Chapter 33
CHAPTER 33
CLARA
T here is something different about today. It may be because of what happened yesterday, after which my world tilted and I saw an escape. If I don’t, I could be dead within the year, either by Michael’s hand or my own.
“Mommy!” Sophia’s voice chases away the demons. My girls are my reason for living and any ideas I entertain of ending my life are chased away by their smiling faces and excitement for life. I will never leave my girls because if I’m not around to protect them, they will exist in the nightmare I hope to wake up from one day.
“Yes, honey.” I turn onto the highway and she giggles. “Taylor told me her mommy and daddy were kissing the other day.”
“That’s nice.”
I smile because Anna and Jared are the cutest couple and I’ve always envied their devotion to one another.
“Why don’t you kiss daddy?” Sophia asks innocently and I shiver with revulsion at the mere thought of it.
“We do, just not in public.”
Maria giggles. “Mommy and daddy sitting in a tree. K.I. S. S. I. N. G.” The two girls sing in a chorus and for some reason it amuses me at the thought of it, knowing that if I had the chance, I would push him off the tree, hoping he breaks his fucking neck.
We turn into Anna’s palatial home and as I head toward their front door, the gravel crunches under my tires and I breathe a little easier. Anna is taking the girls to school for me today and then they will come back here for a sleepover. I try to give them a normal childhood where possible and invites like these don’t come our way very often, so there was no question I wouldn’t accept it.
Jared works high up in the police department. I trust Anna and Jared with my girl’s life because they are solid citizens who don’t possess a corrupt bone in their body.
We don’t socialize with them because Jared keeps his distance from Michael for obvious reasons. However, Anna is a sweetie who ignores the warnings she receives from the other moms regarding me and has become one of my closest friends. I note the concern in her eyes as she opens the door and sees me standing there holding my girl’s hands.
She merely smiles broadly and peers at the girls with a kind expression.
“Hey, cuties. Come inside, Ava and Alyssia are waiting in the playroom and there are some cookies in the oven with your name on them. You can take a few of them to school if you like.”
They squeal with excitement and yet before they run off, both girls squeeze my legs tightly and say together, “We love you, mommy.”
I drop to the ground and pull them both into my arms and for a second, breathe in their gorgeous scent, feeding off their innocence. They give me strength. They give me hope and they are the fire in my soul.
Tears threaten to reveal my inner pain but I blink them away and force a smile. “Be good girls. I’ll be here tomorrow to pick you up and hear about your adventures.”
They both press several kisses onto my face and as they run off to the playroom hand in hand, their soft voices float back at me.
“We love you mommy.”
A sob catches in my throat as my world disappears through an open door and Anna says kindly, “Are you okay, honey?”
I note the concern in her eye and wonder if my makeup has rubbed away a little, revealing the dark shadows under my eyes and the slight bruise placed there by Michael’s hand.
Part of me hesitates because a kind smile and warm words are not things I get very often. Nobody knows the shit I live with daily and if anything, most people in town try to avoid me if at all possible.
It’s why I’m so cold, aloof, and frozen inside and out. I have nobody. Just two little girls who I would die to protect.
However, Anna is the only one who may be in a position to help me and she obviously senses that because she jerks her head toward the kitchen.
“You know, cookies are a magical pick me up that works on any age. Paired with a coffee, they’ve been known to work miracles.”
I am so tempted. It would mean so much to unburden myself to this kind woman, but at what cost? Her husband doesn’t need any further ammunition against Michael and if I’m the one who causes him problems, it will end very badly for me.
It has been no different for the past ten years. We are invited to gatherings out of fear, not from any wish to form a social connection with us. The women tolerate me in case I have my husband’s ear and make life difficult for them. Michael’s mantra has always been to rule through fear and that extends to his home. He is a cruel, violent man, who hides it behind well-tailored suits and a winning smile. He can turn on the charm when required and switch immediately to a callous murderer. His best friend is Emilio D’Angelo and they work together like two vital parts of a well-oiled machine. A killing machine and on Michael’s orders Emilio does the dirty work.
I’ve never been comfortable around Emilio. His hard stare and cruel smile reveals he knows exactly the nature of my relationship with Michael. They have no respect for me and view me as an accessory. A respectable designer accessory who is fit for purpose now but disposable if my usefulness runs out.
Anna is watching me with a kind smile and I am so tempted, but reality checks my words and I smile regretfully.
“I’m sorry, it’s a kind offer, but I really should take the time to catch up with some errands. I appreciate it though, Anna.”
I flash her my warmest smile because I mean it. Kindness goes a long way with me, and I’ll definitely take her up on the offer if my plan doesn’t work out.
She will become my Plan B if you like and I pray to God that Plan A is successful because if it fails, I may not be around to even attempt Plan B.
I detect the relief in Anna’s eyes as her words tell a different story and as she waves me goodbye, I return to the car, my heart racing as I prepare to return home.
Michael should be out. He has golf and I’ll get a few hours to pack the cases with everything we need to make a fresh start somewhere else.
My heart sinks when I pull up at the gates and note the guards in a frenzy of activity. Why is he home? Something has happened. It’s as if things have changed and I’m surrounded by worried faces and a sense of urgency that spears dread through my heart. Does Michael know I’m planning on leaving him? I wouldn’t put it past him to know every thought in my head and my fingers shake as I grab my purse and make to go inside.
My legs tremble as I pass Michael’s office and hear him yelling at someone. I stop and peer through a crack in the open doorway and watch him strike Emilio hard across the face. “You fucking worthless idiot!” he shrieks. “I have a mind to kill you.”
He stands with clenched fists and roars, “Fetch Dominic Riley! I’ve had enough of his double-crossing ways and I’ve a good mind to end him.”
Before I can move, Emilio bursts from the room and doesn’t catch my eye as he races past me as I shrink back against the wall. Before I can move, Michael flies from the office and catches me, and screams, “You fucking bitch! What did you hear?”
“Nothing. I swear.” My voice shakes and yet the fear in my eyes must tell another story and as he makes toward me, I turn to run but it’s to no avail as he grabs hold of me and turns, pushing me violently into his office.
My face connects with the wall and yet before I can even catch my breath, he grabs my hair and pulls it hard into his fist, snarling, “I know it was you who brought trouble to our door. You and that bitch, Tanya.Are you still in touch with her? Using her to get close to her disgusting brother. What’s the matter, Clara, aren’t I good enough for you? Do you honestly prefer a foul-mouthed tattooed beast of a man who fucks women and drinks himself to oblivion every day? Do you want that? To live as his whore instead of mine?”
He snarls, “I will fucking kill the lot of them. The Dark Angels had better start saying their prayers because I’m ending this obsession you have with that man. All bets are off because no dirty fucking biker is going to breathe in this town after I’ve set alight to their fucking souls while you watch them burn.”
I stare at him in horror as he hisses, “I’m going to start a war, and it’s all your fucking fault you sad deluded bitch.”
He strikes me hard across the face with his fist and the pain is so intense it momentarily blinds me.
Before I can recover, he punches me hard in the stomach, knocking me backward so I fall against his desk. I slide to the ground and cover my head as he starts kicking me in the ribs, panic and pain blocking any attempt to escape.
“You’re a fucking bitch, Clara. You always were, and I blame you for this. It’s whores like you that bring men down, and I will not be one of them.”
With every sentence, he kicks me hard against any point of contact he can find, and I am blindsided. I can’t defend myself and I truly believe he has lost his mind and I will never make it out of this room.
It’s painful to breathe and I wonder if he’s punctured my lung because the pain is like nothing I’ve ever felt before.
“This is what you need, bitch. I’m going to teach you a lesson and you will thank me for it, you fucking whore.”
Michael is possessed. This is the worst I’ve ever seen him. He often flies into violent rages, but nothing on this scale. He is out of control and there is nobody who will dare attempt to stop him and I strongly believe he will kill me before he calms down.
“I blame you for this.” Another kick against my thigh accompanies his words. “You’ve been leaking information like a pail with rusted holes to the fuckers who want to bring me down. You’ll pay the price of that, not me, and I’m about to teach you a lesson you will never forget. Everyone will see what happens to the person who lets me down. This will be a permanent reminder that nobody betrays Michael Santobello.”
My heart lurches in fear as he takes the poker from the fire and turns toward me with a crazed expression in his eye. Before I can react, he brings it down hard on my back as I attempt to crawl away.
“You’ll never get away, you whore. Accept your punishment and I may accept your groveling apology after I’ve torn you up inside with this fucking poker.”
Everything blurs as my eye closes up on me, swollen from the beating he inflicted on my face. The pain is all consuming, but it’s fight or die. I can’t see any other way out of this and then, as I taste the blood filling my mouth, I see it.
Like a beacon of hope, I fixate on the gleam coming from underneath the desk, revealing the gun Michael has always taped to the underside.
I don’t dwell on it for long and as Michael raises the poker to inflict more damage, I grab hold of it as he screams obscenities at me, not realizing what I’m doing because he is so blinded by his rage.
As soon as I hold it in my hand, I roll onto my back and take aim and fire. A split second decision that gives me no room for doubt.
As the shot fires, time stands still and then, as if in slow motion, he falls. There is no time to move and his body falls onto mine, the blood shooting from his head like a river that’s burst from its bank.
As his weight crushes me, I struggle to breathe and it’s as if my entire body is screaming in pain.
Somehow, through the pain and with a super power I never knew I had, I wrench his body off me and crawl to the nearby chair. As I drag in painful breaths, I turn, fully expecting him to land his final blow, but all I find is Michael’s eyes staring up at me as he lies sideways on the floor where he fell. Those eyes have no life left in them and as I watch the carpet turn red before my eyes, reality hits. I killed my husband and I may as well be dead too because when Emilio learns what I’ve done, my life will be over, anyway.
Once again, self-preservation kicks in and I know I don’t have long before Emilio returns with the unfortunate Dominic Riley.
The guards went with Emilio and it takes all my remaining strength to drag myself up and stumble toward the door, my purse lying where it fell when Michael grabbed hold of me.
I can’t look back. It’s too horrific to witness and as I limp toward the front door, I pray nobody stops me.
The staff will be hiding. They always do when Michael flies into a rage and probably vacated the house in favor of the staff accommodation set a short distance away.
My car is waiting and tears mix with blood as I hobble to the car, my breathing painful and my vision impaired by the swelling.
There is no other choice but to flee for my life and if I’m stopped by the cops, I would welcome it. However, I’m so afraid because I murdered my husband and my only thought is to get help for me and my darling girls.
There is only one place I can go, but I pray to God he is there.
It’s a short journey but also the most painful one of my life as I struggle to breathe, the pain inside me threatening death by fainting.
Somehow, I pull into the bay outside Lucy’s apartment block and as I stagger against the door and thump as hard as I can, my sobs choke me as I pray for help and as the door opens, I fall into the room.
Lucy screams as I fall down to my knees.
Jet says gently, “What happened, darlin’?”
I can’t speak and draw in ragged breaths and Lucy drops down on her knees before me and says gently, “Here, sip this. Then you can tell us what happened.”
I am so grateful and as the water washes the blood from my mouth, Jet crouches down beside Lucy. “What’s happened, Clara? Whatever it is, you’re safe now.”
I face them with a river of tears streaming from my bloodied eyes and whisper, “I’ve killed him.”
A stunned silence accompanies my words before Jet says reassuringly, “What happened? Start from the beginning.”
As I struggle to form the words, they listen without interruption and it’s as if I’m speaking about somebody else as I fill them in on what was the worst thing to ever happen to me in my life. I struggle to fill in the details and the air is heavy with compassion as I falter to the end of my tragic story.
Jet’s tone is laden with sympathy as he says gently, “It’s ok, darlin’, you came to the right place. We’ll sort it out.”
He turns to Lucy. “Grab some hot tea for Clara. Help her clean up, and I’ll sort this shit out.”
Lucy reacts quickly. “It’s ok, Clara. You’re safe with us. Let’s see to those wounds and get you some clean clothes.”
As we leave the room, Jet say into his cell, “Ryder, we’ve got a problem.”
I’m grateful for Lucy’s help as I clean up and change into some of her clothes. She offers me painkillers and lots of hot tea and although the pain is unbearable, I feel safe here.
By the time Jet returns I have calmed down a little and as we search for answers I note the pity in Lucy’s eyes and sigh. “Don’t feel sorry for us, Lucy. We lived a worse life than the one that’s coming. At least we can live it without fear of him.”
She says incredulously, “He didn’t ever hurt them, did he?”
I laugh, a bitter sound that I’m more than used to. “Not physically, but mentally, I’m not so sure. He was a cold bastard with no feeling and even his own blood, as young as they are, didn’t escape his temper. He never laid a finger on them, but his words cut deep. They won’t miss him because I saw the fear in their eyes when he called them. They must have heard the arguments, and the thrown punches.”
I shrug. “This is nothing they haven’t seen before. Apparently, their mom is quite accident prone. She was certainly a fool because I should have done this years ago.”
I turn to Jet and say with a worried frown. “We have nowhere to go. No friends will want to help us for fear of recriminations. My family has moved away and wants no part of my life. I can’t go back there - I just can’t. What are we going to do?”
He laughs darkly. “You’re right, you can’t go back there, because there’s nothing left to go back to.”
I throw him a sharp look as he laughs. “Your house is burning along with your husband’s soul. There is no evidence and nothing to incriminate you.”
I gasp and stare at Jet with disbelief as he shrugs. “This way you can start again with nothing from your past to drag you down.”
I’m confused. “Then I possess nothing at all.”
Jet shakes his head. “You have your freedom, and that’s worth more than any house or its contents. I’m pretty sure the insurance will pay out and you can start again wherever you want to go.”
Lucy says kindly. “You can stay at my apartment until you find your feet. I’m pretty sure I’ll be out of town for a while, and it’s the perfect place for you and the girls.”
I can’t believe what I’m hearing because nobody has ever been this kind to me. “Would you really do that—for us?”
She grasps my hand and says firmly. “Listen, you may think you’re alone, but there are still people around here who care what happens to you. Stay strong and be the best mom those girls could ever wish for. You’re free now and you can live a life without fear.”
My shoulders sag. “Live without fear, you say. If only I could.”
Jet asks, “What do you have to fear?”
“My husband made a lot of enemies over the years who would love nothing more than to take it out on his only living relatives. They will see us as an easy target and if what you say is true, that insurance money will be the only magnet they need. It’s common knowledge we lack friends and without him, no protection. I’ll have to move far away to stand any chance of a future for my girls without always watching out for trouble, that’s sure to find us.”
I sigh heavily. “When you leave, they’ll come. I have nowhere to go until the money comes through and your apartment, no matter how kind an offer, just won’t be strong enough to keep us safe.”
Jet kneels down before me and says in a hard voice.
“Then I know just the place you can go.”
“Where?”
He grins. “It’s time to head across to the Darkside.”
My world stops spinning and I forget to breathe. “No! I can’t go there. Anywhere but there.”
Jet turns to Lucy with confusion, who says gently, “What’s so bad about the Dark Angels? I’m pretty sure they’ll help.”
Tears almost blind me as the past stabs me in my already bloodied heart. “You don’t understand. I can’t go there...to him.”
Jet shakes his head. “Who?”
“Atom.”
Both Jet and Lucy say at once. “Why not?”
I sob, “Because he hates me more than most, and I don’t blame him.”
Lucy sits beside me and places a comforting arm around my shoulder. “Then tell us why.”
My voice breaks. “Because he loved me and I chose another. It broke him, and he’s never forgiven me. If I go there, it’ll destroy us both.”
Jet stands up and says in a strong voice. “We’ll see about that. I think it’s about time we faced another fear of yours, darlin’. At least this time you won’t be on your own.”
I’m so lost and hopeless that even hell seems like a better option than where I am now, so I sigh, “I’ll go if you come with me. If it doesn’t work out, I’ll take my chances in the apartment.”
Jet smiles reassuringly. “Good girl. Don’t worry, we’ll make sure it’s the safest place for you in town. If not, I know an even better one.”
I’m not sure what he means by that and it would probably be wiser to take that option, but before I can change my mind, he leaves and as Lucy fusses around me, my mind returns unwillingly to the past.