Ryder (Phoenix MC #1)

Thirty-One

I t was strange to be sitting in this place, with Ryder and daddy at the same time, and nobody had killed anybody yet. I’d never told daddy who raped me back then. In fact, I never told him much of anything. I told the doctors some of it when I was in therapy, and I talked about a little more of it with the few therapists I trusted later.

I’d even kept a diary on my computer where I’d detailed what had happened. It was part of the therapy they’d suggested, as if writing about it could help me work through it, and maybe even distance myself from it. Like making it words on a page could in some way reduce it from being something real that happened to me, but when it came to daddy, I’d told him as little as I could get away with. I didn’t want a war between our families, especially not when Dom had made me believe that his family could destroy mine. It was just me and daddy, and I couldn’t bear to lose the only person I had.

Ryder was stroking my hair as he held me against him, and for the first time in, maybe as long as I could remember, maybe ever, I felt relaxed and safe with a man holding me. Every now and then, he pressed his lips against my hair, like he was making the most of having me close to him.

How was it possible that this man, this man who’d barely had a chance to know me, because of the fact that we hadn’t really even met until after we’d had sex, could care enough about me to want to hold me and comfort me?

“Victoria?”

My father had always insisted on using my full name, but I was more comfortable as Tori, always had been, but he was a traditionalist.

“Daddy, this is where I need to be right now.”

Ryder made a grumbling sound against my hair, before he pressed his lips against my forehead again.

“Not just right now, baby. Always .”

That word. It felt right. It sounded like something I really wanted.

“Hold on, just back up for a moment. I appreciate your club being there to save Victoria, and to keep her safe, but I’m here now. She’s coming home with me, and I can get her the help she needs.”

“She has me,” Ryder snapped and I sighed. This wasn’t going to get us anywhere.

“Anyone mind if I speak for a damn minute?” I jabbed my elbow into Ryder’s chest, hearing him groan.

“Jesus, woman. How pointy are those damn elbows?”

I felt my lips curving into a smile.

“Shush. All of you just be quiet. I’m a grown woman, and I make my decisions, especially now. Especially after another man tried to take away my decisions, and my choices, and my damn consent. This is my life, and I choose where I’ll be.”

My father raised his eyebrows, draining the last of his drink.

“And?”

I glanced at Ryder, my confidence dissipating almost as quickly as it had built up, but then he smiled at me and nodded. It gave me strength, at least enough for this.

“I love Ryder, and I’m staying here with him.”

I saw Reacher rubbing at his face, and the VP guy sighed.

“The lady has spoken, Mr Rossi.”

Ryder pulled me back into his chest, kissing my forehead.

“She’s my old lady now. She goes where I go, and I live here. So this is her home now.”

My father set his glass down with a heavy thud.

“That sounds exactly like you’re claiming ownership of my damn daughter. She makes her own decisions, something she just made perfectly clear.”

I nodded. “And I want to be with Ryder, even if I have to be called a damn old lady while I’m still young.” I pressed my face against Ryder’s chest, a giggle bubbling out of me, surprising both of us.

Suddenly there was movement; my father had risen from the chair he’d been in, and I held my breath, wondering if he was about to do something arrogant and foolish. Something that couldn’t be undone. Instead, he simply straightened his tie and smoothed his jacket, nodding at the two goons who’d loitered across the room.

“Well, I guess I’ll be going then. I hope you’re going to keep in touch now, Victoria? Now that you don’t fear some lesser family being able to overthrow me?”

When he put it like that, it sounded so dumb that I’d ever feared Dominic Casetti. Ryder nudged me, and when I looked at him, he gestured for us to get up.

Once we were standing, he backed up and let me approach my father for another hug. It felt like heaven to be able to see him again, and feel his strong arms around me. I wished that I’d gone to him with the truth back then. I wished that I’d never hidden who had attacked me. Maybe if I had, the bastard would have been dead almost a decade ago. I’d been a fool, and we all knew it.

“You should have told me. I would have made him disappear, and you would have been safe. You didn’t need to go through everything alone,” Daddy was murmuring these things into my ear as he held me, and he was right. About all of it.

If I’d just trusted that his people could wipe out the Casetti family, none of this would have happened, and maybe Ryder would have found me anyway, instead of having to rescue me.

Ryder

A s soon as I could get her out of there, and back to our room, I did it. I could tell that she was exhausted. Freaked out about being around so many people at once, and overwhelmed over her dad turning up. Smug bastard. Honestly, I’d disliked him instantly, but he grew on me a little, especially when he made it clear that he’d have avenged her if he’d known.

I guess, in my mind, I’d figured that any bastard who could let his daughter’s rapist live had to be a complete douchebag, or just a total waste of space, but she’d never told him? It made me wonder how Ice had found out, if it hadn’t been common knowledge, but then the things that bastard could snoop into would terrify people if they knew.

The important thing was how she’d reacted. When she’d freaked out, she’d curled up in my fucking arms, and wanted to stay there, and that was what I wanted, all I wanted. To be her safe place .

“How are you doing after all that?” I asked her as we closed the door, and were alone again at last.

She’d walked to the window, watching something outside.

“It was strange seeing him after so long, but he’s just the same as he always was.”

“He’s got that scary calm thing going on. You know the ‘I’m smiling at you, but in my head I’ve already sliced your head off, and I’m pissing on your corpse’ thing.”

She turned to look at me, her frown disappearing as she laughed.

“You have a way with words, Ryder, but actually I think that’s pretty accurate. He’s a very dangerous man.” Yeah, no shit. I’d figured that out the very second I met him.

I moved closer, enjoying the fact that she didn’t retreat or look nervous. I stopped just in front of her, tucking her hair behind her ear again, because I just loved doing it, and she stared up at me, her eyes widening a little. There was no fear though, just wonder.

“Why did you never tell him about Casetti? Did you really think he couldn’t take him out?”

She sighed, her eyes drifting closed for a moment.

“I feel so fucking stupid now. Back then, that bastard had worn me down so much that I believed the things he said. The way he detailed how he’d destroy my father, and the entire family, until there was nothing left but him. He’d broken me, Ryder. I truly believed he was capable of anything, because of the things he enjoyed doing to me. If he could do that, then… maybe he could do everything else he threatened too.” She trembled, and I took the opportunity to draw her against my chest, and hold her. It felt right when I did that. Like she was meant to be right fucking here, pressed against me. Mine .

“He abused your mind as well as your body, babe, but he’s gone forever. And you’re now gonna be the old lady of a badass biker, so you’re never going to be hurt by anyone again.”

She giggled, and leaned back to look at me.

“Badass, huh?”

I shrugged, not releasing her from my arms.

“I mean, apart from what a wuss I am around a certain lady, yeah. I’m willing to do whatever it takes to protect you, because you’re mine .”

“Does that mean you’re mine too, though? I mean, I don’t know how this stuff works, but are you going to be doing other women, and I’m just supposed to accept it?”

Fucking hell. I stared down at her, my woman, my old lady.

“I haven’t been with anyone since that night, Tori. I haven’t wanted anyone else. I mean… Jesus… my dick won’t even work if you’re not around. I think that tells you how faithful I’ll be.”

She pushed away from me, her eyes narrowing dangerously.

“No, it tells me that you’re stuck with me, and that if it started working, you’d happily go dipping it somewhere else.”

What the fuck? I was struck dumb, wondering what the hell just happened, and then she smirked at me. The little vixen.

“Seriously?”

She shrugged. “I have a way with words too, Ryder. You really should watch our video, and find out.”

Fucking hell. I pulled my phone from my pocket, and flicked through the gallery. There were several photos of me; naked, and tied to my bed, looking asleep, but I knew it was more than that.

“You took photos of me?”

She bit her lip, her eyes on my phone screen.

“Well… you looked so beautiful like that.”

Beautiful? Jesus. I shook my head, walking over to the bed to sit against the headboard.

“Men aren’t beautiful babe, we’re manly, and shit like that.”

She followed me, joining me on the bed, sitting close enough to see the phone too.

“Uh… I watch this, and I’m gonna get a boner. You sure you want to be near me when that happens?”

Her eyes dropped to glance at my lap, and then she met my gaze again, chewing that damn lip like she always did when she was deep in thought.

“Are you going to play with it if you do?”

“I… I mean, yeah, I might. I probably will, fuck it, yeah I’m definitely going to. Is that gonna be a problem? I bet the video’s really hot.”

Finally she sighed, lifting her chin at me, probably feigning confidence she wasn’t really feeling yet.

“If it gets too much for me, I’ll leave, but I want you to watch it and enjoy it. I want to enjoy you enjoying it, if that makes any sense at all.”

It did, and it gave me another idea. “Hey… if you enjoying me enjoying it means you gotta get yourself off too, I have no problem with that.”

Her cheeks reddened, and her breath caught in her chest.

“I… I don’t know if I can.”

“No pressure, Tori. I’m just saying, if the video gets you hot, or me jerking off does, or both, then I want you to enjoy it too. There’s no reason why last night should be the only orgasm you get.”

She was silent for a moment, then she pointed at my phone.

“Pity the screen is so small. You’ll barely be able to see everything anyway.”

Ah. Good point, well made. I grabbed my laptop from across the room, and tried to send the file to myself by email, but it was too large.

“Crap.”

“Screen share?” She suggested, and then we took a frustrating few minutes working out how to do that, and then there it was on the larger screen of my laptop. I set it between us, and hovered my finger over the button.

“Ready, babe?”

She swallowed hard, and gave me a small smile, nodding her head. It was the best she could do for now, but I really hoped we’d get to a point where she’d be more verbal about things like this. I pressed play, and rested my hand on the bed between us. As the video started, I felt Tori reach over and slide her hand into mine, and fuck yeah, I’ll take that.

The video was a little shaky at first, and then her voice came through the speaker, as she explained that she was doing this for me. I squeezed her hand in thanks, but actually I felt strangely nervous about watching this with her. I’ve never seen myself during sex. I mean, it’s the opposite of what I’m usually looking for, and this wasn’t remotely anything like a normal situation.

She’d angled the phone so that it could see me, stretched out and tied to my bed, out cold. It was bizarre to see myself so vulnerable, and unaware of everything around me. In this life, you better be damn aware of everything when you’re out collecting shipments, and doing the other borderline, or outright, illegal things we do. Losing concentration out there can mean you don’t survive.

I watched as she reached out and started stroking my cock, tracing it with her thumb, and Jesus… I was already starting to get hard. The very thought of her touching me like that… her hand stroking me. I wished I’d known, that I could have felt it. I adjusted position as my pants started to feel too damn tight.

Fucking hell . I watched as she leaned over and took my cock deep into her mouth, and I couldn’t help it, letting out a low groan. I tried to keep quiet, but I caught Tori turning to look at me for a moment. Jesus. I really wanted to jerk off, my cock was so fucking hard, painfully so.

“Ryder, don’t hold back if you want to enjoy it,” she whispered, and I clicked pause on the video for a moment.

“I’m so fucking turned on by this. I shouldn’t be, but I am. I’ve never felt you touching me like this, but seeing it… literally witnessing it happening… yeah, it’s hotter than I expected.”

“So enjoy it. You won’t scare me.” She looked serious, firm.

“What about you?”

She fixed her eyes on the laptop, avoiding my gaze, distancing herself from the situation.

“What about me?”

I bit back the urge to grab her hair, and make her face me, choosing instead to lean close and whisper in her ear.

“Are you enjoying it, Tori? Is it making you wet, seeing us together? Remembering how it felt to touch me? Remembering how I taste? Does it make you want to slide your fingers inside your wet pussy, and ride them beside me while I jack off right here? While I fuck my fist?”

Her breathing was faster, and her hand in mine was twitching, like she wanted to pull away but she wasn’t sure.

“Tori?” She finally looked at me, and fuck… the expression on her face told me everything. Her eyes were slightly glassy, her pupils dilated, and her teeth were worrying at that bottom lip, her cheeks pink and flushed.

“You are, aren’t you? You’re aroused.”

She took a deep breath, and it sounded a little shaky.

“ Maybe .”

I squeezed her hand gently. “So… if I get my dick out right now, are you gonna freak out?”

She stared at my lap, and shook her head.

“I know you won’t hurt me.”

“Damn right I won’t, but I’m gonna jerk this bastard off until I blow, because I’m so fucking turned on seeing us together. Are you gonna slip your fingers into those pants, and tease your clit for me?”

She shuddered, pulling her hand from mine. Shit .

“Tori…”

“I’m right handed, dammit. I need that hand.”

Oh. I burst out laughing. “Okay, good. So let’s get to it. I’m gonna restart the video, and we’re both gonna wank ourselves off while we watch it, right?”

She did another one of those shuddery breaths, but nodded, a determined look on her face.

“Good girl, Tori. Let’s enjoy ourselves, while we watch you enjoy me.”

I hit play on the video, and carefully unzipped my jeans, popping the button, and hiking them over my ass and out of the way, so I could slide my cock from my underwear. It was like the sweetest relief. Free at last . Fucking hell. When I wrapped my hand around it, I almost blew my load right away. This was the most intense and bizarre situation I’d been in, and I was loving every second of it.

I deliberately didn’t watch Tori, as much as I wanted to feast my eyes on every single fucking moment, but I knew from her movements, that she’d slipped a hand inside her sweatpants, and was fingering herself. Yes .

On the screen, Tori had straddled me, and she was leaning over my sleeping face. She spoke, and her words made me groan, as I stroked my dick harder.

“Ryder? Can you hear me, lover? Can you feel me stroking your dick for you? Does it feel good?”

Jesus. She wasn’t kidding about having a way with words. I glanced at her, catching the slight quirk of her lips, lowering my eyes, to see her busy fingers working away inside her trousers. Excellent .

Video Tori was kissing my unmoving lips, and damn… yeah, I wanted to be fucking kissing her back. The urge to turn and slam my lips against hers was so fucking strong, that my hand slowed down and stopped jerking me, as I considered it. I really did fucking consider it, because I wanted it so much.

For one thing, she was as turned on as me right now, and for another, maybe she wouldn’t freak. But… yeah, maybe she really would freak, and this moment would be ruined. It felt like an important milestone. Like if we did this together, the other stuff would come easier.

So I turned back and focused on video Tori, who was now riding my fucking dick like she owned it, and yeah, she fucking does now.

“Ryder, I wish you could open your eyes and see me, as I sit on your cock, as I ride you. You’re magnificent. Beautiful. Your body is my fucking playground.”

Jesus. A ripple of pleasure ran down my spine, as I heard her saying those words. Why was this so fucking hot? I wasn’t even actually getting any, and in the video I had no idea I was, and yet… fucking hell… I wasn’t going to last to the end of the video, that was for damn sure.

I heard her call my name in the video, and I focused on it, seeing that my eyes were open, and my head was moving. Jesus Christ. That was even sexier. I was so out of it, I had no idea what she was doing, but I kept letting out these groans, that told me even while not fully conscious, my body knew it was experiencing pleasure.

“How’s that, lover? Does that feel good? Can you feel my wet pussy around your cock? Can you feel me riding you?”

I glanced at Tori again, whose breathing was so fucking raspy, that I knew she was close too. We were going to make ourselves come as we watched her in a video, using my body to make her come. I was beginning to realise that this might be what sex would be like for us, and maybe that would be okay.

“Your cock feels so good, Ryder. It’s so deep inside me. It almost hurts, every time I land down and take it inside me. You’re almost too big for me to take. Can you feel this?”

Fuck. My cock pulsed in my hand, and I knew I was about to lose it. I slowed my movements, taking a slow breath.

“How close are you, Tori?”

She moaned softly beside me.

“Close.”

Thank fuck. “Me too, but I want you to come first. Can you do that for me?”

She panted a little, and I took another breath to try and calm down, because I wanted her to come before me, just like I’d make sure she did if I was actually fucking her.

“Come on, baby… ride those fingers… make yourself come,” I urged, as her breathing sped up, and her movements became more frantic.

“Oh… oh god…” she suddenly gasped, and fucking hell… watching her come was the most beautiful fucking thing I’d seen. I felt my cock jerk in my hand as I sped up my movements now, determined to get mine, before she suddenly realised what we’d done, and started second guessing it. On the screen, I watched as video Tori rode me to her orgasm, her body arching as she gasped out my name.

Oh fuck… Pleasure rushed through me, short-circuiting my brain, as I covered my hand and clothes with cum. I pressed my head back against the metal headboard, as I tried to catch my breath.

“Jesus Christ.”

Tori giggled in response. On the video, she seemed to have fallen asleep on me, so I stopped the video, and shoved up from the bed, taking care not to make more of a mess. My legs were a little weaker than normal when I walked to the bathroom to clean myself up. I had to grab a pair of sweats to take with me, and when I returned from the bathroom, I noticed that Tori had curled up in a ball on the bed, but she was facing me.

“You okay?”

She nodded. “It’s wrong, you know.”

“What is?” I stopped when I reached the bed, not wanting to crowd her if she was starting to second guess what we just did.

“Getting off on that. It’s… weird…”

I sat on the bed, but gave her the space I thought she might need right now.

“I don’t care what gets us off, if we’re both into it. Did you enjoy it? It sounded like you did.”

She blushed again, and I wanted to grab her and fucking kiss her. It was adorable .

“Yes, but I shouldn’t have.”

“I knew you’d start to rethink it after you came back down, but just consider this. What happens in a couple’s bedroom is their business, and there are all kinds of kinks and things that people are into, that others would not get. So this is ours, and you know what? If this is how we do things, I’m okay with it.”

“So if you never get to fuck me like normal people do, you’ll just be okay with it?”

Would I? Yeah, because this could be enough, but maybe also because I wasn’t convinced that it would always be this way. Over time, things might evolve, and she’d feel safer to try other things, and maybe she wouldn’t. However long it took, one day she’d get past this, and she’d want me, and I’d spend that time helping her get there.

“Yeah. I’ve never felt so close to you as I did just then. I… uh…” I trailed off then, knowing I was about to freak her out, but wanting to be completely honest with her.

“What?”

“Jesus… I really wanted to kiss you. When I saw you kissing me on that video, I was so fucking gutted that I hadn’t been able to kiss you back.” Her eyes lowered at my words, and I saw her taking a deep breath to fortify herself again.

“Yeah… and how long before you feel the same way about feeling me taking your cock, Ryder?”