Ruckus (Dirty Soul MC: Long Beach #3)

Chapter 24

“ W hat was all that about?” Josh has a curious look on his face when I return to my room.

“He’s just my brother's best friend, he was just checking in on me.” I hate lying to Josh, but it’s vital that me and Ruckus remain a secret. Today has proven what happens when secrets come out before they should.

“ Just your brother's friend?” Josh raises his eyebrow at me. “He looked pretty cut up seeing you playing nurse to me.”

I forgot that I can’t hide shit from him.

“Josh, my brother is on the edge, right now. Ready to kill just about anyone. I don’t want the victim of that to be his best friend. What myself and Ruckus have is… it’s just fun, life's been so serious for so long and…”

“You don’t have to explain to me, I was there. I saw what you went through. You deserve to be having fun.” He smiles, then hisses when I dab more alcohol into the cut on his eyebrow.

“The guy who died today, did ya know him well?” Josh changes the subject.

“I knew him a little and I’ve gotten close to his sister since I came back.”

I wish everything could have turned out different for Saul. Between all her sobbing, Alicia managed to explain that he was on his way back here to speak to Raze. He was planning to bring Lettie and his little boy here. I wonder if she knows what happened to him?

“She’s the pregnant one whose baby’s father’s also dead, right?” Josh tries to keep up.

“Yeah, that’s the one. Guess it’s crazier here than it is at the circus.” I laugh sadly as I throw the cotton balls into the bowl and take a seat on the bed beside him.

“Don’t go letting Drew hear you call it the circus, he’ll…” Josh stops himself before he can finish, and the smile fades from his lips.

“I’m sorry.” He shakes his head, mad at himself.

“Hey, what are you sorry for? We both suffered his anger. I’d like to know who he’s taking all his aggression out on now that we’re gone.” I try my best to keep things light. Josh must be scared, even if he doesn’t want to admit it. He’s been traveling with the show since he was twelve years old. Now he’s got to find a new purpose.

“So, what are your plans?” I try my best to sound positive. What he needs is some encouragement.

“No idea. You know of anyone hiring a stunt biker?” He nudges me playfully.

“You’ll find work, Josh, you're an amazing mechanic. I don’t know what the show’s gonna do without you.”

“They’ll manage, Drew always falls on his feet. Which is why you need to protect yourself.” Josh has a serious look on his face, one that gives me chills. “I’ll spend one more night here, then I’ll be on my way.” He gets up and pulls on his jacket.

“Why don’t you stay?” I blurt out before he can leave. I hate the thought of him being alone and if Drew’s a risk to me, he could be a risk to Josh too. “I’m sure the club could make use of a decent mechanic, and it would be good to have you close.” Josh has been the closest thing I’ve had to family for years, we’ve both suffered under Drew's control, and I can actually see him fitting in around here.

“Speak to Raze in the morning. Tell him what you can do.” I pick up my purse and start heading toward the door myself.

“Where are you going in such a hurry?” Josh laughs at me.

“I got someone I need to speak to,” I tell him, heading onto the balcony to find someone who can help me.

“And would that someone happen to be just your brother's best friend?” He smirks at me as I race down the stairs.

I see Saint or Sinner sitting by the pool pit, smoking a cigarette and looking deep in thought.

“Saint.” I pray that it’s him instead of the alternative, especially since Ruckus made it clear he didn’t like me getting a lift with Sinner. “I’m sorry to ask, and I know it’s been a tough day, but could you give me a ride to the gym? I really need to speak to Ruckus.” I figure that’s where he went when he stormed out of here.

“Sure.” He flicks his smoke into the pool pit and gets up on his feet, and I can tell, just from the way he walks, that it’s Saint and not Sinner.

I follow him through the arch toward one of the cages, surprised that he’s not questioning me, or making me feel bad for interrupting him.

“Your brother know you're goin’ off the compound?” he checks before starting the engine.

“Wrath put Ruckus in charge of me, Ruckus is at the gym,” I point out. Of course, I don’t know that for sure. Ruckus could be anywhere, but I figure eventually he’ll come home, and when he does I’ll be waiting for him.

“Makes sense.” Saint fires up the cage and when Tawk opens the gate to let us out he makes no eye contact.

“Do you think he’ll be okay?” I ask, feeling sorry for the guy. His love for my little sister is what caused him to make his mistake today. I understand a little about regret, and although I don’t know Tawk at all, I will make sure he knows I’m here for him if he needs me.

“Tawk’s in a dark place.” Saint shrugs as he continues to drive toward the gym. “Has been since your father took your sister.”

“How about you? Will you be okay?” I can’t recall ever really speaking to Saint, or Sinner, before I left. I never bothered taking the time to get to know them because, in all honesty, I didn’t think they would last.

“I don’t know what I am, right now,” Saint admits. “I can’t believe I’m sayin’ this but I kinda wish Sinner would take over.” He focuses on the road and frowns.

“What happens to you when he’s here, where do you go?” The question just comes out, and I smile awkwardly when he looks across at me.

“I wish I could tell ya, it’s like I blink and days pass by. Everything’s different, the way people look at me, the mess he’s left behind. Do you know how many women have slapped my face while I’m walking down the street? Women I ain’t even seen before.” He laughs to himself

“That must be tough.” I think about how hard it must be to live like that, how could he ever have a normal relationship with someone?

“Ya get used to it.” Saint shrugs but something tells me he’s lying.

“Do you think Sinner would come, if he knew you needed him?” I ask as he pulls up in front of the gym.

“We don’t work as a team, Freya. It’s him or it’s me, and right now I’m the one who’s gonna have to deal.” He looks at me sadly.

“Thanks for the ride.” I notice Ruckus' bike is here and hope that means he is too. “I just got one more question.” It’s one I’ve been desperate to ask someone since I’ve been back, I’ve just been too scared of the answer.

“Figured.” He rolls his eyes.

“When I left, there was a member called Chop. He came from the Colorado charter, but he and my dad were close. I’m told all Dad’s associates were dead, does that include him?” I feel my heart beating fast while I wait for his answer

“Chop’s dead,” Saint confirms. “He really screwed the club over, did some unimaginable things. Colorado made sure he suffered for ‘em.”

“What kinds of things?” I don’t know why I’m letting myself get drawn into this. I got the answer I wanted, and knowing that he won’t be a threat is making me believe there's a chance I could stick around.

“That's the Colorado charter’s story to tell. I don’t even think we know the half of what that asshole did.” Saint looks a little unnerved as I let myself out.

“Thanks again for the ride.” I smile at him gratefully.

“Anytime, you take it easy, Freya.” He watches me through the door before he pulls away, and I head straight past the reception desk, up the stairs to Ruckus’s door.

I knock a few times and when I don’t get an answer I sit on the top step and decide I’ll wait however long it takes for him to come back. It’s not like I can call Saint back and ask him to take me back to the club, I haven’t got a cell phone, and even if I could I wouldn’t want to. I came here to see Ruckus. To see if he left, the way he did, because he was jealous, and if it was, put him straight. I saw how sad he was today when we found out Saul was dead, and I’d really like to be the person who comforts him.

Sitting alone gives me a chance to be reflective. I’ve let worrying about Josh and his plans for the future distract me from thinking about my own. Every time I try and come up with a solution, I get so overwhelmed and I don’t want to admit it, but the club is starting to feel more and more like a home. I watched the way everyone comforted each other after the tragedy today and it made me feel like part of something. Maybe I do belong back here, especially now I know Chop is dead. Maybe, all I need to do now is forgive myself.

I hear footsteps coming up the stairs and when I see Ruckus climbing them, wearing just his grey sweatpants, I stand up and wobble a little. There’s a glisten of sweat on the top half of his body, and I want to run my hands over the tattoos that cover every inch of his skin.

“Whatcha doin’ here?” He squeezes past me and lets himself in through the door, leaving it open.

“I…” I seem to forget how to use my tongue as I stare at his physique. “I came to see you and to explain why Jo–”

“You don’t owe me an explanation.” He shakes his head.

“Maybe I don’t, but I wanna give you one.” I follow him inside

“Well, I don’t want it.” He turns his head, looking angry, and hot-as-sin with that bruise my brother gave him during their little playfight earlier.

“Don’t do that.” I rush to be closer to him. It’s needy and pathetic that I hate there being so much distance. “Don’t act like you don’t care.”

“I don’t care.” He heads to his refrigerator and grabs a bottle of water.

“ I cared,” I admit. “When you left the clubhouse with that whore the other night, I cared so much that I nearly came after you and tore the cheap, fake hair right from her scalp.”

I feel infuriated when Ruckus shakes his head and laughs at me.

“Well, you know now that there was no need.” He unscrews the lid and knocks some back.

“Why would you rather be an asshole than just admit how you feel?” I grip at my hair. “Just say what you wanna say, Ruckus. It’s normal for people who sleep together to get jealous. It’s human fucking nature”

“Do you have feelin’s for him?” Ruckus stays calm, folding his arms and narrowing his eyes while he waits for my answer.

“I care for Josh as a friend. I was taking care of him…like a friend.”

“And me? How do you feel about me?” His voice turns softer but those eyes get even tenser.

“You know how I feel about you.” I soften my voice too. How can he not fucking see it?

“Explain it.” He frowns, making me feel like he’s testing me.

“I’m here, aren’t I? … I came here to be with you because I didn’t want you to be alone.” I make a start at trying to put into words the way I feel about him.

“I like being alone.” He shrugs, purposely making this hard.

“I wanted to make you feel better. Today was tough on everyone, and I know Saul was your friend.” His eyes pull away from mine when they start tearing up. “Let me make you feel better, Ruckus.” I move closer so I can take his hand, but he backs away.

“Is that another thing that people who sleep together do?” he questions, looking hurt.

“It can be… It should be.”

Why do I feel as if he’s purposely trying to make me fuck up my words. Maybe I shouldn't have come here. He’s clearly angry, and after what happened it's to be expected. Did I really think that I could be the one to fix him tonight? I’m such a fool.

“I guess I just wanted you to know that the Josh thing, ain’t a thing.” I smile sadly, before rushing past him, and leaving through the door.