16. Ridge

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

RIDGE

“There’s my baby!” Adele’s voice matched his signs—big and boisterous. He swept in and took a giggling Ina from Ridge’s arms, showering her with kisses. She laughed hard and kicked her feet before snuggling up against his shoulder.

She was still morning-sleepy from when Ridge eased her out of her bed and got her ready for her pre-K program. And normally, when he had a day off, he hated letting her go. He wanted to spend as much of his free time with her as possible. But today was the only day he would be grateful for those six hours he was going to get with Oz.

He’d intended on talking to him the night before, but after Oz called out sick from work and organized a sub, neither of them had the energy. It was obvious Oz had a thousand questions. They were all burning behind his bright eyes. But instead of asking, he simply laid his head against Ridge’s chest, and against all odds, the two of them got some sleep.

Ridge was up before him, his internal clock getting him up before his alarm in spite of the fact that he was wrecked. He slid from the bed without waking the other man, left him a note on the nightstand, sent him a text for good measure, then headed out to grab Ina before she woke up.

Grady was knocked out in the guest bedroom, so Ridge carefully led Ina into the kitchen to get ready, then swept her out of the house before she could really ramp up. There was nothing wrong with a little McDonald’s breakfast from time to time, was there? And it kept her from waking Grady with her inability to understand how loud she was being.

He felt good about that but terrible about the way he’d bailed on his job. And since they were half an hour early, he decided to swing by the station right before Adele was off his shift.

“Oh my God, my bestie!” cried another voice from across the room.

Ridge was only half-surprised to see Gage walking in. He was freshly showered and bright-eyed, which was a nice change from the funk he’d been in over the last several weeks. He’d just started at the station after Adele pulled some strings, and while Ridge normally hated nepotism, he loved Gage enough to be happy he was there.

Ina squealed loudly and wriggled out of Adele’s arms, rushing into Gage’s.

“If he’s not a dad someday,” Adele murmured, leaning close, “he’s wasting all that superpower.”

“Maybe he’ll be the fun uncle,” Ridge suggested.

Adele took a deep breath, then said, “That would crush him.”

He sounded so sure, and Ridge couldn’t help but wonder if maybe kids were part of the reason he and his ex had split. But it wasn’t his business, and he didn’t have room for that right now. He smiled at Gage and gave him a wink before he took Ina over to play in the cab of the truck, and then Ridge turned back to his boss.

“So.”

“Grady alright?” Adele asked.

Ridge rolled his eyes up toward the sky and let out a heaving sigh. “He will be. Shit’s messy as fuck though, dude.”

“And Oz?”

God, it was like the man had freaking ESP. “How’d you guess?”

“Because you’re in love with him, and Grady’s his brother-in-law.”

Well, he wasn’t wrong. And it was one of the reasons Ridge liked him so much as both a boss and a friend. “We spent the night together last night.”

Adele let out a low whistle. “I hope a good night.”

“It went from great to terrible to…I’m not sure yet,” Ridge confessed. “I told him how I feel about him.”

“Holy shit, dude.”

Ridge laughed, palming his face. “Yeah.”

“Tell me it went well,” Adele said, worry coloring his voice. “I know that dude’s head over heels for you.”

Ridge peered between his fingers before dropping his hands. “What makes you say that?”

“Because he spent all this time avoiding you like the plague but also staring at you every chance he could get,” Adele said like it was the most obvious thing in the world. “You know, pigtail-pulling bullshit without being gross and violent.”

“I… oh .” Oh my God, how had he not realized? Well, probably because he wasn’t used to people avoiding him when they wanted to get in his pants. But Oz wasn’t like everyone else, which was one of the reasons Ridge was so into him.

“Hopeless, both of you,” Adele said. He set his hand on Ridge’s shoulder. “How did it go?”

“Not as bad as it could have. I’m heading back to his place after I drop Ina off at school. Grady’s still at mine, by the way. He could probably use an ear or some company. He found out some shit about his wife last night, and…yeah. It wasn’t great.”

“You took off on him?” Adele asked, frowning.

Ridge held up his palms. “I’m sorry, man, but Oz was my priority. I promise I’m not being the asshole here. I made sure Grady was cool with it, and he insisted that I take care of Oz.”

“No, no, I get it,” Adele said quickly. “If that shit happened to Kash, I’d burn the world down, and you know I don’t mess around with fire.”

Ridge felt his insides settle. He was grateful his friends understood in ways others probably never would. And the next time they had a dad meet-up, he hoped he had something good to share with them all.

“I should get going,” Ridge said, realizing the time. “But hey, everything good with Gage?”

“He’s doing a lot better. Pulling himself out of his funk. We’re looking at apartments this weekend, and he’s been hanging out with Lucas and his buddies more, so that’s been nice. I think it’ll take him a while to get over this one.”

“Well, if he needs an ear, remind him he’s got half a dozen uncles ready and willing to listen. And maybe to drive down and put the fear of God in his ex if we need to.”

Adele laughed, his eyes crinkled in the corners. He looked grateful. “I love you all a lot. You know that, right?”

Ridge rolled his eyes. “Yeah, we do. Go home and get some sleep. You sound drunk.”

Adele laughed and gave him a shove toward the middle of the room, and Ridge stumbled before righting himself just in time to catch Ina, who was flying across the floor to meet him. He swept her up into his arms and realized she was half-covered in chocolate, clutching a donut with all the frosting bitten off.

‘Where did you get that?’ he asked her.

She pointed at Gage, who looked somehow both guilty and unapologetic. ‘She asked. How can I tell that face no?’ he signed more fluently than Ridge expected him to, considering all the time he’d spent away from them.

‘Stop spoiling her,’ Ridge said, but there was no fire behind those words. He wanted this for his daughter. He reached out with one arm and yanked Gage close, giving him a half hug. “If you need me, you know where to find me, right?”

Gage pulled back and booped Ina on the nose before nodding. ‘I need to come over for dino nuggets.’

Ina squealed and kicked her legs hard before shoving most of the donut in her mouth. Ridge quickly fished out most of it and let her take a smaller bite.

‘See you soon?’ he asked.

Gage nodded, then gave Ina’s temple a last kiss before he turned and headed for the locker rooms. Ridge felt good—better than before—but there was a mountain of uncertainty waiting for him the moment he dropped Ina off at her classroom door and headed back to Oz.

Ridge debated about knocking, but in the end, he let himself back in through Oz’s front door and was immediately met with the sight of him on his couch, one leg bent against his chest, his left hand holding a cup of coffee.

He didn’t look startled at all. In fact, he looked calmer and more relaxed than he had when he’d fallen asleep against Ridge’s chest. He offered a smile, his head tilted to the side as Ridge kicked off his shoes and stepped into the room.

‘Coffee?’

Ridge shook his head and held out his hand to show his caffeine that morning was definitely working. ‘I took Ina to McDonald’s.’

Oz grinned. ‘Did you bring me anything?’

Ridge’s face bloomed white-hot. ‘I didn’t…I should…OMG?—’

‘I’m joking,’ Oz signed in a rush. He set his coffee down and stood up, closing the distance between them with three long steps. ‘I don’t really eat breakfast in the morning.’

Ridge sagged with a sigh. ‘Me either. Just coffee. Sometimes a protein shake.’

Oz grinned and ran his hand down Ridge’s stomach. ‘I can tell.’

What was happening? Ridge wasn’t mad about it, but he was confused. Oz had been beside himself last night with self-deprecation and self-doubt and had been convinced Ridge was trying to dump their fake relationship so he could try and hook up with Grady, of all people.

And granted, the man was hot, but he was not Ridge’s type.

But now, Oz was flirting, and he didn’t know what to make of it.

‘You look better,’ Ridge signed cautiously. ‘What changed?’

Oz laughed and shrugged, taking a step back. ‘A good night’s sleep and a little rational thinking.’

Well, that was something, Ridge supposed. ‘Do you want to talk?’ He was half-afraid Oz was going to tell him no. To want to go on as they were and see what happened, but Ridge—for all that he did like to go with the flow—couldn’t keep that up. Not with Oz.

‘Let me turn on my hearing so I don’t have to worry about you missing pieces of what I want to say.’

Ridge nodded, but now it was his turn for his stomach to sink. Oz was only flirting with him, but there was a damn good chance he was going to tell Ridge that they needed to keep it physical. That emotional attachments were too much for him—which would only be fair, considering what he’d been through.

But that would kill him a little. No, it would kill him a lot. He’d survive and get through it because his job was to be strong for his daughter, but it wouldn’t be easy. And he wasn’t sure he could keep it just physical with Oz. Not when all his cards were on the table.

When Oz disappeared, Ridge took a seat in the corner of the couch instead of giving in to his urge to pace. It always felt better when he did, but he needed to be focused and present for Oz. He took a fortifying breath, then thought fuck it and grabbed Oz’s coffee, taking a long drink.

“Eurgh,” he gasped. It was all cream and sugar.

He heard a laugh and looked up to see Oz staring at him with a quirked brow. “I would have warned you first. I only like a little splash of coffee with my creamer.”

“Jesus,” Ridge said with a chuckle. He gave the couch a pat, and Oz crossed back over, resuming his former seat. Instead of curling up, he kicked a foot onto the coffee table and turned to look at Ridge.

“I expected to panic when I woke up and found you were gone, but before I could even take my first breath, I found your note. And then I found your text.”

“Overkill?” Ridge asked, feeling a little silly.

Oz shook his head. “Maybe someday, it will be, but I’m ready to admit I think I’m at my lowest right now, and I do need extra care.”

“I know.” Ridge hated admitting that because he knew how shitty that feeling was, but it was only fair of him to be honest.

“The fact that you’ve paid attention—that you’ve gone out of your way to be careful without making me feel like I’m some pathetic loser—means a lot. It’s why I started falling for you.”

Ridge jolted. Oz hadn’t really said the words last night. He’d begged Ridge not to leave, and he’d clung to him tightly, but the only thing he admitted was that he felt pathetic.

“I think I avoided healthy relationships for a long time because everyone always told me you have to love yourself in order to be loved.”

“Bullshit,” Ridge spat quickly.

Oz laughed. “I know. But I do think not loving yourself lets you settle for people who won’t treat you the way you deserve to be treated.”

Ridge supposed he couldn’t argue with that. Oz had a mountain of evidence in both his ex and his family.

“But I’m ready to love myself. I looked up that therapist’s office and made an appointment. I go in a week from Wednesday for my intake.”

Ridge felt his throat tighten. “Yeah?”

Oz nodded. “I’m tired of feeling like this all the time. I want help being brave enough to tell people no when they go out of their way to hurt me. I don’t care if they’re blood related. I don’t care if I’ve known them half my life. I don’t deserve it.”

“No, sweetheart. No, you don’t.” The pet name tumbled past his lips unchecked, but even when Oz’s face bloomed bright pink, Ridge didn’t take it back.

“Can you be patient with me?”

Ridge sighed, then lifted his hands. ‘I can be patient for you. FOR.’

“Oh,” Oz breathed, almost like he hadn’t realized there was a difference. He bit his lip, then swallowed heavily. “And this…can we still?—”

“Yes.”

“You don’t know what I was going to ask,” Oz said weakly.

“I don’t care,” Ridge answered back, trying and failing to hide his smile. “I don’t care if you ask me for the moon. You want it? It’s yours. I know a guy who used to be an astronaut. I bet he’d hook me up with a rocket.”

Oz burst into laughter and shifted over until he was pressed against Ridge, thigh to thigh. “I don’t want the moon. I just want this. With you.”

“What does this mean?” Ridge was all nerves now.

Oz shrugged. “I don’t know if I’m ready to put a label on it or tell anyone. But maybe the story I told my parents doesn’t have to be a lie. Not entirely.”

“Not at all,” Ridge told him. He cupped Oz’s jaw. “I’ve had a crush on you for so long. I thought you hated me.”

“I was trying to,” Oz told him, and Ridge winced. “No, not-not hate,” Oz stammered. “But I liked you. You made me want things I wasn’t sure I was ready to want, and I thought it would be easier to get over you if you didn’t like me.”

“So instead of flirting, you were mean?”

“Was I?”

“Cold, then,” Ridge amended. Oz had never been cruel. He’d always been kind, and anytime Ridge looked like he was having a bad day, he checked in. He was kind to his daughter, and he always made sure to tell Ridge he was doing a good job with her. It was why it had been so damn confusing for so long.

Oz’s ears flushed. “Yeah.”

“Is it the kid thing? I mean, you work with kids, but that doesn’t mean you want them.”

Oz let his breath out in a rush. “I never let myself think about it too much. Darcy wanted to use donor sperm because she didn’t want Deaf kids.”

“Oh, what the fuck,” Ridge started, then slapped a hand over his mouth because this was not his outrage.

Oz nodded, his expression a little dark and hurt. “For a while, I was on her side. She kept pointing out how much harder my life was because I was Deaf. And it took me way too long to realize it was harder because people like her made it that way. It didn’t have to be. My family didn’t have to be like this. But they were. They chose it.”

“Oz—”

“It’s fine,” Oz said in a rush. “Really. I mean, I’m okay now.”

“Yeah, but you deserve to be more than okay. You deserve to be with someone who loves you. You deserve to have kids any way you want to have kids.”

Oz swallowed thickly, nodding. “I’m afraid sometimes. That I’ll end up being like them without realizing it.”

“I get that. I, uh…yeah. I didn’t have the best parents, you know? My mom liked booze and drugs more than she ever liked me. My dad checked out years before they were divorced. I’d get a firm backhand if I ever pissed him off, but otherwise, he spent most of my life pretending like I didn’t exist.” The words were hard to say, but Ridge got them out anyway. “But neither of us are broken because of that.”

“No,” Oz said very softly. He turned his body and reached up, cupping Ridge’s cheeks with both hands. “So this is what I want—what I need,” he clarified. “Is that okay?”

“You’re asking if me being here quietly loving on you until you feel ready to tell the world is okay?” Ridge asked. When Oz’s cheeks pinked, he couldn’t help a laugh. He leaned in and stole a soft, lingering kiss. “Yeah, baby. It’s okay.”

This felt like a dream—a reality he’d somehow conjured up all on his own out of desperation and wanting someone he couldn’t have. But as Oz kissed him for a second time, Ridge allowed himself a moment to not just bask in the gift he was given but hope that it would last for a long, long time.

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