Risky Replay (Country Stars Forever #1)

Chapter 34

Thirty-Four

DEREK

Victoria wakes twice during the night. By morning, she’s eating Cheerios and telling me I look like a dragon.

When I leave, I promise them I’ll return soon. I can’t give them a date when I’ll be back, and James said he’d miss me. How the heck did I get this lucky?

After landing in San Diego, I drive to the restaurant and stay until the late hours as the staff prepares for the soft opening. Amanda, Mark, and the GM have a handle on everything. Mark reviews drink specials with his crew and the servers. In three days, we’ll have a full house and test how well all the systems run. I’m mostly there for moral support and share some of my expectations. After all, they represent Tyler, Charlie, and me. Even if Tyler has left the band, he’s a big part of this place even if he doesn’t think it. By the time I’m back at the hotel, I’m too tired to unpack.

The next day, I drive to Charlie’s house where Tyler is staying. They asked how the trip went, and I share everything that happened. When I finish, I sink into the cushions of the outdoor couch. “This is what it will be like for the rest of my life. Having her close and never holding her. ”

I scrub at my face to remove the traitorous memories of Emily’s challenging eyes, or her berry scent, or the softness of her hair. But most of all, I’ll miss watching her hand over her whole heart to the two luckiest kids in the world. I’ll miss the way her eyes shine every time she speaks about James or Victoria or gives them her undivided attention. Or how she peers into my soul while I sing a song. Or the way she let go of everything in her head and gave in to making love. How she asked for what she needed from me. And fuck, every time I gave it to her, I rode the biggest wave of ecstasy I could ever wish for. But now I was crashing and crashing hard.

“Are you going to ask for official custody?” Tyler asks with a crease in his forehead.

What he’s going through has made him more suspicious of Emily. I don’t know if he understands why Emily did what she did. He’s more upset with her than I am. Understandable.

I shake my head. “She won’t keep me from seeing James.” Somehow, I know she won’t keep my son from me.

“Without legal protection, she can change her mind anytime,” Tyler adds sounding worried.

It took me two seconds to realize why. “You’ve been talking to the old man again?”

He doesn’t answer, but the sheepish twitch of his lips is answer enough. “I had a marriage license to supposedly protect me. Now I’ve gotten divorce papers stating my wife, or future ex-wife, was miserable for all fourteen years of our marriage. Since I’d been on the road and she’d been taking care of the home and undergoing fertility treatments, I owe her every penny I have.” Tyler runs a hand through his hair, making it stick up randomly and making him look completely and utterly lost.

“You have a lawyer yet?” I ask, opening up the space for him to get what he needs off his chest and keeping him from directing his anger at Emily.

He shakes his head .

“I know a lawyer who would shred Amy’s stupid demands.” Charlie pulls out his phone, and his thumb scrolls through it.

“She can have the house, the money, everything. I don’t give a fuck. It’s like she wants to erase me from her life, so she can. I won’t fight her.” Tyler scrubs at his beard. He’s also lost his impeccable hygiene.

Charlie and I exchange a look and silently vow to keep an eye on Tyler for however long he needs us. I can’t disagree with him. Because its exactly what it felt like when Emily left the first time. I was done with her. Done with anything reminding me of her. It was as if I spent the next few years erasing her out of my mind. An impossible goal. And then it hit me. “Call the lawyer in case you find out the treatments worked.”

Tyler explodes into a humorless laugh. “Don’t think she ever really wanted to have kids. I doubt I’d get a surprise. We’d have to be fucking for it to work. She said her body needed a break. We’d agreed to start again after the summer. Every time I replay the last few years, I never had a fucking clue. It’s like she’s a completely different person.”

Damn.

As Tyler and Charlie exchange information about the lawyer, I mentally inventory every conversation with Emily this past summer. Emily craves stability. And her house is her beacon. It’s where she’d gravitate to in need. She may not be in San Diego or Nashville, yet I’m certain Crofton is her haven.

Even though the fundraiser would likely not be the last time my career would force me to break promises to her and the kids, I have to prove to her I’m committed.

Tyler walks into the house with his phone to his ear.

“How did it really go?” Charlie asks.

“I don’t know how I can keep going and try to be what Emily needs.” There’s one thing brewing in my head, but I won’t decide without talking to both the guys. Now or never. “Does he want his job back? We can figure out a way to get him a new contract.”

“He’s not thinking clearly for major decisions. He needs time.”

Charlie is right. Tyler can’t carry the weight of another decision. My decision wasn’t on a whim. I’d been working the numbers, mapping out the future, and hell if it didn’t include my family in Maryland. We’d set out to make music, to help people have a good time with their hard-earned money, but what does it mean for us? Tyler’s life is upended because he didn’t dedicate enough time to his wife. Emily erected an electric fence around my relationship with James, turning it off only when I can guarantee my presence. What would Charlie lose?

“I saw the three of us doing this until our bodies or our minds gave out on us. I still could, but,” this was going to be the hard part, “these past couple of months, being a dad, a partner to Emily, it’s shifted something for me.”

Charlie’s expression is guarded. “What are you going to do about it?”

In my head, this sounded a hell of a lot better. “It’s the perfect moment to announce we’re splitting up. Moving on.”

“I’m not,” Charlie says devoid of anger or resentment.

“I love Emily, and what she wants outweighs everything.”

Charlie waits a beat before he erupts in laughter. “You think she wants you to quit? She’s not Amy.”

Huh? “I’m not comparing her to anyone.”

I swear he’s holding back an eye roll. “She won’t ask for unreasonable demands. She’s hurt. Why do I have to be the one to tell you this? She’d never ask you or want you to change your life.” He studies me. “Have you truly forgiven her for everything?”

Have I? My gut says yes, but have I? When I don’t answer, Charlie says, “The better question is, do you trust her?”

Again, there’s a voice in my head wanting to scream, no. The image of Mike, smirking, watching Emily, and sauntering around her house like he fucking owns the place. I squeeze my eyes shut. But it’s a flood of images singing a different tune. Emily, kissing me on fourth of July, her sticking up for herself at dinner with her idol, making friends with my neighbors, always thinking about James and Victoria, and her mussed brown hair splayed across my sheets. Emily is fierce. She’s determined. She’s her own force. What place do I have in her life?

“She’s not like your mother,” Charlie says and I appreciate the kindness in which he delivers the words.

He’s right. “What do I do?”

Charlie shrugs.

I run through idea after idea of how to work things out with Emily even after I head to my hotel and unpack. I dig through the outside pocket of the carry-on, pulling out an envelope with a handwritten letter and a flash drive inside. My heart thumps against my chest as I scan the letter. I plug the drive into my laptop. The folder opens up with pictures and videos dating back five years and stopping over a year ago. My mouse hovers over the video titled, For James , but I quickly jerk away to the photos as I’m supposed to. According to Ryan’s instructions in the letter, I have to watch the video last.

I rub my palms on my jeans and click on the first photo. Fuck. He’s adorable. Doing the math, he’s almost a year old in these with chubby cheeks and bright blond hair, and looking 100% like an Anderson. A smoking hot Emily in Army fatigues holds him in the air pressing a kiss to his chubby cheek. I glance down at the letter in neat square hand writing on lined yellow paper laid across the keyboard. And take my time to read it.

There is no greeting.

If you have this, then Emily is alone and Mike did what a best friend does and delivered this letter. She’s being stubborn as a bull, ain’t she? She’s got her whole life figured out and we’re consequences. I lost count the number of times we argued about contacting you.

The letter goes on. Ryan loved her and the kids. He’s trying more than anything to help me understand why Emily kept James from me. At the end, he shares about the files he kept in case anything ever happened to Emily.

I linger on every picture and witness James’ baby face and body transform into a toddler and then a little boy. The pictures tell the story of Emily being a loving mother, Victoria shows up in Emily’s baby bump then as a baby, and Ryan, a consistently proud father. Some photos are silly enough to make me laugh, and in others, I turn my head to catch the different angles and figure out what was happening. When my heart is full, and I’ve studied every image, I click on the video titled, For James .

“Hey honey,” Emily says to the camera. She sits on the floor, propped up against the bed frame I recognize in her room in Maryland. She’s wearing an Army tee-shirt, her face fresh and her hair pulled all the way back, filling the screen with her blue eyes and kind smile. I reach out and drag my thumb across the screen as she starts.

“I’m sorry I’m not there to tell you this in person. I know dad is taking really good care of you and your sister.” She wipes at her lashes with her tee shirt. She shares memories of James and Victoria, then gets to the heart of her message. “By now, your Dad has told you the secret I held onto for too long. Remember honey, fathers are not only biological. Fathers love, care for, and protect their children. Ryan is all those things and more.

“Your biological father is Derek Anderson. He’s the lead singer of the Muddy Boots, my all-time favorite band. He and I grew up singing together. We were kids when we met, yet somehow, with him, we matched. We became friends, a big group of us. Derek was my best friend. The one I could count on for getting me through the hard times. He was destined to be famous, and I was a girl trying to survive. I loved him. In a different universe, he was my person. I say this, not to make you think I love Ryan any less, but I want you to know how you came to be. You are the product of the most magnificent form of love.”

She leans back, stares at the ceiling, and then back at the camera. “I messed up. I panicked. My grandma and grandpa were in trouble, and I needed to do something to help. I left home, left them behind, along with your uncle Santiago and Derek. I had to find some way to help them, and help myself too. While I was gone, Derek’s band became more and more popular. I wanted him to live out his dream.

“The last time I saw him, we met up in Nashville. When you meet him, and he asks what happened, say Nashville. God, I hope you’re old enough to understand.” She exhales loud and her cheeks turn pink. She waves her hand at her face. “He told me his band was about to sign a deal with a record company. I was happy for him. This was his big break.

“The first day I met him at St. Thomas, he came up to me and asked if I wanted to be famous.” Her eyes shine with the memory I’d forgotten. “I didn’t know what he really meant. I said, no. He squared his wimpy shoulders and said, ‘well, I do, and I’m going to get there by singing better than you.’ I thought he was out of his mind. He’s incredibly talented and knows what he wants. Okay, okay, I digress.

“Sometimes, things don’t work out. I hope you’re old enough to understand. We tried. We wanted different things.”

A tear rolls down her cheek, and she wipes it away with a flick of her finger.

“After I left, I found out you were growing inside me, and I was happy. I had a bit of your dad with me forever. Derek is the kind of man who will do anything and everything for others. Derek would have given up his dream of being famous to make us happy.”

She exhales a heavy breath. “The more time went by, the more famous he became. I watched his videos, radio interviews, and bought all his music. I couldn’t take any of that away from him. I kept you a secret, and for what it’s worth, I’m really sorry.”

She doesn’t tell him she tried. And I was an ass. She’s protecting him and me from the ugly truth. She’s protecting the start of my relationship with him.

With a pleading smile on her lips, she says, “I hope you can forgive me. You’ve never lacked a father, because Ryan was unexpected and more than I could have ever asked for. But if you find Derek, please tell him I loved him and I’m sorry. If he needs this as proof, show him, but one look at you and he’ll know. Also, your dad doesn’t like cantaloupe either. Whoever thought that would be genetic?”

She reaches for the screen, and it goes black.

Charlie is right, she wouldn’t want me walking away from the Muddy Boots. What will convince her we can live this life, together?