Thirty-Two
H e was saved by the bell. He didn’t have to answer my extremely valid question, because his phone, which was still synced up with his laptop, flashed up a message from Reacher. Two words. ‘Church. Now.’
He didn’t hesitate. He cursed a lot, but he grabbed his cut from the sofa, and headed for the door, promising to be back as soon as he could.
It helped, actually, having some time alone. What we’d just done was beyond fucked up, and it had just driven home how tenuous this whole situation was. He might say he’s satisfied now, with being unconscious for sex, and jerking off to videos later, but that wouldn’t last. Already he’s saying that watching me kiss him made him want to do it for real.
A day would come, very soon, where he’d be insisting that we take it further, and as his ‘old lady’ would I be able to refuse him? Or would it be just ‘expected’ that I start improving at a pace that suits him, because I’m his?
I wished that I could speak to someone about it, preferably another woman in this life. I wasn’t sure there was one though, and Alicia was the only other woman I knew here, but I wasn’t sure what her situation was. Ryder had said his president was into her, so did that mean she was also pretty much being forced to stay here with him? Was it right for either of us?
I’d pretty much decided to try making a break for it, when Ryder suddenly crashed back into the room. I was on my way to the door, and as he slammed it shut, and leaned against it, he frowned at me.
“Going somewhere, sweetheart?”
Shit . I shrugged. “Bored. Is everything okay?”
He cursed, scrubbing a hand roughly over his face.
“Yeah, just fucking peachy.”
Someone pounded on the door, and he cursed again.
“Fuck off.”
“Come on, man.” I didn’t recognise the voice, but Ryder moved and opened the door.
Two men were there, and I recognised them now; Has-Been and Torch. He let them in, and slammed the door hard.
“Hey, Tori.”
“Hi.”
They both greeted me, and I waved a little.
“What happened?”
Ryder cursed again, and headed for the freezer, where I knew he kept a bottle of vodka. He slammed it down on the counter, and I noticed Torch shoving him out of the way to pour drinks, before he smashed the bottle.
Has-Been approached me slowly, stopping a few feet away.
“How are you doing, girl?”
I shrugged. “Surviving. It’s easier today.”
He nodded. “That’s good. Every day is whatever you make it. Each one can be a challenge, but you’re strong, I can see that. You’re more than surviving. You’re living.”
“Thank you. I appreciate that.”
Ryder cursed again, and Torch tried to shush him.
“This is bullshit.”
I gestured at Has-Been to come closer.
“What happened?” He groaned as he glanced back at Ryder.
“Uh… shit went down during Church. He should probably tell you himself.”
Ryder drank another glass of vodka, and turned to throw the glass at the wall. The crash made me jump, even though I saw it fly from his hand.
“Is it about me?”
Has-Been watched, as Torch tried to calm Ryder down.
“There’s been some opposition to his declaration that he’s taking an old lady.”
I looked at Ryder, who suddenly stared right at me.
“It’s bullshit, is what it is.”
I cleared my throat as I approached him, stopping at the counter between the living room and kitchen. He was so angry on my behalf, but wasn’t it my own fault?
“Because of what I did?”
He slammed his hands on the counter.
“No. Because of who your fucking father is .”
Oh. Even though I’d been half ready to run a moment ago, this hit me hard, like suddenly it wasn’t up to me anymore. And now it seemed like someone else could make this decision for me, I knew that I’d fight for it. I just needed to remember how to breathe, because suddenly that was a more immediate issue.
“Tori?”
I practically fell into one of the leather armchairs as my legs weakened, and I gripped the arms, fighting against my lungs for oxygen.
“Babe.” Ryder crouched in front of me, and rested a hand on my thigh, rubbing slowly back and forth, calming me, easing my panic.
“Will they make me leave?” I gasped out, my throat raspy and dry.
Torch handed a glass of clear liquid to Ryder, and he held it up, frowned, sipped it, and looked back at him.
“Vodka?”
He shrugged. “Maybe it’ll help.”
He looked at me again. “Babe, you need to calm down. Whatever happens, you won’t lose me, okay?”
I reached for the glass, and he shook his head, lifting it to my lips for me. I took a gulp, and choked a little on it as I swallowed, and felt the icy cool liquid burning a bitter trail down my throat.
“You saying you’ll leave the club?” Has-Been was hovering behind Ryder, and I watched his shoulders fall as he sighed.
“I don’t want that, but I won’t let a bunch of assholes tear us apart, because they’re too fucking scared of mafia affiliation. If Reacher is the one pitching it, they should be fucking agreeing with him.”
“That’s not how this works, brother. You know that.”
My breathing had eased a little, but now I was freaking out at the possibility of Ryder having to give up everything for me.
“Don’t choose me over your family,” I whispered to him, as he lifted the glass once more.
“What?”
“I’m not worth it. They’ve been your family for years, and I’m just a woman. I don’t… I’m not worth losing everything for.”
I heard cursing elsewhere in the room, but my eyes were firmly focused on Ryder.
“Jesus, woman. You are my everything now. Where you go, I go. Now, that doesn’t mean I want to go live with your daddy, but I’m just saying… this isn’t how this is going down, okay?”
Torch had come over to sit on the sofa, and Has-Been had joined him, both with glasses in hand.
It helped that they were relaxing a bit, like maybe this wasn’t as bad as it seemed.
“Is there anything I can do?” I asked Ryder then, wondering if there was something I could do to appease any fears of theirs.
He made me sip more of the vodka, and then he drained the rest of the glass himself.
“Just focus on you. I’ll fix this, okay?”
Torch leaned forward. “It’s the unknown, that’s all. Once they realise how useful it’ll be to have mafia on side, they’ll come around.”
Ryder
I hated putting this shit on her . When they’d started bitching about her mafia connections in Church, I really thought they were just taking the piss. I mean, they couldn’t really expect me to change my mind about the woman I love, right?
Only that’s exactly how it went. Even with Reacher and Stitch both backing me, despite their own reservations about our history, things still descended into anarchy. It was the most chaotic session I’d ever seen. People who normally don’t speak out were throwing their own opinions into the mix, and it pissed me off really fast. So that’s when I lost my temper too.
By the time Reacher called it quits, we were all pissed at each other. I was honestly on the verge of just taking Tori and leaving, before I managed to destroy the entire fucking club, because all of this was on me. I’d chosen the wrong woman, not wrong for me, but maybe wrong for the club .
“Her father isn’t acting like we’re gonna have a problem with him,” Has-Been pointed out, drawing my attention back to the conversation going on around me. I moved to sit in the chair beside Tori’s, after moving it closer to her. I didn’t want to be away from her. She’d had another one of those fucking anxiety things, and I knew she needed me close.
“Tori? What are your thoughts on your father, and us being connected to his enterprise?”
Torch was probably thinking far more clearly than me, so I was happy to let him steer the conversation. Tori frowned, her hand still trembling in mine.
“I haven’t been around my father in almost ten years. He’s always been dangerous though. I don’t know how his business has grown over this time, but he didn’t seem any less deadly when he was here. I think he’s someone you’d be better having on side than not.”
That made too much sense. “What kind of things could turn him against us?” Has-Been asked, clearly absorbing every word, probably on a level I couldn’t even consider. That wasn’t exactly unusual though, the fucker was scary smart, after all.
“Crossing him would be a bad move. If he wants your involvement in some deal of his, you’ll be able to say no, but if he thinks that you’re going behind his back, or that anyone is informing on him, well… let’s just say, that would be very bad .”
Yeah, that’s some of the shit that the bastards were on about in Church. Fuck.
“So right now, our only connection is that you’re here, and they’ve absorbed whatever the rapist bastard had, yeah?” That was Torch, and Tori looked straight at me for the answer.
“I assume so? Or is there something else going on that I’m not in the loop about?”
I shook my head. “So far we’re just tentatively connected by those two things. I don’t know if Reacher wants it to go further. This all came up out of the blue, when I announced my intention to… you know… keep you .”
Tori giggled, and it always caught me by surprise when she did that, because I never expected it.
“What?”
“Keeping me? Like a pet?”
I smirked at her then, before the dumbest words ever came out of my mouth.
“Except you’re not the one getting chained up, baby.”
The blood drained from my face, as I realised that I’d just said that in front of my brothers. There was no way in hell they’d missed that.
When I risked a look in their direction, I caught raised eyebrows, and knew that there wouldn’t be any bullshitting them.
“None of your business,” I grumbled at them.
“Nah… you’re not getting away with that. What’s this about chains?” Torch was leaning forward again. Shit. Tori squeezed my hand, watching me for a decision, and understanding that this was for me to answer, since it was my fuck up.
“You don’t want to know,” I finally answered, because I couldn’t fucking tell them. They can’t know, nobody can fucking know. They’d only want to stop us, and I knew we’d do it again, we’d do it as many times as we needed to.
“Are you guys doing something risky?” Has-Been asked, frowning as he looked from one of us to the other, back and forth, like he figured one of us would eventually speak. He’d be waiting a long fucking time, if I had my way.
Torch stood up, and wandered over to the bed, catching sight of the rope still looped around the legs. I heard a hmmm noise, and then he strolled back over to the kitchen, like he knew what he was looking for. I couldn’t remember where we’d put the drugs from our session, but I hoped they were hidden. I wanted to yell at him to sit the fuck down, but it’d only make them more curious.
Eventually he sat back down, and stared at me for a moment, before he set two things on the table; the tiny bottle of GHB, and a little baggie containing two telltale blue pills. Fuck!
“I think you’re right that we don’t want to fucking know.”
Has-Been stared at them for a moment, his mind working fast as he took in the situation, then looked at us.
“Seriously? This is now a thing for you guys? After what it did to you before?”
I groaned. I’d never wanted them to know, because they’d judge. Who the hell wouldn’t judge a situation like this? Who the hell wouldn’t think they know better, or that they can dictate to us what works for us in the bedroom?
Tori was practically withering under their glares, and I didn’t like that one little bit. I dragged her into my lap, and hugged her to my chest, letting her hide from their eyes.
“I give my woman what she needs, because that’s what you do for the one you fucking love. Got it? Back the hell off.”
I saw them exchange an incredulous look.
“So what she needs is to drug you for sex? I mean, is that really even a relationship? Sounds toxic as fuck to me.”
Has-Been had an even scarier question, and just hearing it out loud made a chill run down my spine.
“Does Reacher know about this?”
“Of course he fucking doesn’t. Just us. And… and Ice .”
“Ice?! Again? What the fuck? You never used to favour that prick over us, Ryder, what the hell? You need something, you come to us!”
I raised my eyebrows, calling them on their bullshit, because that’s what it fucking was.
“Well, apparently I come to you for judgement now.”
Torch hissed out a curse.
“That’s cold, brother. We care. That’s why we’re freaked out by this. You were a mess the first time. That shit made you sick for days.”
“Am I now? Do I seem hurt by it? Or do I seem like I’ve bonded with my woman, in a way I hadn’t before?”
They were both too quiet, for far too fucking long. I could practically feel the judgement coming from them, without another word spoken, but we had to resolve this, because they had to keep our secret for us.
“Well?”
They exchanged another look, and finally Has-Been groaned.
“It’s messed up, brother. I get that you probably feel like this is the only way you guys can be together, but it’s dangerous. Every time you get dosed with this shit, it could do damage. Every time she puts you out, and you have no idea what’s happened to you, it’s going to have an effect.”
“So I get a bit sick after, Has. I’m man enough to put up with that. For her, I’ll do whatever it takes.”
He frowned. “You’re taking… willingly taking… a chemical that messes with your brain, your body, and your consciousness. You think that won’t have long term effects? You might think right now that you can take it, but what if five times starts causing mental damage, or ten times… Jesus . What if one day you just don’t fucking wake up? What then?”
He wasn’t saying anything that hadn’t run through my mind already. I knew it was dangerous. I knew it could do long term harm. It was just that I’d weighed up those risks against losing her, and I realised that I cared more about her, than I did about my own sanity. Jesus fuck. That’s what I decided?
“You’re seeing it now, right? It’s… you have to stop this. It’s insanity .”
Tori snuggled her face into my chest, and her fists gripped my t-shirt. I heard her apologising, in a soft voice, over and over.
“Babe, you stop that right now. Don’t listen to them.”
She was shaking her head, but I didn’t care. This wasn’t something for her to apologise for.
Torch sat right on the edge of the sofa, leaning closer to us.
“If anyone else finds out about this, all hell is gonna break loose, you get that right?”
I glared at him. “You really think that didn’t occur to me? I know it’s… unconventional, but if this is what we need, then that’s our fucking business. We’re not hurting anyone. We’re not hurting each other. It may not always be like this, but if it is, then I’m fucking fine with that. Tori is who I choose, regardless of this, regardless of who her fucking father is, and I’m counting on you two bastards to have my damn back on this. Just like you know I’d have yours.”
They both looked unsure, but were nodding.
“We do.”
“Of course we do, but we need to make sure that we’re not just helping you two hurt each other. You know if it goes to shit, then it’s on us, because we knew about it. It’s on Ice too, that annoying motherfucker.”
“I like Ice,” Tori whispered, making me chuckle.
“Don’t worry, baby. You’ll get over it .”