3. Elliot
ELLIOT
She’s not here.
Her bed is a mess, but despite the lump, I know she’s not here.
I can’t feel her.
“Red,” I call again, hoping that I’m wrong.
Praying that I’m wrong.
I blow around her room like a tornado before throwing her bathroom door open.
There’s a part of me that expects to find her in a heap on the tiled floor with a knife in one hand as she bleeds out, and I’m so fucking relieved when I find the room empty.
My heart thunders in my chest as I spin around feeling totally out of my depth.
I hurt her tonight. I hurt her bad.
You warned her…
I shake my head trying to banish the unhelpful thoughts.I told her this was going to be hard, that I was going to have to keep us a secret to protect her.
I knew my family would be the ones to fuck all this up. I just never expected it would happen so fast or in such an explosive fashion.
Doing what I did with Ethan was a risk.
When I first asked him to step in and be her friend, I hoped that it would help with my obsession with her, and in turn, hers with me.But the first time I saw them together, the first time I saw her smile at him like he was someone special, I knew I’d fucked up.
It didn’t sate the desire I had for her, it only made it burn hotter. And the jealousy… That was something I hadn’t banked on.
Fuck. I’ve never experienced anything like it.
And I did it to myself.
Self-sabotage at its finest. But I didn’t—I don’t—know what else to do.
The pain she’s suffering right now was inevitable.
It could have happened now or in three months’ time.
It didn’t matter when, it was always going to happen.
It’s why I’ve kept her at arm’s length all this time.
A sweet girl like Abigail doesn’t belong in my dark and twisted life.
Swiping the All Hallows’ hoodie from the end of her bed, I shamelessly lift it to my nose as I fall back into her chair.
“I’m so fucking sorry, Red,” I whisper into the silence as regret after regret slams into me.
Resting my elbows on my knees, I drop my head into the soft fabric and breathe her scent in.
Where is she likely to go?
Before her dad died, I’d have said she would go straight to the girls. But since she lost him, she’s been pulling farther and farther away from them.
She’s pulled away from everyone… apart from you.
I grit my teeth as I try and come up with options.
Where would she go to hide?
With a sigh, I push from the chair, throw her hoodie back on the bed, and storm out of her dorm room.I’m probably—no definitely—the last person she wants to see right now, but that isn’t going to stop me from finding her.
I need to know that she’s okay.
If she does something stupid and it’s all my fault, I’ll never forgive myself.
My hands tremble with fear as I start my car and take off again, leaving the Bronte Building and the Chapel behind me.
I drive around town, checking out all the places I’ve ever heard her talk about. I figure my best bet is Dessert Island, but when I get there I find that the closed sign is swinging on the door and all the lights are out.
There’s only one other place I can think to check. A place she hasn’t been since she moved into dorms.
She confessed to me while she was safely locked up in my bedroom that as soon as her father died, it no longer felt like home.
Tightening my grip on the wheel, I head across town and towards Judge Bancroft’s house.Dread drips through my veins as I close in on the property.
It’s one of the oldest houses in Saints Cross and it sits on a vast amount of land.I wouldn’t even want to guess how much it’s worth. The fortune Abigail is sitting on.
It’s enough to set her up for her entire life.
She’ll never want for anything—anyone.
The thought guts me as I drive up the road that leads to the house. It’s dark and deserted, and as I pull up to the impressive driveway, I find that the home is the same.
I pull up next to the double garage and kill the engine, plunging me and my surroundings into darkness.
I sit there staring at the house, waiting to see any sign of life.
But there is nothing.
Sinking lower in my seat, I tip my head back and close my eyes.I deserve this punishment. I deserve not to know if she’s dead or alive.
I should call the girls. Get them to try and contact her but that would mean telling them what I’ve done.
All this time, I’ve kept everything I’ve felt for Abigail under wraps—kind of. They might have suspected I had feelings for her, but they never knew the truth.
And they certainly don’t know about everything that’s happened between us in the past few weeks.
The shared pain.
The anguish.
The tears, the blood… the release.
My nails dig into my palms as the need to feel just a hint of that right now begins to get the better of me.
Not knowing what else to do, I get out of the car and march towards the front door.
I stand there with my finger hovering over the bell.Just because there isn’t any sign of life, it doesn’t mean that she’s not here.
Abigail is hiding. And quite honestly, this is the best place for her to do it.
It might not be the biggest of houses but it’s certainly big enough.
My need to see her, to protect her from herself battles with my need to do the right thing.
I guess it all comes down to one question…
Do I trust her?
Do I trust her not to hurt herself? And if she does, do I trust her not to take it too far?
I pull my phone from my pocket and stare down at the notifications piled up on the lock screen.
But none of them are from her.
Not one.
The most recent one makes my blood run cold.
Scott: I hope you’re not chasing that sad pathetic mouse around town like a loser.
As if he’s waiting for me to read that first message, he begins typing.
Scott: Lauren is your girl. Do the right thing by both of them.
Scott: You won’t like the consequences if you fuck this up for us, little brother.
Anger courses through my veins. I’m mad. Mostly at myself.
This is why you tried to put a barrier up.
You knew this would happen.
You knew you’d hurt her whether you wanted to or not.
Closing down his messages, I find my conversation with Abigail.
My heart drops into my throat when I find messages I didn’t send.My hand trembles as I read my request for her to meet me tonight.
That fucker. I didn’t even know he’d taken my phone.
Feeling totally hopeless, and completely fucking worthless, I tap out a simple message.
Elliot: I’m sorry, Red.
I hang my head in regret. My heart feels like a lead weight in my chest, but there is nothing I can do to make any of it better.
There is no coming back from this.
I can shout, scream, beg, plead. It won’t change the fact that I knew something like tonight would happen eventually, yet I allowed for us to become something.
I may not have put tonight’s events into action. But I’m still guilty.
Elliot: I’m so fucking sorry.
Elliot: Please, I’m begging you, call the girls. They’ll take care of you. They’ll understand.
I don’t know what else to do.
I want to storm inside this house, turn it upside down searching for her and then pull her into my arms and tell her that everything is going to be okay.
But it’s fucking not.
If we continue down this road—assuming she could ever forgive me—then we’ll just be waiting for the next hit. And when it comes, it’ll be harder, and even more painful than this one.
Pushing my phone back into my pocket, I trudge back to my car, turn the engine on and regretfully leave the house—and possibly Abigail—behind.
I park in my usual space outside the Chapel and just sit.
It’s late. Hopefully, late enough that the others will have already gone to bed to stop me from having to answer their questions about where I’ve been.
They probably already know that I was out with Lauren. There is no way that Scott and Zoey haven’t already posted our entire night on Instagram.
I cringe at the thought of how they’ve portrayed it. It’ll look nothing like reality, I know that much.
It takes me the longest time to convince myself to get out of the car, and when I do, I quickly find that my legs don’t take me in the direction of my bedroom, instead, I find myself approaching the girl’s dorm again.
I can’t help myself.
I know she’s not there, but after the night I’ve had, I need to feel close to her.
Iwake to a cold and empty bedroom with nothing but a heavy heart and a shit load of regrets.
Without thinking, I swing my legs off the side of the bed, pull my clothes on, and embark on the walk of shame out of the Bronte Building.
If only spending a night in Abigail’s bed was the most shameful thing about the past twenty-four hours.
There was a part of me that hoped she might return in the middle of the night. It’s the reason I didn’t force myself to go back to my room, but I can’t say that I’m surprised she didn’t.
The sun is quickly rising in the sky as I make the short trek to the Chapel. They should all still be asleep. I should be able to slip in unnoticed.
Hell knows I would have been able to before the girls gatecrashed our bachelor pad. Things are a little less predictable now. Hell, I’ve woken up to find Liv and Tally with their arses in the air as they do some kind of sunrise worshipping yoga a few times now.
All I can hope is that this morning isn’t one of those days.
I slip into the building with bated breath, but as soon as I step into the quiet open space living area, I breathe a sigh of relief that it’s in silence.
I’m not going to be able to hide from all of this for very long. The girls will soon notice that something is wrong with Abigail, but I’ll take a few more hours before I have to start lying to my best friends, if I can.
I make it to the top of the stairs and I’m about to reach for my bedroom door, already dreaming about stripping down and stepping into a scorching hot shower when Oak’s door suddenly opens, and a little blonde appears.
My heart sinks as I pray that I can vanish on the spot.
Tally quietly closes the door and is about to creep away when she notices me.
Her gasp of shock rips through the silence before her eyes narrow in suspicion.“What’s going on?” she asks, her eyes dropping and then widening when she discovers I’m wearing the same clothes I went out in last night.
“Nothing,” I grunt, twisting my door handle ready to escape.
“Where have you been?” she asks curiously.
“Out. Obviously.”
“With her?” she sneers.
I know what Tally thinks about me spending time with Lauren Winrow. Hell, all the girls have the same opinion, but no one voices it quite as loudly as Tally does.
“It’s none of your business who I do or don’t spend time with.”
Her expression hardens and she takes a step closer.“When you’re hurting one of my best friends it does,” she hisses. “I know, Elliot. Abi told me what happened between you.”
Shock rocks through me and I bite my lips shut to stop from saying anything I shouldn’t.
“You’re a…” Her cheeks redden with anger and her eyes blaze. “You’re a… You’re an idiot.”
I want to laugh at her inability to curse me out, but I’m too fucking broken. Too exhausted and emotionally wrecked to react.
“Tally,” I sigh.
“No,” she spits. “Don’t fucking Tally me when you’ve been out all night with that… With that…”
“Can you do me a favour?” I ask cutting off whatever pathetic insult was about to come out of her mouth.
“You? Do you a favour? Who do you think you’re?—”
“Can you check in on Abigail this morning?”
I fucking hate to ask. It’s going to open up a massive can of worms. But I need someone to check that she’s okay.
I need to know she hasn’t spent the entire night bleeding out on her fucking bathroom floor.
My stomach knots painfully as Tally assesses me.
I know what she’s going to say before she even opens her mouth, and she doesn’t disappoint.
“What have you done, Elliot Eaton?”
I shake my head and finally push my door open.“Just check on her, yeah?” I struggle to meet her heavy stare. “She needs her friends around her right now.”
“You think I don’t know?—”
I cut her off as my door slams shut.
I want to say I leave her cursing up a storm on the other side of the door, but we all know she’s not.