Chapter Twenty
Ryder
“That was mean,” Ellie said between laughs.
“That was payback. How does she even know Grayson?” I asked.
“We met him the other day up on the mountain in Scottsbluff. Jessie has been working on facing her fears, and heights is one of them,” Ellie explained.
I simply nodded. I didn’t really care how they met as long as he didn’t go after my girl.
Was she my girl?
God, I wanted her to be.
Could I risk my heart?
Could I risk the girls’ hearts?
They were questions I couldn’t answer right now. Instead, we had work to do. I looked around at the state of my store. The book signing was tomorrow, and this place was a mess.
“Alright, let’s get this shit done!”
We worked all afternoon. Mom came by and took Chrissy to school and offered to take Tabby and Charlie out of our hair, which I was thankful for.
Ellie, however, proved to be more of a distraction than the children. I found it hard to concentrate on what I was supposed to be doing, when what I wanted to do was peel the clothes from her body and lick every drop of salty sweat that clung to her skin.
“Hey, man, you got a little something on your chin.”
I turned to look at Blade, who stood there grinning.
“Asshole.”
He threw his head back and laughed so loud, everyone turned to look at us. I smacked the back of my hand against his chest.
“Knock it off,” I said with a smirk.
“You wanna go for a ride after work? We haven’t ridden together since we were kids,” Blade asked without looking at me.
I watched him avoid me for a minute before answering.
“I gotta pick the girls up from Mom’s. She’s had them most of the day already.”
“Beck said she’d pick them up, bring them home, and put them to bed,” he offered.
“Raincheck?”
“Come on, man, meet me halfway here.”
“Blade—”
“Ryder, I’m sorry for interrupting, but can I talk to you for a minute?”
I hadn’t heard Ellie approach, but I could kiss her for saving me from this awkward moment.
“Go ahead,” Blade said with a frown. “I’ll see if Jack needs any help.”
Blade walked away, and I almost told Ellie no. I knew I needed to make time to talk things out with my best friend, but I wasn’t sure if I was ready to hear everything he needed to tell me.
“What’s up?” I said, turning to Ellie.
“Come on.”
She grabbed my hand and dragged me into my office, closing the door. When she walked over to stand in front of me, I pulled her against me and planted my lips on hers.
She responded immediately, and I groaned when she took the lead, slipping her tongue into my mouth.
Before I could take back control of the kiss, Ellie pulled away.
“I didn’t bring you in here for this. We need to talk.”
“We talked this morning. I wanna make out,” I growled, trying to pull her closer.
“Ryder, I mean it,” she said, slipping out of my grasp. “I heard you talking to Blade. You should go for that ride.”
I sighed.
Settling against the edge of my desk, I dropped my chin on my chest.
“I didn’t know you and Blade were friends like that. You grew up together?”
“Yea, Beck, Blade, Rachel, and I all grew up together.”
“Trudy told me about what happened to Blade and Beck. About his dad, and them both leaving and then coming back.”
Yea, that was the shortened version. The one most people talked about. What they didn’t talk about, or maybe didn’t even know about, was the other people that were hurt.
That were still hurting.
“Trudy said he came back five years ago.”
“Yea,” I snorted.
“What was that sound for? Is that not true?”
I looked at Ellie. “It’s true,” I confirmed.
“And you haven’t worked things out in all that time?”
“He didn’t tell anyone who he was. The club knew. Rachel knew, she told me, but he didn’t. He wouldn’t have either, if I hadn’t confronted him about it when Beck came home.”
I stood from my desk and walked around it, crashing into my chair. I didn’t want to talk about this.
“So you knew who he was, but you said nothing?”
“Why should I have said anything? He was the one that fucking left. He was the one that came home, and he was the one that fucking lied.”
“How did he lie?”
“By letting me continue to believe he was someone else!” I shouted.
Ellie came around my desk and sat on the edge, looking at me.
“The way I understand MCs is that everyone uses a road name, and that is what they go by forever, right? They introduce themselves to people with their club name.”
“Yea, most do, depending on the name they have. Cash doesn’t have a road name. Rachel told me his name is actually Cash. And King is just a shortened version of his name.”
“So then, what did Blade lie about?”
I sat there staring at her.
Did she not understand why I was mad?
Why I was hurt?
“He lied by omission, Ellie. He should have told me who he was and that he was back.”
“He isn’t responsible for your assumptions, Ryder,” she said quietly.
“What?” I asked, standing from my chair. “How can you say that?”
Ellie took a deep breath, like she was getting ready to tell me something horrible.
“Are you mad at me for lying about Jessie?”
I winced at her question. It felt like a slap in the face.
“Ellie, you said you didn’t tell me Jessie was a guy.”
“I didn’t,” she agreed. “But I didn’t correct your assumption. I knew you assumed she was a guy. Rachel confirmed that for me. But by your definition, I lied by omission. But you never asked if Jessie was a guy or a girl, you just assumed because her name was gender neutral. You assumed that the best friend who was staying with me was a guy. That is your insecurity, Ryder.”
She didn’t look at me. Her eyes were on her hands that twisted in her lap.
“I am not fucking insecure,” I barked.
Now she looked at me. Her piercing eyes cutting through my bullshit.
“Aren’t you? You’ve been giving me whiplash with how you go back and forth, deciding whether you want me or not.”
“Ellie.”
“No.” She stood up, turned her back to me, and walked back to the other side of the desk. “Don’t deny it, Ryder. I understand. Your wife left you and the girls. That would make anyone gun-shy. Maybe Blade was gun-shy, too. Have you asked him why he didn’t tell you? Asked him why he came back here of all the places, when he could have gone anywhere else?”
Fuck.
She sounded just like my mother. Letting out a deep breath, I answered her question despite knowing it was rhetorical.
“No, I haven’t.”
“Why not?”
“Because I don’t wanna hear the answer.”
Goddammit, she was right. I sighed and continued my confession, “I didn’t want to hear that he didn’t want me in his life anymore.”
Ellie cocked her head to the side. She looked like the cute little cocker spaniel from Lady and The Tramp . The girls loved that movie, and every time they watched it, they begged for a dog.
“How can you think that?” she asked, pulling me back to the present.
“Because he told the club not to approach me. He didn’t want me in the club, Ellie. He didn’t want me as a part of his new family,” I shouted, throwing my hands in the air.
Ellie chuckled.
I glared at the woman. She was laughing at me now.
“Why are men so stupid?”
“Excuse me?”
“You are in his life, Ryder. Your girls call him uncle! Which means he has been around since they were born, or at least very close to when Chrissy was born. Tabby adores him, and I know she doesn’t take to just anyone.” She swung her arm and pointed at the door before saying, “Right now, him, Jack, and several other Silver Shadows are out there rearranging your store to help this event be a success tomorrow.”
“They’re here because Sam—”
“They aren’t here because of Sam,” Ellie argued. “Maybe Jack, but you didn’t see them at the hospital, Ryder. King, Cash, Blade. They all sat there for hours waiting to hear how you made it through surgery. None of them left. I heard King on the phone informing more of the guys who wanted to be there, but they were out searching for Charlie. His phone was constantly ringing from the guys calling to check on you. As soon as they found Charlie and she was home safe, Jack was right there with us, waiting to hear you were alright.”
She walked over, taking my hands in hers and locking eyes with me.
“They love you, Ryder. You are a part of their lives. Talk to him. Hear his side of things,” she urged.
I thought about everything she had just said.
She was right.
Blade had been there since he came home. Chrissy had just been born when the club set up in Diamond Creek. He had come by and dropped off a gift from the club.
When Tabby was born, he had been in the waiting room. He was the first one to hold her after Tammi and me and my parents.
He was there for every birthday, every Christmas.
Chrissy’s first day of school.
He was there when Tammi left. He and the club did what they could to help. Even working in the store so I could spend more time with the girls.
Fuck.
Ellie was right.
My best friend had been there for me as soon as he came home. I was the one that kept my distance. I was the one that kept the walls erected.
“I see the lightbulb finally got turned on,” she said with a smirk. “Beck and I will pick up the girls and bring them home. You go for a ride with your friend. I’ll put the girls to bed and be waiting for you when you come home.”
I placed my hands on her cheeks and softly pressed my lips to hers.
“I love you,” I said.
“What?” she whispered.
Her eyes were as big as saucers, and I saw the tears well up.
“I love you, Ellery Livingston. Please don’t break my heart,” I pleaded, my eyes roaming over her face.
“I love you too, Ryder Thomas. Please don’t break mine.”
“Never,” I whispered before pressing my lips to hers again.
“Let’s get back out there. I’ll tell Blade I’ll go for that ride. Take my truck to pick up the girls,” I said, handing her my keys.
We walked out of my office hand in hand. Reaching the front of the store, I saw Blade and Jack talking in the corner. Kissing Ellie one more time, I walked over to where the two of them stood.
Slapping Blade on the back, I saw the surprise on his face. Then watched it turn to a grin when I said, “Ok, let’s go for a ride.”