Chapter 17
Cameron
Over the next few days, we establish a pattern.
Well, we establish a pattern, yes, but I also develop a special one for myself. It’s great fun, really… goes like this…
Wake up horny and desperate to touch Ronan, but hold back because, as he’s mentioned plenty of times, I am an idiot. Fight myself until I fall asleep, only to find him cooking breakfast when I get out of bed. It’s at that point in my schedule that guilt forms a ball in my stomach for not just telling him, but then he turns and smiles, and knowing those smiles are only mine makes it a little easier to handle.
We pick a new building to search every day, spending a few hours scavenging before lunch, then I tackle the solar panels while Ronan sorts through our findings. Compared to my chaos, he’s incredibly structured, using the garage as a workspace. There are types and categories, and items sorted by size, condition, and usefulness .
If I wasn’t convinced he was another species before now, this would be what did it. Forget the tails and fangs, no one is this organized. No humans, in any case.
Mountains of belongings are accumulating in the garage—food, clothing, tools, soaps, and a lifetime’s accumulation of junk. We can’t possibly carry it all, yet he insists on meticulously searching every corner and drawer.
Ronan has trouble sitting still, much like I do, but our need to move stems from different reasons. His is born from a lifetime in the military. Without the structured schedules and defined rules to direct his life, he needs to keep himself busy.
Mine is different.
My desire to run is a necessity—from the times I’ve had to pick up and sprint away from danger.
Inevitably, I get frustrated, and it’s when I’m seconds from grabbing a steel pipe and smashing the stupid panels that Ronan calmly leads me to the house. He parks me on the couch while he cooks dinner, and after we eat, we relax. Most nights I read, but there have been a few where the hours ticked away while we talked, locking ourselves inside the bedroom once the sun goes down.
This level of comfort, of safety and acceptance, is one I haven’t known since my mother died, and it’s terrifyingly intimate. We’re so incredibly different—our backgrounds, interests, and personalities worlds apart.
It shouldn’t work.
But now that I’ve stopped fighting this attraction between us… mostly … he’s become a constant in my life. Someone I want around, and not because he can offer me something. He isn’t shy with his affections… or his irritation. He’ll readily scold me for being a brat, unafraid to call me on my crap, but will just as quickly pull me into a hug and whisper how much he adores me.
So why can’t I move past this invisible barrier?
Why can’t I trust him with this piece of myself?
He meets my eyes with a smile, and I realize I’m staring, so I turn back to the mess of wires in front of me. Even someone with zero experience could’ve identified the problem with the solar panels. It doesn’t take a genius to understand that a device stripped of its parts won’t work, and the number of pieces missing was greater than the ones that remained. Wire had been hacked away and components removed, undoubtedly the ones made with bits of gold or silver that make an easy trade.
The remaining usable parts are enough to reconstruct a single panel—more than sufficient to power the house we’re inhabiting.
But I can’t get it to fucking work.
Even after everything is assembled, the control panel is unresponsive. I’ve double and triple-checked every connection, removed and reseated components, and traced countless feet of wires until my vision is blurry with the strain.
Just as I’m reconsidering the whole steel-pipe-to-the-electronics approach, I spot a break in a wire snaking up the metal support, rough around the edges like a squirrel or mouse chewed through it. The shadows hit it just right to make it almost invisible, and it was sheer luck I glanced up while the sun was on it.
The repair is complete with a few minutes on the ladder, and my heart pounds in a nervous rhythm as my finger hovers over the switch. A hum buzzes as the control panel lights flicker to life, and I whoop with delight, my fist slamming into the air in triumph.
“Yes!” I shout, running towards Ronan. “I fucking did it!” Without a second thought, I leap toward him, my momentum nearly knocking him off his feet as he grunts in surprise, scrambling to steady himself and catch me. The pressure of his powerful arms around me is comforting as my legs circle his waist, smiling like a fool and squeezing him tightly.
“I knew you would,” he murmurs, his voice a low rumble against my shoulder. The quiet confidence in his tone is more meaningful than any grand declaration.
He simply believed in me.
“You know what this means, right?” Amused curiosity lines his face as he leans back, raising a brow as he waits for me to continue. “Hot showers!” I toss my head and laugh, kicking my feet. “Oh, my gods, you might not see me for days!”
“You’ll be wrinkly.” He scrunches his nose at me as I meet his eyes, the ridiculous grin still on my lips.
“Better get used to it. I’ll be old and wrinkly long before you.” It’s meant to be teasing, but his smile falters as he stares at me, like the realization is just hitting him. “How old are you, anyway?” My tone is light, attempting to lift his spirits, but his expression stays unchanged—a distant, almost pained look in his eyes.
“One hundred and twelve.”
“ Oh .”
A touch of sass returns to his face as he glares, always so skilled at catching my sarcasm. “What about you? ”
“Twenty-six,” I answer, and for my sake, he tries to be aloof. Really, he does, and it means more to me than it should.
“I have armor older than you,” he teases, and I’m so relieved to see his smile, even if it’s tiny and fake, that I play along.
“And I have great-great-grandparents younger than you.” He snorts a quiet laugh that’s insincere, so I change topics. “What’s my prize for fixing the solar panels? There’s so much we can do now… hot showers…”
“You mentioned that.”
“… use the stove and the lights…”
“Too dangerous at night.”
I ignore him and his pessimistic attitude. “… and…” My eyes grow wide as he cocks a brow at me. “Oh, my gods… we can run the overhead fan, so it isn’t a hundred degrees. Tonight’s going to be the best night’s sleep I’ve ever gotten.”
He chuckles, carrying me as I hang onto him like a koala, daydreaming about all the modern conveniences I’ll experience for the first time in years. We get inside the garage, and he presses me against the wall, taking me by surprise with the intensity of his kiss.
His lips are insistent, and I melt into him, my hands moving to the back of his neck before one ventures into his hair. Those seams that are already pulling tight stretch further, the barely contained emotion strained and flexing underneath my skin as I give in to their insistent pull. He kisses me like he’s making up for lost time, and with a sense of urgency that hurts my heart. Too soon, he pulls away with a somber sigh he thinks I don’t catch, resting his forehead on mine .
In that moment, I want to give him something. A piece of me, even if I can’t convince myself to give him everything just yet.
“A few years after my mom died and I was forced to leave my home, I met someone.” He tenses, his fingertips flexing against my thighs, eyes possessive but curious as he waits for me to continue. “At the time, I had holed up in a house in the woods… not unlike the one you put me in. I normally didn’t stop for longer than a few days at a time, but I was just… tired. So fucking tired. There was a fresh water source nearby, and a few fruit trees in the grove. For someone like me? It was a fucking paradise. So, I stayed and built up my supplies over a few weeks.”
Ronan doesn’t speak, just carries me to a worktable and sits me on an empty stretch, keeping his arms around me. “I was naive and had been on the road so long that I was lonely. Meeting Mason was a complete coincidence. I had ventured out to an abandoned town close by and found him scavenging in the building I entered. He put on an amazing performance… made me believe he was the perfect guy. Patient. Sweet.”
“We agreed to meet again, and I half expected him to ghost me, but he showed up carrying flowers, and that’s all it took for me to be smitten. He used my inexperience against me, although I didn’t see it at the time. For weeks, we met up and got to know each other… took it slow. A few pecks on the lips, a couple quick makeout sessions, but we spent more time talking than anything. Looking back, I realize he was avoiding physical contact, but at the time? I was clueless. ”
“That’s why it upset you when I put the pillows between us,” he realizes, and I nod as I chew on the inside of my mouth.
“It brought me right back to those days, when I couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me that he didn’t even want to touch me.”
“Fuck, I’m sorry,” he whispers, leaning in and pressing a soft kiss to the corner of my mouth. “That wasn’t… I didn’t know…”
“It’s okay. We’re past that now.” He offers me a worried smile that I return, some of the weight on my chest lifting. “Mason knew I had never met my father and had lost my mom… he knew there was no one in my life. Knew I had nothing left in this fucking world.” Anger flares in my gut at the memory, and Ronan says nothing else, his hands running along my back. “After a few weeks, I invited him to the house I was staying at, and for the first time in my adult life, I thought I might build a home.”
“What happened?” he asks, voice gentle.
I lean forward, parting my hair to show him an old scar that runs along my scalp. “He smashed me in the head with a shovel and tied me up inside my own fucking house. Stole everything I had built up while I sat there and watched.” Ronan’s eyes are dark, his nostrils flaring as I shrug. “It took all day for him to lug my supplies to wherever he was hiding them, and when he’d finally cleaned me out, he untied my feet and left a knife on the table. Said I was smart enough to cut myself free, even if I was dumb enough to trust him. Then he left, and I had nothing. No one .”
“I’m sorry,” Ronan whispers roughly, barely containing his anger at the betrayal. Despite the years that have passed, the memory still hurts. The phantom burn of the ropes around my wrists makes me flex them, remembering how numb my hands had gone while I watched him steal the last of my innocence.
The last of my faith.
Emotion is a brambled ball in my throat, scratching my voice as I say, “Everybody leaves eventually, Ronan.”
“Not me,” he insists, and I close my eyes, the stinging behind them becoming sharper as I nod, desperate to believe him.
“You understand now? Why it’s so hard for me to trust that you won’t go? That I’m…” I swallow, focusing on the drag of his fingertips along my skin. “That I’m worth staying for? The one time I tried to keep something for myself, and it’s like I got too greedy, reached too high, and life showed me that was my destiny. To be left. To be forgotten .”
“Cameron,” he whispers, and gods, it comes out as a plea as he takes my cheeks in his hands, pressing his lips to mine. “Forget you? How could I ever forget you? A thousand years could go by and yours would still be the face I thought of when I woke up in the morning. I could die and be reborn into a hundred different lifetimes and I’d never forget you. I will never leave. As long as I have breath left in my lungs, I will fight to stay with you. Always. Tell me you understand.”
“Okay,” I whisper, proud when there’s only a tiny quiver in my voice.
“Okay,” he parrots, dropping another kiss on my trembling lip. “Now, why don’t we make sure nothing crazy happened when the power came on.” I offer him a shaky smile, thankful for the shift in attention. It’s like he knows exactly when I need space from the heaviness, and he finds a way to give it to me.
“Then shower?”
He shakes his head, giving me a stern glare. “Then dinner while the water heats, and afterwards you can run every steaming drop from the tank.”
“I have to leave some for you.”
Ronan’s smile is so soft that it gives me pause, and I wonder what’s going through his mind. “Whatever you want to give me, mo’sziv. I’ll take nothing more.”