Chapter 32
I t’s almost midnight when Cam rides us through the gates of the Arizona charters compound. My legs are numb, I’m tired, I ache, and all I want to do is curl up in a ball and cry.
“You're gonna love it here.” Cam slides his arm around me, acting as if I’m here by choice, as he leads me into the clubhouse. It’s dated, and reminds me of an old-fashioned saloon, because of the balcony that wraps around the second floor and looks over us. Cam keeps me tight in his grip, walking me toward the bar, and feeling the eyes of everyone in the room on me makes me want to scream. Some whore in just her underwear lifts her head from the line of coke she’s snorting from the pool table to snarl at me and I don’t even bother to give her a sarcastic smile back. I’m not myself anymore, I’m a puppet, and the strings that bind me to the puppet master are made out of guilt and shame.
“Whoa! Picked yourself up a little treat in Long Beach, did ya?” One of the members standing at the bar looks me up and down.
“Hound, this is Freya, Freya, meet Hound,” Cam introduces us. “And if you call my old lady a little treat again, I’ll choke you on your own nutsack,” he warns him, before turning his head to me.
“If you wanna freshen up you can head upstairs, our room’s the big one at the top.” I follow his eyes up to the balcony and feel a panic rising in my chest.
Our room. It suddenly occurs to me that I’ll be sharing a bed with this man tonight. All I thought about on the way here was Ruckus, I hated having to say the things I said, but I couldn’t risk him not letting me leave. I’m still furious with him about the lifeguard tower incident, but I got no pleasure out of seeing him look so hurt.
“I’m kinda beat from the ride here, do you mind if I just go to bed?” I can’t see that I’m gonna get much sleep being just the other side of a door to all this noise, and I’m assuming that when Cam decides to join me, he’s going to want me to perform like an old lady. The thought turns my stomach. Ruckus may not hold much value to our intimacy, but I don’t want another man’s hand on me, I don’t want his touch to be erased. Up to this point I’ve played along but I don’t think I can play along with that.
“Sure. Get yourself ready for me. I’ll be up in a little while.” When he leans forward to kiss me, I automatically draw back. “Don’t be shy, now, darlin’. Come here.” He laughs, as I’m forced to swallow my repulsion and lean into him. His tongue forces itself through my lips, and feels like an invasion. I close my eyes tight, hearing the cheers and encouragement that surrounds us, and when he pulls away, despite wanting to launch an attack on him, I manage a smile.
“Goodnight.” I start making my way up the stairs, feeling his eyes still on me and wanting so much to wipe his kiss from my mouth, and when I get to the door I let myself in, close it behind me and scrub him from my lips.
It smells like weed, stale alcohol and sex, in here, and I have no idea how I’m going to survive what is inevitably coming next.
There are clothes tossed all over the floor, two ash trays heaped high with cigarette ends and I clear a space on the bed, wondering how many women he might have fucked in it.
I’m too scared to let myself cry in case it won’t stop. There were so many times during the conversation that Cam had with Aaron back at Long Beach where I wanted to speak up. I wanted to scream at my brother, tell him that Cam isn’t the man everyone thinks he is.
He’s not the same guy that took care of me as a prospect. There’s something evil inside him now, and I can guarantee it was our father who put it there. Every time I wanted to interrupt and tell Aaron Cam was lying, I thought about Eden and how I’d watched them hurt her. I reminded myself that I was too scared to tell anyone who could have helped her, in case my dad sent me away to suffer the same treatment. I was a coward who let everyone else get hurt to protect myself.
This right here, is no less than what I deserve.
I remain in my clothes, lie on top of the covers and laugh bitterly to myself. When I heard that Chop was dead, I thought all threat to me was gone. I let myself imagine a world where Ruckus could be faithful and we could be happy together. Sure, my guilt would always be there, but with him I could have gotten through suffering it.
He could have finally taught me how to surf. I always used to enjoy watching him when I was younger, Back then I would never have admitted to him how good he was, or how much I liked how he looked doing it let alone ask him to show me how he did it.
“Honey, I’m home.” Cam chuckles as he opens the door and my stomach instantly somersaults. I have to think of a plan, fast, because I can’t let it happen. Tomorrow, when it’s light, I’m going to find a way to get out of here, and Cam can tell my sordid secrets to whoever he likes because no one who they hurt will ever see me again.
“You’ve made a good impression with the guys,” he tells me, kicking off his boots and lifting his shirt over his head.
Cam is nowhere near as big as Ruckus, but he’s much bigger than me. I have no hope in fighting him off and even if I did, I wouldn’t know where to run. I need to use my brain for this, and I’m relying on there being a little of the Cam I used to know still inside him.
“I’m glad.”
“You are?” He looks taken aback by my enthusiasm.
“Of course, I am. I don’t want to come here and not be liked by your men. I’m your old lady.” I give him the best version of a smile I can put together.
“You know, I’m really pleased with how you're handling this. I expected the Freya I knew to put up a fight.” He laughs and I laugh with him.
“I guess it was all part of my dad’s plan, I was always supposed to end up with a president, be taken care of. I’m glad it’s you and not Chop,” I tell him, trying to not let my nerves get the better of me when he pulls back the covers.
“I could never have loved him, he wouldn’t have been patient and understanding, like you are.” I replicate the dreamy little look that Alicia’s always staring at Vike with as he gets into bed beside me.
“Right?” Cam frowns like he’s thinking something over as he rests back against the pillow, and when I see that his cock is already hard, I inwardly cringe as I place my hand on his chest.
“I want to try and make the best of this situation, Cam.” I twist my finger around the hairs on his chest. “I want to try and love you the way an old lady should, but for that to happen I need that patience and understanding.” I lean across and feel my lips tremble as I kiss his cheek.
He remains still as I turn my back on him to rest on my side, still in his clothes and above the covers
I count the seconds in my head, praying that he will be considering what I just said. I wasn’t stupid when I was younger. I saw the way Cam would look at me. He was like a love-sick puppy, but I only ever had eyes for one man, and that was Ruckus.
My dad told me that my part in his plan was to keep the person he made president in line. He wouldn’t have given me the role if he didn’t think I could do it. So, for as long as I need to make an escape and ensure I’m never found, I will keep Cam in line and ensure that cock stays away from me.
“Night, Freya,” he whispers, sounding a little like the prospect who took care of me.
“Night, Cam.” I let a tear drip onto my pillow when I let myself think about Ruckus and everything that led me to here.
Five Years Ago
I watch Ruckus playing pool with Dev and wonder what he’s thinking while he waits his turn and stares so intensely at the table. Every time he goes to take a shot of his own, I catch his eyes lift up from the ball to look at me and instead of smiling, I scowl.
There’s no way I would ever allow him to know that I like his attention, even if it is always cold and full of hatred.
“Hey.” I look up and see Cam.“Your dad said you need a ride to the mall.”
“Sorry.” I smile through my teeth as I grab my purse and stand up. “I’ve told Dad I can drive myself but…”
“I don’t mind, at all.” If Cam’s pissed he does a great job of hiding it. He never complains about having to take me places, and I’m sure that has a lot to do with the crush he has on me.
“Guess I’ll have to get used to driving myself around, soon.” I nudge him playfully as we walk out the door. Cam is sure to get his full cut any day now, he’s been a prospect for over two years and from the whispers I hear, he’s proven that he can be trusted.
“Do you know somethin’ I don’t?” He sounds hopeful and I can’t resist one last glance over my shoulder toward Ruckus before I answer him. I get a warm, fuzzy feeling in the pit of my stomach when I see that Ruckus’s eyes are following me out. As I watch those eyes narrow into a cold stare, that warm, fuzzy feeling turns into a deep, aching, throb…
What the fuck is wrong with me?
“Come on, you’ve done more than your fair share of grunt work. My dad is gonna patch you in real soon.” I smile sadly when I get the feeling that when that happens we’re gonna lose him. I see the way he looks at my father, and I know he’s suspicious of him. All my instincts tell me that as soon as Cam earns his cut, he’ll bail just like my brother did. It’s a shame because he and Finn are the only members here who treat me like a human. Everyone else acts as if I don’t exist.
“I don’t know, there seems to be a lot goin’ on, right now.” Cam shakes his head as he opens the passenger door of one of the club's cars like a gentleman. The sound of a bike pulling in has me looking toward the gate, and like always I have that split second of hope that it’s Aaron. My heart sinks heavily into my stomach when, instead of seeing my brother, I see Chop.
It’s been months since he was last here, and suddenly I wonder if my time is up, and he’s come for me.
“Beat it, Grunt.” Chop gets off his bike and dismisses Cam with a nod of his head toward the arch.
“Cliff said I wa ? —”
“You fuckin’ talkin’ back?” Chop cuts him off, then focuses his eyes on me while Cam reluctantly marches off back toward the clubhouse.
“Hey, sweet thing.” Chop’s tongue slips out to wet his lips as he moves closer. “Where are the two of you headin’?” His huge body towers over mine and stifles all the air surrounding me.
“I’m meeting a friend at the mall.” I close my eyes when I feel his breath on my face, and hearing the low growl that comes from the back of his throat makes me feel like prey cornered by a predator.
“Open your eyes,” he orders, and when I do as he says I see the amusement on his face. “You’re so fuckin’ scared. Look at you, you're shakin’.” I hate the way his eyes feel like they’re touching me when he lowers them to my body. “I’ve seen the way you strut that pretty, little ass around, thinkin’ you're special because of who your daddy is.” He sniggers. “But really, you're just a scared, little girl. A scared, little girl just like all the other ones.” I look down at the floor when I think about what my silence has cost those girls. Eden is dead because I never spoke up, and if Aaron ever found out that there was a chance I could have saved her, he would wish I was dead too.
“You're so lucky, Freya. You should really start being more grateful. I see the way you look at me, how your body stiffens.” His finger traces along my ribs and I flinch. “You have no idea how much pleasure I’m going to get outta makin’ you suffer.” He looks around the yard before his hand slides up under my skirt and grips at the fabric of my panties. “You better be keepin’ this tight for me. Your daddy is convinced you're still a virgin, there's a whole lot of street value in that.” His low chuckle vibrates through my body. “Truth is, Freya, you're no different to those girls, your dad just put a different kinda value on your cunt.” He slowly pulls away from me, and I use the opportunity to get away from him. I walk as fast as I can without running, back through the arch to find Cam and tell him we can leave now.
“Whoa, steady.” I’m rushing across the yard, checking over my shoulder when I collide with Davy, and when he sees how scared I am, his kind, aged eyes immediately turn concerned. My legs feel weak, and I can’t hold in my tears.
“Freya, what happened?” I glance back behind me and when I see Chop stepping through the arch, I shake my head and try to pull myself together.
“Nothing, I’m fine. I just need Cam to take me to the mall.” I force a smile and note the way Davy looks unimpressed when Chop passes us.
Davy is a good guy, he’s an original member and should have his own charter. But something keeps him here. I’ve suspected for a long time that he’s been watching my father, and the way he just looked at Chop tells me he knows something is off.
“Whatever it is, you can tell me,” he assures me. I look around the yard and see that we're alone
“I’m scared, Davy,” I say the words out loud and burst into tears.
“Okay, darlin’, I’m gonna get on my bike and ride to my place. Instead of havin’ Cam take you to the mall, you have him drive ya to mine. He’s a good boy, we can trust him. Just dry those eyes and act normal.”
He strokes my arm and smiles, nodding his head reassuringly as he leaves me to head inside.
Davy doesn’t look shocked when I finish telling him everything I know, and the way his hand slipped into mine as I explained about my father's plans for me and Chop gave me a warm comfort that I haven’t felt since Aaron left.
“It’s gonna be okay. I’m not gonna let that happen.” He tries to assure me as my tears keep coming. I’ve held this in for so long, and getting it off my chest feels like a relief I don’t deserve.
“How can it be okay? Eden killed herself. I could have prevented that. Aaron will never forgive me.”
“The only person to blame for that poor girl's fate is your father and the men involved with him.” Davy shakes his head in disgust. “I’m gonna find a way to handle this. I’ll speak to Jimmer, he already has his suspicions.”
“No you can’t! If they know it came from me…”
“Freya, the club is against hurtin’ women, what your dad is doing breaks all the rules. Jimmer needs to know so we can put an end to all this. Think of all the girls, like Eden, who we can save.” Someone knocks on the door and Davy looks unnerved as he stands up and moves to the window.
“Shit…it’s Mac and Rex. Come here.” Taking my hand, he drags me into his pantry, “Just stay in here until I get rid of ‘em.” He smiles at me, before closing the door. It’s so dark and stuffy in here and knowing the two men most loyal to my father have shown up has me all kinds of paranoid. I can feel myself starting to panic.
I press my ear to the door so I can try to hear, and when it creaks open, I don’t have time to close it back up, before they step inside the kitchen.
“Prez wants you back at the club,” Rex explains. Through the crack I notice Mac searching around the room.
“Is somethin’ wrong?” I hear the unease in Davy’s voice.
“Not at all, Cliff just wants you and Finn to join us on the run.”
“Makes a change.” Davy laughs sarcastically.
“Yeah, well, Chop was gonna help out but he had to head back to Colorado…unforeseen circumstances,” Mac explains, causing my chest to sag with relief. I don’t know what Davy has planned yet, but Chop not being here for it makes me feel a whole lot better.
“You got company, old man?” I look through the crack and see Rex staring at the two coffee mugs on the table.
“Nah, that was just from me and the boy this mornin’.” Davy picks them both up and places them in the sink.
“Strange, I’m sure Finn spent last night balls deep in Ally. Could have sworn he slept in her room.” Mac huffs a laugh and when he steps closer to the pantry, Davy quickly stands in front of the door.
“So, are we headin’ out on this run or not? You know how Cliff hates to be kept waitin’,” he points out.
“Come on.” I hear Rex’s voice and after Davy steps forward, he looks back at me and winks, as he follows them out the door.