Royal Scoundrel (Frat Wars #4)

Chapter 15

15

Dash

Time has hit fast-forward on junior year, but when my lips are on Archie’s lips, everything slows. I’m anchored to the moment. Reality doesn’t exist, and he gets his wish of us living in a fantasy land. Nothing can touch us here.

He whines, and I laugh into his mouth, gripping the waistband of his pants as I hold him hostage in our place hidden in the stacks.

“I have class,” he reminds me.

“Like fuck do I care.”

He kisses along my jaw, and the fact he’s still so hungry for me has my head spinning. “Maybe if I flunk out and don’t become the high-powered lawyer Father wants me to be, he’ll be so disappointed the gay thing won’t even register with him.”

“Good luck with that. You’d just be hitting his weak spots double.”

“Are you sure you won’t come home with me?” His tone has taken on a desperate edge that is becoming more prominent the closer we get to summer.

“Positive. There is nothing that could get me on a plane to come face-to-face with your dad.”

“Not even a blow job?”

“Considering you know how much I love those, my answer still being no should tell you something.”

He releases me, a loud sigh escaping his lips as he drags both hands through his chaotic curls. “Maybe I could … not go home.”

“Uh-huh.”

“I’ll run away with you instead.”

“Sure thing.”

We’ve had this conversation a million and one times, and I know better than to believe it. I’ll humor him, but my patience for pretend is growing thin. What started as surface-level attraction has dug deeper than I ever wanted it to, and now the need to be near Archie is suffocating. I hate that we’re about to have a break from each other, know that I’m going to be miserable not texting him every time I think of him, but I need this.

“Am I allowed to say I’m going to miss you?” he whispers.

While we’ve both made it clear we’re not happy about the distance and that our feelings are growing deeper than pretend, it’s the first time one of us has openly mentioned the giant wall between us.

I swallow thickly, pressing my head to his shoulder so I don’t have to look at him. “No.”

“But—”

“I said you’re not allowed to say it.”

“Dash …”

Panic is ringing in my ears. “Shut up, Archie. There’s no point.”

“Maybe I want you to know.”

“Well, maybe I’m growing sick of your maybes.”

Instead of getting offended like usual, his big hands hold my neck. He’s learning. Can anger be a love language? I swear when I’m angry at him is when I’m feeling the most.

“I’ll forgive you. I’ll understand,” he says, a slight croak to his words. “If we come back here next year and you’ve moved on, I … I’ll get it.”

“Good.” I press harder into him. “It’d be the best outcome.”

“That’s a goddamn lie, but I’ll let you believe it.”

“ Stop .” He’s getting too reckless with trying to drag our pretend world over into the real one. They have to stay separate. They have to.

Archie’s thumb rubs circles behind my ear. I want to melt into him and forget all of the rules, but even though I’m stupidly falling for the man, I’m still trying—not well, but trying— to protect my heart in all of this.

His lips skim my ear. “Even when this is over, you’ll forever be the greatest part of me.”

Stupid, angry tears prick at my eyes, and I refuse to let him see them. Refuse to acknowledge that when it comes to breaking me down, he’s won. He’s played me and made this all so much more complicated than it ever needed to be, all because he wanted to catch feelings.

Maybe I didn’t.

Maybe I never wanted to feel this way. But Levine was determined to make it happen, and now look at me. Fucking close to crying over a man who was never mine.

“Oh my—oh my god .”

I tense at the female voice, eyes shooting wide.

“Lizzie?” Archie croaks.

“What … what …”

My heart is in my throat, strangling me as I whirl on her. “It isn’t what it looks like!” Which might be the dumbest response I’ve ever had because everyone knows that when you say that, it’s exactly what it looks like.

“You mean you two weren’t cuddling in the stacks?”

“No—”

“We were.”

My focus flies to Archie instead. “Don’t.”

“Don’t tell me what to do!” It’s the first time ever he’s actually raised his voice at me. His soft face is a hard mask as he glares down Lizzie. “We’re together. I’m gay. Now that you know, what are you planning to do about it?”

Her mouth opens and closes a few times. “I … I don’t know.”

“Then let me make it simple for you.” His pained, tortured voice I’m so used to is gone, and this Archie is someone I can believe grew up with a silver spoon up his ass. “You’ve always wanted to be a Levine: consider it done. Keep this secret to yourself, and the second we graduate, I’ll put the biggest, shiniest ring on your finger that your friends and family have ever seen. I’ll be a dedicated husband—” The first crack in his voice makes me want to comfort him, even as the words he’s saying are tearing me in two. “—and you’ll have everything you’ve ever wanted in life. All I need is one year. One year to be who I really am before I become the person everyone else wants me to be.”

“But … you’re gay,” she whispers.

“I’ve always been gay. You’ve never been able to tell before.”

“Archie, I …”

“Do we have a deal?”

Lizzie’s eyes flick to mine, and she quickly redirects them to the floor. “I … umm … okay. Yes. I guess … fine. Yes.”

“Good.” It feels like all the air leaves the library. Sweat is prickling along my hairline, and no matter how much I force my lungs to try and work, it isn’t getting any easier.

“I’ll just … go …” Her voice is soft as she all but runs from us.

Archie turns and yanks me into his arms, all the pretend control evaporating as he falls against me. “Fuck. Fuck. ”

I can’t hug him back. I know I need to. I know he’s hurting and probably scared, but my heart won’t slow down, and my thoughts are impossible to catch hold of. This is how it was always going to go. Him marrying a woman was always going to happen—he knew it, I knew it—but apparently, I didn’t know it. Not like this. Not like looking her in the eyes and knowing she’ll share a house with him one day. She’ll get married and probably have his babies and?—

I’m stiff as I pull back out of his arms.

“Dash?” Confusion floods his eyes. “What’s wrong?”

“What’s … what’s wrong?” I almost laugh, but I might be closer to a panic attack than anything else. “What’s wrong? Everything is fucking wrong.”

“I don’t understand.”

My mouth falls open. “You … do you know what just happened? You proposed to her.”

He shakes his head. “It was more like … a deal.”

“A deal ?”

“To make her keep our secret.”

I might throw up. Those stupid tears are back, and I’ll do anything to try to stop them from spilling over. “I can’t do this.”

His body goes rigid. “What do you mean?”

I stare at the place Lizzie disappeared to. “I can’t …” The hurt curls around my chest, and it hits me, for the first time, that trying to protect my heart was the real pretend. “Shit. I think I’m in love with you.”

Happiness takes over Archie’s face, and he closes the distance between us, trying to hug me even as I hold him back. “I love you too. I’ve never felt like this before. Never thought I ever would.” His hand cups my jaw and forces my head up, making me meet his hopeful eyes. “You kill me, Dash. Every day, I fall for you more. Every day, I think things could never get better than they are right now, and every day, you prove me wrong. I love you so much.” He tries to kiss me, but I turn my head, shrugging out of his hold. I hate that he said all that to me. Hate that after everything I saw, the reality that just smashed through our bubble, that he’s giving me the whole truth.

I fucking hate it.

“I thought I told you to shut up.”

“What do you mean?”

“How could you say that? How could you tell me all that after you’ve agreed—sorry, made a deal —to marry someone else?”

“You know why I did that.”

I do. I’m an idiot. It’s not Archie’s fault; it’s mine. All this time, I’ve been trying to protect him and put him first, but I forgot to look after myself in the process. “I do.” I take a deep breath. “So I hope you know why I have to do this.”

His face falls. “Do what?” He knows though. I can read every expression on his handsome face.

“Don’t make me say it.”

“I’m going to make you fucking say it. You want to end it, then you’re going to have to say the words.”

I want to land one on his chin, even though I know my anger is more directed at me than him. “Fine. You want to hear it? It’s over, Levine. Just like it was always going to be.”

Maybe he thought I was bluffing because tears immediately spill onto his cheeks. “Don’t. Please, you can’t.”

“I have to.”

“You can’t tell me you love me and then end things!”

I wish I’d never said that word. “I can and I am. I can’t be the reason you ruin your life. It’s not fair.”

“Dammit, Dash, I don’t care.”

“ I do. It’s not fair to me . My heart feels like it’s tearing in half.”

Archie sniffs and scrubs his hands over both cheeks, turning them red, but not the red that I love. “Okay.” He can barely get the word out. “That’s what you want.”

The unhinged laugh that’s been threatening this whole conversation finally comes. “When has this ever been about what I want?”

I storm away from him, half hoping that he’ll chase me and refuse. Tell me he’s never letting me go. Every step that separates us drives the pain deeper. I’m fucking crying before I even get to the library doors.