Savage (Demented Souls #15)

38. 38

38

D onna stared at Savage, stunned by what he’d said. When she’d been talking to Noah, she hadn’t thought about how Savage might feel or what he might think about what she was saying. She’d been trying to make a point. Not that she hadn’t been honest. She would rather die than be trapped at Noah’s mercy again. Not that he had any. She’d learned that months ago. Now, she felt like falling for his act of being sweet and loving was one of the more naive mistakes she’d made.

She stared at Savage, not sure whether she was more surprised by how much he obviously cared about her or about how far he was willing to go to make her safe, and make sure she knew it.

All of the anger that had built up in her as he’d carried her off away from the others evaporated. Her chest ached. She scooted closer to him on the couch so she could lay her hand on his back instead of just on his arm and took a deep breath. She had to say something, but she didn’t know what.

“It wouldn’t be my first move,” she managed to say, her voice softer than she liked, but since she hadn’t planned on this conversation, she went with it. “If it came down to it, I would wait as long as I could before I resorted to something so drastic. But I don’t know if I could live through that again. Surviving it once changed me and while I know I can move on, I can have a life now that I’m out, if I had to go back, especially if I had no hope of getting out again or if I was forced to face the prospect of raising my child like that, I can’t say where exactly I would draw the line. I do know I’d rather die than bring a child into that. I will not raise a baby to think that is normal or to perpetuate that cycle.” She watched him, waiting for some kind of reaction and enjoying the warm, solid feel of his back beneath her hand.

He dropped his face into his hands, kept it there for a couple of moments and she wondered what he was thinking. After a moment he let out a low growl and scrubbed his hands over his face before sitting up and turning to look at her. Her hand slid off his back as he moved. Not knowing what else to do with it, she brought it back and let both hands rest in her lap.

“I’m not entirely sure how we got here, babe. I picked up a girl who needed some help. I never thought I’d end up catching feelings, much less falling this quick or this hard.” He reached out and picked up her hand, enveloping it in both of his. “I never thought I’d have anyone but my brothers. I didn’t think it was possible for someone to work their way, not just into my heart but into my soul, especially to get so deep in so little time. But you’ve done it. I don’t know what I’d do without you. I don’t know that I want to find out.” He took a deep breath and let it out in a rush, as if he was cleansing himself of something, but she couldn’t tell what. “Before I met you, I didn’t have a plan. I floated from day to day, working and helping my club. I lived to have fun, drink a little, fight a little and ride a lot. But then I was out for a run one day and met this little bit of a spitfire. And without knowing it, my world changed.” He shook his head.

Donna didn’t know what to say. Somehow, in a very brief time, she’d come to not just rely on Savage but to trust him too. She curled her fingers into his until they wove their fingers together.

“When I left Noah, I had no idea what I was going to do. I had no idea how I would live, much less take care of a baby. I thought I might have to either give up the baby or terminate, not that I want to do that, but I thought it might be my only option. I believed then, and I believe now, that even that was a better option than raising a child to think that kind of life, that living with the kind of abuse I was dealing with, was normal. I’m glad I don’t have to make that choice.” She used her free hand to scrub across her eyes, then pinch the bridge of her nose as she tried to find the words to tell him the rest of her thoughts.

“Oh, God, babe. I’m glad you don’t either.” He pulled her into his arms, settling her on his lap.

He held her with strong but gentle arms. One hand wrapped around her, so she felt like no matter what came, what trials they faced, she was safe. He’d make sure she stayed that way, the other resting low on her belly.

“If you decide you can’t do it. That you just can’t live with having this baby, I’ll support you. I’ll do whatever you need to get you through it. You want to keep on the way you’re going, you want to keep and raise this baby and I’ll back that. I’ll raise it the same as if it had my DNA. Just say the word, babe, and I’ll make you both mine. We need to check and see if you actually are married according to the state, and if the state says yes, get that terminated as quickly as possible.”

“Why?” she asked with a frown. She wasn’t going to argue. She didn’t want to be tied to Noah any more than it seemed Savage wanted it, but she didn’t know why, and she needed to know.