26. Apologize After A Mistake
A knockat the door has my chest fluttering. Could it be Logan? He said he’d keep me updated, but maybe he just came straight home.
I stand and walk to the door, my heart drumming. I don’t even care what we’ll end up doing today. I want us to lie down in bed and exist. I want us to chat and touch each other, and I want him to look at me the way he did tonight. So I straighten my dress as if the goal isn’t to have him rip it off me as soon as possible, then open the door.
My gaze meets Josie’s cloudy, unfocused green eyes, her frown turning into an excited grin as she takes me in.
“Prim!” she squeals, stepping forward and immediately tumbling against me in a cloud of rancid-smelling liquor.
She’s drunk. Again.
“Hey, Josie. What are you doing here? Did you drive?”
“No, of course not! I took an Uber!”
“Oka—” She wobbles past me, holding onto the jackets at the entrance and pulling Logan’s to the floor. “Careful—let me help you.”
“I’m sorry,” she whines. She throws her head back, groaning loudly. “I like you so much, Prim, but I have to do this. You get it, right? Do you get it?”
“Uh...yes?”
“If I don’t, I’ll regret it for the rest of my life.”
What the hell is she talking about? Is this about the case?
I close the door behind her as she nearly trips over the couch. “Wait,” I call as she darts into the corridor. Once I hear the bedroom door open, I groan into my hands.
The piglets.
Lola trots over and throws herself at my feet. I don’t know how, but I know she’s telling me Josie disturbed her nap, and could I please get her the fuck out of here?
“I’m sorry,” I whisper, leaning down to cuddle her. I can only hope Josie is too drunk to remember this tomorrow. Or, I guess, that her testimony won’t count. I rub under Lola’s chin, and her lips stretch as if smiling. “We’ll need to be patient tonight, okay? She’s...going through a rough patch.”
Lola keeps looking at me, her black eyes sparkling with gratitude, and with a sigh, I walk to the phone and pick up the receiver.
I open the notebook, look up Aaron’s number, and dial. As the line rings, I think about the last time I saw Josie. I’ve witnessed her this drunk on three separate occasions now. It can’t be by chance, and someone needs to help her.
“Hello?” Logan’s voice answers.
“Hey. Guess who showed up here?”
“Oh, thank god. Is she okay? Did she say what happened?”
“She just got here,” I explain. “I figured you should know immediately. But I’m not sure she’s in the right condition to talk.”
“Is she...?”
I squeeze my eyes shut and shake my head. “Drunk, yes.”
There’s a long silence, then, “Give us twenty minutes.”
“Logan?”
“Yeah.”
“She said...she said she has to do something. That if she doesn’t, she’ll regret it for the rest of her life.”
There’s a moment of silence, then, “Okay.”
“Do you have any idea what she’s talking about?”
“Uh, yes. I think I do.”
Goosebumps spread across my skin, an ominous feeling settling in my chest.
Logan is a private guy. Closed-off, distrustful, and despite everything we’ve been through together, we only met thirteen days ago. He needs more than that to open up completely, and I’m sure whatever this is about, it’s not as bad as I’m picturing. I’m sure he had his reasons not to share.
“Do you think...you’re ready to tell me?”
“Yes. Yes, I am. As soon as we get home, okay? We’ll sort Josie and Aaron out, then we’ll talk.”
See? Nothing to freak out about. He wants to talk and open up; he just needs time. Though we only have four days left, I’ll give him all the time I can get my hands on.
“Okay. See you soon.”
I walk into the corridor, only to notice the light in Logan’s bedroom is on. Josie is lying on his bed, her head hanging off the mattress and her body thrown across it. Her red hair, usually smooth, is now a messy nest over her head, and there’s a little drool on her chin.
She’s okay, but I’m not sure she’s okay.
I fill a glass of water and walk it back to the bedroom, my body tense in a weird way after the conversation with Logan. No matter how much I try to convince myself that it isn’t a big deal and that we’ll talk things through, there’s a heavy sense of worry hanging in the air around me.
“Hey,” I say as I gently shake her shoulder. When that doesn’t work, I try again with a firmer grip. “Hey, Josie?”
She blinks at me, her eyes glossy and tired. Pulling herself to a seated position, she looks around and mumbles, “I don’t want to go home.”
“That’s okay. You don’t have to.” I help prop her against the pillow, then give her the glass. “Drink this, it’ll help.”
She slowly brings it to her lips. “Is Logan angry at me?”
“Of course not.” I don’t think so, at least. “He and Aaron are just worried about you. Why did you leave the house like that?”
She looks into my eyes, chin wobbling, and she shakes her head when a tear falls down her cheek. “Because some days, I hate it.”
With a sigh, I sit on the edge of the bed. I knew something was off between her and Aaron, and after the scene at Logan’s parents’ house, this doesn’t come as shocking news.
“Do you know what it’s like to be with someone you don’t love?”
My eyes widen, and I shake my head, trying to contain my surprise. “No, I don’t.”
One of her fingers brushes the rim of the glass. “We’re both so unhappy, and the only reason we’re together is Sadie. Which means that on the awful days, I regret having her.” She brushes the sleeve of her cardigan over her cheek, a small sob making her shake as she tucks a frizzy lock of hair behind her ear. “And then I feel like a horrible mother, because she’s the best...the best...”
“Shh.” I cup her knee, trying to soothe her. “Josie, you’re not a horrible mother. It’s normal to wonder what-if, and if things with you and Aaron have been rocky, then...then I guess it makes even more sense.”
“I messed up so bad,” she says, voice quivering as if her pain is bleeding through her words. “All of this is my fault, and I can’t do anything to fix it.”
I exhale, my heart squeezing for her. I know so little about relationships, and I’m not the right person to give marriage advice, but I do know that a child isn’t enough to keep a couple together. “My parents are divorced,” I say as I fold my legs behind me. And I remember how it was before they broke up—the fighting, the tension. My mom always says it was the best decision she and my dad could have ever made.”
Josie looks up at me, tears streaming down her cheeks.
“They’re on friendly terms too. We don’t spend many holidays together because they live on opposite sides of the country, but when they meet at big family events, they chat like old friends.” I shrug. “Of course, it’s not ideal. A child always wants their parents together. But what they want more than that is two happy, healthy parents who can care for them.”
Deep in thought, she bites her bottom lip and looks slightly calmer.
“If you don’t want to go back home, you can stay here.” Look at me, offering people a place to sleep in a house that isn’t mine. “I’m sure Logan wouldn’t mind.”
With a slow nod, she whispers, “Do you think he’ll turn me down?”
My mouth opens, then closes. Turn her down? As in...“You—you plan to...what do you want to tell Logan exactly?”
“That I love him.” Tears well up in her eyes as she turns to face me, her words echoing through the room like a thunderclap and shattering the fragile peace of the night.
She’s...in love with Logan. Josie. But she’s married to his brother.
Suddenly, everything makes sense. From how she reacted that first night when she found Logan and me in the backyard to her sour comment about us as a couple when we went for dinner at her place. The scene she made at the barbecue when Logan and I were taking pictures, and even every single time she’s told me how much she likes me.
She feels guilty because she’s in love with my boyfriend.
My fake boyfriend.
“Do you hate me?”
I watch her blotchy, tear-streaked face and shake my head. Though my heart is pounding, I can’t be mad at her when she’s hurting this much. When her secret and her feelings are turning her into a drunk. What I am, honestly, is scared. Does Logan know? Is that the secret he’s kept from me?
What if he doesn’t know? Maybe this will change everything for him. Maybe he’ll ask me to leave.
“How about you get some sleep, huh?” I say as I pat the pillow.
“No—no.” She pulls herself up, her chest heaving. “I need to talk to Logan. I?—”
“I’ll wake you up once he’s here, don’t worry.”
She shakes her head but struggles to keep her eyes open. “No, you’re just trying to keep me from talking to him.”
“I promise,” I insist as I cup her shoulder. “I’ll wake you up.”
She nods, then slowly lies down. “You know what I miss the most?”
“What?” I ask distractedly as I tuck the blanket over her. I want to remove myself from this situation until Logan is back and I can talk to him.
“Riding bitch on his bike.” She bursts out laughing as if she’s just said the funniest joke, but my lips bend down. “And the sex, of course. The crawling and chasing and choking...” She half-laughs and half-cries. “You know what he’s like.”
A lump the size of an orange lodges in my throat as I think of the way I described Logan’s type: tall, skinny, with smile lines, long legs, and strong arms. She’s a woman who’s beautiful without makeup, or in this case, drunk out of her mind.
Josie.
Is she...Logan’s ex?
* * *
The door opens, then Logan and Aaron burst into the house, their steps echoing in the silence.
“Primrose?” Logan calls from the living room, and with a sigh, I glance over my shoulder at Josie, asleep. I haven’t moved away from her side, afraid she’d vomit in her sleep, but I can’t wait for someone else to be here.
My thoughts are incoherent, every piece of the lie forming a bigger picture.
Honestly, I don’t know how I missed it.
Logan said he and Aaron were already on bad terms when his brother gave their relationship the final hit by pulling out of the work at the farm. And, of course, there’s what he told me about his ex. How she’s still with the guy she cheated with.
But I also remember what he said about their breakup. How he wanted to be with her, and she was the one to end it.
Since then, he’s been single, and I assumed he’d kept away from women because of the break of trust he’d suffered, but maybe I was wrong. Maybe he’s been single all this time because he’s in love with Josie.
It would explain why he’s so angry at Aaron, but not at her.
“Hey. Are you okay?” Logan asks as he enters the room. He kneels in front of me, chest rising and dropping quickly as Aaron circles the bed so he can tend to Josie.
“Primrose?” he insists when I flinch at the contact of his fingers on my skin.
“Who’s your ex, Logan?”
I look up at him, and he’s wide-eyed, watching me.“Did...uh, did Josie...”
“Yeah, she did. It was a matter of time. Wasn’t it?” I ask, my voice barely a whisper. “She’s drunk half of the time, and the other half, she’s questioning me. But you didn’t think I should know that?” When he lowers his gaze, I insist, “Why didn’t you tell me, Logan?”
He can’t bring himself to look into my eyes. It”s a visceral sensation, like a knife plunged into my back, severing the trust I placed in Logan and leaving behind a gaping wound that refuses to heal. Every word, smile, and touch shared between us now feels tainted, poisoned by deceit and omitted truths.
“Barbie, wait,” he says as I stand, and he jumps to his feet. “Please.”
“Just tell me if you lied to me. If you made me think it was real when it was not.”
“Of course, it’s real.”
My mind races with questions, doubts, and fears, each more painful than the last. Why didn’t he tell me? Why can’t he say something now?
He trails carefully behind me as I enter the guest room, and once I grab my backpack and begin shoving stuff inside, he whispers, “Barbie...”
My chest heaves as I face him, arms folded like a shield. “Are you in love with her?”
He swallows, then opens his mouth without a sound.
Not a single word.
“God,” I whine as I turn around and zip my bag.
“I’m not in love with her,” he says, and it sounds as if he’s surprised himself.
Tears blur my vision as I struggle to make sense of the chaos raging inside me, the pain of his betrayal like a vice around my heart. “Really?” I ask, my voice quivering. “Then what was that full minute of hesitation?”
“I wasn’t hesitating.” He wipes his mouth with the palm of his hand, his back hunching as if pain is preventing him from standing straight. “Look, let’s sit down and talk about this. You have nowhere to go, and?—”
“I survived twenty-five years without your help,” I cut through. “I’ll be okay.”
Anger surges through me like a tidal wave, fueling my every step as I march toward the door, my mind made up. I can”t stay here—not when everything I thought I knew about us has been ripped away from me in an instant.
He blocks my access to the door, holding his hands up. He’s as white as a sheet, and his panic attacks come back to me in a hazy blur. He looks even more desperate than he did then. Even more hopeless. “Just—wait, okay? I’ll explain everything, I promise.”
“What, Logan? You’ll explain I was your second choice? The one you had to settle for since Josie is taken?” I try to push him away, but he barely flinches. “Move.”
His head shakes, his eyes closing as if he’s fighting with his brain, trying to convince his mouth to let go of the words trapped in it.
“You finally found it, huh?”
My brows bend. “What?”
“The reason to believe I’m not into you. That I must have been lying all along.” My ears are ringing, the slash in my chest bleeding with each of his words. “It’s impossible to believe someone would be with you because they like you, right? Because they want you,” he blurts. “And now you’ve found my real motive.”
Unbelievable. He lies, but I’m the one at fault?
“Right. I fucked up.” I hike my backpack higher up my shoulder. “You’re unbelievable. Get out of my way.”
“That’s not...Shit, that’s not what I’m saying, okay? I should have been honest. But I said we’d talk about it, and you know this has nothing to do with me being in love with her.”
“Then what is it about?”
“About me being a mess, Primrose!” He shouts. He pulls his hair at the roots, his shoulders rolling forward. “I’m broken. I can’t communicate, can’t express my feelings. I only have anger—just blinding, exhausting fury. And then you came along and made everything else turn silent.” He lowers his voice. “But I’m not your perfect guy with crayons and a white horse. I’m just some idiot who’s worth so little, my own brother and girlfriend left me behind.”
Bullshit. He could have been the perfect guy with crayons and a white horse. Hell, I didn’t even need him to be that, but he was. He’s gone through item after item on my list, and he made me believe it mattered. That I mattered.
“I’m not doing this.” I sneak past him, and he moves out of the way before the door hits him on the ass.
“I know I should have told you already. I planned to, but if I did, we would have never...”
My eyes widen. “Never...Never slept together?”
“Yes,” he confirms, and when he notices my wide eyes and parted lips, he shakes his head. “No, I—shit, that’s not what I mean.”
With a groan, I walk away, down the steps and onto the gravel.
Logan is a good person—deep down, I know it. But right now, he feels a whole lot like Derek. Like he used me. Like I’m his second choice, and if he was supposed to settle for someone he didn’t love, he might as well go with the readily available girl. Delivered right to his front step.
“Primrose, stay. If you need space, I’ll go, okay? I’ll stay with Simon. But please?—”
“No, Logan. No.”
“Then let me drive you to a hotel. I’ll get you a room, and?—”
I flip around and stare at him, all my anger dangerously close to the surface. “You know, at first I thought that you and your brother...That it was a sibling thing. Then I thought that maybe you were right about him being a terrible person, and I couldn’t see it. Never once did I consider that you were pissed off because she chose him over you.”
“That’s not what happened.”
“Then what happened?”
“He stole her from me.”
I look in the distance, unable to process my emotions. “It’s funny.”
“What is?” he asks, his hand reaching forward to touch me before I duck back.
“How you can’t say a word when it comes to us. You stare at me with that scared, confused expression of someone who’s been busted. You don’t find the words, you don’t fight for us.” A sob racks my body. “But when it comes to her, there’s not a moment of hesitation.”
He takes a step closer, reaching for my face, but I again move away. The last thing I want is for him to touch me. I’ll never forget how it feels to be touched by Logan Coleman.
“She’s lucky,” I say softly. She’ll tell him she loves him sometime soon, and then have him for herself. And Logan is so good in so many ways. He cares so viscerally, like it’s an instinct he can’t turn off no matter how hard he tries. They’ll be so happy.
“What, because she chose him?”
I laugh, but it carries no amusement. “No. She’s lucky to have someone who loves her this much.”
He shakes his head, his hand reaching for me once more. “Please,” he chokes out.
“Bye, Logan.”
I walk, phone in hand, to call an Uber. I need to step away from this situation and, most of all, from him. If I stay, I’m afraid I’ll let him convince me. I’ll believe that he didn’t tell me because of his own issues, and not because of how he feels about Josie. Then it’ll hurt again when she tells him there’s still a chance for them to be together.
No. I’m out of here.
I’m done looking like a fool.