Chapter Nine
OAKLEY
“This is the prospective investor list for the Midwest expansion that you asked for,” I say, sliding the stack of papers across my uncle’s desk. It takes him a moment to look away from his computer screen, his glasses sliding another half inch down his nose when he shifts. The bags beneath his eyes look even worse than my own.
“Thanks, Oakley,” he says with a tight smile. He flips through the papers before glancing up at me, his brows furrowed in confusion. “Did Shane look over this? I don't see anything from him in here.”
I carefully hide my wince at the mention of his name, shuffling my feet awkwardly.
“He was busy when I tried to show him, so I figured I should just give it to you.”
The truth is that I can hardly stand to show my face in front of him since the disastrous attempt at a date. I’ve been dodging him for nearly two weeks at this point, doing my best to keep things as professional as I can manage while also keeping my distance.
It’s been…rough.
I stay as far away from him as I can manage unless my uncle is watching. It’s easier to avoid him if I close my door and my blinds, but I feel like a coward for hiding from him. He tried to apologize the day after, but I ran off with my tail between my legs, and things have been tense and awkward between us since. I don’t think either of us know how to navigate a professional relationship after I so thoroughly ruined any chance of a romantic one.
He’s been perfectly polite every time I see him, but we don’t joke around anymore. I feel like I’m waiting for him to get mad at me, even though he’s proven that he won’t take it out on me. It would be so nice if things could just go back to the way they were before, but I don’t think that’s possible anymore.
Or at least not anytime soon.
My uncle hums thoughtfully, his face pinched in a picture of displeasure as he looks me over. He sets the papers down and leans his elbows on his desk before he speaks.
“Oakley,” he says, trailing off like he's uncomfortable, “normally I wouldn't bring this up here, but you are my niece, and I love you to pieces. You’ve seemed off for a bit now. Is everything ok? If you're having issues at school or here, you can always talk to me.”
Part of me wants to break down and tell him everything, but I know I can't do that. If he'd asked me at home, I might have been able to explain some of it, but I can't say anything here. I can't tell him that I was stupid and went on a date with my coworker even though I knew it could go badly and ruin everything. I can't tell him that I'm still so hung up on Jamie that I can hardly think straight some days.
I want him to be proud of me. I don't want him to regret giving me this chance. I don't want to give credence to any of the office gossip about me not having earned my spot here.
So I just paste on a smile, hoping that it doesn't look as strained as it feels.
“Everything’s fine!” I assure him. The words leave a foul taste in my mouth. “It's a lot to get used to all at once. But I promise, I'm just fine.”
His lips thin slightly as he continues staring at me, but I don't budge.
The last thing I need is to make him worry about me. He's already doing so much for me. If it wasn't for him and aunt Kathy, I wouldn't have a place to stay, much less an internship and a plan for my life after school. I don't want to make it harder on him.
“If you say so,” he finally says, although I can hear in his voice that he doesn't believe me. “Get home safe, kiddo.”
I keep that bright smile pasted on my face as I head for the door, not allowing it to waver for a second.
“You got it,” I agree. “Don't stay out late or Aunt Kathy will get mad at you again.”
He chuckles softly in response as I slip out the door and head back toward my office. My smile falls as soon as I'm out of eyesight.
The light in Shane’s office is already off, the blinds open to show his desk deserted even though it's barely past time to head out. When we started, both of us would spend hours after we were supposed to be done, poring over files and tossing ideas back and forth. It feels like forever ago that he would bring me coffee with a smile and make friendly jokes all day.
Our budding friendship has completely dissolved.
I barely make it to my desk before I hear a soft knock. Alli is there when I turn, leaning against the door jam. One perfectly sculpted brow is raised in worry, but I paste on a smile like I have any belief that it’ll fool her.
“Heading out?” I ask.
“In a minute,” she says, stepping further into my office and pulling the door closed behind her. “Are you doing alright?”
I should probably wave her off just like I did with my uncle. It’s unprofessional to blabber on about my personal life to my coworkers, but the look in Alli’s eye tells me she’s not going to take no for an answer. If I’m honest with myself, I really do need someone to talk to.
I haven’t told Phoebe about any of this yet because I know she’ll be excited about me trying to move on. The thought of moving on hurts even worse now that I know how wrong it felt when I tried.
“Hanging in there.” I don’t bother hiding the exhaustion in my voice, and Alli’s face creases into a worried little frown. “Can I vent to you for a little? It’s about personal stuff.”
A soft laugh falls from her lips, and relief flashes in her eyes.
“You’re more of a friend than a coworker to me,” she says. “I’m all ears. And whatever you say stays between us. I know how to keep my mouth shut.”
I sigh, leaning back against my desk.
“Shane and I kind of went on a date,” I blurt out. “He kissed me.”
Alli’s brow rises just slightly in surprise, but there’s no judgment on her face. She nods, looking thoughtful, and smiles sympathetically at me.
“I assume it didn’t go well?” she asks.
“You could say that.” I twine my fingers together, idly picking at one of my nails in frustration. “He was fine. Great. I’m… really not over my ex. I feel like I led Shane on, and I don’t know how to continue being his friend or his coworker.”
She hums, tapping her nails against the strap of her bag.
“You haven’t talked to your uncle about any of this?”
“God, no. I don’t want to cause problems,” I say.
“You might need to,” she says bluntly. Before I get the chance to argue, she raises her hand and continues speaking. “Things like this happen. We’re all adults. If it’s not possible for you to keep working with Shane, you might want to talk to your uncle about transferring departments.”
I frown at that suggestion. This is where I want to be, but I guess the only other solution would be for Shane to transfer, and that’s not fair. He seems perfectly capable of handling himself professionally. If I can’t do the same, he shouldn’t bear the consequences.
“Or,” she adds, catching my eye and smiling comfortingly, “you could ask me for a little help. I know things like this are awkward, but if you give it some time, you’ll both get over it. If you need a hand with anything you’re working on, you can always come talk to me. I’ve got a few time-saving tricks up my sleeve, and I’d be happy to help you out, Oakley.”
The offer warms my heart, and I smile even as I shake my head.
“I don’t want to put more work on your plate,” I say. “I can handle this on my own. I think I just needed to talk to somebody about it.”
I feel a little better just for having said it out loud, but I know I still need to put in some serious work to fix the whole situation.
“Just don’t push yourself too hard. I’m always here if you need,” she says. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”
“Yeah,” I say. “Get home safe.”
She offers me one last supportive smile before ducking back out into the hallway. The smile on my face melts away as soon as she’s out of sight, and that oppressive exhaustion settles right back over my shoulders.
So much for feeling better, I guess.
I huff in annoyance as I grab my bag from my desk and bend down to turn my computer off for the day. I wish I could stop thinking about all of it, but it's been a long day and I'm more irritable than usual. Even waiting for the elevator has me on edge.
It's not even that I miss Shane, not exactly. We weren't close enough for me to be really upset at losing him as a friend, but I am frustrated.
I should have known better than to mix business and pleasure, and I should have trusted my own instincts, no matter how annoyed I am about not being over Jamie. I shouldn't have pushed myself to do something I know I'm not ready for. I just…sure, I'm not surprised that things are awkward between us, but I thought I’d be able to handle it better.
I just want to put it out of my head and enjoy the walk home, but every little thing is pissing me off.
The honk of horns seems so much louder tonight, the impatience of every cabbie and businessman on the road wearing off on me. The streets are as crowded as they usually are, but the press of bodies feels claustrophobic. I usually enjoy the anonymity of walking through the throng, but right now, I just want to get away from it all. The chatter and the sound of motors and the flashing lights and the smells from street carts are all piling on top of each other and making my head spin.
I know I’m scowling as I shove my way through the crowded sidewalks, but I can't bring myself to care. I don't even apologize as I shoulder check someone standing still in the middle of the walkway.
I just pull my jacket tighter around my shoulders and continue stomping my way home.
It's better once I get out of the business district, but the city is still buzzing. It's the end of the workday, which means it's the start of the evening, and the party crowd is out in force. They couldn't care less what day of the week it is or about the steadily dropping temperature.