Chapter Eighteen
Ellie
This kiss felt different. It felt like a promise.
A promise of more, then quickly turned to what felt like goodbye.
I pulled back. I wouldn’t push him.
I wouldn’t beg him, not for this. I deserved more.
Saying goodnight, I climbed inside and started the engine. Smiling sweetly at him, I refused to let him see my tears. I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of breaking my heart.
Not again.
Instead, I waved and backed out of my spot, then drove home.
Walking into my trailer, Jessie sat there waiting for me.
“It looks like it didn’t go well,” she said.
She might be socially awkward, but for someone who struggled with feelings and emotions, she was very adept at reading people.
Tears slipped down my cheek and she rushed to gather me in her arms. She held me while I cried.
“Tell me what happened.”
“I don’t honestly know,” I said, slumping at the table. “Everything was perfect. He cooked me dinner; we gave the girls a bath and put them to bed. Then he ate me out like I was his last meal.”
“Girl, I did not need to hear that,” Jessie said, rubbing at her eyes.
I laughed at her. Then hiccupped a sob.
“I swear he is giving me whiplash. He walked me to my truck and kissed me goodnight. But it felt more like goodbye.”
I crossed my arms over the table and laid my head down.
“He’s afraid,” Jessie stated.
I picked my head up and narrowed my eyes at her.
“Afraid of what? Me?”
Why would he be afraid of me? How could I possibly scare him? He towered over me. He was easily twice my size, and he was a man.
“Tell me exactly what happened until the girls went to bed. I don’t need all that other stuff,” she said, waving her hand at me.
“He let me in, and the girls were excited to see me. As I walked past him, he grabbed my waist and told me he remembered the night at the bar. We ate dinner. Then dessert, which was a chocolate cake with chocolate frosting his mom made. The girls made a mess, so he gave them a bath while I cleaned up a little. I got their pajamas ready, and when they were done, I read them a bedtime story. They both fell asleep, so we tucked them in. We left the room, and he said thank you. He told me Tammi never did that with them. He drank a shot of whiskey and then told me again that he remembered the bar, and then he…”
“Ok, stop right there. I don’t need to hear how you two got it on,” she said with a shiver, and I laughed.
Jessie wasn’t like most girlfriends. She didn’t want the nitty-gritty details because that meant feelings. She avoided them at any cost, only letting herself be vulnerable when I really needed her, like tonight, when I first got home.
“So, you had dinner, took care of the girls, and put them to bed. Together. Like a family. Like a mom. Something the girls had, but she left. Like a partner. Like a wife. Something he had, but then she left.”
And just like that, it all made sense. Jessie was right. I was the one being too literal. He wasn’t physically afraid of me. He was emotionally afraid of me. He was afraid of loving again.
Of trusting again.
Of being broken again.
He was trying to protect his heart, sure. But I guessed it had more to do with protecting the girls. He would deny himself anything if it kept the girls from getting hurt.
“That selfless bastard,” I groaned.
“I mean, can you really call a guy a bastard if he is being selfless? Wouldn’t that be an oxymoron?”
“Of course it’s an oxymoron, but it is still true,” I argued. “What am I going to do? How do I show him he can trust me?”
“I know you aren’t asking me,” she said. “But I have a suggestion. Go slow. Give him time.”
“Ugh,” I groaned, slamming my head back down on the table.
I didn’t know how I would convince him, but Ryder Thomas wasn’t getting rid of me as easily as he thought.
We had five days until the book signing. Five days I was determined to spend at the bookstore, in Ryder’s presence. I planned on smothering him.
I would show him I wasn’t going anywhere.
Monday morning, I spent a little extra time on myself. I needed Ryder to see what he was walking away from. The girls would be with Avery this morning. So Ryder would be alone in the store.
I stopped and had breakfast with Trudy, not wanting to change my routine completely. Plus, the bookstore didn’t open until nine.
“Morning, Ellie,” Trudy called out from the register where she was ringing out Mrs. Anderson.
“Morning,” I greeted. “Good morning, Mrs. Anderson.”
“Good morning, Ellie. We are all excited about the signing this weekend. The town is eager to see how many people it will bring in.”
“Well, if it is anything like the others, it will be a madhouse here on Saturday. I hope there are enough deputies for crowd control.”
“Oh, don’t worry about that. I’m sure King will have his boys out there helping. No one will step out of line with scary bikers walking around,” Mrs. Anderson said with a chuckle. “So long.”
“She’s right. The Silver Shadows will be out in force, helping to make sure everything goes smoothly,” Trudy confirmed. “I don’t imagine much will be open on Sunday, though. Everyone in town will need a day off to recover from exhaustion, if Saturday is as busy as we all hope.”
“I’m worried some of the store owners are underestimating what it will be like. I hope no one gets angry with the amount of traffic that will come through town,” I stated, looking out the big picture window at the quiet little town.
“Nonsense, Old Man Johnson will gripe. But I swear the man isn’t happy unless he is griping about something,” Trudy said, dismissing my concerns.
We had our breakfast and the usual small talk. Trudy was telling me about some of the townspeople I hadn’t met yet.
Aspen Winters, who owned The Flower Shoppe, was a transfer from Texas. No one knew her story or why she settled here, but everyone liked her.
Audrey Barlowe ran The Coffee Shoppe. I had my coffee with Trudy, so I hadn’t been there yet. Audrey grew up in Diamond Creek. Her dad had been the mayor. Her parents died in a home invasion that was still unsolved.
Then there was the mystery about Grant Nicholson and his disappearance. She told me Grant hadn’t grown up here but graduated from DC High and stayed. One day, he just never showed up at work, and no one ever saw him again.
Trudy told me there was plenty of speculation that he had gotten into business with the wrong people. The opinions of Grant split down the middle throughout the town. Some people thought he was a great friendly guy; others believed he was shady and never questioned his disappearance.
Maybe Diamond Creek wasn’t as quiet as I thought.
After saying goodbye to Trudy and Pati, I walked to the bookstore and, as I thought, Ryder was alone. I smoothed out my dress and opened the door. Ryder looked up at the jingle.
“Ellie, hi. I wasn’t expecting you this morning,” he said, looking me over from head to toe.
Gotcha!
“Morning, Ryder. I will be in each day this week, getting things ready for the signing this weekend. Sam should be in soon to help me set things up,” I told him as I sauntered by.
Looking up at one of the rounded mirrors he had throughout the store, I caught him watching my ass as I passed by him.
Eat your heart out!
The door jingled, and I smiled when Sam chuckled her greeting.
“Hello, Ryder.”
“Oh, hey, Sam. Hey, guys. No Charlie today?” Ryder asked.
“No. I knew the girls wouldn’t be here, so I didn’t want to worry about what she was getting into while we were working. Mimic and Romeo are our muscle today, so we won’t interrupt you from your work,” Sam replied.
“Hey, Sam. Hi, boys,” I said, smiling at Romeo.
He would be perfect. I had asked Sam to bring someone with her who would help. I told her to make sure whoever she brought knew what I was trying to do. I didn’t want to lead someone on falsely.
“Hello, gorgeous.” Romeo was laying it on thick. “Is Bookboy here behaving himself? Last time I was here, he wasn’t very gentlemanly,” Romeo said, glaring at Ryder.
“I have already apologized for that,” Ryder grumbled.
“He’s right, he has apologized,” I confirmed.
Romeo took my hand and spun me around, causing my dress to flare out around my legs as I turned.
“Anyone that could forget seeing this body in all its naked glory ain’t dealing with a full deck,” Romeo added, and my cheeks heated.
“Are you planning on getting any work done or just dancing around my fucking store?” Ryder growled.
I could practically hear his teeth grinding as his jaw ticked.
Well, Bookboy, if you don’t want me, it doesn’t mean someone else won’t.
“Ryder’s right, we have a lot to do today. It will be a busy week. My friend wanted to help, but Jessie wasn’t available until Saturday morning,” I said, knowing bringing up Jessie would hit Ryder where I wanted it to.
He slammed his book on the counter and came out from behind it. Stomping over to me, he grabbed my elbow and dragged me to the office.
“I need to talk to you. Excuse us, Sam,” he hissed.
“No worries. Take your time,” Sam said with a smirk.
Ryder slammed the office door behind us.
“What the fuck was that?” he barked, his eyes boring into mine.
“What was what?” I asked innocently.
“That!” He pointed at the door. “That shit with Romeo. And Jesse? Did you forget I had my mouth on your pussy yesterday?” He growled.
I bit my lip. I stood there silently, waiting for him to lose more of his control and take what I knew he wanted.
He took two steps and towered over me. “Answer me.” His voice was low and curt.
“I haven’t forgotten anything. I haven’t forgotten the way you ate me out on your counter, or the way your fingers felt inside me.” I leaned into him and felt his chest rumble with his groan.
“That dirty mouth is gonna get you fucked on this desk, Ellie.”
Ryder reached for me, and I slipped away, moving to the door.
“I also haven’t forgotten how you said goodbye in that kiss last night, either.”
He closed his eyes, and I knew Jessie was right. He wanted me, but he was afraid of what that might look like.
“If you don’t want me, Ryder, then that makes me available to someone who does. Maybe it’s Jessie; maybe it’s Romeo. But it won’t be you unless you make room for me in your life. That includes the girls. I want a family, Ryder. I want to settle down, to be a wife, a mom. It’s all I’ve ever wanted. I know you’re scared. I know you don’t think you can trust me. You have to be willing to take a risk. If you aren’t, then I have to move on to someone who will.”
I left him alone in the office and walked back out to the front where the others were standing.
“Is it working?” Sam whispered.
“ELLIE!”
I smiled at her before turning around to see Ryder marching toward me.
“We aren’t fucking done,” he said.
“Sorry, that’s all I have for today. I’ll see you all tomorrow,” I called out and rushed out the door, Sam and Romeo laughing behind me at Ryder’s angry yell.