Chapter One
Ryder
Present Day
It had been a long day. We were celebrating Blade’s aka Micah’s birthday. Mine wouldn’t be far behind in November. Then Beck’s in December. Rachel’s was last, in February.
As childhood friends, the four of us were inseparable as kids. While Rachel and I had lived in Diamond Creek our whole lives, Beck was born here but left after graduation only to return home recently.
As for Micah, well, his story was more complex. His family moved here when he was seven. He didn’t want any friends, but Beck wouldn’t leave him alone and he eventually gave in.
For eight years, we were the four musketeers. We did everything together. Until we couldn’t. We didn’t know growing up that Micah’s family was in the witness protection program.
We were fifteen, when whoever they were hiding from found them. The program ‘ killed ’ them in a car accident, and Beck, Rachel, and I were never the same.
Here we were, a decade later, all together again.
At the Silver Shadows clubhouse.
It was just over five years ago that the Silver Shadows MC moved to Diamond Creek. They bought some land across the road from Willow, Beck’s grandmother, and built the clubhouse, opened a few businesses, and created a family.
A family I wasn’t a part of.
When the Silver Shadows moved in, they made a point of being around town, supporting businesses, and being a part of the community.
They had done some great things.
Cash, the vice president, took one look at Rachel and snatched her up. He claimed her as his old lady, and they had been together ever since.
That’s how Rachel found out about Micah first. She happened to be at the clubhouse when she saw him and then immediately confronted him. She wasn’t supposed to say anything, but she spilled the beans and told me.
Because that’s what friends did.
We didn’t keep secrets.
Out of the four of us, Rachel and I had a special bond. We were the sidekicks; Micah and Beck were the popular kids. The ones everyone wanted to be around.
Unlike Micah and Beck, Rachel and I were more like brother and sister. Neither of us had siblings but had always wanted them. One day, we just decided we would be that for each other.
So, Rachel told me about Micah.
For five years, Micah walked around town like I didn’t know it was him. Until I told him I knew.
Had I forgiven him? Meh .
We’re close. My girls called him uncle, but it wasn’t the same. Maybe we would get there someday. But not today. I wasn’t ready to forgive him yet.
However, he adored my girls, and they loved him.
My girls were my world. I loved them more than anything.
Their mother? I hoped to never see her again.
What mother willingly walked away from their children? Tammi, that was who.
I never should have married her.
She left us two years ago.
Never marry a woman just because you knocked her up. I should also say, don’t knock her up a second time, but then I wouldn’t have my Tabby.
Chrissy was my oldest. Christine Abigail. Five years old going on forty. She stopped asking about her mother a year ago. She believed she was the mom now. She stepped up to protect her sister, always watching out for Tabby.
Tabby was my baby. Tabitha Rachel. Three years old. She didn’t talk. At least not to me. Chrissy insisted Tabby talked to her, but I had never caught her doing it.
They spent the day playing with Jack’s little girl, Charlie. She was four years old, right in the middle of my girls. Jack had only recently learned he had a daughter.
A one-night stand that turned into more.
Good luck with that.
It was late, and Charlie was already in bed, and my girls went home a while ago with my parents. Family time was over, and the debauchery could begin. Everyone was outside, hanging around the various firepits that were spread out around the yard.
There were ten of us sitting around the one I was at. Jack and Sam snuggled together in a chair, mirroring Blade and Beck, who sat across from them. Big Ben, Ace, Rachel, Gunner, Ghost, and I were all scattered in between.
“Hey, Ryder, Blade has something he wants to ask you about,” Jack said, and the beer in my hand stopped halfway to my mouth.
I felt a little like a deer caught in the headlights.
“I didn’t do it,” I laughed, then took a drink from my bottle.
Blade glared at Jack over the fire. “Jackass.”
“You know it!” the annoying but friendly man said as he grinned, tipping his beer in Blade’s direction.
Looking over at Blade and Beck, I asked curiously, “What’s up, man?”
Blade grumbled something I couldn’t hear before saying, “I was going to ask you in private. I didn’t want to put you on the spot.”
His angry words directed at Jack, who just smiled devilishly back at Blade.
“What is it?” I asked, hesitantly.
“The officers were talking earlier about approaching you to prospect,” Blade said.
I immediately sat up in my chair.
Looking back and forth between Blade and Jack, I then focused on Gunner.
“Really?” I asked, surprised. “I always assumed, since you hadn’t asked, I wouldn’t be a good fit.”
“Blade wouldn’t let us,” Gunner admitted. “He didn’t want you getting too close, knowing who he was.”
And just like that, my moment of excitement was gone, as if someone doused me with ice water.
So much for fucking friendship.
“What the fuck, man?” I bellowed, glaring at my former best friend.
“Ryder, I’m sorry. I made a mistake.”
Tossing my bottle on the ground, I stood from my chair and headed toward the parking lot. “Fuck your mistakes.”
“Thanks a lot, asshole,” I barely heard Blade say as I walked away.
“Ryder, hold up,” Blade called out.
Ignoring him, I stormed toward my truck and shouted over my shoulder, “Fuck off, man!”
“Ry, wait up. Let me explain.”
I spun around and faced him.
“Explain what? Why you didn’t want me in the club? Why you chose not to tell me you were alive? How about you explain to me why my best friend moved on, found a new family, and left his fucking friends behind?” I yelled, throwing my hands in the air.
“Ryder, that’s not how it was,” Blade argued.
“Really? Would you have told me who you were if I hadn’t confronted you with it?” I challenged.
His eyes dropped to the ground.
“Yea, that’s what I thought.”
Walking over to my truck, I yanked open the door and climbed inside. I pulled the door shut and started the engine.
Blade backed up when I put my truck in drive then peeled out of the parking lot.
Walking into my apartment above the bookstore, my mom was waiting for me.
“Hey, you’re home earlier than I expected.”
“Yea.”
“Everything ok?”
“Fine.”
“Ryder. What’s going on?” she pressed.
“Fucking Micah,” I mumbled.
I walked over to the fridge, yanked the door open, and grabbed a beer. Leaning my back against the counter, I stood there and guzzled the whole damn thing.
My mother followed me into the kitchen, took a seat at the table, and waited for me to explain.
I knew she would sit there all night if I didn’t tell her. Which was why I drank the whole beer in one shot.
I was stalling.
“I was told tonight that King wanted Micah to approach me about prospecting.”
“Isn’t that a good thing? I know you wanted to join the club,” she said.
“Gunner told me they wanted to ask me years ago. Micah wouldn’t let them,” I informed her, tossing the now empty bottle of beer in the trash.
Opening the fridge, I grabbed another.
“Ry,” she sighed.
I knew what that sigh meant.
I set the bottle back in the fridge and grabbed a bottle of water instead.
“Ryder, honey, you need to forgive him.”
“I don’t need to do anything but raise my girls to not be selfish assholes,” I argued.
“Ryder Montgomery Thomas!”
Fuck.
“You do not know what that boy has been through. Maybe if you actually sat down and had a conversation with him, you would understand why he did what he did.”
“He lied, Mom. I can understand him not telling us when we were kids. I can even understand him not coming back right away. But to move here, live here with us every day for five years and say nothing? That I don’t understand,” I growled.
“Because you won’t ask him,” she pointed out. “Why did you wait so long to say something to him?”
I didn’t want to answer that. Didn’t want to admit my pride had kept me from my best friend. I was angry he came home and didn’t want me in his life anymore. Jealous of what he had with the club.
“If Beck hadn’t come home, would you have ever told him you knew?” She asked.
I looked at my mother.
There was no point lying to her, she always knew.
“No, I wouldn’t have.”
“Why not?”
“Why should I?”
“Because he was your best friend, honey.”
I snorted. “Some friend.”
“So, why did you go today? Why did you go to the cemetery with them? That was supposed to be the four of you putting everything to rest.”
“I went for Beck,” I said.
“Does she know how you feel? Does she know you’re still angry?”
I shrugged.
Mom lifted a brow at me. She knew my tells. She knew I wasn’t lying but also wasn’t being completely honest either.
“You need to talk to them, Ryder. What about Rachel? How is she dealing with everything?” she asked.
“You know Rach, she’s always been the people pleaser. She has always done whatever she could so people wouldn’t be mad at her.”
Mom stood up and walked over to the counter to stand next to me. She wrapped her arm around my elbow and laid her head on my shoulder.
“You have a lot of anger you need to let go of.” She sighed.
I took a deep breath and looked at the ceiling. “Mom,” I warned.
“It’s not your fault she left. It’s not your fault she didn’t want to be a mom and a wife. Someday, you are going to meet someone that will love those girls more than you or I ever could.”
I stepped away from her to throw my plastic water bottle in the recycle bin.
“The girls are my priority. They always will be. I don’t have time for anything else.”
“If I had thought that way, you wouldn’t have your father,” she reminded me.
She was right.
My dad was the best. He made a choice to be a dad to someone else’s kid. He knew from day one that my mom and I were a package deal. He never once made me feel like anything other than his son.
“I know, and I am thankful every day for him. But it’s different. You wanted someone to share your life with, and I needed a dad. The girls have you, they have Rach and Beck, now they even have Sam. They don’t need a mom, and I don’t need another wife.”
“All little girls need a mom, Ryder.”
“Beck didn’t need her mom. Look how that turned out. Thank God Tammi left, because if the girls grew up with that kind of resentment…” Shaking my head, I let my words trail off.
“Beck had Willow. And me. And Louise, God rest her soul,” Mom reminded me.
Louise was Rachel’s mom. She died the year after graduation. During our senior year of high school, Rachel’s mom had been diagnosed with cancer. Rachel never said a word. Beck was still so caught up in her grief over Micah, and I had gotten caught up in Tammi. Neither of us were there for her when she needed us. Despite her always being there for us.
“Exactly, Mom. Chrissy and Tabby have plenty of women around to learn from,” I reasoned.
“What about you, Ryder? Who do you have?” she asked.
“I’ve got my girls. And I’ve got you and Dad,” I told her, wrapping her up in a hug.
“You need someone warm in your bed,” she quietly added.
“ And we are done with this conversation. Thank you for watching the girls. Call Dad and let him know you are on your way home,” I firmly said, releasing my mom as I walked over to the couch and sat down.
Laughing, she followed. “You know I’m right.”
“Love you, Mom. Goodnight,” I said, flicking my hand toward the door.
“Love you too, Son.”
She closed the door behind her, and I sat there in silence. The girls would be up early, but I wasn’t tired enough to sleep.
I quickly got up and grabbed another beer from the fridge before I returned to the couch and turned on the TV.
I was content with my life.
Just the way it was.