37. 37
37
S avage couldn’t believe her. He’d been there, trying to keep her safe. To keep that fuckwad away from her and she’d stepped up and faced him.
Damn, he was proud of how she’d faced him, but still. Part of him couldn’t help but want to scream, to rage at her because how could he keep her safe if she wouldn’t stay put?
He needed to talk some sense into her, to make her see reason, but not here, not in front of everyone. Because if he had to, he’d give the baby as a reason that she couldn’t do what she’d threatened. How could she swear to end her own life? How could he live without her?
At the same time, Savage couldn’t help but be proud of her. She’d stood up to her abuser. She’d told him in no uncertain terms what she would do and that she would kill as many of them as she could if they forced her back to the hell she’d escaped. What man wouldn’t be proud that their woman had that much backbone? That much confidence in what she could do?
Once he’d picked her up, Savage debated where to take her. He wanted walls, real ones, not just the tent where anyone could hear what they were saying. He wanted somewhere they wouldn’t be overheard, and where she would feel comfortable talking back and telling him how she felt and in the middle of this group wasn’t it, he knew.
“Use my place,” Malice said from where he stood next to Sadist at the end of the line of Savage’s brothers. He hadn’t bothered to put on a shirt, but had come out in just his jeans to support the rest of the club while they’d confronted an unknown. He lifted one hand and pointed toward a path that led out of sight. “The front door is open.”
Savage nodded and headed in that direction, half surprised that Donna wasn’t making noise or fighting him. He turned and followed the road, after a couple of minutes, before they’d left the group behind, she spoke.
“I’m not going to run away. Can I walk wherever we’re going?”
Savage didn’t respond, just grunted. He was not in the mood to put her down. With what she’d said to that fuckwit, she was lucky she wasn’t bound as well as over his shoulder. He was also considering a gag, not because he wanted to silence her but because her words had hurt. Hurt more than he wanted to admit, even to himself.
Right now, the comforting weight of her in his arms and draped over his shoulder was all that was keeping him from losing his shit. Hopefully, by the time they reached the house, he would regain his control, if not all of his composure.
He didn’t know exactly how far the walk was to the place Malice shared with Bonnie was but when he reached the porch, he was ready to let Donna stand on her own.
“You all right?” he asked when she rubbed her belly. He hadn’t thought about that. “I didn’t hurt you or the little one, did I?”
“I’m sure you didn’t. I’m fine. Just not used to being carried like that.” She rubbed again, and he noticed she wasn’t rubbing low on her belly where the baby rested, hopefully safe. Instead, she was rubbing higher just below her ribs. And as he thought about it, yes that was where his shoulder would have hit her.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I would never do that on purpose.” He wanted to say more but didn’t want to sound like he was making excuses. There was no excuse he could make if he’d hurt her, even inadvertently. He stepped up on the porch beside her then passed her to the door, which he opened. He motioned for her to precede him through the door. He then waited until she’d gone inside to follow her in and close the door behind them.
“I’m not hurt. You don’t need to be sorry.” She put her hands on her hips and glared at him. “But what’s with the caveman act?”
“Have a seat, we need to talk.” He moved past her and sat on one end of the couch, then looked up at her, expectantly. He wasn’t going to have this conversation until she sat. She didn’t have to sit next to him, only sit down and talk to him.
Hell, he admitted to himself, he couldn’t even force her to do that. If she refused, there was nothing he could do, well that he would.
“Please, have a seat.” He waved one hand around the room, indicating all of the several places she could sit with a single motion.
Donna glared at him, took a deep breath, and let it out with a huff, then folded her arms across her chest and sat on the couch. Not beside him but not at the far end either. That gave him a bit of hope. She wasn’t trying to get as far away from him as she could. It was a good sign. Maybe he hadn’t pissed her of too badly.
“I’m sorry I lost my temper.” Savage fought to keep his voice calm and even. “I shouldn’t have picked you up and carried you off like that. I have no defense; all I can do is say I’m sorry and I’ll do my best not to let it happen again.”
She shot him a glare, but her arms didn’t move. “It’s not the being picked up and carried off I mind. It’s the not talking to me. Not responding when I talk to you.”
“I didn’t think about that. I was so upset, so angry I didn’t want to say anything until I’d calmed down some. I didn’t want to say something that would make things worse.”
“Then tell me that. Tell me you need a few minutes. I can accept that. I can’t accept silence.” She turned and looked out the window. “Hauling me off like a caveman, while refusing to talk to me sends my mind into overtime. It throws everything that Noah ever did in front of my eyes, and tells me that’s what’s waiting for me. That’s why you won’t talk to me.” She took another deep breath and let it out. Savage noticed how it shook. She was barely holding it together.
He reached out and laid a hand on her arm, but he didn’t want her to feel like he was trying to control her or act like a caveman, as she’d called him.
“I’m sorry. It never occurred to me that would happen. I just needed to get you out of there.” He slid forward and rested his elbows on his knees and stared down at the floor. “I knew if I didn’t do something to get us out of there, to get you away, I was going to start screaming at you in front of everyone. I didn’t want to do that to you.” He forced himself to swallow, despite the lump forming in his throat. “But I couldn’t stand there and not let you know how your words affected me.”
“What do you mean?” She sounded confused.
He was still bent over his lap when he turned his head to look at her. Was it possible she had no idea the effect her words had on him? That she didn’t know that her threat to that cocksucker had knocked the breath out of him? That it had taken everything in him to keep from holding her back and screaming no as she confronted him?
“Babe. When you came up behind us to confront him, I was a little irritated. We were lined up to keep them from getting to you women. We were protecting you. And you confronted him anyway.”
“But I was careful about it. I stayed behind you, and that wasn’t an accident. I was letting you stay between me and him so that if he tried something, you were between us to keep it from happening.” She leaned close, putting one hand on his back.
Knowing that she hadn’t been careless in her determination to confront that duckfucker mollified his screaming emotions, a little. He still wanted to hold on to her, to tell her she was never allowed to do what she’d threatened, that he needed her too badly and should that piece of shit manage to kidnap her, because it would have to be kidnapping, then she needed to hold on until he found her because he would be coming. But could he tell her that? Could he ask her to make that kind of sacrifice?
“When you told him that you’d rather die than go back to him I was so proud that you were telling him how you felt and that you wanted nothing to do with him.” He took a deep breath and forced himself to continue, despite how hard it was to force the words out. “But when you told him that you’d kill yourself and take as many of them with you as you could, I almost had a heart attack on the spot.” He glanced down at his hands where he pressed his fingertips together, then back to her. “I can’t tell you not to. I can’t tell you it will never come to that.” He closed his eyes a moment, then turned back to stare down at his hands, without seeing them. “I can tell you that should he get his hands on you, to please hold on. Please don’t give up. Because I’ll be out there looking. And I will never give up. Not until I have you back.” He inhaled a ragged breath then let his head drop until his chin pressed into his chest as he tried to regain his composure enough to keep talking. “I’ll leave it up to you to make any final decision, because if you’re at his mercy, then obviously I’m not there to stop him.” Savage turned and looked at her again, making sure she met his gaze. “But I want you to be dead certain that as long as I’m breathing, I will be looking for you. One way or another, I will get you back.”
She opened her mouth, but no sound came out as he lifted one hand to let her know he wasn’t done. Not quite.
“There are only a few things in this life I can guarantee you. But one thing I can tell you without a doubt is that if something happens, something like that useless piece of shit trying to take you away from me, I will never give up. I will search for you until I find you. I will burn down the world to get you back by my side. And I won’t stop until I have you back. Even if that means all I have is your body.” His voice had gone rough, but he didn’t care. He had to get the words out. She had to know. Because she had to know what would happen to him, to the world, if that twat waffle, or any of his crew took her from him.
By now, tears streamed down his face, but he ignored them. She needed to see he meant this. She needed to know how important she was to him.
“And just so you know,” he continued after a moment, “I won’t be the only one. I won’t even have to ask. My brothers will have my back, and should it come to that, that commune will no longer be an issue. There will be nothing left of them but scorched earth.” He let his gaze drop to her lap, where her fingers sat knotted together as if she was trying to keep them still while he spoke. “Honestly, if you were taken from me, and all I was able to get back was your body, I can’t guarantee the whole world won’t go scorched earth, at least as far as I’m concerned.”
He took another breath and wondered where all that had come from. He hadn’t planned on saying so much. He hadn’t planned on laying out everything he’d been thinking for the last few minutes but once he’d gotten started, he hadn’t been able to stop. Now, he just hoped he hadn’t scared her off, because as hard as he would fight to keep her with him and safe, if she wanted to go, and he was sure that was what she wanted, he would let her go. It might break his heart, but he wouldn’t hold her against her will.