Chapter 18
Cameron
Dinner blows me away. It’s a simple meal—beans, rice, and canned green beans—but with the oven working again, Ronan turns it into a feast. Not only is there actual salt and pepper, but he also bakes fresh bread.
Baked goods are a delicacy you don’t get on the road unless you find somewhere to buy them, and I never wasted what little money I had on frivolous things. Other than the loaves he brought while I was imprisoned, I haven’t had bread since I left home.
I eat until I can barely breathe, slumping in my chair with my full belly pressing against my waistband. “If you keep spoiling me, I’m going to get fat.” Ronan only laughs as his eyes trace my thin frame. “I’m serious,” I say, picking up another piece of bread and shaking it at him. “These pants are screaming, but I can’t stop eating.” My stomach protests as I take a bite, but I push through.
I’m a trooper like that.
Ronan appears beside me, and I protest as he takes the food from my hand. “My bread,” I argue weakly, but he squirts a dollop of honey on it and hands it back. “Oh, my gods,” I whine, “I think I just fell in love.” We both freeze as my words register, hanging in the air between us.
Panicked, I shove a giant bite of food in my mouth, so I’m not expected to say anything else.
Ronan clears his throat and collects the dishes from the table, talking to me over his shoulder as he fills the sink. “The water is hot if you want to shower while I clean.” The sharp, clipped tone of his voice makes my heart drop as I realize it’s the second time I’ve upset him today.
It takes a few seconds to chew, and I swallow only when I’m sure I won’t choke. “You’ve been doing all the work,” I argue. “Isn’t it my turn to take care of the cleanup?”
“I’ve got it, Cam.”
I heave a frustrated sigh as he finally meets my eyes again. “Let me do something .”
He stops scrubbing and gestures at the light above his head. “What you did is so far beyond washing dishes. Hot showers are possible because of you. The solar panels are working because of you . I couldn’t have accomplished that on my own.” He flashes me a sweet smile as I try not to swoon, then turns back to the sink. “Remember, though—I’m setting a curfew for the lights, and when the sun gets dark, so do they. We don’t need to be a beacon to raiders on the road.”
“That’s… uh, yeah, that’s fair.” I gather up my courage, licking my lips nervously as I study him, noticing how his clothes cling to his well-built physique. Black strands have escaped the loose knot on his head, falling around his face in a way that is effortlessly sexy. “We could, um, always conserve our water. ”
Eyebrows pinched, he side-eyes me as he scrubs a plate. “Use as much as you want… the cold doesn’t bother me.”
“That’s not… that’s not what I’m saying. We could… conserve water .” I throw extra emphasis into the words like it’ll magically communicate what I refuse to say out loud.
Ronan puts his hands on his hips, turning to face me. “Are you having a stroke?”
Embarrassment courses through my veins as I purse my lips into a tight line, my cheeks flushing as those all-too-familiar fears surface. “Never mind,” I mutter, attempting to walk away when he catches my arm, and my defenses flare. “Let go of me.”
His irritation is palpable as he narrows his eyes at me, jaw clenched tight. “Not until you use your words. This is called communicating , remember? It’s something adults do when they’re upset instead of storming off in a cloud of bottled-up teenage angst.”
“Oh, fuck you,” I snap, glaring as he watches me with the world’s most patient expression. “Don’t give me that holier than thou bullshit right now, acting like you’re Mister Perfect. It’s supposed to be a good night, and you just have to ruin it, don’t you?”
A visible crack fractures Ronan’s composure, webbing across his usual impenetrable surface. It’s a display of vulnerability I’ve never seen from him, and he reels, staggering away from me as though I’ve stabbed him. Regret almost brings me to my knees.
“Ronan,” I rasp, reaching for him, but he turns without a word, snatching the last dirty plate from the counter. His shoulders are tense as he scrubs, using an unnecessary amount of pressure as I stand here, not knowing what to do after being the world’s biggest jerk.
He does so much for me, never asking for anything in return, and my reaction is to be an asshole.
“Ronan.” My voice cracks and he pauses, but shakes his head without bothering to look at me.
“Go take your shower,” he says over his shoulder, each word tense. “By all means, don’t let me ruin your plans.”
My pride is a bitter taste in my mouth as I swallow hard, and walk over, placing a gentle hand on his elbow. “I’m sorry,” I whisper, but he keeps scrubbing the plate that I’m pretty sure was clean a minute ago.
“It’s fine.” Scrub, scrub, scrub. “Just go.”
Walk away, that little voice purrs in my ear. Leave him before he has the chance to leave you.
It would be so simple, wouldn’t it?
One foot in front of the other.
Ten steps, maybe less.
A terrified part of me wants to do it. It wants to take the easy way out, and escape into the hallway where I can disappear behind physical walls. Where I can put space between us.
Where I can hide.
That’s what a coward would do—allow him to push me away so I can blame him for it later. But it’s not that simple anymore, and I’m so tired of being afraid.
“Please stop assaulting that dish and look at me.”
His shoulders rise and fall in a few deep breaths before he sits the spotless plate in the drying rack. Arms crossed and face furious, he turns towards me. “Ronan, I’m sorry. When difficult topics come up, I either crack jokes or I sling insults because I don’t know how to handle being uncomfortable.”
“What could possibly be uncomfortable about you taking a fucking shower?” Anger lines his words, and I wince, but I can’t say I don’t deserve it. “Why does that make me the bad guy… again ?”
“I was… trying to imply that you… take a shower, too.”
“Well, thanks, because I was planning on it,” he deadpans, and I groan.
“ With me, Ronan! You’re really going to force me to say it, aren’t you? I was asking if you wanted to take a shower with me.”
His eyes have grown comically large as he blinks at me. “Oh.”
“Fuck,” I groan, my cheeks burning hot as they redden. “Yeah. Oh.”
His temper fades as his shoulders loosen, eyes guarded but curious as he watches me. “Why didn’t you just say that?”
“Because I’ve never done this and don’t know how. Because I’m…” I trail off, clenching my fists as my neck and ears join the flush that burns over my skin. He waits patiently, not letting me get away with anything but honesty this time. “ Becauseimavirgin .”
“What?” he asks, because as muffled as the words came out, it sounded like a sneeze.
“Ronan,” I groan, stretching his name as I take a tentative step towards him, dropping my hand on his forearm, but he doesn’t budge. “I’m sorry I’m so awful. I want to be better… you know I want to be better. Today was a great day, and now I’ve made you mad… again. Please, just talk to me. Please?”
He relents, uncrossing his arms and folding them around me, and I tuck my face into his chest. The lavender and pine of our soap mixes with the scent of leather, heightened by his sweat into a smell that’s uniquely him. “I’ve been trying to talk, Cameron.”
“I know,” I whisper, voice unsteady. “It’s just that… I’ve never done any of this.”
“Any of what?”
“Any of anything,” I say, like that makes it less confusing. “I wasn’t attracted to anyone in my small community growing up, and on the road, especially after Mason, I never trusted someone enough to get close, so it just… never happened.”
“What never hap… oh. Oh .”
“Stop saying that! I’m already embarrassed, and my seduction technique was asking you to conserve water, so I’m obviously terrible at this.” A quiet laugh huffs into my hair as he hugs me against him.
“You’ve never done… anything?”
“No,” I whisper, wanting the ground to swallow me where I stand.
“Cam, look at me.”
“No, thanks, I’m busy right now wallowing in my mortification. Try again later.”
“Mo’sziv… my heart … please, let me see you.”
His eyes are soft as I risk a glance up, his hands traveling up and down my back. “That’s what it means?”
“Yes. From the first time I saw you, my heart has been running the show. It always wanted you… it still wants you.” His lips brush mine in an unspoken promise. In that mo ment, I realize I’ve shared the most secret part of me, and he is standing right here.
He isn’t leaving.
Isn’t looking at me like I’m a freak.
Heat floods my cheeks as embarrassment washes over me, but before I can avert my gaze, he catches my face. “Do not even consider turning away, not after you just told me that every piece of you has been saved for me.”
“You don’t think it’s weird?”
He lets out a low rumble, almost a purr, as his hands slip under my shirt. “Weird? That I get to touch every part of you, when no one else has touched what’s mine? That I have the chance to watch you fall apart as you experience everything for the first time? Learn your sounds, your taste, and memorize and map each inch of your body, knowing it belongs to me? No, weird is not the word I’d use to describe any of this.”
“Then what… oh .” He tugs me closer, the swell of his cock pushing into my hip. “So, my pickup line worked?”
“Your pickup line asking me to conserve water?” He dots kisses along my jaw until he reaches my grinning lips. “It could use work,” he says, which makes me laugh.
“Like, a little work, or…”
“Just scrap the whole thing and start over.” I shriek as he picks me up, my hands scrambling to hold on to his neck as he marches out of the kitchen. When we get through the bedroom and inside the bathroom, he closes the door, leaning me against it as he kisses me.
It’s softer than I expect, and filled with promises.
“Thank you for sharing this with me,” he whispers, and my eyes sting at the sincerity in his voice. He pretends not to notice as he presses a kiss to my forehead, lowering my legs to the ground. Once he makes sure I’m steady on my feet, he walks to the shower, twisting the knob until the water flows in a stream.
Ronan pulls his hair loose and tugs his t-shirt over his head, and I’m distracted by the roll of his muscles as he prowls back to me, every inch the predator. Nervously, I pull off my shirt, but I’m not nearly as smooth as him and it gets hung on my ear before I fling it aside. His eyes fall to my chest, giving a slow perusal of my body.
“Not quite as impressive as yours,” I joke, but the waver of my voice gives me away.
“There isn’t a thing about you I would change, Cameron. Decades in the military, and you think I haven’t seen countless muscled bodies, toned from the rigorous training? You are different, in all the best ways. Soft and smooth, long and lithe…”
“There you go, calling me skinny again.”
His face lights up in a giant smile as his hand lifts, hovering over my chest as his eyes meet mine in question. I nod as he brushes along my sternum and teases lower, tracing patterns over my abdomen. My body thrums, heat chasing his fingers as he explores my bare skin.
So faint it’s barely a touch, his fingertip swipes over my nipple, and a hot, tingling sensation shoots straight to my cock. His eyes are hooded when they meet mine. “Has anyone ever touched you here?”
“No,” I rasp, biting back a strangled whine as he does it a second time.
“Don’t be shy, Cam. I want to hear every little noise those pretty lips make.” The pad of his finger swipes again before rubbing in a slow circle, and a moan slips free as my hips jerk forward, my cock hardening in a rush as he teases me. He moves to the other side and my head thunks back against the door, riding the sensations as his hands coast my skin. When his soft touch turns to a pinch, an embarrassingly loud moan rings loose, but Ronan doesn’t seem to mind.
He looks at me like I’m his next meal, and he’s ravenous.
“Water’s running,” he says conversationally, and I nod as those wicked hands move lower, hooking through my waistband. “Can’t wear these in the shower.” The slow slide of my pants being worked down my hips makes me whimper with anticipation.
And then it hits me.
“Oh, my gods,” I suddenly gasp, frantic, and he freezes. “Oh, no, no, no . Why have you done this to me?” I whine, and he pulls his hands away as I have a mini meltdown.
“If you aren’t ready for this, it’s okay,” he says, voice so fucking sweet it just makes me want him more. “You can enjoy your shower, and I’ll wait in the bedroom.”
“No, it’s not that… it’s worse .” His brows flick together in concern as I thump my palms against the door. “Fuck… I’m wearing those hideous tighty-whities you brought from base.” His confusion turns into an enormous grin that spreads all the way across his face as a deep gunshot blast of laughter booms out of him. They’re ugly enough already, but they are also too big for me, which means it looks like I’m in a diaper. “Oh, this is so not sexy.”
“Here’s an idea.” He grips both my pants and my underwear, scooting them lower as my cock perks up at the proximity of those hands. “We’ll get rid of both at once, and you don’t have to worry about it. Problem solved. ”
“That… sounds like a better plan than you seeing me in those.” He drops his lips to mine, chuckling softly as he gives my clothes a shove, and they hit the ground.
“Water’s going to get cold,” he teases, and I wrap my arms around him and tug him close, his bare skin blazing against mine.
“I didn’t think this through, and now I have to walk naked to the shower.”
“You sure do.” The smug bastard… I can hear his grin.
“Could you maybe carry me? With your eyes closed, and I’ll direct you where to step?”
“That’s pretty unsafe when you could just use your own legs.” He nudges my nose with his, forcing me to look at him. “Cam, you know you are perfect to me, right?”
“Well… if you’re naked too, I won’t be singled out?” It sounds like a fabulous idea, and I bat my eyes at him as he laughs. It took so long for him to relax around me, and it makes his rumbling baritone laughter even more special.
“Why don’t you do the honors?” His voice is deep and smooth as honey as my shaking hands reach for his button and zipper, but the leather is stubborn when I try to push it down his legs. “Hmm… I know something that will make you feel better.”
“What’s that?” It takes all my effort to not cover myself as he steps back, but he’s careful to keep his eyes on mine. He spins and shoves his pants to the ground in a rustling heap, and my delighted squeal is a high-pitched burst of shrieking laughter.
His ass—his perky, round ass, with its defined muscles that make me believe in the gods again—is encased in a pair of tighty-whities. And let me just tell you, that white fabric is screaming against his butt, not sagging like mine.
My laugh gets louder as he shakes his hips, tails flailing, and tears blur my squinted eyes. A rush of affection hits me right in the chest, so potent it almost chokes me, because he’s only doing this to make me forget my insecurities.
A battle-hardened, one hundred-and-twelve-year-old warrior is shaking his booty.
For me .
His smile is brilliant as he spins to meet my advance, our lips crashing together in a clumsy kiss that he quickly controls. “As much as you are enjoying these, they gotta go. Are you doing the honors?” My fingers aren’t shaky anymore as I slide them under the elastic and push them lower. We both laugh when they catch on his perky butt, but I work them past until they hit the ground, and he steps out of them.
We’re both naked.
Completely exposed in a way I’ve never been with another person.
“Now,” he says, gripping my bare ass cheeks and squeezing as he grins at me. “Let’s enjoy the hot water that you worked so hard to get.” I’m blatantly staring at his flexing ass while he makes an adjustment to the temperature. He turns to me, gaze drifting down my naked body and pausing at where my cock pushes away from my hips, pink and swollen.
I get my first view of all that bared skin taut over his defined muscles, and as my eyes drop lower, they widen at his size. Long and thick, his cock is a deeper purple than the rest of him, with a bulge where it meets his groin. The head isn’t flared like mine, but tapered, and shines as though it’s wet.
“Keep looking at me like that and you’re going to embarrass me,” he says, and my eyes snap up to his, dark and heavy lidded. “Come on, mo’sziv, let’s continue this in the shower.”
I nod, my gaze fixed on him as he turns and steps into the steamy tub, and a deep breath steels my spine as I join him. Everything else in the world vanishes as the warmth rains over me. “Oh, Heaven take me now,” I groan, pointing my face towards the showerhead as the heat washes over me. “This is the most amazing thing I’ve ever felt.”
“If that’s true, I have some work to do,” Ronan teases, and I only grin, water plunking across my face. A tangible chill runs down my spine despite the warmth, the phantom weight of his nearness pressing against my back, but he doesn’t touch.
Gods, I want him to touch.
“Can I wash you?” Heart pounding, I glance over my shoulder at him. Hair sticks to his mauve skin, cheeks flushed dark either from the heat or… other reasons.
My traitorous eyes drop to where his cock juts from his hips.
Other reasons, then.
A tremor runs through me as I whisper a breathy, “I can do it,” although the words are at odds with my craving for his hands to be on my body.
“Of course you can, but I want to.” His lips land on my shoulder, the rest of him hovering close, but never touching. “When’s the last time anyone took care of you, Cam?” My eyes sting as he lathers his palms with the lavender and pine soap.
“A while,” I whisper.
“Allow me to do this… let me be the one to look after you.” Warm hands, slippery with suds, move deliberately over my back, my nerve endings coming alive as he massages my skin. “I will protect you and take care of whatever you need… spoil you like you deserve to be spoiled.” A kiss brushes the curve of my shoulder. “You can trust me.”
“I do.” The words slip out before I can stop them, before I can even consider them, and surprise jolts me as the truth of them settles. “I do trust you.” A low, happy grunt rumbles in his chest as he kisses my wet hair, and I arch my neck, wanting more of his touch. “Only you.”
Up and down, he washes me, the tension in my stomach tightening when he swipes over the small of my back, barely brushing the top of my ass before darting away. Neck and shoulders, along the sides of my torso, then across my arms. When his palm pauses over the mark on my arm, a spark passes between us, and we both release a quiet moan.
“Turn around,” he says, voice thick, and I swallow. Heart in my throat, I face him as water rinses the soap from my back. Ragged breaths push heavily from my nose as he washes my chest, starting at my neck and working lower. A smile flits across his lips as he swipes over my nipples and watches my cock flex in response.
His fingers map my ribcage… my stomach… then further; the suds catching the hair on my groin as he traces over the sensitive skin.
He’s right there .
Right there.
The sound that leaves me is almost a sob as he moves to my hips, leaving a soapy trail in the crease of my thighs. “Ronan,” I whimper, and he lifts his eyes to mine, asking for permission. “Please.” He rumbles another satisfied purr in response to my begging as he inches closer to where I want him.
The moment he touches my cock, a loud moan breaks free, drowning out any thoughts of embarrassment. A feather-light touch drags along my length as I watch, enraptured by the sight of his mauve skin against mine. Steady fingers swallow me whole.
“Look at this pretty cock,” he murmurs. “No one has ever touched you here, have they?”
“No,” I whimper as he slides his fist, keeping it closed and not allowing me to see myself in his grip. Dwarfed by his enormous hand, I should be embarrassed by how small I feel, but there’s no room for shame. Instead, I’m so turned on by the way he surrounds me that my hips jerk forward, thrusting through the tunnel of his fingers.
“Someone’s eager,” he murmurs, leaning to claim my mouth. Sensations are everywhere, almost overwhelming—his lips on mine, hot water dripping down our faces, fingers flexing against my cock as he strokes in that maddeningly patient rhythm.
“ Ro ,” I whine against his mouth, pleading.
“I’ve got you,” he whispers. “I’ll take care of you.”
He spins me until he’s flush against my back, his erection pushing between my ass cheeks as he reaches around my front to fist me again. “Such a perfect little cock, and it fits like it was made for me. How do you feel in my hand? ”
“S-small,” I manage, and his chuckle is deep.
“Do you like that, Cam? Realizing how much bigger than you I am?”
“Yes,” I moan, and he plants kisses along the curve of my shoulder as he pumps me. The hardness against my ass only turns me on more as I move between the sensations.
Ronan releases my cock and reaches lower, cupping my balls with a gentle tug. “No one has touched you here either, have they?” I shake my head as he rumbles another happy purr, his lips grabbing my shoulder and sucking as his teeth scrape over my skin. My body is an inferno, every nerve ending singing with the fire that runs through my veins.
“And here?” he asks, moving further and massaging my taint as my balls draw tight. “This is untouched, too?”
“Yes,” I breathe as he thrusts his hips forward, slipping his cock between my thighs as he wraps his fingers around me again.
My head falls back onto his shoulder as he grips my hip, holding me flush as he moves us both. It’s an overload to my senses as he pumps me while his skin drags against mine. Grunts and moans are rough in my ear, the sound of him losing control making my core coil tighter.
“I bet you’ve got the prettiest, pinkest little untouched hole. Tight and warm, and so fucking hungry. You want it as bad as I do, don’t you?”
Turns out Ronan has a dirty fucking mouth.
Also, turns out I really like that.
“Yeah,” I grit, whining as his teeth graze the spot behind my ear. His soaked hair sticks to my skin, plastered to my shoulder, and it makes us feel as if we’re one person .
“I can’t wait to hear the sounds you make as I stretch you for the first time… how you cry when my cock breaches that pretty hole.” I whimper as he releases me, palms landing on my ass and kneading. Warm, humid air hits my skin as he spreads me, a finger grazing over my entrance as I flex. “It’s going to look so perfect when I’m done with it. Used and open and full of my cum.”
His hands move to his cock, stroking himself a few times before he reaches around my front again, his hand slicked. This time, when he strokes me, there’s a filthy wet sound over the pelting of the shower. “Gods, the fucking noises you make,” he growls, and I realize I’m moaning with every drag.
A finger moves to press gently against my hole. “Flex for me… show me what I’m missing.” My muscles clench and he groans, long and low, before he positions his cock, just as slippery as his hand.
He doesn’t try to enter me, though, but thrusts his length between my cheeks, sliding against my fluttering hole. I call out, pushing back as his hips jerk in abrupt movements, his breathing strangled in my ear. “ Fuck , I can’t control myself around you.”
A broken grunt rips from his throat as he drives into me with such pressure that my hands slap onto the shower wall to keep me upright. The motion forces me to slam into his grip, and I whine as I pull my hips back and thrust again, fucking his fist.
“Look at you,” he groans as my mouth drops open and I move faster, chasing the tightness in my gut, so tense it might rip me to pieces. “Desperate little starving thing, aren’t you?” A growling moan vibrates against my skin as he uses his grip on my cock as leverage, thrusting into me .
My head thrashes in a nod as his lips kiss and suck along my neck, until he’s panting too hard to hold on. Breaths blow across my skin as his fingers tighten on my hipbone, his nails digging in as his movements shift to jerky, shallow thrusts.
“Cam,” he whimpers, and I’ve never heard such a needy sound as the stretch of my own name into my ear. “I’m going to… fuck, I’m going to come. It’s too much.” A guttural, broken shout leaves his throat as he snaps forward, and hot splashes spray up my back and across my ass cheeks while he mutters curses.
The warmth of his cum painting my skin sends me over the edge, and I chant nonsense as I mindlessly thrust. “That’s it,” he growls, almost feral in the deep way his voice rumbles. “Give it to me, sweetheart. It’s all mine.” I call out in a loud wail as my cock pulses in his grip, my cum flowing over his fingers as he continues to stroke me.
Every muscle in my body reacts to the release, wringing me like a sponge as my toes curl and my fingers search for something to grab onto. My ears ring as I pant in gasping breaths, hips still jerking into his fist even after I’m wrung dry.
Firm hands pull me upright, and my head falls against Ronan’s shoulder again as he supports my limp body. Kisses pepper along my jawline, and I twist my face towards him, too exhausted to kiss him back but giving him my lips. “That wasn’t too much, was it?”
I try to answer, but it comes out in a nonsensical slur, and let’s be honest, not even I know what I was trying to say.
Ronan chuckles and turns me around so we’re face to face, placing a gentle kiss on my lips. “This is deceitful. It might appear I’m being sweet, but there’s a shocking amount of cum on your back, so I have ulterior motives.” I grin stupidly as I laugh, head swimming as if I’m drunk. “Do you want to stay in the hot water?”
“No,” I manage to say. “Can’t stand.”
Ronan pushes my hair from my forehead, not commenting on the fact that my glasses are still on, even though they’re covered in steam and sprinkled in droplets now. “Are you ready to get into bed?” I nod, my cheek dropping against his chest as he holds me tight. Somehow, he gets us both out of the shower and dried off, before leading me to the sink to brush my teeth.
“What do you want to wear to sleep?” He gives up trying to make me walk and swoops me up into his arms, carrying me to the bed and setting me gently on top.
“You’ve seen me naked. Now that the phobia has passed, we never need clothes again,” I say, and he has the audacity to laugh at my logic.
“I’m afraid, my sweet Cameron, that we would never get much done if that tempting body was always displayed in front of me. It would also be quite unfortunate if we were ever attacked. Most people can’t fight naked.”
“Can you?”
“Of course I can,” he scoffs, and my sleepy laugh makes him grin. “Now, do you want to sleep in a pair of shorts?”
“Party pooper,” I complain before nodding, and he slides them up my body.
The sun is setting outside as he turns off the lights. It’s early to be in bed, but I can’t hold my eyes open for another minute. “Hey, Cam?” I crack one eye and glance at him as he points at the ceiling. “Fan. ”
A smile spreads over my face as the cool air hits me, and my eyes close. “Best day ever.”