Chapter 34
CHAPTER 34
ATOM
I am trying so hard to make it business as usual, but watching my sister blown to ash takes a lot of dealing with.
I spent most of the night caressing a bottle propped up at the bar. I tried to lose myself in a willing woman’s flesh, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t do it. I may have hated Tanya most of the time, but she’s all the blood I had left.
The bottom of a bottle is a dark place to try to make sense of muddled feelings, and it only increases my hatred for the women who betrayed me. First Clara and then Tanya, and it’s no wonder I struggle with attachment issues.
I’m dead inside. I have no compassion for women and use them for physical gratification.
Many have tried to crawl inside my head and work me out, but it’s an impossible task when the person himself doesn’t have a fucking clue what goes on in there.
Razor is concerned. He was there when Clara left me hanging on the street corner. He suffered the fallout when what should have been the best time of my life turned into the worst one after a two-minute conversation.
Somehow, we got through the dark days, mainly because I focused on the Dark Angels. I channeled my pain into something constructive and closed my ears to any mention of Clara.
When she married Michael, I took off for a few days. Alone.
I needed the space. I couldn’t watch her marry that creep, knowing he would have his hands on her, be inside her, kissing her and lying with her.
I tortured myself with images of them together. The women I fucked were bodies with her face in my mind. I chose women the opposite of her to help me forget. It was impossible because she has always lived rent free in my head. She always did.
There has never been another woman like Clara in my life, which is why I use the willing ones for sex and nothing else.
I receive a call from Jet, who kept it short but told me Emilio was probably on his way over here with a gun loaded with bullets and an agenda.
We wasted no time and placed the premises on lockdown and took up our positions on the perimeter, hidden from view.
When a Reaper warns, you listen and sure enough, Emilio turns up with several of his men and wastes no time in peppering the bolted door with shots.
“Where’s Tanya!” He yells and I catch Razor’s eye and my gut twists with rage.
Even in death, the bitch is trouble and I yell, “Dead. Go and tear down the gates of hell. You’ll find her setting up home there.”
We return the fire and sink a few holes in their cars, a few stray bullets nicking the skin of a couple of his men. Either the fact we were prepared or my words hit home causes them to retreat and as they squeal away, the scent of gun smoke is heavy in the air.
“What the fuck was that about?” Razor moans as we set about repairing the damage the bullets caused.
“Fuck if I know, but she was obviously on that plane without their knowledge.”
“This is serious shit.” Razor hisses and he’s not wrong. Whatever Tanya was involved in has brought serious heat to our door and I’m grateful for the heads up before anyone was seriously hurt.
I motion to Razor, Diesel and Billy to follow me to my office. Something is going on we need to know about and we leave the rest of the guys to clean up and head for a private meeting.
It’s not long before a sharp knock on the door interrupts us and a prospect shows Jet into the room.
“I could have done with you earlier.” I say, rolling my eyes and note the serious expression on his face as he takes a seat. “How did it go?”
“Thanks to your early warning, we were ready for them. They came here looking for Tanya and wouldn’t take no for an answer. Tried to blast their way in here, so we let them have it. I think they got the message.”
The others laugh, but Jet’s expression is grim.
“Michael’s dead.”
You could hear a pin drop in the room before I say grimly, “You?”
“No, more’s the pity. I think you’ll find those guys have nowhere to go and may leave you alone for a while. When they return to base, they’re gonna find it a smoldering pile of dust.”
I whistle. “Man, this is turning out to be quite a week. First the plane and now the mansion. Are you sure we’re safe? I mean, a Reaper comes to town, and it’s destroyed within hours.”
The guys laugh but Jet’s face is like stone. “I may have torched the place but I’m not the one responsible for slaying the dragon.”
Now I’m interested. “Then do you know who did?”
“His wife.”
The room falls silent and the guys shift nervously. I say and do nothing, his words taking time to register in my fucked-up mind. Razor is concerned when I hiss, “Leave us.”
The guys don’t question and move quickly out of the room, but Razor hesitates and throws me a worried frown and I yell, “That includes you, Razor!”
He doesn’t look happy but does as he’s told and the room is soon empty except for Jet and me.
When the door closes, I say tightly, “What happened?”
I clench my fist as I wait for the whole story, but there is ice running through my veins at the mention of my biggest mistake.
“She overheard him issuing orders for Tanya and Riley. He ordered a hit on them and she tried to get away. The fucking coward took his anger out on her, and she had no other choice. If she didn’t kill him, she’d be dead right now and lucky for her his own gun lay not a foot away. Shot him right between the eyes, which I’m not gonna lie, impressed me no end. That woman was scared and fighting for her life and yet killed the man like a trained assassin.”
I can’t breathe as so many emotions are slaying me inside. Clara was fighting for her life and I’m conflicted. On the one hand, what did she expect? It’s well known around here what that man is capable of and I heard he was free with his fists, but never once considered he would hit a woman. His woman—my woman. It still hurts like hell knowing she always will be. She took my soul and left me empty inside.
Once upon a time, I truly believed we were soulmates. That nothing could tear us apart until she did the honors herself. Soulmates turned to soul enemies on the back of whispered words during a two-minute conversation that has defined my future.
Now it’s coming back to haunt me because I watched her walk away. I should have put up more of a fight, but I was too proud and now she is in trouble it’s probable I will be the one this time to turn my back on her.
Jet is waiting for my reply and I say gruffly, “Where is she?”
“Lucy’s apartment. She’s cut up pretty bad and covered in blood. Her clothes are ripped, and she’s a mess. Luckily, her kids are sleeping over at a friend’s, but they have nowhere to go and she’s frightened for them.”
“Why?”
He barks angrily. “Why do you think? She’s lived with that man long enough to have been stripped of all emotion but one—fear. She’s fearful of recriminations and fearful that she’s just killed a man. She must be thinking the cops are due any minute to arrest her, and then where would her kids be? She’s got nothing and is worried that once word gets out, they’re not safe from Michael’s enemies.”
I shake my head. “She chose him—that life. So, it didn’t work out. What do you want me to do? She’s not my problem?”
I note the disappointment in his eyes. “So, you’re just gonna turn your back on her. I had you down as more of a man than that. Where we come from, we push our feelings aside and do what’s right. Whatever her husband’s done, she’s not a part of it. That woman came to me for help not days ago. She was desperate and saw me ride into town and saw her chance.”
“What did she say?”
“She wanted me to dispose of him. Get him out of her life because she was frightened. She was desperate and had the look of a woman who was failing to hold things together. I turned her down. I turned my back on her and carried on without giving her a second thought. She wasn’t my problem, and I wasn’t for hire. She has no one, and yet I still didn’t see just how serious her situation was. By all accounts, this beating wasn’t the first, and she had no one to help her. Her own family doesn’t want to know, and she has no friends. I know there’s history between you, but can’t you at least push that aside and provide her with the protection she needs to get back on her feet?”
Fuck! It’s as if Jet tossed a grenade into my heart and blew what was left of it into hell. I always hoped he was good to her. She certainly had everything money could buy, but knowing he laid one finger on her in anger is like a dart to my conscience. She had no one. Like me.
For ten years, we have been living side by side in this town, both believing the other was thriving. Both in our own personal hell, with no one to confide in. As it turns out, I was the lucky one after all, but it changes nothing about how I feel toward her. She walked away and chose him over me, and I can never forgive her for that.
Jet is waiting for my answer, so I shrug. “I need to see her first before I make any decision.”
He nods. “She’s at Lucy’s apartment.”
With a heart full of pain, I kick my chair away and growl. “Let’s go.”
It uses all of my strength to make the ride to Lucy’s apartment. So many reasons why I should turn back raise questions like red flags in my mind. I’m not strong enough to deal with this shit. I can fight a guy and rip up my fists. I can fight for my club and my business until the end of time—but this. It’s personal, and I’ve spent the past ten years shutting emotion down and now Pandora’s Box is about to be opened, it’s sure to be an extremely bad idea.
We park up, and it’s as if my world’s just ended.
We head upstairs and just before we reach the door, I say harshly, “Can you give us a moment before I make my decision?”
He nods and I smile ruefully. “A lot of history with that one. I’m not sure how I’ll feel seeing her again.”
He pats me on the shoulder and nods. “It’s fine. Do what’s right, Atom. That’s all we can ask.”