Chapter Five
OAKLEY
“You look like you could use some coffee,” Shane’s voice sounds from behind me.
I jolt in my seat and turn with an embarrassed grin. Coffee sounds heavenly right now. I take it from his hand, sighing happily.
“You’re a godsend,” I chuckle, lifting the cup to my nose so I can inhale the fragrant steam.
“Just wait until I tell you I brought breakfast burritos, too,” he says, lifting a bag from the local shop I hadn’t noticed before.
I groan appreciatively as he passes me a burrito before settling into his own desk beside mine. I stayed up late last night working on homework that I got way too wrapped up in. I still got to the office before he did, but I can’t blame him for being a few minutes late when he comes bearing such wonderful gifts.
I didn’t exactly mean to finish the whole project last night, but everything still feels so new and exciting. I’ve been absolutely loving school, even my accounting classes. Obviously, the business management and financial planning courses are more my speed, but almost every class that I’m taking captures my attention and makes me even more excited for my future in the field.
My internship has been even more interesting than school. My uncle treats me like he would any other intern, pushing me and expecting me to pull my own weight, and it’s so thrilling to have someone believe in me like that.
Shane and I make a good team, too.
We’ve done a few projects for my uncle in the last month, mostly small scale operations planning, things that won’t be too big of a deal if we mess something up. He’s giving us a bit more leash with this new assignment, and I think both Shane and I are chomping at the bit to seal the deal with this contractor and really prove ourselves to him.
I’ve been glad, too, that Shane hasn’t been too pushy. I’m more interested in being colleagues first and potentially friends second, and he seems to want to prioritize our friendship, but he hasn’t really made any moves that have been too hard to fend off. He’s truly just been a good friend, and I’m starting to get used to it.
“Any response on that email we sent last night?” he asks as he boots up his computer and logs in for the day.
“Nothing yet,” I say, shaking my head. “They’re a few hours behind us, so it might be a bit until we hear from them.”
There’s only so much we can do until we hear back from our contact, but with any luck, we’ll hear from them by lunchtime. Until then, we decided to split up the prep work, me writing the contract while Shane gets the PR package ready, working under the assumption that they’ll be happy to accept all of our terms with no revisions.
We both go through our day, checking in on the other tasks we’ve been assigned and finishing off our onboarding checklists. I shadow Alli for a few hours, chatting with her about the day to day of operations and how each quarter usually progresses. We spend lunch together, and it’s really comforting to have someone more experienced that I get along with so well.
I head back to my desk as the day starts to wrap up, planning to check my emails one last time before clocking out. Just as I’m about to refresh my inbox, Shane leans over onto my desk with an easy smile.
“Do you want to grab dinner together after work?” he asks casually. “There’s this burger place down the street that people have been talking about in the breakroom.”
It sounds reasonable. Normal. Two coworkers getting dinner. It doesn’t mean anything more than the coffee and burrito he brought me this morning.
So why does it feel so wrong ?
Is it just because he’s a guy? The fact that I haven’t known him most of my life? That he’s leaning so close I can smell his cologne? The fact that he smells like aftershave and soap instead of a barn?
“I…” I say hesitantly, leaning back slightly. “Sorry, Shane, I’ve got a ton of work to do for school. You know how it is.”
I laugh awkwardly as I turn my attention back to my computer, ignoring the fact that I finished all of the work I have for school last night. Shane shrugs, and I see him lean back over to his own desk in my peripheral vision.
He seems like he’s trying to be casual, but there’s a tension in his shoulders, like he feels uncomfortable. I don’t know how to explain to him that I’m just not used to any of this, but I don’t want him to think that I have an issue with him. I really do like chatting with him and hanging out, and I don’t want him to think otherwise.
“That sucks,” he sighs, “Jesse wanted to take all the new interns out, but it’ll be boring without you.”
I open my mouth to apologize, but he talks over me, his eyes sliding back to meet mine. His face is just as warm and welcoming as it always is, and I can see understanding in his eyes. It makes me relax, knowing that even if he doesn’t know exactly why I’m being weird about this, that he’s not taking it personally.
“I mean, you have to eat regardless.” He laughs, the sound easy and jovial. “I figured it would be easier to go somewhere close to work for a quiet bite so you can just focus on working when you get home. We can always hang another time, if you want.”
I hesitate again, annoyed at my own inability to try new things. Shane has been nothing but sweet to me, and it’s not like he asked me out on a date. He just said he wanted to grab dinner, and we wouldn’t even be going alone. It’s basically a company dinner.
“You’re right,” I say, laughing awkwardly. “Yeah, I’ll join everybody. I just won’t be able to stay long.”
He smiles widely at me, his eyes crinkling at the corners before he turns back to his computer to clock out for the day.
“I’m glad,” he says. “I can drive us over there. I think Alli, Tracy, and Lex are going in Jesse’s car, so he’s full.”
“Sounds like a plan.”
My gut flips a little at the idea of going out in Shane’s car, but I roll my eyes at myself. It’s just dinner with my coworkers. Dinner with at least two people who I consider friends. I’m worrying myself over nothing.
By the time we make it to our seats, food in hand, I’m already starting to regret letting Shane talk me into this. It’s nothing to do with him—hell, if anything, he’s the only reason I didn’t excuse myself before picking out an insanely overpriced burger. And the place is cute, kind of halfway between a diner and a fast food joint. Plus, Shane insisted on paying for my food, and a free meal can make pretty much anything better.
Thankfully, with so many people here, the chatter isn’t focused on anyone specifically. Stories and introductions are already getting tossed around the table by the time Shane and I find our seats, and I smile at him gratefully when he offers me the chair at the end of the table. It’s easy enough to settle in and start on my food, which is surprisingly good. I answer questions when they’re sent my way and show polite interest in other people’s stories.
I wish Phoebe was here, as she’s always been better at making small talk, but I manage pretty well.
“I still feel like I’ve barely even gotten to know you,” Shane says after the conversation tapers off a bit.
He takes a bite of his burger, nudging me with his elbow teasingly. Part of me wants to deflect, but this is how people make friends, isn’t it?
“Yeah, we’ve been pretty busy at the office,” I agree with a short laugh.
“Oh, come on,” he whines around a mouthful of his burger, “no work talk. We’re off the clock.”
I shift in my seat, taking a bite of my own burger as I try to figure out what to say. I haven’t really had to make friends since middle school, and I have approximately no idea what to talk about.
“Ok, ok, you’re right,” I agree with an answering grin. “This is pretty good.”
He raises his brow and snorts out a laugh as I raise my burger in a lame attempt at conversation.
“What next, are we going to chat about the weather?”
I blink at him in confusion, but the grin on his face looks like he’s trying to joke, to tease. It’s harmless. He’s playing around, like people do with friends. I roll my eyes playfully and remind myself that being friends with Shane is exactly what I’m trying to do here. It would be helpful if I didn’t get in my own way.
“Alright, then, what do you want to talk about?” I ask, taking another bite of my burger.
Maybe if he leads the conversation, it won’t be so painfully awkward.
“I want to know about you!” he tells me, excitement obvious in his voice. “Where did you grow up? What’s your family like? Why are you out here?”
“Uh, well, Montana is home,” I start, doing my best not to think too much about memories of home. “Skyview Falls. I grew up on a ranch that my dad runs with my brother and my sister. My mom’s a veterinarian, so she takes care of all our animals and has a little clinic on the property. I moved out here to go to NYU. Nothing all that special, really.”
It hurts more than I expect it to when I talk about home. It doesn’t hurt like this when I talk to my family or to Phoebe, but telling Shane about it makes it seem like it’s all something of the past. Like I’ve really properly walked away from it all and left it behind.
The idea makes my stomach flip unpleasantly, and I take a sip of my tea in an attempt to soothe myself.
“So you moved out here and live with your aunt and uncle now, right?” he asks casually before popping a fry in his mouth. “Do they not have any kids or anything?”
I hesitate, setting my tea down before answering. It’s not like it’s a secret that my aunt and uncle don’t have kids, but it feels a little invasive to answer questions about them. And I know Shane’s just making conversation, but I still don’t feel like it’s something I should talk about.
“Well—I mean, no,” I babble, not really sure what else to say.”
“Oh, wow, I didn’t realize that,” he says with a laugh. “I figured you were just really close with your cousin or something. You must have a great relationship with your aunt and uncle. Lucky you, free rent.”
I scratch at the base of my skull anxiously, laughing along even though I’m trying to find literally anything else to talk about. Unfortunately, I’ve never really been great at being subtle, and I wind up just opening my mouth and blurting it out.
“I really shouldn’t talk about that with you,” I say, smiling hesitantly. “It’s not, like, it’s nothing about you , you know? It just feels kind of weird talking about my family since they’re also our bosses. I just…I want to keep that separate from work.”
His brows raise in surprise, and I see his eyes widen, the pretty blue of them shining in the light of the restaurant. He looks taken aback, and I wince, hoping that I didn’t come off too harsh.
“No, no, I’m sorry,” he apologizes, reaching out to pat my shoulder in a comforting manner. “I didn’t realize talking about that would make you uncomfortable. Totally my bad. I want to get to know you , anyway, not your aunt and uncle.”
The apology makes me almost sag in relief, and my smile comes easier. I even manage to lean into the hand on my shoulder before shifting away slightly. He lets his hand fall without comment.
“Really, it’s fine,” I say. “You didn’t do anything wrong, I just?—”
“Hey,” he interrupts, meeting my eyes with a grin. “You don’t have to explain yourself. A boundary is a boundary. I won’t bring it up again.”
I blink at him in pleasant surprise, my heart stuttering in my chest. Shane isn’t anything like Jamie, he’s confident without being cocky, reassuring without being overbearing. It’s both a breath of fresh air and so shockingly different that it almost hurts.
I try to ignore my own thoughts, reminding myself that Jamie isn’t here . He’s not part of my life anymore, and it doesn’t matter how different they are. Shane isn’t Jamie.
Besides, it’s not like this is a date. We’re just…getting to know each other. As coworkers.
As friends.
“Thanks,” I say softly.
He smiles at me, easy as can be, and grabs another fry off his plate. “Don’t mention it.”
My phone lights up with a text from Phoebe, and I wince when I catch sight of the time. I don’t actually have anything I have to get done tonight, but I was really looking forward to just vegging out on the couch with my aunt for a few hours. Plus, I already told Shane I couldn’t be out too late.
“I should probably get going,” I say apologetically. “Do you want the rest of my fries?”
There aren’t many left, but Shane gladly takes the little basket and adds the remaining fries to his own.
“Are you on a subway line?” he asks as I slip my phone into my bag. “It’s way too late for you to be walking home alone. I can pack this up and drive you home, if you want?”
My heart melts at the concern in his eyes, but I can’t quite bring myself to take him up on the offer. I want to take that step forward, but it feels so much like stepping away from Jamie, and that thought makes guilt drop like lead in my stomach. Jamie is nothing but a memory to me anymore, and even accepting a ride home from a friend still feels like cheating.
“I’ll be fine,” I promise. “I’ll get a cab.”
“At least let me walk you out,” he insists.
I do my best to ignore the part of me that wants to shy away from even that, and I nod in agreement. My goodbyes are met with a chorus of disappointed groans and promises to see me tomorrow from the rest of the table, and I wave cheerily to them after I gather my things.
Shane and I weave our way out of the busy restaurant, passing through couples and families gathered around tables or waiting in line for their food. It’s a relief to finally make it out the doors and get some fresh air, even if it’s not any less crowded.
It seems like the city is always crowded.
“Thanks for dinner,” I say as Shane and I make our way to the curb.
“Thanks for coming,” he says with a grin. “I almost thought I wasn’t going to be able to convince you.”
“Yeah, well, you made a pretty good argument.” I chuckle at him as I hold a hand out toward an approaching cab, watching as it starts to navigate closer to the curb. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”
He smiles wide, leaning down, and I freeze. It almost feels like he’s going to kiss me, and I very nearly shove him away in panic, but he just wraps one arm around my shoulders and squeezes me in a friendly hug. It barely even lasts two seconds before he’s pulling away, and I’m so grateful to hear the cab pull up beside us.
“See you tomorrow,” he agrees cheerfully.
I fumble with the door of the cab, yanking it open as soon as I get a good grip on the handle. Shane is still standing on the curb as I duck into the backseat, and I can feel the flush in my cheeks. I am so, so not ready for anything other than friendship, but Shane is hard not to think about. I can’t stop myself from comparing the two of them even though I don’t want to think about that at all.
“See you tomorrow!” I repeat, yanking the door closed between us.
He waves as we pull away from the curb, but I don’t let myself look back at him. I give the cabbie my address and rub my hand over the back of my neck. I’m exhausted and confused, and all I want is to collapse on the couch with my aunt and binge watch some awful reality show with her.
Oh, and to stop thinking about both Jamie and Shane for the night. Or at least five minutes.