Nothing to say, sis. Yesterday was kind of a weird day here.” Asher’s eyes don’t meet mine, but I can hear the low growling tone of his voice matching last night. “Viv here went out on a date with Sawyer, then came home and fucked me.”

Lola’s eyes meet mine. “Sawyer. As in Sawyer?”

“I . . .” Feel horrible.

“Yup. That Sawyer.” Asher takes over while I stutter like an idiot. “My best friend all through school. The kid who came over and stayed the night at our house more times than I can count. The kid who broke his leg at our house jumping down from the treehouse like a fucking asshole trying to show off. The fucker who slept with sisters because he fucking could.”

My stomach turns as he speaks because I know he’s hurt.

Lola looks shocked as she listens to him, and then focuses on me. “How did that happen?”

“Which part? Her going out on a date with him or her fucking me last night?”

We both turn to look at Asher, who’s fuming. And Lola clears her throat quietly, stuck in a totally awkward situation that she certainly wasn’t expecting to be in when she came over this morning. “Um, dating Sawyer.” Her eyes stay trained on me.

“He’s spent a lot of time here.”

“He’s convenient. Viv doesn't have a lot of time for dating, so she just fucks whoever comes close.”

“Asher.” Lola’s voice is both shocked and warning as I stand from the table, humiliated and feeling guilty.

“It’s okay. He’s mad.” I look over at Asher, my gaze cold. And there are so many cruel things I could say, but I don’t.

I don’t want to hurt him.

I don’t want to hurt anyone.

Lola takes my hand. “Please don’t leave. I don’t get to see you very often.”

I feel bad and sit back down because I really do care about Lola. “How long are you here?”

“I have to get back tomorrow.” She turns to Asher. “I was hoping you would go to Mom’s house and help me help her. She has to get rid of some stuff.”

“Why, the beach house is small?”

“Smaller than their current home. Yes.”

He nods, telling her he’ll help without saying anything as he stands up. “I’m gonna go shower.”

He leaves, and Lola turns to look at me, deep concern in her eyes. “What happened? I thought you guys called it quits.” Yes, I told her everything Christmas Eve over eggnog.

“We did. I told you it was a mistake.”

She nods. “Are you okay?”

She’s one of a kind. She’s his sister, but I see the compassion she has for me. “Yes.” My eyes well up with tears, the memories of last night flooding through me. “No.”

She nods and pulls me into a hug smoothing my hair. “He loves you too, you know? He does. He’s just an idiot.”

I laugh through tears against her small bony shoulder. “He doesn’t. He’s just a child who doesn’t want anyone else playing with his toy. ”

She holds me by the shoulders and pushes me back enough to look into my eyes. “Sawyer?”

I sniff and wipe away a tear. “He’s attractive. And charming.”

“Yeah. No shit. That boy could talk a nun out of her habit.”

I laugh at that and then so does she as I brush away more tears.

“Do you really think that’s a good idea? I mean, I'm sure he’s a great rebound.”

I shake my head. “That’s not how I see him.”

She studies me with uncertainty. “You don’t?”

“No. Sawyer has been good to me. He makes me laugh, and maybe he’s not the most serious guy, but I'm a little too serious at times. It’s kind of nice.”

She nods her head slowly, trying to follow me, but I can tell she thinks I'm not making good decisions. “That thing about him hooking up with sisters, that’s true, you know?”

I remember the rumors in school. “Everyone has a past. I’m not one to judge what others have done.”

She shrugs her shoulders. “I mean yeah, but... he is a player. I can’t picture him settling down either, Viv.”

I couldn’t either. But there was something in the way he kissed me last night... I’m not so sure. “We’re just getting to know each other at this point. And he’s great with Sebastian.”

“That I really can’t picture.”

I laugh. “It was the strangest thing. Baz is suspicious of almost everyone, but he took right to Sawyer.”

She smiles. “Well, he is an excellent judge of character.” She tucks a piece of my hair behind my ear. “You do whatever makes you happy. Go with your gut, and don’t let my brother make you feel guilty. You gave him his chance.”

My heart aches, thinking about that night and how badly I just wanted him to love me back. To try.

“I don’t want to make any more mistakes.”

She nods her head, only kindness in her eyes. “Believe me, I know that all too well. Not making mistakes is my forte. But I also have never gone after what I want.”

“That’s not true.” She looks confused, and I remind her. “Lola, you’re my hero. You wanted to make your own name, and you moved to California and started your own business, leaving behind everything you’ve ever known. You’re incredibly brave.”

She smiles, her chin lifting a little with pride. “That’s true.” Her voice softens. “But I meant with my heart.”

I’ve never known Lola to date. She’s never been in a serious relationship that I know of, and as we’re on this subject, I see the sadness in her eyes, beneath the surface. “There’s still time for that.”

She laughs as she stands up, taking her coffee cup to the sink. “Fuck that. I have a career and house I love. I’ll get a cat or two, and I'll be set.”

I laugh as I meet her at the sink. “Any guy,” I shrug my shoulders, not wanting to box her in, “or girl, would be lucky to have you.”

She laughs at that, and after I place my cup in the sink, she places her hands on my shoulders and looks me dead in the eyes. “If you want to date Sawyer. Date him. If you want to go on Tinder and have all kinds of crazy, safe sex, do it. Do what you want to. It’s not your job to pine after Asher until he pulls his head out of his ass and loves you back the way you deserve to be loved.”

“You’re full of good advice, you know that?”

She laughs, “It’s kind of my thing.” She drops her hands. “And... he will kill me, but I have to offer.”

I look at her curiously. “What?”

“If it’s too much being here with him, you and Baz can always come and stay with me until you figure things out.”

I stare at her, stunned, but I'm not sure why. She did the same thing for Penelope. “I can’t do that to Baz.”

“What? Let him live on the beach? Go to a private school in California and soak up the sun in his free time?”

I look out the window, the dull ache in my chest not going anywhere. “Take him away from Asher.”

She already knew that’s what I meant. “That part would suck. They love each other so much. But, Viv, if you’re not happy,... Baz is not happy.”

“I can’t do that.”

She nods. “Okay, but the offer is there. The rest of his family is there too.”

But the relationship he has with Baz . . .

I won’t do that. I can’t.