Ryder (Phoenix MC #1)

Twenty-Five

M y head was throbbing, and I felt wrong all over. There was a heaviness about my entire body, and I felt weak and drained. I could hear a steady beeping sound, and when I opened my eyes, the light was blissfully dim in the room. I took a moment to blink a few times, until my vision became less blurry, and then I looked around me.

It was the infirmary at the Biker clubhouse. One glance to my left revealed a head full of dark hair, resting against my hand, a light snore coming from him.

A glance around the room revealed a sleeping figure on one of the furthest gurneys. I couldn’t see who it was though. There were tubes going into my arms, and the beeping came from the machine measuring my heart rate.

I couldn’t remember what had happened, or why I was here. I tried to sit up, but that just disturbed the sleeping man sitting beside me.

“Wha… oh… you’re awake,” Ryder said, relief flooding his face. He’d been worried about me?

“Uh… hi. Why am I here?” I whispered, my throat feeling too dry.

Ryder glanced at the sleeping figure across the room, running a hand through his hair. It was adorably scruffy, and suited him perfectly.

“You don’t remember?”

He squeezed my hand gently as I shook my head, and he cursed quietly.

“You’ve been in here since yesterday afternoon. We almost lost you, Tori.”

There was just a huge blank in my mind, similar to when I’d been drugged. It was unnerving, and immediately made me worry that Ryder had followed in Dom’s footsteps. I didn’t want to believe it about him, but I didn’t know him, did I?

I pulled my hand free of his grip, and he frowned.

“What?”

“What did you do to me?” I whispered, lifting my hands weakly to my face. There were bandages around my wrists. Oh .

“Starting to remember? I know you’re probably pissed at me, for making sure you didn’t die, but I just couldn’t lose you.”

He was sitting up straighter now, dragging the back of his hand over his eyes. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and checked the time.

“I… I’m sorry, I forgot what happened. I didn’t mean to accuse you.”

He smirked, but it vanished pretty fast.

“You don’t know me, darlin’. You can’t possibly know that I’d never fucking do a thing to hurt you or any woman. I’m just not wired that way. Do you want me to go?”

I really didn’t. I shook my head, and he sighed.

“Thank fuck for that. I don’t force anything on anyone, but I was gonna refuse to leave.”

I almost smiled. Almost .

“How did you know?” I asked finally, and his face suddenly looked even more exhausted.

“I didn’t, but I was on the phone to Ice, and he mentioned that you’d tried that before, and suddenly I realised what a fucking mistake I’d made, to leave you unattended for so long.”

He rubbed a hand over his face again, and I noticed that it shook slightly.

“Jesus, there was so much fucking blood.” He’d sagged in his seat, his breath rushing out of him.

“ I’ve never been so afraid ,” his voice was so quiet, I almost didn’t hear that.

“I’m sorry. It was wrong to do that to you.”

A frown joined the exhaustion on his face.

“You didn’t do it to me . You did it to you.”

Semantics . I shrugged, still feeling thoroughly worn out and lethargic.

“You lost a lot of blood, Tori. You’re on a slow transfusion thing.” He pointed to one of the tubes, carrying dark liquid, apparently blood, into me.

“Wow. Biker infirmaries are well stocked.”

He snorted. “We were just lucky you’re a normal blood type, babe. Plenty of us around here.”

“You donated blood? For me?”

He shrugged, not looking at me. “A few of us did. You know, those who don’t take drugs like they’re going out of fucking style.”

“Thank you.”

He shrugged again, still avoiding my eyes. I put my hand back where he could reach it, and his eyes fixed on it for a moment, before he reached out and wrapped his hands around it again.

“How are you feeling?”

I swallowed hard. “Thirsty. Weak. Kind of dumb .”

He laughed a little shakily.

“Are you in any pain?”

I nodded, and he cleared his throat.

“Doc?”

“Yeah, I heard you, I’m coming,” a gruff voice said, from that bed in the corner. He’d been listening?

“I’ll add some morphine to your IV, young lady. Ryder, can you grab some water for her?”

He nodded and moved away across the room, as Doc injected something into my IV.

“Your wrists were badly cut, but there was less damage than we thought. It’ll heal. You’re being transfused, but I know Ryder explained that part already. He found you in time. I trust you’re not going to try this again any time soon?” His voice was firm. He was probably very used to people doing exactly as he told them.

“Uh… yeah, I don’t want to go through this again.”

He glanced across the room at Ryder, who was filling a cup with water.

“ He was in pieces . You might want to consider the harm it’d do to others, if you do something stupid.”

I followed his gaze, watching Ryder returning with a plastic cup, his pace slowing as he caught us watching him.

“What? I didn’t spill any.” The guilty look on his face made me want to smile again. How was he doing that to me? He groaned. “Fine. I’ll go mop it up. Jeez.” He passed the water to the doc, and walked back across the room.

“I swear, keeping this place tidy is a nightmare, surrounded by these dipshits,” Doc muttered, as he moved to my side, and angled the plastic cup for me to sip from.

“ Slowly . There’s no rush, okay?”

“I can hold it.”

“Let me help. It’s what they barely pay me for.” He grinned, and somehow I ended up grinning back. Considering his grizzled appearance, the greying hair, and brown beard threaded with yet more grey, the man had just the right bedside manner for someone like me. He wasn’t pandering to me. He wasn’t tiptoeing around me. He was just acting normal, as if anything about this situation was even remotely normal.

“When can I get out of here?” I asked him quietly.

Ryder had returned to us again.

“Uh, that’s not happening.” I moved my hand as he reached for it.

“That’s not your decision.”

He nodded at Doc, who left the room rapidly, closing the door behind him.

“What? What does that mean?”

Ryder swallowed, reaching for my hand again, but I moved it back before he could touch it.

“You’re not going anywhere, Tori. You’re staying with me.”

I realised the pain relief was starting to work, a floaty sense of goodwill starting to wash over me.

“I can’t stay, Ryder. I don’t belong here. I’m not a friend, or anything. I’m the person who forced you into sex, the same way Dom did to me. You don’t really want me here. You want me gone.”

He rested his hands on the bed, leaning closer.

“Don’t you think I should be the one to decide what I fucking want?”

I stared right back. “Then so should I.”

He shook his head. “No. You forced me to feel for you, and now you’re paying the price, darlin’. I’m never letting you go. You’re mine.”

What the fuck .

Ryder

I think I just claimed my old lady . It feels like that’s what I did. I mean, I told her she’s staying, and she’s mine. I don’t care if she argues, or fights me. I’ll lock her in with me if I have to. She’ll soon come around.

I know this is the same meatheaded shit that bastard did to her, but I’ll never force her to be with me, not in that way. I just can’t be without her now.

“I’m nobody’s. I’m mine. I’m me,” she protested weakly, and I shrugged.

“You can say shit like that all you want. You’re staying with me. I’m claiming you as mine. My old lady.”

She cursed. “This is bullshit.”

“No. It is what it is. I think it’s pretty clear my Pres has claimed your little rape buddy, so at least you’ll have a friend here.”

“Fuck you.”

“Nah… not right now, babe, thanks. I’m kinda tired.” She was glaring at me, and honestly, I fucking loved it. It was beautiful, because angry wasn’t scared, or defeated, or sad, or broken. It was fire. It was heat. It was emotion. Did I just have to constantly piss her off, to help her heal? I was perfectly willing to try.

“Can you go away for a while? I want to be alone.”

I sat down in the chair beside her, and made myself comfortable.

“Not happening. You can be alone with me here. That’s the best I’ll offer.”

She was furious. Her fists clenched, although she was obviously still exhausted, and weak from her near death experience.

“Calm down, darlin’. You’re recovering. You need to rest up. You can kick my ass tomorrow, okay?”

She turned her face away from me, studiously ignoring me, but I’ve had worse. I don’t care.

I grabbed my phone and pinged a text to Reacher, so he knew I’d made my claim. The next time any brothers were in the room with her, they’d know that she was definitely mine now, and touching her was a risk they definitely shouldn’t take.

She was sleeping by the time Reacher poked his head in the door, and nodded at me to join him.

“Yeah?”

We pulled the door closed, but we stayed right there, because no way was I letting her try to make a break for it now.

“This is for real, yeah? You’re claiming her? You don’t just get to change your mind later, if you get bored. Your old lady is for life, brother.”

I glared at him, my arms already folded, making my defensive posture even more so.

“Does it look like I made this decision lightly?”

He just watched me, like he was waiting for me to say something specific.

“She’s mine, Reacher. I’m fucking claiming her, whether she likes it or not.”

He cleared his throat, rubbing at those piercings above his eye.

“Look… I’m not one to judge, or try to tell you what’s right, but, Ryder… hasn’t she been forced into enough by others? If she doesn’t want this-”

“She doesn’t know what she wants right now, Pres. She’s messed up from what that bastard did to her, and she’s pretty pissed at me, but that doesn’t change what was there before this all happened.”

“You mean when she forced you into sex without your consent, or fucking awareness?”

I shrugged. “Call it what you like. My dick only gets hard for her now, so what’s the point in fighting it?”

He’d started pacing. “That’s probably some kind of shit that a shrink could help you fix. Just because your dick is confused, doesn’t mean you need to go making a lifelong fucking claim.”

I wanted to punch him . How could the arrogant, self-righteous bastard stand there and spout that shit at me, when he’d pretty much claimed her little partner in crime, mid-fucking-interrogation.

“Shall we talk about picking inappropriate women as our fucking old ladies, Pres? I’ve got some thoughts on picking an accomplice that we’re fucking interrogating.”

His fist closed around my throat, and he slammed me back against the wall.

“This isn’t about me, fuckhead. This is about you, picking someone you should have turned over to the fucking law. She killed someone, or are you just gonna keep romanticising that shit away, just so you can get your dick wet?”

I lost it. I shoved him back, but I didn’t do it with my hands. I lunged forward, and smashed my forehead into his face, probably crushing his nose, before I tried to follow it up with my fists.

Someone stepped between us, holding me back.

“Okay, I’m breaking this up now. You guys need to wind it in.” Stitch had appeared from out of fucking nowhere, and kept a hand on my chest, and turned to look at Reacher.

“There’s a lot of emotional shit going on right now. Can we please try to remember that we’re fucking family here?” Reacher nodded, reaching up to check his nose, his hand coming back bloody.

“ Prick .”

I shrugged. “You badmouth my old lady, that’s what you get.”

“You were badmouthing mine, asshole.”

“So she is your old lady. Thanks for the heads up.”

“Okay, this isn’t what I fucking meant. Ryder, you’re really sure about her?” Stitch asked me, and I nodded.

“I can’t be without her.”

“You love her?” Jesus… do I? I ran a hand through my hair.

“Yeah… I think I do.”

“Oh, well as long as you think you love her,” Reacher muttered, and Stitch turned to curse at him.

“Look, I’m doing my best to keep the fucking peace here, but this is what happens when women get fucking involved in our lives. We’re turning on each other now? This is how we’re gonna behave? I get it, if you both have the ones you want, but for fuck’s sake, try to remember who we are.”

Reacher stopped wiping the blood away from his nose.

“He’s chosen his fucking rapist. Am I the only one who thinks that’s pure insanity?”

Stitch shrugged. “Who am I to judge? I’m sure we’re all gonna have a whole bunch of bullshit and angst when we choose our old ladies, and then you two smug bastards are gonna be all high and mighty about it. For now, though, can we just maybe calm the fuck down?”

He watched Reacher for his agreement, and he nodded, albeit grudgingly.

“Don’t think this is over, asshole. I owe you one, and I won’t forget that.”

I shrugged. “Whatever. Look, she’s the one for me. I can feel it, and whether it’s love yet, or not, it’s real. I can’t let her leave.”

“You can’t keep her a fucking prisoner,” Stitch muttered at me, but I shrugged.

“Watch me.”

I left them both behind, and let myself back into the infirmary. Yes, I’d fucking keep her a prisoner. Until she stopped wanting to leave me .