52. EPILOGUE
EPILOGUE
Three Years Later
ETHAN
“ I ’m right. Tell me I’m right. I know I’m right.” Lizzie stands in the doorway of my office, using her hip to block Monty from entering.
“Like hell you’re right,” he grumbles from behind her. “The shot of the highway wreckage is way better than the one of the graffiti on the pier.”
“It’s not just graffiti.” Lizzie looks at me. “It’s a giant penis on the side of the pier, perfectly placed so it looks like the sprinkling water coming from the crack, is coming from the tip. It’s brilliant!”
“It’s childish!”
I swivel from side to side in my chair, laughing. “Look”—I put my hands up—“I don’t decide placement. I simply follow the layout orders.”
“But which do you think would make people pick up the paper?” Lizzie asks, finally stepping to the side so Monty can step in next to her.
I try to hold in my laugh. “I mean, a dick pic is kinda funny.”
“HA!” Lizzie turns and points in Monty’s face, as he throws his hands up.
“Juveniles—all of you.”
“Why are we juveniles? What’s happening?” Dee pokes her head between Monty and Lizzie.
“Nothing.” Monty snaps at her. “We certainly don’t want your opinion on the matter.”
I laugh out loud this time. Sure, I could work somewhere more lucrative, but I wouldn’t give up these office antics for the world.
My phone vibrates in my pocket and I fish it out, seeing my wife’s name flash across the screen. “Hey, baby,” I answer.
“Ooooh, ask her opinion!” Lizzie yells loud enough for Ari to hear. “Ari, what’s better? Car crash or penis?”
Ari giggles in my ear and it activates my dick, so I shift my position. “Penis, obviously,” she says.
I tip the phone slightly and say to my coworkers, “Ari says penis.”
“Booya!” Lizzie cheers as Monty sighs.
“Ethan,” Ari gets my attention.
“Yeah, sorry about that, Red. What’s up?”
There’s a moment of silence, and then, “It’s time.”
“It’s time? What time? Time for what?” Lizzie and Dee gasp in front of me, Lizzie’s hand going to her heart. My eyes bulge. “What?” I ask the ladies in front of me, then into the phone. “What? What’s happening?”
“Idiot,” Monty mumbles as he turns and walks away.
“Ethan,” Ari says again. “It. Is. Time.”
I stand up slowly as I shake my head. Lizzie rolls her eyes and cups her arms in front of her and swings them, like she’s rocking a baby. Dee squats and acts like she’s catching a football.
“Oh!” I yell, realization hitting me. “It’s time?!”
“Yes!” Ari barks over the line, then laughs.
“It’s time! IT’S TIME!” I pump a fist in the air and turn to Lizzie and Dee. “I have to go!”
“Go.” Lizzie says, giving me a smile and stepping aside so I can squeeze through the door. “I’ll give Cherise the head’s up.”
“I’m coming, Red! I’m on my way!” I yell into the phone as I half-jog, half-fucking-skip past the cubicles.
“Good luck!” Monty yells from his corner. I give him the middle finger over my head as I push out the front door.
“I’ll meet you at the hospital,” Ari says through the phone.
“No. I’ll pick you up.” I jog up to the Ducati.
“No, Ethan, we need the car seat.”
“Oh, yeah. Shit.”
“Just meet me there. I’ll probably be there first. I’ll wait for you at the entrance.”
“OK, I’m hurrying, baby.”
Jogging up the sidewalk toward the hospital entrance, I find Ari waiting for me. She’s bouncing from foot to foot anxiously, and my pace slows but my strides lengthen as I approach her and take her face in my hands, kiss her hard, and rest my forehead against hers. “You ready for this?”
She shakes her head in my hands. “Honestly?”
“Honesty would be nice right about now.”
“I’m so ready.” She pulls back and I take her hand.
I drag her into the hospital, my Army boots feeling like they’re filled with lead as we quickly make our way across the foyer and toward the elevators. The ride up to maternity seems to take forever, and as soon as the doors slide open, I lead Ari to the reception desk where a young lady in scrubs and a high ponytail greets us. “Hello. What can I help you with?”
“We’re here to have a baby,” I rush out.
The woman looks between us, and then down at Ari’s flat stomach, and then back at me. “Uhhhh …”
Ari pulls her hand out of mine and smacks me on the stomach with it. “We’re not having a baby,” she waves a hand between the two of us. “Someone else is having a baby and we’re adopting him or her.”
“Oh!” Another woman pipes up from behind the desk. “Yes, we’ve been expecting you. Please, follow me.” She gestures for us to walk around the reception area and follow her down a busy hallway. “The mother came in a few hours ago. Her water broke at home, but she wasn’t in active labor, so she had to be induced. That means it could be a while.”
Nurses and doctors scurry past us as we pass many doors. I’m not sure if the woman we are following is a nurse or doctor or some sort of technician, but she’s wearing the same blue scrubs that most everyone else seems to be wearing. She has dark skin and corkscrew hair, and a genuine smile when she looks back at us and chuckles. “I always find it amazing how adoptive parents are just as nervous as birth parents.”
“You’re doing great, honey,” I hear some guy say through one doorway. Passing another, I hear groaning. And then when we pass yet another, I hear a woman curse like a sailor. We get to the end of the hallway and the lady we’ve been following gestures to some chairs. “Well, make yourself comfortable. Like I said, it may be a while.”
“Are they …” Ari points to a closed door in front of us.
The nurse nods. “Yes, they’re in there.” Ari wrings her hands nervously and the woman smiles. “Coffee is available by the registration desk, and the bathrooms are right over there.” She points down the hallway before she walks away.
And then Ari and I enter a stare-off. I scratch my hands over my scalp as Ari chews on a fingernail. “What do we do?” she asks.
“Maybe we should sit?”
“Yeah, OK. Let’s sit.”
We pick some chairs and I throw an arm around her shoulder, pulling her toward my side, with the armrests between us. I rest my head on top of hers as she does her best to nestle into me.
“Red?”
“Yeah?”
“Remember what the agency told us. They could still change their minds.” I feel Ari nod against me. “And if they do, we will be fine. It just means we weren’t meant to be this baby’s parents, and we’ll sign up again. OK? And we still want to make babies, too, remember?” I rub my hand up and down her arm.
“OK,” she answers.
The truth is, we won’t be OK if these parents change their minds. We’ve talked about all the possibilities of disappointment when it comes to adoption, and even though we both decided the risk is worth the reward, I know without a doubt Ari will be crushed if we don’t take this baby home today. So will I.
“If they decide to keep the baby,” Ari speaks up, “it will be sad, but it will also be happy, because it means the baby will stay with their birth parents, and they will stay a family. And that’s wonderful.”
I run my nose along Ari’s temple. “Blood isn’t the only thing that makes a family.”
“Don’t I know it.”
We sit silently for a while as I hope and pray the universe doesn’t break Ari’s heart. Or mine. The couple we are adopting from is young. The mom and dad are freshmen in college and barely know each other. I have to give it to them for choosing adoption, seeing as they had other options. And the fact that they chose to give the life they created to us is something I will forever be grateful for.
After a while, we stand and stretch our legs. And then we drink coffee. And pace up and down the hallway. And we watch reruns of The Golden Girls on the TV hanging in the corner.
And we wait.
And wait.
And wait.
Various nurses and doctors come and go from the room. And the father even emerges at one point—the poor bastard looking like he may faint. And then we start to hear moaning and yelling coming from inside the room.
Ari and I are both on our feet, too anxious to sit.
A team of doctors and nurses rush into the room, and we hear panting and swearing as the door swings open and close. “Do you think something’s wrong?” Ari asks, fear in her eyes.
I shake my head. “I don’t know.”
She turns and paces away and I come up behind her, wrapping my arms around her and burying my face in her neck. We stay that way for only a moment, and then we hear a baby cry. Ari gasps, and I freeze. We continue to hear the cry before Ari slowly turns her head, looking at me over her shoulder. Her eyes are wide.
I want to say something, but I am at a loss.
Our baby is here. He or she is crying.
More time passes, and the crying stops and starts, stops and starts. Ari and I eventually start pacing again, as many people exit the room, some looking at us and smiling.
“What do you think is going on in there?”
Ari shakes her head nervously. “Maybe they’re just, like, recovering. The mother did say she wanted to hold the baby.”
I nod. “Yeah, I remember.”
“Which is a good thing,” Ari adds quickly. “Bonnie said that was such an important moment for her when I was born.”
I nod again. But we both know this could be it. The parents could be looking at their baby and changing their minds, deciding they can’t give him or her up. Which would be a beautiful, wonderful thing.
And it would destroy us.
“Ethan.”
“Hmm,” is all I can manage, because I can’t find actual words.
“I’m scared.”
I simply open my arms for Ari to walk into and hold her tight.
Then we hear a throat clear and a female voice. “OK, Mom and Dad, are you ready to meet your daughter?”
Ari and I freeze, then both slowly turn to face the sound of the voice. The same dark-skinned nurse we followed down the hallway many hours ago is standing in the open doorway of the room, smiling at us.
“Our … daughter?” Ari wags a finger between me and her.
The woman smiles broadly as another nurse pushes a little crib on wheels out of the room, and inside is a tiny little baby swaddled up tightly in a white blanket, wearing a tiny knit cap. Neither Ari nor I breathe as the nurse pushes the crib closer to us and we peer inside. The baby’s eyes are closed, and her mouth makes a little “O” under a perfect button nose.
Ari looks at me, and then back at the baby. “C— Can I hold her?”
The nurse laughs. “You can do whatever you want. She’s yours. Here.” The nurse dips down and scoops up the little bundle and walks over to Ari, who nervously holds her bent arms in front of her, and the nurse simply deposits the baby into them. Ari immediately starts to sway and dip her body, moving her arms from side to side.
“Am I doing it right?” She looks to the nurse for help.
“Honey, there’s no wrong way to do it.”
Ari looks down at the baby—our baby—in her arms and very gently pulls back the cap. “She has a bunch of hair!” she whisper-shouts at me, and I nod. “It’s dark!”
I look toward the now-closed door where the baby was born. “Are they …”
“They wish to be alone,” the nurse says. “They’ve said their goodbyes, and they would like for you two to take your daughter home.”
“Here, Ethan, you hold her.” Ari starts to push the baby toward me, but I back up.
“I’m scared. I don’t know how to hold her.”
“It’s like the nurse said. There’s no wrong way.”
“Can I show you?” the nurse interjects.
“Please,” Ari and I say in unison.
The woman approaches and slides one hand between Ari’s arm and the baby’s head, cupping her head and neck in her palm. She slides another hand under the baby’s bottom and takes her from Ari’s arms. Turning toward me, the nurse presses the baby into my chest, and I automatically bend my arms and make a little nest for the nurse to release her.
And then I’m holding our daughter. Looking down at her perfect little face, her reddish skin. “She’s so light.”
“Seven pounds, one ounce,” the nurse says.
“Good lord, I eat burgers bigger than you, kid.”
Ari snorts and the nurse throws her head back and lets out a laugh. The baby makes a little gurgling noise and squirms, and I freeze. “W— What is she doing?” I look up at the nurse, terrified.
The woman smiles at me. “Well, she’s a living thing, so she’s going to make some noise and move around a bit. Don’t worry.” She starts to walk past us, patting my back as she does. “You’ll get used to it.”
“Where is she going?” I ask Ari nervously.
“I think we’re on our own now, big guy.” Ari stands close to me and gently touches the little fingers that peek out from the blanket. Our daughter has the tiniest little fingernails.
And in this moment I understand exactly what Bonnie meant when she said Baby Ari brought her peace. What was the word she used?
Majestic .
“Do you know what you’re going to name her?” another nurse asks.
Ari and I look at each other. “Ivy,” Ari tells the nurse. “Her name is Ivy.”
ARI
“It’s my turn,” Meg says as she crawls overtop Lars to scoop Ivy out of his arms. “You’ve been holding her all morning! It’s my turn.”
“But she’s sleeping so peacefully right now,” he groans as his wife steals my daughter out of his arms and snuggles her, completely ignoring him.
“She’s going to get spoiled from being held every second of the day,” I grumble to Ethan, who is standing next to me at the threshold between the living room and kitchen of our home, looking around at our family.
“Good.” He leans in and kisses my temple. “I like spoiling my girls.”
“Who wants pie?” Mom asks as she scoots past us with a tray, carrying slices of apple pie.
“Oh, I do,” Lars accepts a plate and fork from her. “Bonnie, you make the best pie I’ve ever had.”
“Hey, she has help, you know,” Grandma Shirley says from the corner where she’s sitting in the rocking chair, knitting another blanket for her great-granddaughter.
“Sorry,” Lars mumbles around a big bite.
“Uh, I’m sure these guys will each take a slice.” Ethan points out the big picture window to Fonz and Sophie, who are racing up the walk to the front door—which flies open as they fight each other to enter.
“I get to hold her first!” Fonz grits through his teeth as he braces his back against the door frame and holds a hand and foot against the other side, trying to block Sophie.
“You were here yesterday.” She bends down and tries to dive between his arm and leg. “I didn’t get to see her yesterday.”
“Not my problem.” Fonz puts his palm against Sophie’s forehead and gives it a push backward.
“Why, you little turd.” She reaches around and gives Fonz’s nipple a twist, causing him to curl in on himself while letting out a loud “Oww!” and she’s able to rush past him and into the living room.
“Aha! I win.” Sophie she spins around, opening and closing her hands in a “gimme” gesture. “Where is the little lovey wovey?” She spots Meg holding Ivy and darts in that direction, to which Lars issues a warning.
“Uh, if you want to keep your limbs, I suggest you give her a bit longer with the baby. She only just got a hold of her and she’s a little possessive at the moment.”
Meg hisses at Sophie, who sighs and puts her hands on her hips. “OK, fine. I’ll give you a few more minutes, but it’s only because I need to make the rounds.” She practically jabs her middle and forefinger into her eye sockets before turning her hand around and pointing them at Meg, letting her know she’s being watched.
“Uh, just an FYI,” Ethan says from beside me, “my mom is also gonna want in on some Ivy action when she gets here, so …”
Sophie saunters over toward me with outstretched arms. “That kid has too many grandparents.”
I giggle as she squeezes me tight. “Nah, she’s got just the right amount.”
Soph releases me and bumps her fist against Ethan’s shoulder. “Hey, Daddy-O. Man, that’s never not going to sound weird, calling you guys Mommy and Daddy.”
“Oh, I dunno, Ari’s been calling me Daddy for a while now.” I swat him in the stomach and am rewarded with an “Oof.”
“Bonnie!” Sophie turns and embraces Mom.
“Hi Sophie,” Mom says into her shoulder, her short arms barely even coming around Sophie’s side rolls. “I love your new hair color. I should dye mine.”
“Don’t even think about it,” my friend deadpans. “A natural redhead is hard to come by. I will not let you touch that hair of yours.”
Sophie’s hair, on the other hand, is a darker shade these days—almost jet black—with streaks of pink running through it. Changing her hair color seems to be a little bit of a palette cleanser for her whenever she’s between men, which she is at the moment.
“What, no love?” Fonz accuses as he makes his way over to us.
“I told you, bro, just because we have a new baby doesn’t mean we love you any less.” Ethan pulls him into a hug and slaps his back.
“Good.” Fonz releases Ethan and reaches over to ruffle the hair on my head.
“Do you mind?” I swat him away, then try to smooth my hair before pulling at the faded Luke Combs concert T-shirt of Ethan’s I’m wearing, which has a very obvious puke spot on the chest.
“Miss Vida’s bringing food,” Fonz announces. “She should be here any minute, I just saw them leaving their house as we drove by.”
Oh, yeah … Ethan and I bought my childhood house from Lena. And then we had it bulldozed. We had the entire thing completely demolished, and even had the foundation torn up and replaced. We hired an architect to design a house for us with a different layout on a different section of the land, with a paved driveway, plenty of landscaping, and a garden out back for Bonnie to enjoy on her visits.
Knox Mitchell Homebuilding oversaw the entire construction process, and it came out better than I dreamed it would.
It took Ethan a bit of convincing before he agreed to move to the plot of land I grew up on. He couldn’t understand why I would want to return to that place. But after I explained to him that all the memories I made with him and Fonz were here, and how I wanted our kids to grow up in the country, running through the wheat grass and catching crayfish, he started to come around.
Fonz leans back against the wall near Ethan, who takes the opportunity to discreetly pry. “So, uh, you and Matt think any more about contacting the adoption agency?”
“We’re not sure we’re ready. Matt’s still working late nights at the bar, and during the season I’m gone for extended hours. Maybe in another year or two.”
“Well, whenever you’re ready, we’ll give you guys a recommendation,” Ethan says.
The two continue their conversation as Sophie asks from my other side, “Have Lizzie and Knox met Ivy?”
“Yeah, they stopped by the other day when it was quieter here.”
She gives a sad smile. “How were they?”
“Good.” I shrug. “I mean, they know they could always adopt, as well, but that doesn’t make it any less painful that they would also like to have a child of their own but keep having losses.”
“Man, that sucks.”
“It does. And it’s not lost on me how hard it must be for them to help us celebrate when they’ve been disappointed so many times.”
Since Ivy currently has a dozen babysitters in the room, I take the opportunity to head outside and pull the laundry off the line. While plucking articles of clothing and tossing them into the basket, I stop and tip my head up toward the sun, eyes closed, and relish the feel of its warmth on my skin, as well as the gentle breeze that blows through my hair.
“What’s that for?” I’m startled by Ethan’s voice, and jump when I feel his hands on my hips and his lips press against mine.
“What’s what for?” I ask, and his lips move with mine.
“The smile.”
I reach my hand up to my mouth and trace my lips. Huh, I am smiling … like a loon . “I guess I’m just so incredibly, disgustingly, unimaginably happy.”
Ethan brushes hair off my forehead. “I really hope I have something to do with it.”
“You have everything to do with it.” I giggle, and Ethan lets out a heavy breath.
“You know what that does to me, right?” He pulls my hip into him, against the athletic shorts he’s wearing, and I feel his hard length.
“Ethan.” I kiss his cheek and snake my arms around his neck. “We are exhausted.”
“Totally.” He kisses my neck.
“We haven’t slept in like, seventeen days or some shit.” I lick the corner of his mouth.
“Not a wink.” He nips my jaw.
“So, how can you possibly have energy for … that?”
“I got a second wind.”
I let out a little moan as his fingers slide up my back, under the shirt I’m wearing, dancing across my bare skin, and he sucks my lower lip into his mouth.
“You must want it bad,” I tease, sliding one hand through his buzz cut, scraping my fingernails across his scalp, making him groan.
“Mmmm you have no idea. I miss you, Red.”
“How bad?” I arch into him. “What’ll you do for it?”
“Anything you want,” he answers immediately, moving his lips along my throat. Abruptly, I push him away. “What the … Get back here.” He takes a step toward me, but I take a step back, shaking my head and biting my bottom lip. His gaze darkens. “Oh, you wanna play?”
I shake my head some more and say, “Noooo,” as innocently as I can, batting my eyes at him.
“OK.” He stretches his arms out to his sides and drops them with a slap against his body. “What do I have to do?”
“You want me?” I take another step back, and he takes one toward me.
He eyes me like I’m his prey. “I’ve wanted you since I was seventeen years old.”
“Well, then …” I kick off one flip-flop, then the other.
“Ari ...” he warns.
“You want me?” I ask one last time, and he just grins. “Then you better stretch.”
“Oh, yeah?” Ethan cracks his neck and kicks his legs behind him, one at a time. “Why’s that?” He already knows the answer.
“If you want me, there’s one thing you have to do.” I press my lips together as I look into his eyes, bending my knees slightly and getting ready.
“What’s that?”
I lean forward slightly as I speak, “Run.”