Royally Rebellious: An arranged royal romance (Resplendent Royals Book 1)

Chapter 30

Ifound Alexandra suddenly cold. She protested that she was tired. She said her tiara gave her a headache. Still, she was curt. I was confused. Before all this, I thought we were about to jump into bed. I thought finally I might get to have her. Instead, I realised not only was that not happening, but something was wrong.

We left the ballroom. We couldn’t go unescorted, so of course Astrid accompanied us as we proceeded. Alexandra remained quiet and Astrid was prickly. We’d all been laughing only hours before. Now, the humour was gone. What could have happened to make things so sterile and odd?

When we arrived outside Alexandra’s door, she asked that Astrid leave us. We were now alone in a mostly dark hallway. I made out the pained expression on Alexandra’s face. Gone was the beautiful smile on full display earlier. Her tiara picked up tiny bits of light but seemed dull suddenly.

“I don’t know what happened. Can I get you anything?” I asked. “I’m worried about you, Lex.”

She shook her head. “I’m fine.”

She was lying. I reached for her hand, and she pulled back.

“No! Do not touch me!”

“What?” I cocked my head. “Alexandra, what is happening? I thought all was well. We had such a lovely evening?—”

“Rick, I cannot… this is not happening. Maybe you thought you might land me tonight. I am, after all, just a pawn.”

Her face pulled, as if in pain. She started to cry.

“No, Alexandra. You aren’t. I don’t think that?—”

“I’m not? So, I’m not part of the attempt to subvert the media and cover up an affair? What affair, Rikard? What happened? What are you lying to me about?”

Her voice rang, loudly. I was busted! I felt terrible. My stomach churned. My heart sank. It broke. I realised I”d been living a fantasy—caught up in very real feelings about her. Alexandra suddenly slipped away. Love in her eyes was replaced with contempt.

“It’s not like that,” I insisted.

“Your father said?—”

“Alexandra, I do not care what he told you, my feelings are genuine!”

“So there was no plot with the media?”

“I didn’t say that!”

“Who is she?”

“She was no one to you, but I did love her. She was married. Her husband blackmailed Pappa and then lied. He went to the media anyway. Exclusive was willing to take a deal if they could cover everything first,” I said.

Honesty poured out of me in a way I never expected. I wanted to tell her everything. I wanted to start over. I wanted everything clean. She didn’t trust me. I should have worried about my situation if she left me, but my greatest fear was that I would break her heart.

“I’m a dick, okay. I’m Rick the Prick. I’m sorry. Or I was. I…. Alexandra, I love you.”

The words flew out of my mouth. I wanted her face to soften. I wanted her to believe me. It was the truth. I did love her. I wanted her to grab onto me. I longed for an exuberant kiss. Instead, she sobbed.

“Stop lying to me. It hurts worse!”

I tried to comfort her, but she backed up, unable to even look at me now.

“Alexandra, baby… I’m… I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t baby me. You have been lying to me?—”

“Not about my feelings. Not about how I love you. Not about how you make me feel, Alexandra. No. I want you. I need you. I want to marry you.”

“I know. Because it will save your family’s skin,” she sobbed. “Fuck you! You don’t deserve me!”

“We agree on that, yes.”

She shook her head. “Don’t worry. I’ll not break it off. You and I will do the thing and look the part. But this is it. We are teammates with the same goal. Your job is to ensure Celeste goes her merry way. We will keep everything above board, so she suspects nothing. And the girls will be free. Do you understand?”

She smashed my heart.

I quietly agreed to her plan. “Yes, Alexandra. Anything.”

“I don’t want you to think anything is ever going to happen between us,” Alexandra said.

“I…I will always follow your lead, Alexandra. I am sorry I hurt you. I am sorry I ever lied. I wish I would have been honest with you because you don’t deserve this. I don’t blame you, but I do love you.”

“Stop saying that!”

“I cannot.”

“It’s contrived!”

“Alexandra, I never meant to say it. Saying it is frightening. Baby, I do love you. And because of that, I will wait. As long as it takes. And Lord knows we have an eternity to wait it out.”

She crossed her arms. “No. Nothing will change. You can wait, but this is where it stands. That is your folly.”

“I have the audacity to believe it will work out,” I said.

“Just… forget I ever said anything to you about wanting anything real,” she said. “I didn’t. I lied.”

But she didn’t lie. She felt every bit of the same for me. I had broken her heart. And now, I was breaking my own. This was all my fault. I had—once again—destroyed my happiness. She was right. I didn’t deserve her. However, I believed this time I might have a second chance. I had nothing but time.

“I will wait. And always take care of you and the girls,” I promised. “Hate me all you want, Alexandra. That makes two of us. But I will take care of you all to the best of my abilities. That cunt won’t win.”

I expected at least a snicker out of Alexandra, but I got nowhere. So, I turned and left. As I did, I could hear her body racked by sobs in the echo of the vast hall. It killed me. I could not have hated myself more if I tried at that moment. I vowed to show here through all my best intent that we could make it work.