26. Roxie
Twenty Six
Roxie
I t’s been a few days since I came to stay at my parent’s house. It was my turn to walk away to get my emotions in line. I still text him the heart emoji every morning and every night before I go to bed to let him know I am still thinking about him.
It was made clear that this isn’t a break-up, or a break, or whatever dumb excuse that one guy would use. This is an agreement that we both need to get our shit together. We’ve both been through a lot in our lives, and a real relationship was never something we dealt with. He never had to answer to anyone and was always able to get the information he wanted. The part of my life he couldn’t gain access to, he needs to accept he may never get it. Although, if I’m honest with myself, I think he does, and he’s fully accepted that if I can tell him, I will. So, really, right now, the issue is me.
I need to get my heart and head on the same page with understanding his need to walk away at two pivotal moments in our relationship.
Again, you both suck at doing this thing. You’re both learning.
“I hear bikes,” Remy shrieks and tears down the stairs past me.
The shit in my life may be fucked, but some good is coming of it. While I know the guys here can handle the plan, and I have every bit of faith in them, Dad let me know we’d get some very special guests.
“So I was on the phone with Uncle JJ and told him about your flash sale, and he wants to come down and get inked by you. He um…. He-he sa-said there’s room.” Dad smiles.
“Doubt it. Just like I doubt that that’s why he’s coming down. You told him about what’s going on, didn’t you?”
“Why, I would never,” he says as if he were an old Southern woman. “Yeah, okay, fine. You caught me.”
“Dad, I love you, but if you wanted me to believe he was coming to get inked, he should have just shown up.”
He laid it all out after that. He explained that Uncle JJ was ready to end anyone who dared to threaten the life of his niece. While he didn’t go into details, whatever he told JJ meant that Knuckles had to come too, and because it was for protection, Knuckles’ husband was also coming.
“Then, of course, your aunt Bri had to tell Ashlynn that she was coming out here, and we all know how Ash is. I guess she told Willie he better get them both here, or she was withholding sex and food,” Dad rolls his eyes, “so they’re coming too. Something about not letting everyone else have all the fun.”
It’s been so long since we’ve seen any of them. I’m a bit sad Mamaw El and Papa Ken can’t come with them. Mamaw hasn’t been feeling the best lately, and the long drive would have been too much for her.
Everyone is outside, ready to greet them all. I wish I could glance over at Max and give him a smile. We’re going to be fine. I know we are. This relationship thing isn’t easy, but great love never is. Or, at least, that’s some shit I’ve heard. But I know it’s possible. I see the men who just pulled up with their partners, and I know people can work through their issues.
Mom barrels past me and rips open the passenger door of the SUV that followed the bikes up to the house. I see her jump in, wrapping her friends in warm hugs. I know they’re still close, but the distance is hard.
I tear up because Mom is so happy. She finally lets the ladies out of the car, and they giggle and shriek while holding each other. Seriously, they’re talking at a pitch I’m sure only dogs can hear.
“What’s going on here? I haven’t heard this much hollering since my date last week.” Duck calls out as he rounds the house, giving Willie a high five as he passes.
“Hey, asshole, there are kids around. Watch what you say!” Ashlynn calls over to him, stepping away from Mom. While we all work incredibly hard to watch our mouths around the kids, these guys are bikers. Besides, there’s a lot worse in the world than the word fuck.
“Hey, shithead, you swore. I just made an innuendo, so why don’t you watch your mouth.” Duck retorts, feeling smooth; he shoots a grin at Willie, who just shakes his head and steps back.
“Hey fucker, no one calls me shithead but my best friends, and you don’t have that honor or privilege, so you watch your mouth.” Ashlynn starts to make her way toward him, and I laugh as all the brothers take a few steps back.
“Give it time, chick-ee. You and I will be the best of friends by the time all this is over.” Duck gives her a sly smile. They’re pretty much chest-to-chest this time.
“On this date, did they fuck you stupid?” Ashlynn asks.
“No, that’s just my natural charm.”
They continue to eye each other. Ashlynn squints her eyes, sizing him up. Duck smiles at her, trying to disarm her with charm. We just call it annoying. Everyone is still watching this whole thing, saying nothing, until Adam has enough and calls out to Willie about his new Lego set—officially breaking the tension.
“Hey, sweet girl,” Auntie Bri says to me softly. I had been so fixated on the battle of witlessness that I didn’t see her come up to me. I wrap my arms around her, and it immediately feels like the exact thing I need. “Your mama kinda filled me in on what’s been going on. Why don’t you and I go chat while Ashlynn is distracted,” she whispers in my ear.
I smile and pull back from the hug. My eyes start to well up a little as I nod and lead her upstairs to my childhood bedroom. Not much has changed here since I was seventeen. Still teal and white walls, pictures of growing up around here, and memories from our time in Colorado. We sit on the bed, and I cross my legs and face her, unsure where to start.
“So, your man also has the emotional maturity of a teaspoon?” Auntie Bri laughs while taking my hand.
“I wouldn’t go that far. It’s just when we go through something big and emotional. Even if it’s just on his side, he needs to walk away to find himself. The first time I understood, it was a heavy talk, but he still tried to be there if I needed him.” I take a deep breath, calming the waver that starts in my voice. “This time, though, it’s like a bomb blew, and I was left to clean up all the shrapnel on my own. I love him, but I don’t think I can forgive him this time. My heart says I should, but my head is battling it.”
“Hmm,” is all she says as she rubs her thumb along the back of my hand. “I think because our men went through it at such a young age, I am guessing, and you don’t have to confirm or deny anything, they can’t process anything without more hurt. To them or to others around them. The only way they see reason is with more or less a slap in the face once they hit that bottom.” I laugh and remember when Mama Judy told me about how she handled him.
“Well, I think a cold shower while sleeping was effective, but I see that,” I tell her with a sad smile.
“He came back to you and listened to what you had to say?” I nod, and she continues, “Then you were the one to walk away this time, and he needs to earn that trust back?” I nod again. “Good, make him sweat. He made you hurt, and it’s time for some payback. The only difference is that this time, the lines of communication are open. Healing can take place.” She explains to me.
“We did have a great talk and…other things before my mind won, and I needed some distance,” I explain.
“Fair, but are you still talking to him?”
“I let him know when I wake up and when I go to sleep.” I grab my phone off the bedside table. I see messages from Max telling me about his day, when a memory of me crosses his mind, or just for him to tell me he loves me.
“He is seeing things from your point of view now. Now you two can talk and heal. Communication is something that most people take for granted, but I think you two will figure it out.” She pats my leg and pulls me into another hug. “Is he coming to dinner tonight?”
“Yes, Mom asked him because he is still my boyfriend, and this is a family dinner. She is still very team Mimic, even when she’s pissed at him.” I laugh, sniffling as more emotions bubble up.
“Your mama wouldn’t bet on a losing horse. Let’s go downstairs and see what’s left of Duck and if your mom needs any help with dinner prep.” Auntie Bri stands up and holds her hand out for me to take.
* * *
The night goes by amazingly. Family members talk, laugh, and walk down memory lane. Everyone tells stories while we enjoy the campfire after dinner. Mom and the other ladies are in the house, putting my siblings to bed and restocking wine and beer for everyone.
Max attached himself to my side when he showed up and hadn’t left. We barely spoke, but during dinner, I took his hand under the table, and he relaxed a bit. I craved connection as much as he did.
“Hey, kids, wanna come for a walk with us? Show us around?” Whitley asks, standing and taking Knuckles’ hand in his.
Max nods in agreement before standing and offering me his hand to help me from the Adirondack chair I’m in.
As we walk away, I hear Uncle JJ call out behind us, “And don’t try and lose your chaperones, young lady!” I laugh, and more tension that had been simmering leaves. Max lets go of my hand as we walk away, draping his arm over my shoulders.
“I guess it’s a night for advice,” I say when we are far enough away from the rowdy crowd. “So, who was it? Dad or mom?”
“Your dad talked to me,” Knuckles starts.
“He kind of explained what’s been going on more so in the personal aspects. The guilt he carries for having to take you to the ring. You look like you got off better than I did.” Whitley chuckles, stopping Max to get a look at the healing bruises.
“I deserved this,” he tells them softly. “I questioned her character, and theirs, along with who she is as a person. It was uncalled for.”
“Still, secrets are hard in a relationship, even if they are for the greater good. We would know.” Knuckles says, pulling Whitley into him and placing a soft kiss on his cheek.
They explain a little about Whit and the lies he had to tell to keep Knuckles and the brothers safe without discussing too much.
“It wasn’t easy.” Knuckles sighed. “I felt as if he’d used me and took everything he could when I gave over my heart and soul.” Whitley reaches over, grabbing Knuckles’ head and pulling it to him so he can kiss Knuckles’ temple. Looking at them, it’s clear as day that Whitley still feels pain about what happened between them. “I couldn’t stay away, though.”
“After being filled in, forgive me when I say, why not? I don’t think I’d be able to forgive something like that.” Max asks.
“Are you telling me that you’d be able to walk away from Roxie? That if she had a secret, one she had to keep in order to keep you safe, you’d walk away from her because of that?”
“Nothing would keep me from her,” Max growls.
“Exactly. That response and that fire you feel, that’s how I feel about Whit. Was it hard to get past what happened? Of course, it was. But I had to take a seat and really look at what he did and why. He risked everything for me because he loves me. When you find the person who is meant for you, you keep them.”
“Exactly,” Whitley cuts in. “We’ve had our troubles, obviously, but they made us stronger. Look,” he lets out a sigh, “if you two want to make this work, you have to put it all out there. You have to have the hard conversations, the fights, and the resolves. Things will feel awful at times, but those are rare. You two have the support of this family behind you, but sometimes that can feel like too much. But as long as you both come back to each other, you can make it.”
“Whit and I pushed through the pain and the betrayal we all felt because our love means more. The pain was temporary. Once we sat down and broke it down, we realized what we had together was more important than anything else.” Knuckles steps away from Whitley and takes my hands in his, “Roxie, I know this is a lot to take on. You may disagree with how things have been handled, but he’s doing it because he loves you. It’s the same as Whit. He did everything because he loves me. You only have to remember that.”
“Thanks, Knuckles,” I tell him as I hug him.
It’s clear from what they shared it took a long time for Knuckles to really forgive Whitley for keeping him in the dark. The downfall of that is that it took away from the time they had together. Is that something I want to risk?
No. Not at all.
We start to make our way back to the fire pit, and I stop Max. When he turns to face me, I go up on my tiptoes and kiss him. “I’m sorry for everything. I love you, and I’m ready to do this life thing with you.”
“I’m sorry too, Rox. I promise I’m not going to run anymore.”
“I know you won’t.”
I give him another kiss before we catch up with the group. Knuckles or Whitley must have told them we stayed behind to make up or something because when we got back, Ashlynn was smiling like a crazy…er person than normal.
“They are back and in love again!” Ashlynn calls out.
“Yay! They are in love, we are in love! Let’s drink to love!” Auntie Bri yells.
“I think you have drunk enough for love,” Duck tells Ashlynn and Bri.
Ashlynn walks over to Duck and smacks him upside the head. “I will tell you when I have had enough to drink, Sugar Tits. And I haven’t had enough yet!”
“Yeah. Okay. You two good now?” Duck looks at Max and I.
“Yeah,” I smile up at Max, “we’re great.”
“I love you,” he whispers as he pulls my face to his, and shouts of joy confirm Max and I are going to be just fine.
* * *
We’re stumbling into the house after Omen dropped us off. We’re laughing and doing a terrible job ripping each other’s clothes off. My arm gets stuck in my shirt, and he trips because he only took one boot off, and his pants got stuck. Thankfully, he didn’t fall over.
“God, we’re a fucking mess.”
“I don’t care. I want you.” I tell him as I drop to my knees and open his jeans. “No whiskey dick here.”
“Rox,” he starts but is cut off as I pull him completely out of his pants. Stroking this massive cock that he really does know how to use.
I don’t think I have appreciated the magnificentness of his cock before. I don’t care if that is not a word. It is tonight. And also, tonight, I am gonna make him scream when I take this monster in my mouth.
I spit on it like I’ve seen in porn because it looks sexy when they do it. But when I try, it just dribbles down my chin. Instead of trying to manage another glob, I run my wet chin over the head of his great cock. Getting it wet, I jerk him off at a fast pace. I run my tongue over the head and start to slowly suck him into my mouth.
After a few sloppy passes, I have enough confidence to try and take him the whole way down my throat. I want to try that swallowing technique I read about. I took him all the way back, and as soon as he hit the point of me gagging, I realized that in my full-blown desire and need for Max, I overestimated what drunk me could handle. As in, he moans, and I barf.
“Yeah, we’re a fucking mess,” I say and start to cry, and Max doesn’t think twice. He wraps me up in his arms and uses his shirt to wipe my mouth.
“Baby, it’s okay.”
“I threw up on you. It is not okay.”
“It was bound to happen. My dick is huge.”
That’s all I needed, apparently, because I forgot about the embarrassment I felt and laughed in his arms. I couldn’t be more thankful to have a man who loves me for everything I am and accepts what he can’t change or understand. And he doesn’t look down at me in disgust when I literally choke on his cock.
“You’re lucky I love you, Max.”
“I know I am.”