1. Let’s Talk About It
one
Let’s Talk About It
Onyx: 2024
I remember someone told me once, “You’ll understand when you’re an adult,” They lied, and I’m pretty sure I laughed.
Nothing about my life makes sense. It’s like that moment when dusk hits, and the world around you is lit up, but you can’t quite see through the murky haze. Then you blink, and suddenly everything’s dark.
“Are you listening, Onyx?” Nolan asks, glaring at me across the kitchen table.
Casually glancing from the window. “Nope,” I answer, making sure to pop the p. “None of this matters.”
“It does,” he argues, trying unsuccessfully to hide his annoyance. “River’s Edge has its own set of rules.”
Shoving from my chair hard enough it scrapes across the kitchen floor. “I don’t give a shit about rules. Or history. I don’t care that a bunch of old guys smeared some blood on a piece of dirty paper and decided to call it a unity,” I hiss, storming to the counter to get another cup of coffee.
“Your name means you have to care —”
“No!” I growl, spinning around to face him. “What I have to care about is being an adult for less than an hour before waking up in a hospital bed. To then be taken to identify my mom’s dead body. And, finding out less than twenty-four hours later, I’m being forced to leave my home. By a dead guy!” I shout, using up most of my breath. “Top that,” I urge hatefully, waving my arm at him.
His jaw hangs open as he stares at me across the room. When he doesn’t speak, I turn around and go back to pouring my coffee.
“I know you and Opal had a rocky relationship. But she loved you,” he offers calmly.
Placing both hands on the counter to hold my exhausted body up as I study the steaming liquid and absorb what he said.
When I was young, the two of them did a great job of hiding their relationship. As I got older, they became sloppy. Finally, Mom sat me down when I turned fifteen and told me she cared for Nolan a lot .
Who even says that about someone?!
I know the woman loved chocolate chip muffins, but I don’t have a clue if she loved me because she never used that word.
“Right,” I finally throw out, shaking my head at the foreign thought. “If she loved me. Why wasn’t I good enough? Why did she hate every little thing about me?” I mumble over the lump starting to clog my throat.
“She didn’t hate everythi —”
“My hair’s too dark. I need to wear more makeup. The anxiety makes me weak. Should I keep going?” I ask, strolling back to the table, feeling more composed.
He runs a hand over his tired face. “I can’t fix the past,” he offers softly as I set down my cup. “But, I’ll try to help you understand your future.”
Finding out you’ve lost the only person who ever pretended to care is an indescribable feeling. It’s an emptiness that scrapes at your insides, ripping at flesh, leaving you sore and scarred. Which hardly makes sense, but it’s all I’ve got.
At least Mom stuck around. That’s the one thing I’ll give her. She didn’t drop me like a boring hobby.
Unlike him!
Sighing loudly as I sit down. “I’m listening. Tell me why I have to go back to that shitty little town,” I prompt calmly before taking a sip.
He shakes his head, and it seems as if he’s trying to make sense of what he’s about to tell me. “I found some paperwork Opal signed before we met. She agreed to a stipulation, that appears to have been put into place by Rowland.”
Holding up a hand to stop him. “How do her dead parents have any say about my life? I met them once.”
It’s vague, but I remember Gramps and Grams coming to visit us after Mom moved us to the city. She was a basket case during their entire visit. Even more than usual. After they left, I recall asking her why she was scared of Gramps. She told me he carried a ghost inside of him, and Grams was scared of it. Then, she told me never to ask questions about her past. After that, she never mentioned them again until I came home from school one day and she made me pack a bag. She said we were going to River’s Edge because her parents house caught fire and they were killed.
I was ten, and that’s when I swore I’d never go back there.
“Rowland came from old money, Onyx. From what I’ve gathered, he owned most of the town. Opal told me once he had enough money to fund a few small countries if he wanted to and would never miss a dime,” he explains seriously.
I shrug, swallowing the drink I’ve taken. “Great, he was rich. Mom got tons of money,” I throw out, rolling my eyes at what I obviously already know.
He keeps mentioning the rules of having a name and living in a small town . I’ve lived in the city since I was two when Mom split from the douchebag. It’s all the same. It doesn’t matter where you live.
The bitches I’ve grown up with would stab me in the back in a second if they thought it would move them up in the ranks. It’s all about the name . They aren’t my friends. I know it, and they know it. They love the power and popularity my name brings, and I let them. It’s all a game, and we play our parts well.
When the Queen moves, so do the pawns.
He studies me for a long moment, and I can tell he’s trying to choose his words wisely. So, I wait patiently, sipping my coffee.
Finally, clearing his throat. “No, she didn’t. You got lots of money.”
“What?”
“All of it went to you,” he answers simply.
“Right, because of her —”
Cutting me off. “No.” Quickly shaking his head. “When she signed those papers, she agreed —”
Now, it’s my turn to shake my head. “I don’t understand,” I tell him, so confused that I interrupt before he can finish.
Did I mention, nothing about my life makes sense?
He scrubs a hand over his face. “The stipulation says you must be in the care of one of your parents or a legal guardian until you graduate.”
“Which makes no sense because I’m an adult. I shouldn’t have to be in anyone's care,” I interrupt, needing to voice my annoyance.
I’ll admit, I wasn’t the easiest kid to raise. Throw out all my anxiety issues, and you’re still left with a troublemaker, as she liked to call me.
Trouble and I have an agreement. It leads, I follow.
However, Mom and I also had a silent understanding; I stayed out of her way, and she left me alone. Meaning - I’ve basically been an adult for years. Plain and simple, we agreed years ago to disagree.
“What happens if I say no?” I ask.
“Tomorrow, all the accounts, your trust, and the assets will be frozen. If you agree, you’ll be able to claim them in three months when you graduate. If you disagree, everything will be sold, liquidated, and donated,” he explains slowly, making sure I understand what he’s telling me.
“If I agree, it means —”
“You have to live with your da —”
“Don’t you fucking say it,” I hiss angrily, fire racing through my veins. “Never call that worthless sperm sack that word,” I spit, hating even the thought of what he’s insinuating.
The donor bag woke up on my fifth birthday and decided it’d be a good day to ghost. Leaving me to learn how to live with crazy on my own. I haven’t seen him since.
As far as I’m concerned, it’s always the people who claim to care about you the most, who end up fracturing your soul. Which is why I’ve locked away old memories and swore to myself for years I’d never go back to that place.
He sighs loudly, “You have to go back to River’s Edge and stay with Hendrix ,” he corrects.
Just hearing his name makes me want to vomit.
“Why would she sign that?”
Lacing his fingers on the table. “I can’t answer that. All I can tell you is she signed when you were five. Agreeing to Rowland’s stipulation and to sign over everything to you. All of it’s been yours since Rowland died.”
“Seriously? Why?”
He shrugs. “No idea, but now I know why she never let me handle any of her finances,” he tells me thoughtfully.
My mind’s blown, leaving my head feeling like a rattle.
Shit’s for sure not adding up. The text she sent the night of my birthday still lingers in my mind like a bitter aftertaste. Don’t get me wrong, my life’s always revolved around hers. She was the Earth, and I was the Moon. Everything was about her because that’s how selfish people survive. They suck out the souls of those around them, turning them into a weak, useless shell.
But, hearing this … kind of sounds like she trusted me, which can’t be right. However, I know for a fact the lady never did anything without carefully studying all the details first. Not to mention, she was an outstanding negotiator. I’ve heard her talk Nolan in circles, and he’s a damn lawyer.
Trust is another word missing from my vocabulary. So why? What did she gain?
“Fine,” I finally answer hesitantly. “But, I have a request of my own. I’ll get some take-out while you talk to the sperm-sack. And then, you can fill me in on this worthless history lesson you keep preaching about,” I tell him over my shoulder, motioning for him to follow me to her office.
I draw the sour smoke into my lungs, holding it until I choke, forcing me to cough it out. “Thanks, Mom,” I grunt softly, watching the gloomy clouds roll in.
I found her stash while I was going through her things earlier. Let’s be clear. I’m not like the stoners smashed at parties, deflecting their entire existence. If anything, I take life in general too seriously. My anxiety craves the numbness weed brings, allowing my chatty brain a moment of calmness.
We sleep to rejuvenate our exhausted bodies. Too bad it’s a luxury the panic doesn’t give me often. The fear and anxiety always linger just below my skin, twisting with my muscles, making it hard for me to relax.
The door opens, pulling me from my chaotic thoughts as I watch Nolan slump tiredly in one of the overstuffed patio chairs.
“He agreed,” he sighs heavily, running a hand through his dark hair. “But, he wants to talk when you arrive.”
Letting my head fall back against the cushion, going back to watching the gloomy sky. “Of course he does,” I grumble, the news flattening my buzz.
“Onyx —” he starts, but I raise a hand to stop him.
“It doesn’t matter. Tell me about this hokey history before I get angry again and tune you out,” I urge impatiently, ready to be done with all the bullshit, so I can move on and forget about the nightmare my life’s about to become.
He kicks his feet up on the table in front of him and crosses his ankles. “All I know are partial bits that your mom shared with me over the years,” he reminisces, staring at the clouds, digging through what I assume are old memories.
My head rolls to the side. “Why did you stay with her? Knowing you were her dirty secret?” I sneer, hating the way she’s degraded him all these years.
Mom and the sperm donor were high school sweethearts who married as soon as they graduated. She claimed they were happy until they weren’t.
Guess I should’ve thanked her for being born since the douchebag didn’t want kids.
They were married for nine years before my smiling face was introduced to the world. By my first birthday, shit turned sour. She split and moved us to Scarlet City when I turned two.
I should’ve asked why she needed three hours, worth of space from him. Or if she liked the city more than living in the small town.
“Your Gramps discarded her for not having a boy to carry on the Sterling name.”
“What?” I hiss obnoxiously, completely sidetracked by his comment. “Like she could control that.”
Finding my eyes. “Guess that was part of the Unity. It was the best way for the richest families to agree to keep the bloodlines going. To be superior or something,” he huffs, shaking his head.
Scowling at him as he stands. “Eww? Were they a cult?” I question in disgust, following him into the house.
He grabs one of the Chinese take-out containers and leans on the counter. “It was a different time. Things weren’t frowned on like they are now.” He shrugs, digging into the fried rice.
“Yuck, whatever. But, that doesn’t answer why you stayed,” I remind him, raising myself to sit on the counter across from him.
I wait patiently for him to swallow. “Your Gramps was embarrassed of her. So rather than keep her around, he let her leave. That was his gift. He wouldn’t have to be reminded of his disappointment. And, she wouldn’t be forced to see the face of a ghost.”
“Wait! Now you’re telling me there were ghosts?” I question seriously, needing his answer like I need air to live.
For most of my life, I’ve felt something … A presence? Eyes watching me? A shadow always lurking in the distance, watching and waiting. Mom said it was my imagination and had cameras installed around the property. She told me they were there so I could face my fears. To prove to myself it was all in my head.
He straightens, turning to grab the container of lo mien noodles. “Not a ghost . Your da…” he pauses, releasing a sigh. “Hendrix cheated. She didn’t want to see the guy that quit loving her,” he says.
His answer leaves a hint of sadness resonating inside me, wishing for once I wasn’t alone with my crazy.
“Not an answer,” I press, deflecting the hurt and loneliness I’m tired of feeling.
Turning back around, he levels me with dark eyes that resemble my name. “I stayed because she asked me to. Opal couldn’t divorce Hendrix. That was part of the gift negotiated by Rowland. Opal and Hendrix were forced together because of their names. For the bloodlines.”
“But, his name is Whithe,” I question.
“Rowland would have forced him to take Sterling as his last name if they’d had a boy,” he answers between bites.
My tired eyes fall to the ground, taking in everything he’s said. Sorrow floods me for him. This man - Mom’s lawyer - has done more for me over the years than the sperm sack she married. Nolan’s gotten me out of a few sticky situations. All because he was Mom’s dirty secret.
He’s the reason I haven’t lost all of my sanity.
I slip from the counter, done with this talk. None of what he’s said matters. I’ve been sentenced to three months in hell with no chance of early release.
“Onyx,” he calls to my back, causing me to pause, waiting to hear what he has to say. “Vexen will be waiting —”
“Fuck Vexen,” I growl, leaving before he can say anything else.
Let the games begin.